The Best of SBS: Ted Danson

You are listening to DraftKeyes Network. Welcome to South Beach Sessions. I am thrilled. We're not in South Beach this time. We're in Los Angeles and Ted Danson is here and he just described himself correctly as dangerously sexy because of the amount that I was sweating, which I may still be sweating. But I'm thrilled to have you here. Thank you for making the time. You're welcome. I'm still working on the hearing back when I said, maybe I shouldn't have said that. You didn't think you are dangerously sexy. You are dangerously sexy. That's an undercurrent. When I came here, my wife referred to you as a silver fox. Nice. And yes, so you know this about yourself. You've been sexy guy with arthritis. That's what a silver fox is. Didn't you start in soap operas? I did. Okay, so come on, come on. It's not like you don't know you're dangerously sexy. No, here I can just quickly tell you I was summer set. It was a spin off of another world. And I was hired to be the town trying to think of another word besides Coxman. But you know, he was the town outrageous sweet people off. And the first day I sat down opposite this table where I was supposed to be seducing this woman who had been on the show for years. And this was my first day. So I was beyond anxious. I had taken volume the night before and I was, volume makes me sweat. Like that, like that, because I'm just profusely. Give me your handkerchief. You offer me a handkerchief. Thank you. Thank you. Very snappy with your outfit. This is very intimate too. I am using a handkerchief that you have never used before because of the amount that I'm sweating. I'm sorry. I interrupt please. No. So anyway, I was so nervous speaking of sweat that this woman who was very calm and been doing this for years. And this is my first day on volume just having an anxiety attack. And it was broadcast news sweat. It was just pouring sheets of sweat. And the producer went, nah, he's not a leading man. We're going to make him the town's sleaze. So I turned all my friends into the mafia. That was my role. But this is difficult first role if you're already nervous about just starting your career. And they asked you to go sensual right off the bat. Yeah. Horrible. I don't do sensual. I do jokes about sensual. But you started, that's not where you started. You do that now. You've learned how to do that now. No, but even chairs, you think Sam alone, dah, dah, dah. I only make jokes about being sexual. I do good sexy jokes. I don't do sexy. How do you do with fear and insecurity? Like when you started your career, like did you get over that? I never got over it on the soap opera. It was just a nightmare because you can't be funny. There's not a real naturalistic, funny moment in the least back then. And it was also, to this day, when you started to count 5, 4, 3, 2, I get anxious because that was soap operas. Yeah, 5, 4, 3, and don't mess up. It wasn't live, but you had only a few minutes of buffer on either side. So it might as well have been live to get it into the computer. How did you get into acting? What's the story at Stanford in terms of how it is that you made your path into what became a lifelong devotion? Because you have to start with basketball for me because I went to a prep school called Kent, 300 boys, Kent, Connecticut. And basketball saved my life. I was not an academic. I was a fish out of water. I came from Arizona. And then there was back ease to prep schools, prepy. And it was just not my comfort place. So I was faking my way through school. And basketball came along. And basketball coach who passed away a couple of years ago, Jim Wood and just saved my life. And I was so respected him. If I got into trouble at school, no one would talk to me. They talked to Jim to come talk to me. Sports are so good for confidence. Oh, and if you're good at setting me up for life, which was, it's not about you Ted. It's about the team. You know, it's about the team playing well. It's not just about you playing well. And that translated into acting. So I went to Stanford having passionately loved basketball at Kent. One, we won the league championship, which in the, you know, big scope means nothing. Because there were 300 of us. So any, any decent side high school would have just kicked our ass. So I went to Stanford with my friend, Dwayne. And we decided to try out for a freshman basketball at Stanford, which was the same year that Lou Alcinder was a freshman at UCLA. You know, just to give you the sense of where the game was going. Were you walking on where you were? You were a scholarship player or no, no, no, no. Oh, good lord. Okay. I didn't even walk on. I walked to the edge of the court, looked around and went, oh, shoot. Shoot turned around. They're not good enough. You're looking at the court and they're too good and you realize right away. Yeah, I was a, you know, relatively minor league okay forward at six, two, you know, and the guards on the, who are on the floor at Stanford were six, five, right. And really fast. So it was clear. It wasn't even like a toss up. I just kind of turned around and lost that dream. And about nine months later was working up the nerve to ask this lady named Beth, who was working in the cafeteria and the freshman dorm at Stanford. And I finally asked her out for a cup of coffee and she said, yes. And about three minutes into the cup of coffee, either. Well, she wasn't making this up, but I think it maybe came to her relief to her that she, and she said that she had an audition to go to. And goodbye. And I said, oh, can I come with you wanting to hang out more and to stay in the room for this audition for this play. Obviously, I had to do something and I made something up. I can't believe I did this. And I heard people laugh. And I was like, oh, wait a minute. It's not basketball. But this is interesting. And I got the smallest role in the play that I could get a Bertolt Breck play. And I was, it was just a light bulb went off. I moved my station wagon to the back of the theater, slept in the back of the station wagon and just never left the theater. Yeah, yeah. Well, it was either that or sleep in this. I was in this pre-animal house fraternity at Stanford, but it was animal house. And it was just kind of almost unbearable. So I was sleeping in the parking lot of the fraternity anyway. For how long were you living like that? Oh, just about four months before this came out before I found theater. But you know, you'd sat at any night see with all the people who were freshmen or sophomores are new to the fraternity slept on this huge sleeping porch, you know, on mattresses with sleeping bags. And someone would come in and basically throw up on the big as they had been drinking on night. So it just was no. But you wanted to be something around something else that felt like team right of sports. Yes, you're life. You're now see this other thing and all of a sudden your the play is the thing. You know, and you're a part of an ensemble. You're part of a team and you're trying to put this play over in a way that the playwright and the director wanted to be. But it's not just you hog in the ball. You know, you learn how to work as a team as an ensemble. And that just to this day appeals to me. You hadn't considered it before you were chasing a woman from a coffee shop because and it's not. And then you're immediate like you walk in and you get the validation of of applause laughter. You're good at this. And you're like, because that's how it happened. I'm a writer first. And the way that it happened for me in high school is that people told me for the first time I was good at something. So like I should keep doing this. Yeah. Yeah, I think you know, in hindsight, this is why I'm enjoying doing a podcast. This is why I love talking to you in this format is because I'm if I'm doing a team sport for me acting or a project of some kind. I relate to people and love it. But otherwise I'm a bit of a wallflower. I don't collect friends. If you said, hey, let's go get a beer. I go, you know, I love finding out what makes people tick. And I think that's what acting is also you're trying to reflect the human condition. And so I'm really curious what it, you know, it is to be you. You know, well, you do the podcast you do where everyone knows your name with Woody Harrelson sometimes. Right. That is a long conversations podcast that you were drawn to because strike and somebody asked me during the strike. And I went, oh, well, you weren't working. In other words, there was no work. I need some creative creative curiosity stimulation. Right. And then they said, you need a co-host and we thought of Woody. And then soon as Woody's name came into it, it was like, oh, I want to do this. I want to hang out with Woody. I haven't seen him for 30 years in a deep way. You know, we'd bump into each other. But to hang out and find out who are you now, Woody Harrelson? Where have you been? Who you've been friends with? Share, share, share, share. So I would assume that that would bring much friendship, though. I would assume if you're like that, that why are you saying wallflower and I don't do much in the way you're... Not wallflower. All right. Let me break that down. I would rather go home to marry. I love hanging around guys. They're very relaxing. But they're not really where it's at. Really. The woman is where it's at. Deeper. And I don't mean just boy girl thing. I just mean women are... Just deeper, better, stronger, yes. And challenging. And you grow. Whereas I could hang around and not change very much and have a very relaxed, fun time with God. Oh, here we can talk for a while, though. So marry changed your life. And showed you... This, my wife has done this for me. She just showed me so gently, so many in my blind spots. When you talk about growth, when you talk about the growth that comes with love, taught me how to love better because I'd like to be better for her. Yes. And the love part is so important because love means that she's willing to look at her stuff. So when she encourages you to look at your stuff, it comes and you even though you may resist and get pissed, you know it's coming from love. And so you kind of grumbly turn the corner. It's funny that you say that though, because I do resist sometimes and get pissed. I'm often wrong. But she respects it because if I were a pushover, if I were a total pushover, even if I'm wrong, that would not be attractive. And so even though I can be dumb with my resistance on occasion, sit in my resistance, be in and be like, I'm being dumb here, I can get