Why Relationships Fail (It’s Not What You Think)

I don't remember what made things explode, but it was the first time that you left. Me, Zev, and Sarai were like, is he gone, gone? You came home, you asked all of us to come out there, and you made us all stand in a line. Got down on your knees in front of Zev, and you took ownership of all the things that you did. And then you did the same with Sarai, and then you did the same with me. And it still brings tears to my eyes thinking about it, because very few men would do that. And that day I fell really deeply in love with you. Your brain is wired for deception. But here's the truth. Patterns can be broken. The code can be rewritten. Once you hear the truth, you can't go back. So the only question is, are you ready to listen? What's up, everybody? I'm here for a special episode of Decoded that we're going to try to do more frequently. This is my husband, Gordon, if you've never met him before. He's not super active on social, but that's probably why our family is so great. I'm more behind the scenes. Gordon is really involved in what we do with break methods. So many of you who have done brain pattern mapping have surely worked with Gord before. But I wanted to bring him on here and just have a little bit of a discussion about relationships and what it takes to rewire some of your older childhood patterns for the benefit of your relationship. and no better person in my life to bring on than my husband. So what we decided to do was we each came up with questions to interview each other so neither one of us knows what the other person is going to be asking. And we decided that we were going to flip to see who goes first. So should I just flip the phone? Sure. So the face is a head. So if the screen is down, then I'll ask you a question first. Okay, if the screen is down. Make sure you don't throw it on the floor. I don't hear you throw it. I don't trust myself. I'm going to go like this. Okay, I'll ask you a first question. I feel as though you could really just tell that. That was good. That was planned for sure. All right, great. And nothing's broken. One of my husband's top qualities is honesty. Yep, it's hard to lie. So we're going to start it off with, I don't know what's the best question to ask first. So let's start with this one. Since the start of the relationship to the present day, where have we grown the most? and what would be the main contributing factor to this? That's a professional question. Did you chat GBT? I did a blend. I was like, I started doing like chat GBT. It's like, no, no, make this your own. Okay, I'm proud. Round of applause. But if it sounds too professional, it's probably chat GBT. It does. It sounds good. You're really smart. You've got a great vocabulary. Thank you. A lot has changed in our relationship, as you know. and I would certainly attribute a lot of that to you taking break in the beginning but I do think it's been something that both of us have stuck with and we've grown with as the circumstances in our lives have changed and I think that's one of my favorite parts about break method is that it's a tool set in a framework that grows with you so that whenever your life circumstances change there's always a new level to discover in digging deeper and figuring out where some of those remnants still are and those of you that don't know we gordon came into my life when i had two older kids although they weren't older back then i guess how old was evie like four so they were still i think four and six or four and seven something like that so gordon came into a situation where there were other kids involved and then we kind of had to build our relationship and we had to build our relationship in the midst of a social media frenzy right when gordon and i started dating wasn't traditional by any means no there's no honeymoon let's put it that way no maybe a three day in austin yeah maybe but i don't know that wasn't even a honeymoon i feel like still around an event that's where in the beginning of a relationship you know like some of the more passion-driven feelings are so intense. So I obviously felt like there was the passion-driven intensity. But we were just talking about this the other day. I feel so much more like the honeymoon phase of our relationship now than I ever did back then. This is one of my questions. You're already answering two questions. Dang, sorry. We'll see. Now we've mind merged. That's right. Now we actually do finish each other's sandwiches. so back then of course you know passion someone's new it's fresh whatever um but there were so many ups and downs happening in my life at that time I had just sold booty which was a huge change for me from the previous 10 years and as a result of that among other things there was this huge social media attack waged against me so you had to start a relationship with me when my whole life was like completely upside down. So I do love that you got to see me in that phase of life and that we got to kind of build our foundation through that because I think had something like that happened years after us being in a peaceful, easy relationship, that might have been really destabilizing. But I think, you know, those of you that don't know, Gordon and I are both very, very spiritual people. And at that time, I feel like that's exactly what God knew we needed in our relationship to be like, hey, just so you know, this kind of stuff can happen. So true. I never thought about it like that because it was kind of a rest period for you, even though there was a lot of attacks happening where I got to see a side of you where there, you know, you weren't running multiple businesses