自我进化论｜No.60：对谈李松蔚-我的内心如此残破不堪，也依然值得爱与被爱

� Hello, everyone. Welcome to the new episode of Self-Defense. I'm Xiao Jing. We invited a guest from our show, Mr. Lee, who has been on our show before. Hello, everyone. I'm Xiao Jing. I'm very happy to have the opportunity to talk about some things that we haven't talked about before. Yes. I was in Beijing last year. I participated in a reading event. I cut the recording into a live broadcast. Many people commented that my voice quality was very poor. We changed a very professional place and equipment this time. Yes. There was no way. The main part of the recording was the voice. Today, you can listen to my voice and listen to my voice. I talked to Mr. Lee and I. We talked about a topic that was related to attack and anger. I think this topic is very complicated. It seems like a very clear and refreshing topic. We have a lot of concerns about this topic. Yes. I have a feeling that after the pandemic, people are more and more willing to discuss their attack. Maybe because of the environment and environment, we have suppressed too much anger and we know that it is counterattacking. I have observed a very interesting phenomenon. It is obviously a very external topic for attack. In the environment we live in, many of our attacks seem to be not used as a correct way to promote anger. It is the feeling that the attack is caused by other emotions. For example, in a relationship, if I say that I am playing an attack, I may be angry and scold him or directly talk to him face to face. But I find that in our family and relations, many times my attack may lead him to a kind of sadness or a kind of grievance. Why do you treat me like this? It is a place of the victim. It is a very strange way to release the attack. I think this topic is quite interesting. When I first started to release this topic, I thought about it a while ago. A friend of mine called me and said that his daughter is still in elementary school. I have seen that she is a very gentle and gentle girl. One day, she took her child home and drove the car. The child sat on the car and suddenly said, Dad, can I scold people now? My friend was very suspicious about what had happened. He asked me if I had any conflicts with anyone. The child said that he was very upset and wanted to scold people. He wanted to scold people. In school, it is not like he was arguing with anyone. Or he was asking me how to treat him. He said that he was very upset and I was very upset. Then my friend stopped the car and said that he would scold him. The girl said that she had never thought of her child. She looked so gentle and she was still in elementary school. She had prepared so many words. She scolded people very hard. She must have been crazy and lost for more than ten minutes. My friend was totally scared. She scolded the child and said that she was fine. My friend was very confused. She asked what had happened to her. She said that she would feel better after this. My friend thought that she was in a very difficult situation. She called me and said that she was very scared. She felt that she was in such a strong mood. But we can understand her more easily. You can't only understand her strength for more than ten minutes. You must see that she has been acting very well in the past years. She is very sensible. The scene of the girl you just talked about. Although her parents think that she has a problem. When I heard the story, I thought that this is a very precious and normal reaction. I realized that I was very upset. I just wanted to scold people. I wanted to use a relatively positive way to express my feelings. But if I was in a daily life, I might have been in some trouble. I would observe that I usually want to escape from this feeling. Why do I feel so upset or uncomfortable? I think this is very bad. I think I am very bad. I think I will first raise a sense of shame on me. I think this emotion is wrong. It is not allowed. I think this girl should be very safe with her family. I also praise my friend like this. She can express that she doesn't want to scold people. I want to express that I am not comfortable. I want to scold people. I want to stay for a while. I want to do something. I think you can only express a very balanced, sensible, positive state. This state is exposed. I think in the scene just now, there are actually two things that I pay attention to. One is that she has a very strong output. Her output is a direct expression of attack. I am so angry. I can't say what it is, but anger is real. So I need to use this. I just defined her as a kind of normal, but at least it is within our range of permission. I think this is already a kind of more how to say, more positive view. Maybe in some families, you can't use these words. There may even be a difference in gender. A girl can't scold people. You can't say dirty words. Another thing I pay attention to is this little girl. She told her father that I didn't know what it was about. I just wanted to scold her. There is another layer of potential attack in this. She rejected her parents for a reasonable, reasonable, and positive state. Because you know, when you said that you want to stay alone for a while, this is a very special thing. I think you can't call it an attack. It's a kind of self-care. Yes, self-care. I want to stay alone for a while. But you know, many children say that they want to stay alone for a while. Their parents will ask, what's wrong with you? You have to give me a reasonable, so that you can have the space to stay alone. But I think this is actually a basic barrier that we don't often allow in our daily lives. I don't feel comfortable with this. I have to find an explanation for it. I can't feel comfortable. I think Mr. Li has pointed out a very common phenomenon in our daily