away with it at least in part because I will circle back around. And generally, because I love her and because I trust her, I just so often. And I hesitate to say this because I know how men sometimes hear this and they see weakness in it, but I so often... Fuck him. Fuck him. Just know I'm wrong because she's a little bit wiser than me about how pure love can be. And there's a lot of learning I can do there. Yeah. I'm funny. I never get angry if she's wrong. If she's wrong, oh, look at that. Oh, you only get angry when you're wrong. When you're wrong. I'm wrong. Then it's like, I don't want to be stuck being this person that you just told me I was in you or right. I am that person. And I don't want to be that. No, that's wrong. That's funny. And then how long does it take you to circle back around and be like, yeah, I got to say I'm sorry on that one. Usually it's like I go around the corner just however long that corner is a day or whatever. And sometimes it's a lesson I have to learn over and over again. But it's like Ted, do you really think that Mary St. Bergent isn't madly in love with you and just you know finds you delightful and all of that. And I have to go, no. So why aren't you, you know, I can talk to myself because her love for me is so blatantly clear. How did that all become evident to you? I've heard from a mutual friend of ours that the way that you met is a the way that you came together was an amusing story or good story. Yeah, I don't know, I'm using. But anyway, sorry, we met three two or three times in the over the years, Hollywood. You know, let's see, Henry Winkler's birthday party, barbecue in the back of his yard. Hey, I love your work. I love your work. Mary to different people in passing. I auditioned also for a film that Mary was the star of called Cross Creek. Marty Ritt was directing it. We both remember the audition where I came into audition to play her husband. And thank God I didn't get it because I was so half baked, you know, she wouldn't have even really seen me. And then we, at the end of cheers, we both I was offered this film. And she had had her eye on this film, tracking it for, you know, a couple of years and the script. And she came to San Francisco to have we were both working. She had just finished something and I was wrapping something up in San Francisco. And we had this dinner, which they called a chemistry dinner arc. And these got people get along or whatever. And I remember because I'm shy, basically. And if a woman is beautiful, I don't know where to look. I'm like looking everywhere except at them. And I went, wait, we're about to work together. I'm being paid to look at her. What are you crazy? And I looked at her and it was like, oh my God, she has one of those smiles. Like a thousand watt bulb inside her head. She's just, she's just captivating. Still captivates me. And then we went on different ways and then we came back to shoot it. And I was a hot mess. I was publicly a hot mess. I was in the news, a hot mess. And, um, and I realized that, and I was working very hard in myself. At the same time, I was, the surfacy part was the press. The real part was the work I was doing on myself to not be a hot mess anymore. And to really stopping a liar and start becoming an emotionally mature adult. And I worked very hard on that. Or I don't think she would have even seen me. But I was at the point when we met where I was like, oh, clearly I'm not capable of having a relationship. I can, I can mess up any relationship. She was having the same thought, having just broken up with somebody she'd been with for four years, going, her, her face was, I know I look like I should be good at a relationship. But, um, clearly I'm not. So we met with that low expectations of ourselves and we'll be friends and I admire you hugely and we're going to make this film together. And at one point, um, one Sunday I went, what can we do as a couple that would be good for the film? Because you always as actors of Vail yourself, you, you share that part of yourself that will be good for them to know for the part. You kind of selectively share stuff. And I found this canoe place. This is in Mendocino. And there's this called the Big River, the big, I think, yeah, the Big River in Mendocino. And this is Big Title River, just gorgeous. And there was this canoe place where you can hire a canoe. And this one had a pontoon on the side. It was all wood. It was just gorgeous. And we took a picnic. Some other folks came, but we left them way behind. And that moment of her sitting in front of me and us paddling for like four hours, we, we would in hindsight, we both talked about this moment. That we would be silent for 15 minutes, just looking at sea otters and blue herons and going around the next curve or we chapped or, and we would paddle and complete, you know, we were synchronized in our paddle. Everything was effortless and gorgeous. And the rest of your life at this time is tumult, right? So like so, right, tumult, but I wasn't confused. I knew where the problem was me. And I had been working on it for a year. So I didn't feel lost. I just was at the bottom. But knew it and was okay with being at the bottom. By the time we came back, I think there was like, oh, oh my. It's not about chemistry and acting. It's not the chemistry of the, of making the scene right anymore. It's about like, oh, that felt on you. But you are probably more ready for it than you had been in a while, right? You're welcoming, you're welcoming something because of the work that you're doing that prepared you for. I wasn't confused what where the problem was. The problem was me. Well, I want you, you gave me a lot to chew on there. So let's start with shy, an odd career choice for someone who is shy. And I'm surprised to hear you say that you're shy. When you think about it, in life, you make a mistake and it's like, shoot, I have to live with this. You know, I have to think about this for a while. If you make a mistake, you go take two, take three until you get it right. So it's very comforting in a way. Also, you have permission. You're supposed to be an idiot because of the character or angry because of the character or whatever. And that was all the character allows you to hide, I guess, or to explore parts of yourself that you weren't willing to do in life. I was raised very, my parents, I had unconditional love. But we all have foibles. And one of my mothers was she was bringing it at if the line is positive and below at negative feelings and emotions and thoughts. She was great at the positive. She was so willing and enthusiastic and caring and nurturing and all of those things. But if she had anything negative, a dark thought herself, it would just wipe her out. So I was trained to be very sensitive, very loving, very caring, very, all those things. But if you can't allow the dark, your light becomes very limited because you need to really realize how dark you are to choose to not be dark. Then it's something of value, I think, as a person. So I just went off on such a tangent. It's okay. No, I'm going to try and bring you back because I, the shyness still alludes me though because that you haven't shaken it. You've been in the public eye. Oh, but here I was six foot. When I was 12, I was six foot and 120 pounds. I was so skinny, missing a chest muscle from birth. So I was such a sight. You know, I want to go swimming to head. Oh, no, I got my knee hurts. You know, I would, I was so unsure of myself. You had skin stuff too. I have skin stuff too. I'm now making a lot of money off my surrisa. Sorry. I'm doing it. Turn it into a professional. Yeah. Good work. Yeah. But that'll make you insecure. I remember when I was in high school and stuff wearing gym shorts when we get cold, the skin stuff would get bad. Yeah. So there are many reasons. And I was shy and I was, I didn't go through the high school thing. And for whatever reason, my father, the anthropologist, archaeologist was more off on that tangent. I never had a dad going, oh, we are men, you know, kind of thing. And it was, so I gravitated more towards my mother's thought process than my father's. And she was a big influence, right? Yeah. She was the big influence. Yeah. Yeah. Very much so. My father's well, just different. And he was always clear how much he loved me and proud of me and all that stuff. But so I was overly sensitized, male, skinny, you know, so I was really unsure of myself. Just a little parentheses when I went back to a 25th or 15th reunion at Kent School for boys, my prep school for about a day. I was very rock and roll because of cheers. Everyone, wow, cheers. And they got bored with that very quickly. And I found myself the second day walking behind this big group of people who are not over the fact that, you know, I was playing Sam alone. I was walking by myself and I had this realization that I almost had to become a celebrity to earn the right to walk through the door. For whatever complex reasons in my upbringing and my whatever, whatever, I was that unsure of myself. And I have to say I love the fact that people know me from my work and I have the excuse to say hello now. I'm a great place to hide. It's a great place to put your identity too. Except when you have to really look at yourself when you're at bottom and you're like, well, wait a minute, I don't want to be that guy. But you put something next to shy. You said I was a liar. I that yeah, I misbehaved in my second marriage. Yeah, so I was that guy. I, you know, instead of emotionally dealing with what was going on and being truthful and going through fear, through anger, through whatever and being real, I would be surfacely nice and sweet and kind and out the back door. A little bit from my upbringing, but yeah, that was my, you know, solution clearly not viable, you know, and I luckily realized that and was able to change that before I met Mary. But from your upbringing, what were you seeing in your upbringing that I don't think the other dealt with. I don't know back out back door part, but he was not emotionally available. My mother was my father was kind of not bad. Yes, that was hard. It was hard and also in a funny way as far as my relationship with my daughter. Amazing, because I was the, I think if, if my wife and head the stroke, I would have been the husband who was a little bit off all your lead in raising, you know, off all your lead, you change diapers, I'll learn how maybe or something. But I wasn't. I from day one, I was the caretaker, which made for an amazing bond, you know, between us. Draft King Sportsbook, the