and we really got to grow close. And without that, if like I kind of just got thrown into the life that we're in now, I feel like patterns could have pulled me and there could have been more separation, easier to kind of go our separate ways. But that really built a strong foundation for us. And it was like, it was like a, in a sense, like a prolonged honeymoon. Like, like I said, we didn't have one, but that way, like you were, you know, you were able to come to Canada for a month or two and able to like, you know, this version of you that just wasn't as busy as we are now, which was awesome. It was awesome. And I even took off, I think almost a year and a half, maybe even two years from social media. I literally did not go on Instagram. Yeah, so true. Guys, it was such a blessing. It was so wonderful. and I really just got to like be full-blown housewife mommy mode and that was a beautiful thing and you're right there was this juxtaposition of me being at rest and not having to work so hard and be in the grind and then simultaneously be dealing with all this social media shenanigans just that you guys know the extent of it there were people creating fake accounts to dm my husband been telling him to break up with me for various reasons with all you know like some random account with 10 different numbers so imagine I just want you to just if you will go into the journey you've just started a relationship with the man of your dreams and now literally everyone and their mother is creating fake accounts to try to convince this person to break up with you you know in early relationship moments even those who maybe are not anxiously attached you kind of you're like more protective over your new person right totally a little bit more jealous you don't really know them yet you don't know where the boundaries are you don't know how sneaky or not sneaky they are so just imagine you guys and i'm not an anxiously attached person thank god because this probably would have like really sent me over the edge but imagine people actively trying to destroy your relationship at the beginning of it so that was where our relationship started and to round about answer your whole question I think to me my favorite thing about what has changed in our relationship is how you and I have matured alongside each other and that somehow in a matter of seven years I feel like we've lived a hundred lifetimes and every time we've gotten through a period of hardship you and i have always gotten stronger more emotionally mature and i think that it is because we have this framework really front and center in our marriage of knowing where we default back to knowing where we're we can not be great people or be triggering or not be emotionally mature so it's like we already know these edges where we have to press in and try harder and I think break also has given us the language to remind the person that in a way that doesn't feel like a personal attack yes so instead of getting kind of stuck circling the drain I feel like every year that we've been together our relationship has gotten better and grown more and I obviously work with so many couples and that's usually not the case usually what you hear is you know everything was great for the first five years and then right and i feel like our i love our personally i love our relationship so much more this year than i did year one two three it's not even a close call and we've got kids and businesses and you know it's like a clown show but that's what i always say when i'm on calls with people for brain pattern maps um is talking about relationships and how it's actually gotten much stronger as the years have gone on. And I always explain it as, you know, when you know, you're never going to see eye to eye on everything, right? If you were the same person, number one, that would be boring and you probably wouldn't be attracted to each other. But when you know that, you know, there's going to be times where there's tension and when, you know, you're parenting and there's all these things happening in life. There's always going to be curve balls, but if you know that no matter what, you're going to be able to communicate your way through it. Then on the other side, that builds, you know, strength, perseverance, right? It's like, no matter what's going to happen, it's going to be okay. So when you have that kind of anchoring, what happens is your relationship just gets stronger and more secure over time. Because exactly like you said, it's never, no one ever gets into a relationship because they don't like the person it always like starts off like you know the attraction and you know there's so much unknown but something kind of draws you in and then over time just what i've seen with working with clients um is that things start to chip away a little bit and it might be slow at first right just might be like oh that's kind of annoying and then over time they get to this place where it's like they're maybe living in the same house but they're like roommates that don't even like each other, right? And there's more administrative, especially if there's kids involved. And of course it never started out that way. But when I see that happening, it's, it's these little things that aren't addressed that depending on, you know, the person's brain pattern, maybe they're keeping it in or they're not communicating it effectively. Um, and what happens is that gap gets larger and larger and it never like a one thing Sure If someone like cheats or something like that of course that a deal breaker but it for the majority of the times before someone does something like that there like a thousand things that go