life. When we are in a situation of feeling uncomfortable, and angry, if the people around us need to understand or I have a request, I want to stay alone for a while, when I express this, we will immediately find a reason for ourselves. Even if this is not true, I have to make a reason to let others accept the feeling and demand of this moment. Yes, and the people around us will also hint or directly explain to us what exactly happened. Did you have a conflict with your classmates? Did the teacher say anything to you? Did you feel too much pressure recently? When others ask, they actually tell you that you have to have an explanation for this. And I think that the reason behind this is that your state is not right. So we need to understand why you are not right. We need to solve the reason behind your wrong. Why are you angry? There must be a reason. You are not angry. You still want to solve this situation. Yes, it seems that this is not normal. But if one day we are very happy, there is no reason, we are happy. People will not ask questions. Why are you angry? No, we are happy that we feel okay. This kind of emotion is not necessary to explain but anger is not enough. Actually, you just said that you were also angry. But I thought about it. When I was happy, people would ask me why I was so happy. As long as our emotions are not on the balance, as long as it is beyond that point or lower than that point, it seems that it is not normal. We need to explain why people are like this. So I have a feeling that many times our emotions are naturally a process of flow. You naturally don't know what you are going through. Life is especially blessed. You will experience something that makes you happy and you will be happy at this moment. But it will not last long. Because it is not normal. You may be angry when you are unhappy. But I think the space and emotions are being suppressed. It is like you are organizing things. You are open to it. The space of our life is always suppressed by our emotions. I must take away the air inside. And keep you stable. Yes, that is right. It seems that there is a sense of emotion. So it is not very popular now that people often say that I am a very unstable person when I am in a situation of emotions. I want to find a stable person and I have been trying to do this since last year. I am very similar to that little girl. She is scolding people. And even in a safe atmosphere she may attack me. Because I found that I have been under so much pressure and I never realized that I am in a state of so much pressure. I used to be a little rabbit who knows nothing about me. A person who is innocent who is sensible and obedient and who is warm and warm. But after you have experienced this, you will find that it is just a state where I have been brainwashed. I think this is good. But under the sun I have a lot of shadows. And the shadows are related to attack and anger. I don't dare to look at them. But this thing has always existed. In the past, including my past life, I found that these things were controlling me secretly and sometimes in human relationships there were some actions or actions that were unconscious. In fact, they were attacking others in other ways. Even attacking myself. Actually, about emotions, I think there is a common sense that it often misunderstands. The flow of emotions you just mentioned may be even negative emotions. There is a basic common sense that negative emotions are directly related to our lives. Because they are something that is being devised. For example, fear is because we need to go through a lot of danger and make a quick reaction. For us, anger is more useful because it is a direct way to protect our land. To defend our border. To gain interest. This is a direct way of living. But in contrast, our stability, our balance, our cultivation, all these things are called socialization. Socialization is because we need to cooperate. We need to use a more efficient way to express some value. We need to make a prediction. Without emotions, in fact, it is the core that makes us a prediction. But it is not a person who can live better. So these two things are being misunderstood. It is like without emotions, this person is a higher level. A higher level of education. A higher level of education. A higher level of civilization. But you know that emotions are closer to you. Without emotions, it is closer to your social character. But social character is not all of you. As a person, even a very primitive, very active person, he is protecting you. Like a child, why would he be angry? The instinctive feeling is that he is being judged by others, so he needs to defend himself. But when adults say that you want to understand something, that others think you are small, you have to let them know, you are the owner, you are the guest, when adults talk about these socialized emotions, I even need to apologize for my emotions. I am a very dark person. The child that parents described to me, it is not me. This feeling will make people talk about emotions management, even when they want to control their emotions, it will bring a kind of unalienable beauty. But when you talk about anger, negative emotions, people think it is a problem. Yes, you just said I am very famous. I think, from my own experience, I have been promoted to a child who is a child, a mature child. But in this process, I have a feeling that when he is developing his social self, or when others think of his self, he is a process of being more and more tool-based. When a person becomes more and more tool-based, he will be away from his real state, his real feeling, because he must be useful in that situation. When the surrounding environment needs him to be understanding, he must enter the ideal state of the character tool. At that