number one sports book for live betting is built for March. The tournament is unpredictable, but the rewards are guaranteed baby and draft kings is delivering some of the most generous rewards in the market. New to draft King's bet just five bucks and get $200 in bonus bets instantly, down with the draft King Sportsbook app and use code beach that's code beach BECH to turn five bucks into 200 in bonus bets instantly in partnership with draft kings, the crown is yours. Gambling problem called 1-800-Gamber or 1-800-My Reset, New York called 877-8 hope in wire, text hope in why, Connecticut called 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org on behalf of Boot Hill Casino and Kansas. Wagertax Pass through may apply in Illinois, 21 and over in most states, Void and Ontario, restrictions apply, bonus bets expire seven days after issuance, four additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see sportsbook.draftkings.com slash promos, limited time offer. Project Hill Mary is the cinematic event of the year. We're just counting on you Dr. Grace. Strong Ryan Gosling. I'm not an astronaut. Two worlds, one impossible mission. So I met an alien. Project Hill Mary. You are bravest human I have ever met. Is joke, I only meet one human and is you. In cinemas everywhere March 19. When you talk about the whole that you were trying to fill, what was there? The thing of the whole that was inside you or where it is that you weren't the person that you wanted to be. What was, have you got, you've done a lot of therapy. So how did you get to the roots of what it is that you're, what was causing your behavior? Or does that not matter as long as the roots don't matter as long as you get to a better place that doesn't feel like a whole. I'm, some of my roots are things that I won't talk about because they involve other people with your blessing. But it, you know, it was that how you deal with your emotions or not, I think is the root. You know, I think if you, if you're familiar with your anger and your dark thoughts and you allow them and realize not to be afraid of them and can communicate them. Treat them as information. Treat your fear as information. You know, I think whenever you suppress stuff, even emotions, they become secretive. And I think the secrets are, you know, the kind of the trap you fall into. I would say, I would say relatively recently married in the last five years. But one of the things that love has sort of lubricated is access to my feelings. I didn't even know like where it is that I was pushing things down or repressing them or not. I think you need, but that's why I, you know, that's why you probably found each other because there's a trust of I will look at my stuff. And I trust you to look at your stuff so that when you talk about my stuff, I will look at it. But if you're not going to look at your stuff and you point to my stuff, then it's like, well, wait a minute. You're not trustworthy. I'm, you know, this is going to feel me inspired it. And I didn't have that until Mary, you know, it was so besides being smitten, which is wonderful. And to this day, I'm smitten. But that trust of we're on the same path as far as growing, each person growing is so important. Because if you don't have that trust, then you go, well, I'm not going to share that clearly. It's not safe. So what do I do with that? You know, oh, it can be used as a weapon. If your relationship has some dysfunction in it, yes. Of course, your vulnerability could be used against you. And then the fact that you're still talking about being smitten and the fact that you have been given a new lease on life here, what a blessing to find that. I don't think that word is used lightly. It is a blessing. It is divine. And I really do feel like, well, I don't know what my end of life experience will be like. But if I have the moment to be thoughtful, I will be, feel so blessed that I am, got to feel that what it is to be human, that circle of love that zings around. It's not constant. You break that little love between you and your partner zings around. And the times when we're angry with each other are not angry. It's fearful. I'm really going all over the place. But when we're in love, both of us in the space of loving, it is magical. It is the most powerful astounding divine. It is heaven on earth. And if one of you is fearful and the other one is in love, that's fine. Living in the loving place. Because then you go, it's alright. It's okay. I see you scared and I have empathy and it will be alright. If you're both in fear, then it's no, no, what about me? No, what about me? No, you, what about me first? You know, you get into that fearful place. Then that current, that electrical love current just disappears completely. And it's shocking. And I think we see that we have so much of the zinging circle of love that when it's gone, it's like, oh no, no, we have to fix this. We have to figure it out. You first or whatever we handle it very quickly. But to be able to grow old with her too. Oh, because all this fearful, old is like diminished. There is diminishment. You have to find a way to spend that to gratitude, which you should and there's a lot to be grateful for. But that diminishing thing is scary. And to not have to do that alone is brings tears to my eyes. And this is your happiest, right? Like this is that you have, you have lived enough things to have learned what it is that you want. So this is your happiest time, correct? Even if it's diminished, even if you feel mortality. Yep. That too a blessing. Yeah. The mortality is, you know, if you're into that fearful thing, then it's horrible. If you're into love, the mortality is actually kind of interesting. I mean, I actually use the phrase, and then you die. Just snap me out of fear. You know, oh my God, the world is falling apart. Oh, but also it keeps you present. It keeps you grateful in the moment for every moment you're given. Definitely. Yeah. If you're present and aware and conscious of what a blessing to be in love across from this woman who is going to, we're going to walk hand, we're going to walk each other home. Yeah. Yeah. When they're the world is full of, it's in our face because of technology and social media and all about, the world is always full of suffering. Always has been in violence and horrible things and all of that. I think probably always has been part of humanity. But it's never been in our face quite as much as it is now. And sometimes I get overwhelmed with it. It's overwhelming. Yeah. I will talk about later or whatever ocean act. I've been a notion activist and part of a group that's amazing. And we're doing this amazing stuff all over the world, which could will be undone in a snap of the fingers by climate change. You know, everything gets undone by climate change. And then you see people not believing it or pretending not to believe in it or whatever. And you go, oh dear God, you become, oh, I become overwhelmed by the sadness and fear of because we're not going to, you know, step up to the plate. My little company thought is dead. And then you die. It's not like if you saved the planet. You're going to get an immortality card. No. So just do the best you can. And then you die. And try not to be hopeless, try to be, try to be hopeful. But the fear can grab you as can the facts. We will talk about all the stuff you do with your activism to save the oceans. I'd like to talk to you a little bit though about your career. Is the thing that people want to talk to you most about, Sam Malone and Cheers? Or is it something changing a little bit thanks to a mutual friend of ours, Mike sure. I have a lot of young 12 to 18 year olds coming up because of the good place, which is still has a life. I show that I think I don't know if it's on Netflix now, but it was an NBC show and it was on for four years. And it's about how to live a purposeful life. It's about ethics wrapped in a nine year old fart sense of humor and with visual magic. It's just amazing, but you're talking about ethics and what a great place for you to connect with fans for them. Not to say not to say it cheers was a special show, one of the best ever made, but the idea that you would have these life wisdoms that you now have. And that you would have a young people when you talk about hope connecting in a place like no, that show has a cult following that show speaks to me because you guys were doing something deeper. I don't know you can do a lot better than that with television. It makes me so happy and so grateful that I got to be part of that. So cheers though when you're walking through the halls with your high school reunion friends, they want to talk about what there, like what what the connection points for you for five minutes because then they want to talk about themselves rightfully so. But I don't know that's that is a long time ago cheers I used I I'm still swimming in the water that cheers created it was such a good will it was so funny and when people see me in the street there's a smile I it's amazing life that I get to live because basically people smile at me because they're remembering a funny moment that I was part of and they were part of. So I get that goodwill of cheers to this day but then now the conversation is a little bit more about deeper the good place when you think I've read you say that comedy is worthless if it does not come from sadness which I I know I'm worthless is probably something I shouldn't say I because I just pure funny can be also funny I love a good job. But my sweet spot is yes human that comes out of the funny comes out of the human condition not just the joke that it comes out at reflect some part of the human condition which includes sadness and you know Sam alone was a recovering alcoholic. Sam alone will be lonely forever because he can't really commit you know all of those things were a nice sad human place to work from and then be funny. It is hard to explain to people that 80 million people were watching that show on one of the free networks like that it's hard to get your head around what NBC Thursday nights were. Yeah that's true. And you have to give a shout out to the Bill Cosby show because Bill Cosby and the show and I know we're trained now to try to refrain talking about Bill Cosby but his show was absolutely brilliant and it was such a powerhouse and dragged the entire evening of shows behind it. What was your life like back then though I don't imagine you were in any way prepared for the fame that came with that were you not that anybody ever would be under any circumstances. Yeah