unaddressed right or they're just not dealt with correctly or you can't get on the same page and it's not overly complicated once you understand your own system right once you understand your own lens you're seeing the world through and what your default settings are which is you know we're in this podcast if this is kind of the first episode you're listening to or you don't know what i'm talking about i'm saying patterns or you know how you're perceiving reality it's just what we do and we're able to see that people have different brain patterns that are essentially crafted in early childhood and it's how you're experiencing reality and anything that is perceived as a trauma, eventually when you have a repetitive stimulus of that, you're going to anchor into a belief system to keep yourself safe. Now, unfortunately, that belief system isn't usually accurate because when you're three or four, trauma is very subjective, but that is still operating as an adult. And what I see more often than not is two people will find each other that have opposite brain patterns. So what'll happen is eventually they'll become like an emotional drug dealers for each other, hitting this wound over and over again, which will cause the divide. But when you're both able to understand your own patterns, then that never happens. And then like you and I, whenever there's conflict, you can actually move through it and reset, right? For me, one of the biggest things that I've learned in our relationship is my brain is so quick to jump into assumptions, right? And it's wanting to believe you're doing something because of this. Right. And my pattern is more self-directed. It's going to like take whatever's going out, whatever's going on, um, and kind of direct it towards what that means about me or what that person's thinking about me. Right. And that's false. Most people aren't thinking about you, right? People are doing things in their own interest, but it wants to take that and weaponize it, um, and cause conflict because my pattern actually wants to seek out conflict. And what that means is when we look at it in a emotional addiction cycle terms is I have an earlier anger. So that means that it's like, it's trying to, it's more like defensive and my brain thinks it's doing that to help me, but it actually ends up causing me to get into more conflict internally or externally and drive me away from, you know, purpose, God, all the things that I actually want in my life, you know, a strong relationship. But by actively be able to pull away from assumptions and anchor in more of the possibility of oh maybe this wasn't directed towards me maybe she's doing this because she's thinking about something else or she's in fear of something and going at it maybe i should ask her a question find out what she yeah maybe i should just ask you a question right sometimes it's as simple as asking a question about you know like hey is there anything i can do to help you you know i know you do so much like what what can i do to you know ease your burden a little bit instead of being like what's wrong something's wrong which by the way is my ultimate love language yeah that's true right so yeah i guess that's a long roundabout answer as well too but um yeah that's pretty much everything can i hit you with a question? Sure. Okay. Here we go. I see clients all the time that struggle with navigating mixed family scenarios where there's like stepkids and exes, et cetera, and then new kids coming into the mixed. How have you used your break methods skills to navigate blended family dynamics and build strong relationships with sevens, right? Oh, that's a really good question. Because I feel like a lot of people especially if they have my pattern would deal with adversity when it comes to stepchildren and you know to begin with for me what happens is whenever I go into a new situation and it's like I'm relatively unknown it's it's easy for me right because my brain looks at that as it's safe still I'm not knowing that well um so that's like say going to like a new workout class or, you know, meeting a group of people for the first time, I can, it's more of a safeguard. So. Well, then there's like the novelty dopamine now. The novelty, totally. For a moment. For a moment. And that was like how it started when you and I first got together was like, you know, I built Zev that swing right away. Right. And I was. Zev's core memory. Core memory. Like a rope swing. And I thought it wasn't, you know, a big deal, but I was like easy to be just more naturally myself. Right. So when I'm at peace, you know, I can be funny. I'm just relaxed. But whenever I'm, you know, people hate this word triggered, but when you're in your pattern, it's more controlling. It's more like, you know, not as nice. It's going to come off like easier to be agitated. And so I started off more in the piece. And then as time goes on, what happens is my pattern is going to look to find the lowest hanging fruit, right? So it's going to look for, again, we talked about earlier with the conflict. Like, so it's easy for me to look at someone like, you know, my stepson and be like, well, you know, he's not your real son, right? This is unfair, right? Like if there's any difficulties there, it's going to want me to push him away. Or create like a separation. Create a separation that I'm not even consciously aware of, right? It's going to like maybe highlight like, oh, that's an annoying behavior he does, right? And if you fixate on any five-year-old long enough, you're going to be able to find something annoying, right? It doesn't take long. Whereas Ev is really, he's such a genuine boy. He's so loving and