time, he might not be in that state. He might be very stubborn, or he doesn't like these people at all. He doesn't want to be passionate about them. And in this process, we are away from the original, the real, the more and more we are away. In fact, these years, I have found that in some high-level education, in good education, and in a good family environment, I can see this kind of thoughts. These girls are very excellent, and they look very stable. They develop very well in a good way. But once they enter the intimate relationship, or when there are some interests and disadvantages, it is very difficult for them to stand out and defend their own boundaries, or develop their own attack. So it causes a problem, when every time you enter the relationship, you will find that there are a lot of emotions. Like when we just talked about the relationship between Shui Shui and Zhang Shuo, I felt that Shui Shui's attack, she is not a real attack, she is a very weak feeling, very helpless. She can only use these emotions to throw herself out, and she wants to see herself. You see me, I have these needs, why don't you see me? She can only use this very annoying way to express the emotions. But her real border is not established. She is always being forced to do so. Only until the end, when she decides to leave this person, that is the first time she has to defend her own border. And when she leaves, I hope that I have a physical end, I hope to give her some respect. I also want to give her a card, to make her say this. To make her say this. To make her leave, she has to think for the other person. When a girl is always in this state, in this cruel life, she will even actively make her own border, and make her own interests to change to a very good feeling. But she is already very bad. So I think this is a you just mentioned, a different perspective. If you use a word to cover it, it is called you have to be a social character. You can only exist by being allowed to be a social character. Once this society can use some way to criticize you or deny you, it seems that you as a biological body, the qualification to exist will be cancelled. Your value will be completely gone. So many people, for example, dare not think about leaving this person. Because in the intimate relationship, the worst result is to leave. How else can it be? This relationship is over. But I think I will leave this person in my heart, and I will be gone. My qualification is gone. So you said this, I suddenly said a word. In our culture, it seems that the word is replaced by the word. The word is a sound that will always be remembered by everyone. Including this time, I came to my home in Beijing, and I found that my grandma really liked to say I was selfish. She said she was selfish since she was a child. When you want to make a choice for yourself, or when you insist on your position, there are many people around you to say you are selfish. At this time, when you have a relationship with your self-righteousness, when others say you are selfish, and you don't have these emotions or these dark aspects of yourself, you will immediately deny yourself. How can I be selfish? How can I be angry? How can I be so ungrateful? Yes, so this will create a consequence that Xiao Jing just said. So we can only use this attack to express the way we have dressed up. And then try to make others make mistakes. The most common way to dress up is called depression. In fact, I can't do this. I can't do it because I don't want to do it. It's not because I have any bottom or attitude to this. I can't do it because I'm sick. So it's a kind of for example, when I was in college, I saw many students who chose a professional. This professional is not what they want to choose. Maybe it's their parents' job or something like that. They are angry. But because it's too difficult to express, and maybe they have a strong loyalty to their parents or family. So the result is depression. I don't want to learn from this. I'm sick. And then, maybe parents will be relieved. At first, parents think you have a bad attitude. Why do you care about your grades? But later, through the diagnosis of the doctor or through the teacher at school, they say that the child is sick. Because of depression, they slowly become a certain person. So parents will be relieved. In some way, you can see that he has a strong relationship. Previously, this child was in a completely lost position. He couldn't defend himself. He couldn't use a direct way to tell his parents that I don't like this. I don't want to do it. Or maybe he said it before, but he was told to think. Or he said something that he didn't understand. Now, I'm sick. Your culture has negative implications for him. You can only reject him when he is sick. Only when he is sick, you have the right to say that I don't want to do it. And you don't have to find a reason for him. Because being sick is the best reason for him. Yes. So in many ways, after you mentioned the relationship between women and intimate relationships, I see that many women have a psychological relationship with their parents. They have a direct relationship with their parents. But we often see the change in the family relationship. Because he suddenly has a huge social character. And this character has many traits that are almost unimaginable. As a mother, you have to do something. As a mother, you can't hate your child. You can't attack your child. The mother's love is very high and sacred. It seems that everyone is bound by the requirements of the moral. Yes. So in this moment, I think some kind of influence will become their exit. Sometimes, when you hide in the dark hole of the depression, he will think that I belong to him. I can cover this with a positive image or not as a part of it. But if this thing