I mean it probably was. Well it's a fame is always misleading you know to some degree. It's interesting that I didn't do. I think partly my growing up came maybe the last year of cheers and I knew that I would need to stop doing cheers and really take a real good look at myself. I think playing Sam alone and it was very rock and roll and people loved it and all of that celebrity like thing was not necessarily conducive to wanting to look at yourself. Why would you? Why would I yeah. I don't know we were all so smart enough to know that we were where we were because of less and Glenn Charles and Jimmy Burrows. It wasn't like we were an ensemble that was created by brilliant writing and brilliant directing and we always remembered that. And so group we were experienced celebrity this as a group but you know but yes but those people were some of those people were behind the scenes you were the you were the face of the actors were the face but what I mean is we were a group of actors we always remember that. We always were a group you know and what was happening in the last year that made you finally take a good heart stuff that I'm kind of dancing around. Well what is what is what is okay to talk about and what is not okay to talk about. Some of the things I'm not going to talk about that are some of the root things but my my misbehavior you know and realizing that. I guess I can talk about some things. I had an affair that made me realize at the end of that affair that I wanted to stop being a liar. I had two thoughts I wanted to stop being a liar and I wanted to be creative. 98% of the rest of my life I wanted to just be creative. And I came back and I worked on that so why were you a liar though what you you're up to allow myself not to deal with my emotions and to go out the back door to start telling the truth you know and if you don't tell the truth about the dark in your life which we talked about then you're just kind of the it's more of a facade of I mean I'm not going to talk about that. My my silhouette is not that much different. I was nice and kind and charm I'm still nice and kind into some degree charming or whatever that hasn't changed but it's now real because I choose to be that because I know I know I have dark and I know I have light and now choose to be light. Why were you pushing down your emotions are not aware of them was it just being male was it just growing up in a different time you don't talk about your feelings like what were you doing to avoid everything. That was roiling inside of you emotionally and why were you a boy I think it was if I think because I I looked at them two models in my life my father and my mother and I went well I'm total respect and love my father oh my God truly I'm so blessed by that unconditional love I got from my family but I looked at my father and went who I don't know this you know my mother seems more emotionally real. She was emotionally real but only for the light you know divine stuff of life not the dark scary stuff I see similarities in my own upbringing what it is that you're talking about I had a father that you know yeah. They're exiles so there's a lot of fear in the house because they come from Cuba and basically you have to work to get to freedom and that's what we're doing we're going to work work work to get to freedom and you're just scared all the time you're in a different country you know it's like not to so my father can you know there wasn't a lot of joy there all affable enough but like joy in the house and then my mother was very good on sunshine when everything was good but like there was fear in the house how could they not be and so I I see a bit of a mirror in what. It is that you're describing right right and you're and so you're so you were you were beginning to say what you do with the feelings as it relates so this is how your dad was and this is how your mom was and so you would just deal with my mom route but my mom route was just dealing with with half the equation which was joy not sadness depression fear anger bitter you know all that stuff we don't like to admit that we are as human beings but we are you know and my father I notice what was you know didn't deal with it can you explain to me what it is that you got from therapy from you mentioned clinics I don't know how deep you're going there in terms of just really understanding yourself so that you can find out how to best love yourself right because that's where you got to get understanding where all of this came from and go oh I get it and now I can have compassion for why you know why you thought you why you thought this was a good way to go in life you can be gentle with yourself yeah you can go oh yeah I can see where that came from I understand why and it does not serve me and I can change you know curb your enthusiasm is something and forgive me for the awkward transition I know I know it's an awkward transition for me because I was pressing on some stuff there and so I'm trying to take you to a happier and and a and a funnier place curb your enthusiasm I could never tell obviously when I'm watching it it's wildly creative and fun but I couldn't be sure if Larry David's way of being made for a joyful set the ad living the the playing with people seemed like it would be fun but it also seemed like he could be unusual in ways that would be demanding no no he was there's a joyful funny giggling set because you know he's such a missing throat you know that I use that word correctly I think I did yes you know he's so so bad so inappropriate so I mean that it's very funny to you in the room while you're doing it you know and everybody's job basically is to push Larry Larry into the corner so that Larry comes bursting out even more inappropriately Larry okay because he doesn't it it seems like he has trouble with happy you seem to not have yeah but as much trouble with having a tickle him in the ribs a little bit and he'll I and you know he is in life certain things that he made use of in the show but what he leaves out is the heart of gold that Larry does his he is so faithfully a great friend most of the people in that show were people who came up with him as comedians you know when he was starting out and he is true he likes and loves people who like and love him he want Mary once said my wife once said him a five or is really in for some reason some deep trouble he'd be one of the first people I would come to that's pretty cool thing to say about somebody and that's not the Larry character Larry that's Larry David what can you tell me about that experience that perhaps people don't know Larry just just know I'll tell you what happened to me sorry no no please I had done cheers and becker and a couple of other half hour attempts after those two and I felt like oh shoot I've stayed too long at the half hour comedy party other people are doing it better than I am I don't find myself funny and it's just not working and it feels like we're trying to always redo Sam alone or something you know just so I I actually went to Jeffrey Katzenberg and said I'm I don't want to do TV anymore I put me in a film anything you don't have to pay me it can be a one day here there or whatever but I want to start doing films again because TV is which is how I got to be in saving private Ryan I think came through Jeffrey and then Stephen but I was giving up funny you know and then Larry started his show and we actually watched the pilot in this attic and Martha's Vineyard in his defense there was no air conditioning and the four or five people who were sitting around looking at it on his laptop a couple of them fell asleep and my reaction was oh I don't know if this is going to work but I really like Larry Larry Larry Mary and I'd be happy to play ourselves anytime you want you know but truly walked away going out of who's you know and then it became this it's great first cult hit then just massive hit but he did invite us and going back to going to work with him which was so informal it would be like bring your own bring your own clothes it was almost put your makeup in the car and and then come will shoot you know no dressing rooms kind of feeling it was like gorilla comedy what freedom my god was in it re-abilitated my desire to look for the funny and live to look for the giggle and holy shit what a great thing to have I didn't realize that must have been a period of great doubt for you to to be looking back at your life and be like I'm not I'm not I'm not funny anymore I'm not or funny I and that was just based on a couple of it can be taken away after decades of success it can be taken away with low ratings on the one next project or just looking myself and going it wasn't just low low ratings removed the seductive part of oh I have a job and they're paying me a lot and but it was me looking at myself and going no you know and I think I did want to because after curb really turned something around for me and then damages came along which is a different kind of funny I think I think making jokes I to this day I don't like doing jokes I panic I start to sweat way more than you were the expectation of funny is is a pressure you don't need no surprising people with funny is much better yes exactly or are buried in a tragedy funny is even better maybe that's dark yes that's one of the best yes it is so I think what I was scared of was telling jokes and still am if somebody I'm from in a script and something's a joke I said can we can please not more subtle more subtle than that yeah and it's not that your joke is funny it's just that I'm pouring sweat making me nervous making me anxious what a gift yeah it was yes I credit Larry and will to this day for turning something around in me and then damages and board to death had a certain kind of humor far go all of those things because I it is fun to be the stuff that's not just a light take on life but dig in deep on the dark side of life and be funny is just delicious what do you regard as the the role that was the most fun for you among all of them because you've done film and you've done a lot a lot of television I couldn't believe that before shares that you were on taxi and Levernton Shirley and just basically you were you had parts all over the 70's and 80's on just about every B.J. and the bear right like they were something and that one there are lot of good ones there like what do you regard like let's go through some of the characters. What a character you enjoyed playing the most, a character that you are proudest of. I have to say, and I think this is true. I don't want to do this