just overall like an exceptional kid, right? But what happened early on is my brain would find ways to tell me that this isn't really what I wanted or this wasn't unfair. I wanted a traditional, you know, like honeymoon phase, start to have kids. And the reality of it is you just need to step into whatever purpose God has for you, right? And whenever there's resistance that doesn't make sense, you know, that's, it's, it's not, you're not actually in your purpose. And, you know, what I would call is like the enemy is trying to deceive you and do something that you'll regret later on. and what I found was there had been some times earlier on where I would just kind of pull away a little bit from Zev and Sarai and it felt like I was like you know I don't know what how it felt but essentially it felt like you know this I just trying to do my own thing or however whatever goes on in your head right is going to come up with the the reason why you're right and this is why you should do this thing. But what I found was whenever I would intentionally oppose my pattern, right? So if my brain was telling me, hey, you know, it's fine. Just watch movies on the couch with, you know, River and Harley and Zev's in his room. But if I would go out of my way to like, go get Zev, like, hey, come hang out with us. And like, I would have to take the first move, right because i'm the adult right and it's like you it's funny because you can like resort back to almost like a a child of like well he's really not showing me that he loves me and he's being kind of standoffish well well then i'm not going to go out of my way to you know include him in things or try to like build that relationship but that's just a child's perspective well that's really that's that self-deceptive pattern that's a self-deceptive right so then you've got to catch it you like hear it and you're like that's not me yeah that's not me i'm an adult i wouldn't think like that? What is that? Right. And so you have to think of like, what are your goals? Well, I want to have the best relationship possible. To do that, I have to pour into every one of my children. And just because they're not my biological children actually changes nothing. Right. But what people have to understand is depending on what your pattern is, it'll weaponize different situations in your life and cause you to act in a way is directly opposite of what you should be doing and that's what pattern opposition is and that's what we do in break method right is we help you understand currently what's going on and what these areas are that are trying to be weaponized against you and you actually have to pour directly into those and on the other side of that is freedom amen because when you do that then you know me and zev have an amazing relationship right and now it's like every day i can it's getting stronger and stronger and then we're doing things as a family and then everyone's happier and it's like it's just easier in general but it takes a little bit of work to get there but once you understand your system it's not that hard but that's what break really unlocks and that's why i love working with families more than anyone else um families and marriages yeah families and marriages are like full-on on the brink yes it's my favorite. I mean, not that I like that they're on the brink, but I love being able to help marriages stay intact even when the whole world has basically told them to get divorced, which I feel like happens literally every day in Break Method. Before we switch, I was thinking about this as you were sharing that. Do you remember when we were living at the Choya house? I don't remember like what made things explode, but it was the first time that you like left. And this was before Harley and River were born. I don't think I was pregnant yet. Okay. I don't know. But it was the first time that you left where like me, Zev, and Sraer, like did he like leave me? Like is he like gone, gone? Because you left mad. And I still don't remember what set it off. Oh, I remember that. But do you remember this? Yes. Where then you started to drive to Sedona. Yes. And me, Zev, and Sarai were like, well. And I remember Zev and Sarai being like, is he gone? And I'm like, I don't think he would just leave forever. So we started to do something else. And you were gone for a while. And I think you started to drive towards Sedona or something. And then I think God put you in the worst traffic jam ever, if I'm remembering correctly. So you basically went nowhere for like two hours and then had to just kind of think about what was happening. And the point of this story is I feel like this moment really, to me, turned a lot of things around in our family for the good. I don't know if you remember this, but you came home and you came home and remember how you had that big man cave in the back garage area with the big screen TV? Yes. You asked all of us to come out there. you like walked in and you're like, okay, everybody, and you made us all stand on a line. You were like really active in your break work at this time. And I feel like this was one of those moments in our relationship where we've had like a couple where I'm like, this could be it forever. Like it might not work after this. And this moment I feel like was one of those ones that I think catapulted in a really positive direction I think we got pregnant with Harley shortly after this That night But you sat maybe even that night So basically you like stood all of us up and you went to Zev first. I think you went in like age order. But you actually, because we were talking about this in one of the break lectures, we were talking about how when