is exposed to the big flag, you have to accept treatment. And you have to get better. He will return to the frame of the character. So this is some of the fights in the family that I often see. Yes. I have been thinking about the problem. If I don't send him a suitable book and release him, he will still be in my body. He will attack me. As you just said, as a mother, when his attack is not reasonable, he might really hate his child. But he doesn't allow his child to be in his environment. He can only attack himself. Because he is a mother. So if he attacks, and adds a new power, he might not even want to take this situation out of his subconscious. I think an attack-based release is to let yourself enter a state of not so extreme. And then allow yourself to stay in this pit. It's not coming out. Another one is a bit like that, but the degree of being gentle is much lighter. I guess many of us will be hit by a gun. It's a sleep. For example, at 11 or 12 I told all the social roles. My work WeChat has been finished. I can finally say it's me. After I finished all the things, I lay on the bed. I can't bear to sleep at this time. Yes. I have been through this. I can only allow myself to be a little lazy, not confident, and then a person who is not so confident. Even if I know clearly in my heart, I can't waste time at this moment. I will definitely make my second day of life not so full. It may also lead to many long-term problems. But at that moment, you will feel very cool. Just like this. Because this is the only place I can leave to myself. Yes. Once I wake up the next morning, when I enter this my social identity, I don't have my own space. I have to completely enter that role. So many people use the time they sleep at night to use the excitement of this time to stand up in front of them for the second day of their social roles. Because the second day will be angry, the second day will be confused, the second day will be what? I think there is a kind of secretly happy inside. That happiness is called I can use myself in this period of time. So that I can do what others ask me to do tomorrow and I can not be so hard-working. I have a question at this time. If in real life we really do the space we are in except for the night sleep or the rain it is not a very good idea, right? It is a kind of self-sustaining life and body energy to change the space of our own. What else can we do? To make our own space more secure to put our attack, our negative emotions our own face to release. Actually, the principle is very simple but it is very difficult to operate. The principle is that you have to make your own space more and more rational. For example, why can we only lie on the bed at 11 o'clock to do our own thing? Can we not do our own thing at 6 o'clock at night after work? I will do my own thing in this period of time. I will not act in other roles. For example, when the girl was talking in the car and she was still in her own state she could have made this more legal and more legal. Then she would naturally let us obtain the freedom or the power to make the process of using language or my attitude enough. I don't need to use some evidence or anything. But this is very difficult. For example, there are many people who are allowed to do something in the process. But at least in the most difficult things I have met I found that they need something else. What? Wine. I have to use the wine to release myself. Yes, after I drink wine I can go to a wild beast to say something that is more aggressive and better than what you use for your depression. But what she is now is not so legal so I can only rely on some medicine or something to make myself more relaxed. Can we make this more legal or more legal? In the past two years I have a very active scene in which I have seen a variety of shows. I have forgotten what it is called. It is a actor performing on stage and then a few directors are standing there to give a performance. One of the directors is Mr. Er Dongsheng. The actor is the director of the show. Yes, there is Guo Jingming. This scene happened in the two directors. They forgot that they had a argument and Mr. Er Dongsheng said something very unpleasant to the director of the show. He said something that hurt people. After that he left and went straight to the scene. He left the scene. The scene was very awkward. I think Mr. Guo Jingming was tired or something like that. I think I have a similar impression of this scene. Yes, a very specific scene. Where is the most shocking scene for me? At that moment, I felt that it was over. It was like this. It was broken. After a few minutes, I saw Mr. Er Dongsheng walking back and saying sorry. He was on his head. He was holding hands with Guo Jingming. He said, don't go to the heart. I think it is like this. He used a very polite way to turn this scene back. I don't know if Mr. Guo would write something in his heart. But at that moment, he came back. He didn't really hurt or kill people. At that time, I didn't have any kind of self-criticism. I accepted that I was a person with a sense of attack. But I always felt that if I express this thing, unless I am ready to prepare for this, I don't want it. I think it is a bad thing. I express it and we will not be friends. I didn't expect that it could take 10 minutes or half an hour. We can do this again. We don't fight each other. There is a saying in Chinese. We fought very hard just now. But we are so tired of it. We seem to know each other better. What kind of person is he? This is a thing that I didn't learn from the male side of me. But I learned from this TV some male use a way that is allowed by society. It is called I let go of the attack. Then at the next moment, I will cover this matter and I will learn this matter. I think about this. One