by road, but I think I really, really do love what I'm doing at the moment, whatever that is. I really do. I'm a little bit of, I love going to work. First off, just driving through a studio gate thrills me, being around a crew, acting thrills me, you know, still. So even when I was doing things that weren't necessarily my sweet pot, spot like CSI was hard, but I loved the people, the actors and the directors and the writers. I loved the experience, but it wasn't funny. There was no, you know, looking for the humorous side. So that was hard, but even that I loved. So to answer your question, cheers in my early 30s to my, you know, mid 40s was a joy. It was to be a total idiot in a bar. It was just spectacular. It was so much fun, and it didn't hurt that it was very rock and roll, and people loved it. And you knew it was good. Like, and you knew that what you were making was good. We were aware that this was not... Well, I don't know if we were really viscerally aware that this doesn't happen all the time, but as soon as we started doing other things after cheers, you went, oh yeah. Wait, I mean, you didn't think it was always going to be cheers. Did you? You thought you got to your, that success at your 30s, you think the next 40 years are also going to be that? It's just going to be a rocket ship. When you're TV, you know, not so. But then I loved Becker. I loved being a totally different voice. A grouchy, you know, a little bit of a misanthrope. Yeah, I loved everything. I loved Borgia Death. It's wonderful. And I am so blessed that I've been around writing that is tackling some phase that I myself am going through. So the rock and roll young, top of the world, Ma, kind of thing of cheers was brilliant. Then I was a little older and a little grumpier maybe or a little heads and makes and pains. I was starting to be, you know, 50. So I was no longer an adolescent or able to play that kind of thing. And long came Becker. Becker. So I could be that slightly grumpy a serbic kind of character. And it was fun. Borgia Death. Borgia Death was about a guy who doesn't want to be left out by the younger folks, you know. So some mirrors, some you'll grab from your life, some places where you're, where you're blessed that that has come along, that everything has come along, that to be that way, you know. What do you think with the wisdom of now that you might do differently for the 11 years as a rock star that that was cheers? Like looking back as an adult on who it is, nothing. No, no, no. I mean, I mean, if you're talking about the wounds of that period in my life, but I mean that even wounds are, I have many cringing moments in my life. But I don't wish them, you know, it's almost like life tapping you on the shoulder. You need to, you need to work on this kid. And I'm going to keep tapping on your shoulder until you do. I wouldn't have missed any of those moments for the world because of where I get to be now. You know, I'm your absent regret. Absent regret. I doesn't mean that you can't point to a billion things. No, but there's real peace. There's real peace. There's real asshole I was. There is real peace in having gratitude for the pain that you had to endure in order to get to something, but not everyone has that. Like to have no regrets, like no regrets because you're grateful for even the stuff that hurt because it made it into growth. That's unusual. I don't think I don't know if you wandered the earth and asked a lot of people, hey, where are you with this? That they'd say they have no regrets because they turned every pain into a gratitude. Yeah, no regrets doesn't mean that you didn't do bad, stupid, wrongful, hurtful things that you wish you hadn't. But it regret feels like this is your I don't think you get to do that to life. You know, life is this tube you go through and then you you don't come out smelling like a rose. So there are tons of stuff where I'm not smelling like a rose, but I am grateful for my tube that I went through. You see how I can spend damn near everything. Well, good for you. Good. I don't think I don't think that your peace or the way that what you're describing, I don't believe it in authentic. I don't I don't it doesn't mean that you don't have insecurities, but it seems like you are both at peace with what life has brought you and who it is that it has formed you into through whatever the tribulations. Yeah, most of the time. And when I am not it's it's you know, I am married to somebody who will go you who you know, where where the gratitude go or you know somebody who will lovingly go, hey, come back, you know, don't don't be over there and fear. It really is true that in life, I think no, I don't think I feel positive that you you are there in a space of love, loving, lovingness or fear. And it doesn't mean that we all don't dip into fear, but if you make decisions out of fear, which leads to anger, you know, sadness is on the love side. I'm okay with sadness, but fear and anger and you know, it's not a great place to live and make decisions out of. No, I think a lot of people live there. I think I do. I think you you have figured out a certain number of things that someone needs in the pie chart in order to be happy. Not just the things you're talking about now, but that feeling you're talking about if still you love driving into the studio a lot. If you're spending if you 98% of your time is spent on creativity, because you you still love doing that so many people listening to this or in jobs don't fill their soul that way. That's a it's it's I don't know what I would have to put in front of you in order to say that is a thing in my life that makes me unhappy because I haven't made my life exactly what I wanted to be. Right. And I think it's easy to chalk off what maybe you and I both, but certainly I'll speak for myself. You could chalk off what I'm saying is well, yeah, you got a lot of money. You're married. You have kids. You're a celebrity. You know, of course you feel the way to do, but I grew up in Arizona around ranchers, farmers, you know, Hopi, Navajo. I've known many people who have very little material who live the same way, who live contented and in a space of loving and nurturingness. That's why I don't think you can pick any well, you know what that's bullshit to some degree because if you're trying to survive correctly. Yes, that will consume your happiness. It'll eat it up if you're yes, if you're always worried about money or eating or not having a bomb dropped on you. I get that. And so once again, when you look at your life and you go, why, you know, if you try to take credit for why you are here in this space of blessings, you know, I think that's a you just have to say, thank you. I don't know why or how I got to be so blessed, but thank you. Did you live in a grateful household? Yes. And my parents look for beauty and joy all the time. Your mother and my father, sorry, as an archaeologist and an anthropologist, as it was his whole being was this life is not, you know, just about you. There's a lot that's come before us as you sit there digging up bones and an archaeological dig. And there's a lot that will hopefully come after us. And this time is not about you. It's about your stewardship of what you've been given. I mean, that to me is when an anthropologist feels or knows. I had that. And then I had my mother who was very much church oriented and mostly in a healthy way, you know, and I liked this my two cents about my mother. I think it became even more of a spiritual path than just a church path. So I had unconditional love, which is if you don't have that, not everybody does growing up. That's such a step up in life, you know. Yeah, to have that support, a united support, it can help in a number of different ways. You lost your mother when you were 57 years old. And I just lost my little brothers my first experience with grief. No, it can't even go there. It it has turned my life upside down. I would say in the last couple of years I have it, I've last year I've had a great deal of difficulty with just summoning enthusiasm for anything because I did not recognize or know or have experience with what grief is. When you lost your mother, I can't even begin to even say I understand. I don't. When I think about my sister who is alive passing it almost feels like, okay, stop the world game over, you know, too much. When you talk about access to your feelings though and being 57 years old when you were more adult and had more access to who you are, now these feelings come with your mother and you do what with them? What is there to be learned in grief? What can you tell me? I don't think I understood mother until after she died. She came home and chose to die at home. She had pneumonia, she couldn't shake and they wanted to put her in the hospital of tubes and she went, no, issue, an amazing moment. She had terrible laryngitis from the pneumonia and the aspirating and all of that so she could barely whisper croak and you couldn't barely understand her. And she had macular generation so she couldn't read and really write anymore. And anyway, we took her to this clinic in Arizona and they said, we're going to have to put you in the hospital and she said, no, well Jessica, if we don't, you're going to die. Thank God. You know, it was like, in my sister and I were like, oh, this just shifted. We're now not trying to keep somebody alive. We're now going to go sit and be with somebody who's choosing to be consciously passing. And we came, but we came brought her home and hospice woman lady came and who are pre-angelaic. They're pretty amazing. The ones we've dealt with in my life. And they were going through the steps with my mother who was nodding or whatever and about how your body takes time for you body to shut down. This is what will happen. This is what you can expect. And then at some point, you know, if it gets too painful there, we have there things like morphine. They enjoy it. No. And it's like, wait, what? And we spent about 30 minutes. Maybe I exaggerate, but a big moment, my sister and I almost playing charades with my mother who couldn't write or talk to what it is. And she kept saying, bird, I want to bird. And it was like, took us a long time to figure out and realize that in her spiritual path and life, there was the thought that if you consciously choose suffering, at the end of your life, that you can burn off. I don't know. I'm using all the wrong words. The joys of religion right there. You've got to suffer your way. The other philosophies besides Christianity that believe you can burn off karma