you're a little kid, your perspective is different. Like physically, because you're shorter, you're smaller, all those things. And you actually like got down on your knees in front of Zev. And you took ownership of all the things that you did. And you're like, Zev, I did this and I did this and I did this. Like, will you please forgive me? Literally like right in front of him. And he was like, whoa, yeah, but like in front of all of us. And then you did the same with Sarai. And then you did the same with me. And it still brings tears to my eyes thinking about it. Because very few men would do that. And set that example of even like really honoring the mom and apologizing for all those things and taking ownership in front of the kids. But the fact that you were able to get down to their level and take ownership of everything that you had done and truly apologize to them with like them above you. To me, it made me fall in love with you and like just such a deep level because to me, everyone's going to have wobbles. everyone's going to have moments when they're not living their best life and they're doing things that they would regret to me being able to take real ownership and clean it up properly is a way better sign to me that makes me feel safe because I know that like people get in bad moods and people do things that suck but to me it's like how how able are you to take real ownership and see exactly what you did and not gaslight the other person into thinking that you didn't really do that thing and that day I fell really deeply in love with you and do you remember that yeah now that you I didn't remember how that all played out but now that you articulated it yeah I totally do but it shows you I kind of forget about that I was like oh so in the early stages I wasn't doing my best but there was moments right because I was in the break work oh yeah you you did great I just feel like it's always there's always a level up you yeah with you not the i was gonna say like we were battling not like it was that bad but um we were also battling i feel like your age right you were young and you were living a young person's life and then all of a sudden you had to become like a married man with older kids so that's not an easy transition for most dudes and when we met you were also kind of in the whole Aubrey Marcus on it, whatever. It was so interesting, but I think God kind of took me through that to experience that because when I, we first, so what happened was, you know, I was, I was a firefighter for a while and then I, my mom passed away. So I ended up, you know, quitting that to go help my dad, which in hindsight was kind of just an excuse because I was like, I want to do something else. And that's just part of my brain pattern as well too. But it always sounded like, oh, I got to help my dad. This is like such a only only child thing to do. And it's like, it's, you know, it's honorable. You know, your brain will tell you whatever it wants to, to justify your decision. And, but it all worked out because I ended up meeting you through going to Arizona with him and his new girlfriend and all that. But, you know, what I was getting at here is I was really open at that time to like exploring new things. Right. And then what will happen is like the new age can kind of like hold on to that or like suck you into that because it's all a front of like you know love right everyone um it just like it's a lot of like the perversion of what i know now through christianity and it makes it feel like you know why would you control someone through one partner right everyone loves each other right it's like these communities yeah like a community can grow a child like what's better what's better one father or ten fathers right it's like i remember when you tried to like mimic that back to me from a podcast and i was like are you are you high right now like but i was in self-deception but when you're in it you don't see it right so they don't when someone's going into something like that they don't think they're getting deceived right it feels like spiritually uplifted you're you're not controlling anyone right it's like don't let your ego drive you non-duality man non-duality neutrality but then when we go into that relationship and i I remember the way I was thinking, it's so different from how I think about things now and know what is real and what actually develops a good relationship. And I'm not going to go into all the details of everything when it comes to the new age and how that works. But I just, I know now that really it comes to like a core family, like a nuclear family, like everyone has their role to play and there's nothing better than building your family. Right. All the experiences I had through, you know, being single, being a firefighter, traveling, doing my own thing, how I wanted to do it all the time. Right. Really, I had all the freedom in the world, but I was really, I was really empty, right? At the end of the day, I was so empty and there's like these highs and lows, but it's not actual real love. You know, it's not anything that you can honestly reflect back on and be like that, that had purpose in it, right? And when you build something with someone like we have, and you have kids, it's like, for me that is everything and a lot of that actually helps you develop your character and and become a real man right you can have all these things that people think are real man like toughness or you know i used to watch the ufc a lot it's like you're the ultimate fighter sure those things are great but what you have to do when you become a parent and how you have to be self-sacrificing and put others before yourself