is that Erdong is relatively more powerful and has his own social status. The status of the society allows him to have the space to let go of the attack. Even if there is not much space, he can at least let go. But I think many people in daily life may be a ross. They may really have no power in their living environment and they may not have the power to let go. But the second thing I think about is that I have seen a story about the editor. He said that there are always three things that you should remember between people and people. The second is that I refuse you and I don't recognize you or I don't like you. The third is that I refuse you and we can still be friends. When I saw this three things I thought this is a very good state. But it's so hard. Because when I, for example, today, Mr. Li, mentioned a demand for me, maybe not a demand for me to buy you a bottle of water, but a demand that is a little bit too much. Maybe I will be tight at the moment. I will immediately think that I don't want to. But if I refuse, then this relationship will be broken. In this situation, I think a person needs a strong sense of self-esteem and confidence. On the one hand, it can accept this relationship. Maybe it will really be gone. It can accept this person, disappear in your life, on the other hand, it needs confidence and strength to believe that you will not reject me or turn around and leave directly. The power of confidence and the power of trust is a very difficult thing in our life. I rarely see people with this kind of background. Including you, Mr. Li, I think he has such a resource on the one hand. On the other hand, I think he also has this confidence. I can lie down in the factory but when I come back, I can still turn this factory back. This needs some power. Xiao Jing, you just said I believe you will not reject me or leave me because of this. I think he still believes that even if you hate me, even if you are separated from me because of this, it is not a big deal. I think this is their foundation and the first point you said. Because he thinks that for example, Mr. Erlong's eyes have his strength, his strength in this circle. Or we can leave this thing from the so-called social level and say that even if he is not a friend of mine, even if he thinks I am selfish and a petty person, I can still live. I can still live well and I can still continue to fulfill myself. I have the power to exist in this world. I think this is the foundation of this thing. Yes, I think this is very important. But I have more to observe. At this point, we are all very guilty. I am very guilty of losing a friend or a very important relationship with me. I have been with the girls in our community a few days ago. Because everyone will introduce themselves and talk about what has happened and how they have been dealing with this. I think I cannot lose this person. Including him, he might find a psychological therapist and he would think of a psychological therapist. He thinks that I cannot attack this psychological therapist because I am afraid of losing this important relationship with me. I have many people who will tell me that they are very nervous on the way to the psychological therapist every time they come to me. I am going to find something to talk about today. And then to make this conversation very smooth. So this is what we will talk about with the interviewer. You can imagine that if you come today, you will say I have nothing to talk about today. And then they will feel that this is too embarrassing. I said, you can make this embarrassing happen and see what will happen. Yes, so this guilt I think is also related to our cultural background. Because from our parents' generation, I think in the relationship or the deep guilt that they have been conveying of course, it has to do with the background of the environment. It is really very guilty. They have no resources. But in our generation, the material resources are not lacking. But once we talk about the relationship and the relationship between people and the sense of self-esteem in this inner self-esteem the sense of guilt is deep. And I think the attack we are talking about or the real feelings I have I cannot express it in words Of course, there are some limitations and reasons I think maybe 5-5 points are that our inner self-esteem cannot express these things. Why not? It is the sense of guilt. I think we must be a person who is recognized as a good person a good person a social character I am a person. I have the right to be a person. Otherwise, I would not even have the right to exist in this world. Yes, so this is behind our nation I think it is not easy but in some ways it is a very precious place because our nation has experienced many kinds of!! But this nation has been all of us are all relying on to be a god we are living in a society where we are rich we are living we are living together now as for now we have some individual space and our resources are rich and technology is developing and society is becoming better but we are not sure that I can live like this I can leave the so-called parents or traditional education and live in a society where I am not living I am not a useful person I am also a person who can live in this world I think it is very difficult to accept I think that my alatai is very popular I don't know if you have seen it the mother of the female lead Zhang Fengxia has been on the internet because she went to the house to work and she didn't use her own she did nothing and she asked her mother if I should call her a useful person and she said what is the use look at the tree someone cut it and took it no one cut it and it is very beautiful and I think that is why we are living in this world it reflects our inner desire I want to be used someone can tell me