by consciously choosing to be in the moment of suffering. So that's what she did. And that's what I got to be around. And I got to, I had the night times with her and it was two weeks. And for the first week, it was like amazing because we could talk and people came to say goodbye to her, you know, a lot of Hopi and Navajo and a farmer and a this and a that would come. Monks came from Colorado that they had been friends with and saying evening pray. I mean, it was the most amazing time. It was the it was the passing the 22 world, right? I felt some of that in my brothers. Like it was a long ordeal in a cancer ward. It was a lot of months. And I felt I felt, you know, I this, this I don't know how but without having lived it, I have a hard time explaining to others who haven't lived it. What this would feel like, but it felt like my brother was transitioning between two spaces and in a higher realm because he was close to something that has so much fear and depth in it that I can't even understand it being right next to it. Right. I agree. I one night when she was really not present, she was her body was still alive and all of that, but she had kind of disappeared. And for two last two or three days, she really wasn't there. And I remember looking at her going and realizing all of my philosophical, all of my little educating, my, you know, spirituality, all the books I read, all the thoughts and stuff went flying out the window. And I realized, I don't know. Big, I do not know. She may, she may be about to know or is in a state of knowing, but I don't know. And that changed my life, getting back to what you asked a little bit where it's like, all I know now is to try to do the best I can, try to be a little better every day, try to be kind, try to be nurturing, you know, try to be real on us, all those things. Just try to do that. It was that clear for you, though, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I think I know thing. My mind gives me the illusion of control. No, I don't know. I don't know anything. Yeah. And so your life principles get thrown as cute because are just simplified. Just try to walk a, you know, one step front of the other and try to be a little bit better every day. And we all know what better means, you know, we know it. So whatever that definition for you is. And then one last thing, because you asked me what it was like at 57. At first, because you watch the body kind of disintegrate, it's it's really hard visually to lose somebody. I'm that way. And I'm sure you know, same, same. No, this is a vibrant, colorful personality. And you are watching, yeah, you're, it's what you're watching is horrific. And it you do suffer post traumatic stress. Afterwards, I would say I've been there for a bit. I would say that everybody, anybody who's been watching this for a while knows that I've gone from the, the physical cortisol inflation of that to something else just because I just wouldn't wish any of that on anybody. But also in referencing what you're talking about, I'm also deeply grateful for having been there for a number of different reasons. Yes. And it, and it has formed me. It has changed me. I will not be what I was before this. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, I agree entirely. I remember walking on a beach. It took me a month to get to grief, because first it was just the shock, the visual trying to get over the visual and the what happens after death. And I mean, as far as taking care of business and all that. So about a month later, I finally started to get to the emotion. And I would cry like a nine-year-old boy going, what will I, what can I do? How can I go on? This is at 57. Found the love of my life, Mary. Very successful. All of these things. But it was like, I do not know how to go on. And you realize that your mother, especially your mother, I don't have a brother. And I'm sure that there are sibling exact, you know, correlation in a way. But my mother, I realized, my mother, every breath I took was because of her. Every cell in my body was because of her. You literally realize, oh my God, mothers give their lives to their children and give life to their children. Literally, I was, I think I never had gotten motherhood or mother. Oh, you didn't get it until after. And till that moment, I mean, I knew she loved me. I loved her. Right, right. I don't know all that stuff. The depth of it. The depth of what? Mother. To have that love gone, to the way that she loved you, to have it feel final. So the reason why I get to walk around this earth is gone. What do I do? And I, I lived in that for a while until that went away. It did? Well, that level of what am I going to do nine-year-old crying? Yes. That the grief, I've been told anyone I talk to, they say it doesn't go away. Like, no, it comes back. It visits it. It lessens over time. But you know, there'll be a thousand things that make it visit. One of the things that I noticed was when I stopped grieving over whatever months, you know, and having a good cry, went away. I felt a sense of loss because of what it is, I think, is an intense way of communicating to your brother, to your mother. A huge amount of love. You know, you are relating. You are communicating in those moments of grief. Well, that's why I never got, and that's when I said it, I misunderstood what you were saying. I'm saying it went away. There's a piece of me that doesn't want this to go away because it keeps the love alive. Even though it hurts, it's not necessarily something that I want to go away because I want to be reminded of how I love him. Yes, but thank you, man. You're so sweet and kind to share this right now. You really are. That's astounding. But this is a whole different conversation that we could have. And I would love to have someday is, we've been around my wife and our people who are mediums that talk to people who have passed on. Take that for, you know, that that'll separate tons of people who are now going to click off. But I have experienced. Let me not try to build this up. Let me so we stay on in this conversation. I've experienced somebody from the other side telling who had passed, telling their parent who said, the parent said to the child who had passed away, are you happy? And the child said, after a pause, yes, when you are. So yes, stay in the grief. Absolutely. But it's a beautiful way to communicate. But I think you finding your joy is something all of us finding our joy after a loss is something that that person who has passed away wants for you. Oh, no, it's something, it's something my brother very badly wanted for me. Yeah. When he was alive, but when you talk about, because we will lose a lot of people here, when you talk about, well, I'm sorry for their sake, visits from the other side, but you remind me in the reason this is affecting me this way, because I hadn't thought about this. The last day that my brother was alive, I did not know that he would pass the following morning, obviously. Right. And he's calling me into a room. He did? Excitedly. Well, he's going to pass the next day, but he's calling me into a room. And he's saying, it's beautiful, Dan, it's beautiful. Come in here. And there was a piece of art on the wall that he had made that I thought he was talking about, but it's not what he was talking about. He was already someplace else. Right. Like he, like I didn't, I couldn't realize that until after he died. That he was, he was already someplace else. He was talking about how my dad, you know, my dad love it here. And it can be anything there, right? I can choose to believe anything. It can be the drugs. I can, I can minimize it, but, but, but when I was in it, my confusion was because I couldn't translate what it is that he was doing and to lose him the next day, you just sort of stirred it all up. It's stuff I hadn't thought about the idea that there could be something better somewhere else for the cynical. It seems like because if you're not connected to this particular feeling, your cynicism will grab the best of you and you can always, you can always refute it with your mind. I always think being critical is fine. Be critical. You know, wonder and doubt and be curious. Cynical is like, that's a no, no. Don't be cynical. You know, I'm not you. I know, I understand what you're saying. It's like, cynical is a big, always, of time. Oh, but I don't know, I don't know what you are spiritually. You're saying you, you had a lot of access to Navajo life in teenage years. I don't know what your life view is on, on connected to something beyond here. Right. That's the great part about faith. You know, you don't know. You can't prove it. You don't, you know, faith is, I don't know. I hear, let me go back and be clear that I'm still hopefully in that place of I don't know. But, but, you know, I think you want to live your life as if, you know, I think you, I think you try, I don't know. Boy, see here, here's a tricky, here's where I, you know, trying to be philosophical, you know, I can go off the rails. Here's what I would hope it would be. First off, let me just, this sounds like I'm being silly. I sure hope that there's at least a campfire where you and I can sit around and chuckle on and laugh something that's slightly less than final. Yeah. So that we can, oh, but come on, even scientifically, you know, our thoughts we now know are energy, right? Not just what we do with our bodies or whatever that, that our actual thoughts are energy. So if they're energy, that means they have a weight, they have a, they're, it's concrete. They're made up of something concrete, whatever, my science doesn't allow me to go there. But, you know, and that, that to me means, well, if you pass away, what did happen to that energy that was you? I get that the cells in your body, you know, have got hurt, but the thoughts, your spirits, your emotions, your, all of those things that do have weight, you telling me they vaporize, I don't think so. That would be my wish, hope, thought. Well, but if you're, if your take on things is, I don't know, which is not, if you, if you put a dollop on hope of hope on that, it doesn't have to be agnostic, right? Because I think atheists is one thing. Agnostic is, I don't know. And if I put a dollop of hope on it, if I remove the cynicism, it can be, I don't know. And you can feel hopeful that you're connected to something. Well, I do. Well, just, just go look at a fucking flower, you know, or something in nature that is weight. How did that happen? How did that get created? You know, how was it that we're discovering animals are