right some people naturally do that and it just happened in childhood maybe is because, you know, their parents were super volatile and they had no choice but trying to repair things. So, okay, that naturally happens. But when it comes to someone like me who, you know, is like well off as a child, only child, right? Spoiled. Parents love me so much. That doesn't naturally happen, right? It's not like it's intentional because it just wasn't developed when I was a kid. Yeah. They never created a situation where you would have to learn to self-sacrifice i wouldn't have to learn to self-sacrifice exactly and my mom loved me so much but also through that there's certain patterns that are developed and this isn't taking shots at my parents at all like of course when i love my children so much like i want i got to stop myself from trying to do those same things like you want to buy them toys all the time you want to do this because you just love them so much right but unfortunately what can happen on the flip side of that is you can be a little bit more selfish right and through having kids and then even like jumping into this family like you it was so difficult at times but it was exactly what i needed to like break this off and then really become the true version of myself that you know god created to walk in this life and so if anyone is like has step children um and they're kind of facing these difficulties, you have to really sit with that and understand that you have to push into that. You have to take the first step, right? You have to try to build a relationship no matter how many times it feels like maybe they reject you or they- Yeah, you're the adult. You're the adult. You do know better. You do know better. And if you really sit with that, you know what's right. At the end of the day, if you really kind of sit with your thoughts and like, is this better or this better? If you thought, well, if 10 people were reading both of these statements, you know, what one would people agree with is probably the better choice to do. And at the end of the day, that's what you need to do. Might not be easy though. Yeah, definitely. It's easier if you know break. Yeah, that's exactly right. On that one, I just want to piggyback because I remember having this argument with my sister. Well, you know, my sister is like one of my best friends in the whole world now, which is great that I can say that. But I was having this argument with my sister maybe like three years ago or so and I think it's really important on specifically broadly but also specific to this topic on blended families I was trying to explain to her how beneficial it would be to a part of her relationship to kind of do x instead of y right and she really wanted to do y and I was trying to explain to her like hey if you do x can you see that this other new outcome could be generated and that that could get you and your partner into a better place for the long term she's like yeah, but that's manipulative. That's not really how I feel. Okay. So if there's one takeaway you have from this podcast, I want it to be this. What comes naturally is coming from pattern. And often what comes naturally is sadly built to help us continue to fail in the same way that we failed as children or to experience the same heartbreak or trust breakdowns. So what I want to take away from this is what comes naturally, right? What feels authentic is often coming from a much deeper pattern that is completely antagonistic to all of your future hopes, goals, and dreams. Learning how to oppose these patterns is not manipulative. That is actually what helps us rewire and become a different, improved version of ourselves. If I'm constantly feeling like the victim and I always want to be mad, that might be natural, right? That might be the rut that my brain is stuck in, but that doesn't make it objectively true. And if I want to get to a place where I'm the victor in my life, I can't keep operating in the old mindset. You have to change something. And this is where a lot of our work centers around pattern opposition. We call out specific things in break method called rebellion zones, where these are the places that you're being called in, right? If Gordon was raised to be able to be a little bit more self-centered and not have to self-sacrifice, it's not going to feel natural to go out of your way for a little kid. You're going to be like, I don't want to do that. That seems like work. What if they don't even want to do it? What if I make all this effort? And then they're a brat the whole time, right? Their brain's going to come up with all these what ifs. The reality is if he wants the dangling carrot on the other side, all of those what ifs don't matter at all, right? Those are just opportunities to like move through resistance to actually build up that skill. And we've talked about it on the podcast before, but a part of the brain is called the anterior mid-cingulate cortex. And this is going to be activated when you're moving into and through that resistance. That's what not only builds emotional resilience, but when it fires up, it makes you feel a sense of purpose, which is why when people do what feels natural or authentic, they often end up in this cycle of futility where they're like, what's the purpose in life? And then eventually they end up with suicidal ideation or some sort of other negative coping mechanism When you learn how to oppose your natural instinct and do what is best for others instead of just what you feel like in that moment you actually get into your purpose. That is exactly how you get into God's will for your life. And I just want to say from getting to watch you live your life and come into your purpose for the last seven years, that is probably one of my favorite parts about our relationship is every year I see you become an even better man. And even when I thought that you were like the best man in the whole world, it's just really an honor to get to watch you grow. And just as an example, it's been really consistent now that you've woken up early, you've read the Bible every single morning by yourself, like you have your quiet Bible prayer time in the morning. And I just want to say when all of us, something has really shifted in our whole house when you do that because then when everybody wakes up it's like you've changed the whole atmosphere in our house you're like happy and giving and patient and everything in the morning so now it's like you set that atmosphere for the house and then we all wake up and get to come into it and i just want to say like that's what it is to be a man right this whole like tough bravado all like that you know as much as i think a lot of the narrative on kind of like the toxic masculinity thing is a farce there are some aspects of it that are rooted in truth and I think being a real man is obviously being a fierce protector right but learning how to self-sacrifice and to really lead your household and I just want to say you're such a great leader right now and it makes it so easy for me to follow and I've found especially lately it's getting me into this new phase of life where I kind of want to be lazy sourdough um so i don't know i'm kind of thinking maybe like i just maybe i get to chill a little bit now you deserve it if anyone deserves to chill it's you mama's tired i want to live my sourdough life don't i get to have a sourdough you deserve to be taken care of and this is i don't mean to capitalize but like my bread's pretty good is it oh yeah everything anything you do is always good and as you're speaking i was like man if you guys have any idea what it's like to live with someone that's just so intelligent and so the way you can articulate things is it always blows my mind right the way like i'm thinking about like trying to describe these things and you it just comes out like perfectly first draft like no red line like holy smokes um and you have this ability to like build people up and speak into them that is like truth it's not doesn't feel fake and it really like you uplift people you do that day in and day out and it's it's amazing and i've like i'm just so blessed to have found you i know there's the one reason i know there's a god is somehow ended up with you put it that way that is grace right there i'll tell you that that is serious it also the whole way the thing played out is pretty cool listen i grew up in a town of 700 in Manitoba, Canada. Most Americans don't even know where Manitoba is. It's right in the middle, right? This town was almost a hamlet, like a hundred people less, not even considered a town. I mean, you get a bonus point for using the word hamlet. I know. I was waiting to drop that. But yeah, just that whole, how that was ordained and how that all came to fruition is absolutely amazing. And one thing I was going to say that in the back of my mind. So, you know, a lot of times people will have powerful partners, like, you know, you're a powerful force, right? And what'll happen with some men is you really, you just want to be taken care of, right? You want peace. You want a man's man. But what'll happen is sometimes if there's a powerful woman like you, right? As an entrepreneur, right? Very, you can talk to anyone, right? You can like, you can just have authority wherever you go. Some patterns can take that, like men can take that and they actually get defensive with that and it brings out the worst qualities in them right and what i've realized is there's been times that that has really triggered me and brought out these qualities that i'm not proud of but that's really weakness right when you're able to step into your authority and not be like i'm talking about myself more not like a dictator and more you know essentially working out of fear then you're able to actually soften up right you're able to drop into more of your feminine right and that's why i say you're like when you cook things you're doing sourdough you're the best mom right no matter what you're able to shift like even this morning where harley was throwing a bit of a tantrum and i was like oh here we go this is going to be one of those mornings you were able to shift and bring her with you to work and spend an extra 15 minutes with her which is exactly what she needed to have have that little mummy time. So as busy as you are, you always find time, right? And you're, and you're able to adapt and, and, you know, give everyone what they need. And I guess where I'm going with this is if you're in a relationship and it seems like, you know, your, your wife is very successful and sometimes you can find that that is weaponized against you. If you're able just to walk in your purpose, right. And you guys are able to compliment each other, then the polarity can like even out and you can be in your masculine, she can be in her feminine, even if by world standards, she's more of what would you consider to be like an entrepreneur, like more of a powerful woman, right? I don't think I articulated that completely, right? It's beautiful. But do you know what I'm trying to get at? I think you articulated it beautifully. Because I've seen that you have been able to really soften up. And whenever I am in like my, this is why I need to do it. This is what the man of the house does. like it's that actually causes you to harden up and get