way smarter than we thought? How does, how is it that if you put two plants, you know, together and you, you, you say angry shitty things to one plant, it dies. And the other one, if you say lovely things thrive, how do you, how do you explain that? You know, and then doubt whether there's an afterlife. You know, come on. And anyway, why would you doubt it? Much more fun. Much more fun to think it's, yeah, it's there. Your relationship with the ocean and the environment, it comes from where? Like what, what is your fascination with? Europe and Arizona desert in the beginning, Tucson, came to visit caliph Southern California, cousins in Pasadena, twice a year we would come. And it was like from going from, I mean, no sidewalks living in the desert life to sidewalks and television. I grew up without a TV. And my cousins had a TV and this was all in Southern California and we'd go to the beaches and there were beaches in ice cream. You know, Southern California was just, I was just amazing to me. So there was always that and the joy of going to the ocean and jumping in the ocean. There was that, but we all, most of us feel that way. My father was the scientist, archaeologist, my sister, soaked all of that up. I was the dreamer. I was at the back door playing and make believing and having a grand old time preparing to be an actor. But I was surrounded by scientists. I mean, literally, every summer night we would have scientists all over the world for dinner. So that was there. Didn't do anything about it. And then during the cheers, years moved to Santa Monica. And they were in the middle of a fight to keep accidental petroleum from slant drilling in the neighborhood was fighting them to slant, stop them from drilling six oil, 60 oil wells into the bay. And I joined the fight. I became friends with an environmental lawyer. We discovered a way to beat them and we did. And we kind of looked at each other and enjoyed each other's company. I was the actor with the emotional voice. He was the lawyer with that legal, logical brain that most people would prefer to hear than the emotional voice. But combined, it was really powerful. And we naively, almost like, you know, my father is a bar and let's put on a play. We started an environmental organization called American Oceans Campaign. And I think it was just, it was partly being around scientists, again. And I was always clear that I was a spokesperson. You know, my job was to stand in front of the tent and say, thank you for watching cheers. And while I'm signing this autograph, I'd like to introduce you to the marine biologist I'm standing next to you. My job was to get people to the tent because I had the microphone. And I've always been that way in my environmental work. Then later in life, I realized there's a big part of me that was going, hey, dad, I'm not like you, but I'm close. I'm standing on a bunch of scientists doing this. I think it was trying to connect to that part of my father for sure. For sure. The archaeology part of it, right? Not the museum. No, the anthropologist, the scientist. He was a PhD anthropologist. So what was in your house? You said no television. Where were their books? Where were their bones and books? Books, pottery, the museum when we moved up to Flagstaff was a museum of natural history that was dedicated to partially dead at the mandate was to support the Hopi Navajo-Zuni Pueblo Indians of the four corner area to support their culture, their arts and their crafts. So for example, when we moved to Flagstaff, you'd go to a liquor store and they would have glass cases of the most exquisite antique Navajo Hopi jewelry. They would come in and pawn to be able to buy liquor that they couldn't buy on the reservation. It was just sinful. It was so sad. And the museum changed all that and they would have Hopi and Navajo shows where they would bring in all the arts and crafts. My father would go from village to village to Hogan to Hogan to collect things for the show and then they would make the money. The artists would make the money. And so what was your question? Your relationship with the ocean and I was asking you what was in your house? Is what? Sorry. So it was full of pottery and you know bowls and wicker baskets and blankets. But no television, no TV, books, books. And I lived in the country. I had you know my other friends were ranchers, sons and daughters. So you could jump on a horse, bear back and run that away for as long as you wanted. And it was back in the day where you better be home by dinner time. Otherwise have a great day. And you'd leap on a horse and go riding someplace. So I didn't feel the need for TV. But boy, my first TV was Stanford University, freshman, dorm. Someone had put an old console, you know, the floor consoles on a street corner getting rid of it. I grabbed it, prayed that it worked, plugged it in, tapped into one of the teachers, crawled out on the roof and tapped into a cable that someone else had. And on came the Dickman Dyke show, a rerun of the Dickman Dyke show, who is my hero in life. I love that man so much. Physical comedy, nobody did it better than Dick Van Dyke. And that was the first image I saw on TV. And I was so it would call you forever more, right? Forever more. Just the magic of the poor guy runs away from me whenever he sees me because I just can't stop hugging him and thanking him. Because of your admiration, he's damn near 100 now. And you guys have some temperamental stuff that's similar. I think you and you and he are kindred. I mean from afar, there's some kindred spirit stuff. I was very tempted in the spirit of the first awkward transition to go from the grief that we were talking about and me dabbing my tears with what had to become your sweat rag for immediately and awkwardly saying, how do you end up in that beastie voice video? I was going to cut in awkwardly. I still don't really know. I think that I think my name because it's probably as close to dancing or dancing or whatever is useful in the lyric periodically because it's happened a couple of times to me where I because I am Mary is our life is about music. She's a songwriter. She's under contract with universal music and this is a big phase of her life. You should talk to her someday. She's absolutely remarkable. Two creatives enjoying each other's creativity. But I couldn't tell you a Beatles lyric even though I listened to music. I immediately fantasize. I immediately go some into some world that that music is creating in my brain. But I don't analyze it. Think about it. So the same goes probably for most of the musicians. This is changing a little bit now that Mary is a songwriter. I do pay attention to lyrics. But you still don't know how you ended up in the video. No. Well, they came and asked us to be part of it and because I think there was my name was part of a lyric. Do you have a lot of parts that you missed out on or you turned down because I have one in mind that I want to ask you about that. I want to know if there any any that got away that you were like, oh, I could have been that because you could have been the dad and poltergeist, right? Oh, yeah. No, but that you know, but here I then I got cheers. I'm hoping that this is a true accurate story. And I think it is. I don't think I made it up, but I may have over the years embellished it. I don't really know truly, honestly. But basically, I did have a meeting with Steven Spielberg before poltergeist. I think he was interested, but didn't know if he wanted to pull the trigger. And then I got a no, I had got I had shot already a magnum PI with Tom Selleck and was his first season. And there's there was an overhead shot of meganen, you know, the stuffing speed out of me by Tom. And I played a schmucki murderous husband, you know, and he was Tom Selleck, you know, this gorgeous specimen of a human being. And it was the first time with his overhead shot that I noticed I was severely going bald on the top of the back of my head. So there's this wimpy guy getting the crap beat out of him and going bald. And I think that put a holes. Steven who watches a lot of TVs, desired to make use of me and poltergeist. You were learning as well. You didn't even know that that ball spot was there before Tom Selleck was kicking your head in periodically on it doing some theater things years before. But I had no idea, you know, that's the blessing of going bald on the back of your head. You look in the mirror and you go, look at it. I've noticed that too. I've noticed the same thing. Do you have any particularly memorable anecdotes from you can choose any of them. But the 70s and 80s, you are making your way through all of these wildly popular television shows with with parts like this before you become Sam Malone. Anything from that time period because you're talking about my childhood. You're talking about my introduction to some of the things on television when we're talking about some of these shows. Right. I'm 55, but I'm talking about like my teenage years. I'm being introduced to some of these things during this time. I anecdote, which goes to the point of Woody Harrelson and I doing choosing to do a podcast together. This is my favorite. We're very dissimilar in so many ways. And a kindred spirit and I truly love him will forever. Love Woody Harrelson and I admire him and I try not to compare myself to him because that's mean to do to anybody. But he takes such a big bite out of life. I just so admire that. He can be maddening with his whimsicalness. I don't carry a phone. Woody Harrelson. So I'm trying to get in touch with him. It's a whole different deal. But this was a great Woody story. Maybe this seventh year of cheers. We had gotten to the point where if you were 15 minutes late for rehearsal, that was on time. If you're a half hour later, it was, well, what the heck? Where 45 minutes late? Something's going on and Woody was 45 minutes late to our rehearsal. Maybe two or three days before we had to shoot it. So it was kind of an important day and somebody came running and it went, oh, I just heard, I should have told you sooner, Woody is in Berlin because the wall is coming down and he doesn't want to miss it. Oh, wow. That's, you know, and he got back in time to do the show. So he lives, he lives bigger than most of the people that you've huge. And there's something magnetic about it. When he arrived on this set of cheers, we, this was beginning of the fourth year. Nick Colisano played coach, it passed away and they replaced him with Woody. And Woody was perfect and brilliant and knocked it out of the park on day one