the opposite of what I as like you know like I say as like a in a fear state want well because it puts me into my protective mode where then I have to kind of I feel like I have to shield the kids from it right exactly but when you're doing all the things that you've been doing I get to really I get to chill you guys I've had like a chill few months which like a chill few months at home this is the biggest irony in my life is that whenever things are going so well and I'm like deeply in God's purpose for my life and things are great at home, there's always someone that gets activated. It's like, you know, not to make this conversation overtly religious, but it really does seem like whenever I'm like, we're all aligned and we're deeply in our purpose and aligned, there's always something in the spirit that will just like activate some sleeper cell and be like, oh, turn on busy now. And it happens in waves. It's pretty wild, right? I never experienced anything like that growing up. I had no idea, but so many people just like attack you. It's like, it blows my mind. Like, cause I know, I know the real version of you, right? I'm with you all the time. There was at one point we didn't sleep apart for two years. So it's like, I guess I've seen all versions of you. Right. And at the end of the day, you really just care about people, right? You always have your, their best interest in mind and and you can get frustrated but you reset so quickly and so usually it's me being like you should cut that person off right like you shouldn't bring them back into your life and you're like yeah okay and then i'm like well but really i need to work more on my forgiveness because my pattern just wants to like cut people off and essentially protect myself right air quotes um but your heart is always in the right place and you're just you're here to help other people and it's just interesting right because maybe people are listening to this and they've they've seen things or heard things and it's like when you get to know the real version of someone you know you can't truth is truth and you're always doing this for the right right reasons thanks honey that means a lot yeah uh i think we're probably out of time well that was good i think we should do it much more frequently because i have so many more questions that i'm pumped up about. So I just want to say to anybody watching, if you're in a relationship or you've been having relationship struggles, truly do brain pattern mapping. You'll meet with Gordon and Gordon will explain to you why the conflict is happening. And I always explain it's in any relationship how your brain pattern functions would be like it deciding that I speak Russian and you speak Chinese. So in any given situation, I'm going to be like, you know, seeing it from my perspective and he's going to see it from his perspective and we won't be able to bridge that gap. What brain pattern mapping does is it's like a translator. So it gives you like, oh, this is how you have to translate into Chinese and this is how you have to translate into Russian. And then all of a sudden you realize these issues that you're having are really not actually objectively occurring at all. And you're able to just speed through them and repair really quickly. And they're not that complicated. No, it's actually, It's so simple. It's like the most simplistic thing, but almost impossible to see when you're in self-deception. And it's not because you don't want to. It's a protective mechanism that the brain's developed. And time and time again, when I see people start to push into this, it's not like it's rocket science or you have to learn all these crazy things or relive trauma. It's simplicity with action and it is accuracy with language and timing. And when that is all done in synchronicity, things can shift like rapidly in days. Instantly. Yeah. So if you're in a relationship and things are going great, you should do it. If you're in a relationship and things are not going great, you should also do it. If you are in a family and you've got family dynamics that are popping off, you should do it with all your kids, right? A lot of times we're working with whole families where there's, you know, toddler issues that have to be cleaned up, teenager issues that have to be cleaned up. Mom and dad are not on the same page with how they're deciding to consequence or discipline. These are all things, all things function in systems and break basically helps decode whatever the system is to get everything cleaned up as quickly as possible. So that link will be in the show notes. You can also go to predictivemind.io all the sessions typically end up with gourd so you'll get to know gourd on those sessions love to meet you and we're going to keep doing this at least once a month so if you also have questions that you want to ask us about our relationship too you can drop those in the rewire room so if you don't know we do have a free community called the rewire room you can go to stan.store slash busy gold and just click on rewire room it's a completely free community and you can drop all of your questions in there and I'll make sure that Gord is added there as well. And I just, I love you. I love you too. No. This is amazing, sweetheart. I love you. I love you guys too. We'll see you soon. See ya. Bye. Your brain isn't broken. It's running an old code. Break method is a system that maps your neurological patterns, decodes your emotional distortions and rewires your behavior fast. No talk therapy spiral, no getting stuck in your feelings, just logic-based rewiring in 20 weeks or less. Head to breakmethod.com and see what your brain is really up to.