and the whole world accepted, you know, and he became that kind of heartfelt, innocent center of cheers, immediately. He was, he was getting his break there as well though, right? Like you guys were both coming into giant stardom at the same time, right? Yeah. He had done a couple of plays and a couple of smaller parts and movies, but yes, definitely. Cheers was like a rocket ship. But when he walked through the door, George and John and I and I think Kelsey, you know, maybe not Kelsey, he was younger than we were, but we were 37 when he came in at age 25 or 24. And 37 is when as a man, you realize, you're no longer 25. You all said, go, oh, yeah, whoops, age. Right. But we saw him come in and we said, oh, let's, let's, we, we loved him and saw that he was good. But let's, let's take him out to the basketball court and kick his ass because we're pretty good. He, he, he's been, he was unstoppable. Well, shoot. Okay. Next day I look outside and I see John Ratsenberg and Woody Harrelson doing leg wrestling. You know, you're both lying on your back and the image. And John has big old, huge muscular, New England fisherman legs and Woody kicked his ass. I arm wrestled with Woody and I still have like, brositis in my elbow from him. Just all right. So he came in and devastated your set. Then we went to, I went to chess. Okay. Let's calm down with this. Kick my ass in chess. So anyway, he's one of those guys that you just, you want to save practical jokes so you can do it to Woody. You just, he's, there's something about him and he's heartily, horribly hugely competitive. So he's just the perfect person to bounce off of. The podcast you're doing with him sometimes where everyone knows your name with Ted Danson and Woody Harrelson. It's part of the Conan O'Brien series XM team Coco. June 12th. Enterprise. What do you try, it's, what are you trying to accomplish with that because you're, you enjoy long conversations. I enjoy long conversations. What do you want to be doing with that? The conceit when we started was, hey, this would came to me, Ted, and they said we needed a, you know, you needed a co-host. So Woody, wow, maybe he'd do it. And we both loved the idea of hanging out with each other, spending time together because we zoom in different orbits and we get to see each other wave at each other once a year kind of thing. So this was an amazing opportunity to hang out as friends and catch up. So we will reminisce a little bit and catch up with each other. And I will introduce my friends to you and you'll introduce the friends you've made to me. So there's that. What a cool way though. What a cool way for your lives to intersect again after just sharing each other's like, look at this fascinating person I know, wouldn't you like to get to know him? Yes, literally. And he's brought these amazing people into my life and I to him. And what I love about it, I love finding out what makes people tick. It's why I want to be an actor. I love the, I love people. I love human beings. Even though I'm a little bit of a wallflower, I love finding out what makes you tick. I have had the best time today, Dan, because I have a smidge, a little pinch of whatever you've allowed me to see of you. And I'm, you're amazing. I'm so grateful that I got to know you. And I love that this format does that. It's not, hey, how are you? Good to see it. Yeah, it's like, I'm terrible at small talk. Like I don't, I don't do it well because I'm, I'm really curious about people, the human condition. And I like to know, yeah, how people became who they became. There's so many, so many formative things along the path. You would say to, I not that you can do this with any one thing, but the thing most responsible for shaping who you are now. And it's a very broad question. But if I had to, if I had to pin you down on any one thing, what do you think you would go with? And it can be anything from your parents to love to my wife, marry. Okay, so it's happened over the last, over the last 30 years. But I mean, I wasn't that I, I wasn't that I, you know, I was molded in by my mother, my father, my sister, my friends. I wasn't an adult Cuban. I will tell you this. And I will, to say with a degree of shame, work was so important. And being a Cuban boy was such a specific thing that I was still a child well into my 30s. Like, well, not, not an adult, like I would pass as an adult, but I was not an adult. The silhouette was probably roughly the same, but it wasn't filled in. No. And so I get married at close to 50. And what gets open there by my wife is a portal to, oh, wait, I can be, yeah, I can be a total. I, there's so much here. Well, I thought I, a lot of people could get to 50. A lot of adult men can get to 50 and just be formed, be what it is that they are. And, and I'm very grateful for the help that I got that I didn't just stop. Yeah. So you're articulating the same thing. You're, you're basically saying that you, you hadn't done much growing at all until Mary showed you what was possible. I think I started it because if I hadn't started the growing up and being truthful with myself about who I was, Mary would have walked down a different hallway. I would never have seen her. You know, I don't think, I think, I think we both, I, one of the first things I said to her is I'm a hot mess. You know, and the male ego said stay away. And she's going, I wasn't really approaching, but okay, I hear it. You know, but, uh, yeah, I don't think, I think one of the things that she found to maybe interesting in me was I was, I was, I was a hot mess, but it was my fault, my doing. You were owning it? Yes. It was me who was doing it. And I kept trying to approach it from that point of view. What an interesting thing to show her though, to show her at the beginning instead of putting on airs and trying to mask it, which is probably what you had been doing all of your life in the pursuit of others, right? Like how do I charm this person with my many manipulative gifts versus not what's in front of you right now is kind of broken and I'm working at it, but to volunteer hot mess and then to have her meet it with, uh, with interest, grace, love ends up changing the entirety of your life after that. Yeah. And then sprinkle of divine and magic. Who the, how did, how did we get to meet, you know, the fact that you're still there with the same sort of freshness. I don't know if you're like me on this, but I've been fairly startled that this feeling that I did not know would be available to me can be even greater and grows like something that I didn't think I would ever arrive at. nurturing watering and a scrupulous honesty and and meticulous consciousness. I would say like you have to sort of yeah, I don't know when it I know that people listening to this when they hear be present or some form of it, you have to be open to the idea of there are so many things that could distract me and push me away from the thing that is my love with her. There's so much interference, so many temptations that can get in the way of that that I almost feel full of saying to you that I need the reminder sometimes because it's always always we have this great phrase. We were we were early on dancing together and I think I was pretty taken with how well I was dancing and this crowded people and she sweetly came up to my ear and went pay attention to your fucking partner and it's become and we burst into laughter. It became a catch phrase because it's very easy to be I will leave this full of whatever this was for me in this moment, but I'll be full of it and I do need to you know do a little some verbal medicine something to bring me down to neutral so I can pay attention, but that is my fucking partner. That is a great way for her to undercut you and it's wildly funny to think of you just full of yourself dancing like I am killing it right now. I am so good. I must look so good out here as a confident dancer and her reminding you I have full of shit. You're one of the blessings about me being with Mary as she finds my she finds me a very silly man and delights in it. She delights in my silliness most of the time. Silliness intentional or unintentional because I don't think there's anything that makes my wife laugh more than me being a fool like not not when I intended to just by accident just by accident and I agree. It's puncturing but there you're going to come up with very few stories. I don't think you're going to do better than dancing and feeling like really feeling yourself. I'm at maximum confidence and her having the ability to undercut you and then it becoming a joke that you can then share because she sees who the real you is. The love that comes my way from her is so clear that it makes all things possible. But it's also what's cool about what you're describing is not just that it's clear but that she loves she sees you clearly. Yes. And loves that too. The magnificence and the silliness and the idiocy. But loves the flaws or whatever would pass his flaws if we were dabbling in in judgment instead of love. What can you tell me about officiating the wedding of your stepdaughter Lily? Oh my goodness. Where did that come from? That's amazing. I love that you know that. First when they asked me I started to laugh like they were making a joke and then realized very serious. Stifled that and was just so deeply touched that Lily married daughter and her husband to be Charlie would reach out to me to ask me to do that. Truly amazing. A lot of pressure trying to figure out what to say but then as they should they kind of guided me through what they wanted to look like and be like. But then I to be a foot two feet away from their faces as they're declaring love to each other in that moment was just such a best seat in the house. The reason I ask you the question is because the idea that you are expanding your family to include love that Mary has taught you to you know you've adopted a child you have a biological child and now you have stepchildren for you to be the the the symbol at the middle of that love I would imagine would be greatly moving to you. Very moving. Very moving and just to inject a little humor Mary periodically would go remember this is not about you Ted. Which is very hard concept for me and she knows you all enough to know that she has to say that. I look at that is great great way to end Ted I really enjoyed getting to know you thank you for spending the time with us appreciate it. Yeah I'll talk to you after this because I have so appreciated it. Okay more conversation that you're not going to have any access to private conversation.