that it is good to be used but you can't it is beautiful to be used yes, it is a desire and I think it is a surprise we always think I have to use it yes, only if I am used I can live but one day someone told me no one can use you or no one can use you in the way you expect it is not to prevent you from living I wrote a article called in 2024 and many people like it I talked with my teacher during the discussion and I found that she has been very skillful she was very young she was taken as a as a as a as a person she was taken as a person so I was I was leaving and I found even though I don't need to work so hard I was very nervous like when I came to Beijing last year I thought I would come to Beijing and I would be very nervous I would be very nervous I would think I would be very happy to talk about something but slowly I had this kind of wish I would be useless why should I be useful why should I have to live 100% we are just close to the end can we do it? I think life will be the same when we are talking about the useless and the big use it is a very smart thing it is hidden in our Chinese culture but we forget it it is a smart thing useless it is important you are going to be like Zhang Fengxia Zhang Fengxia his spirit is very beautiful he is like he is a man he is looking for you he can accept himself as a lover I think this spirit is very good to be honest I find in intimate relationships or in this kind of we often think that love is a bit unselfish but after you understand you can be yourself even if you think that you are being displeased but he enjoys the process you mentioned the relationship between Zhang Shu and Shui Shui I have a picture I forgot in the middle there is a picture Shui Shui quarreled with Zhang Shu and he cried after he cried he can't like in the middle of his ear after 20 minutes he will be like it is ok we are going to be like this the picture I mentioned he cried after he got the message he lost the person he became a unselfish he can't continue to be himself this state may be a long time yes I think in this picture I am so-called I am the same after you are angry you don't know how to come back because at that moment you are out of your role you become a person who is not very good you don't think you can live like this you are a person but what is the state of a person we don't have any reference so at that time you are not safe unless for example, Zhang Shu will come to beg he will come to beg but the beg is another problem if there is a chance we can talk about it the beg how is it and many sweet words and then the beg but after he came back he came back to the past I can only go back to the past there is no change the same mode repeat it again and again so when he can really leave the place when he is angry he feels again he can only go back to the past he can only go back to tell Zhang Shu you want me to be angry you have to promise me you have to do something you need to contact your brother you need to tell me if he can really do something different then the attack really becomes part of him after he gets angry he can't find something when you talk about this I feel that when we are in the business we need to pursue the goal from the point of view of you not the goal you want but the goal you want a good person who is good at acting he will pursue his life he can also go out for example, Gua Ling he is a good person when he is on the interview he can go back and go back in his original way you won't feel uncomfortable but you know he has a sense of attack he is not angry he has a sense of attack so when he talks about his dream he wants to be clear and firm I want to take this gold medal I want to do this but when you talk about the I am not sure why he is angry I am just thinking about it sometimes I am angry I am angry I don't know why he is angry when he is angry I will be angry but I forgot why I am angry I am angry what I want I want to be good to him or I want to leave this relationship or what is it the goal is gone after I am angry I am very busy what am I doing here I am not angry that is not right if you are not angry you find yourself back you are still in the same position nothing has changed this is a very interesting phenomenon you mentioned Guo Ai-Ling he is a sportsman sports I think it is a great self-exploration process because when you talk about skiing at the beginning you will lose you will fall that is a completely lost control I believe when he was a child he was very familiar with the feeling under the heavy work under the full of animal instinct he couldn't control himself so I believe after listening to this show I want to explore or release my attack maybe the previous feeling is not good because you will think you have become a very cute very small not a big beast very weak I think I am weak I can only do my skin that skin will make you lower your evaluation but that is a a must you have to fall so many times and you will realize I know what will happen and I know I can't fall I am still alive after I accept this it is a development how to make the fire there is a fire there is a fire I will tell you and I will make a joke and I will bring back the conversation all these skills are developed in the second stage let one person completely lost control and become a sportsman and play various tricks and practice but the process is a very important why I say it is a weak point because I started to have a period of time I have said to Li Laogang to lower my evaluation I said I am a very easy to report I can't see and I can't see it and I can't see it I have become very weak and I am not easy to make people feel comfortable but I have this feeling when you know you attack others you won't hurt others you won't hurt others yes, others won't do anything you are afraid of hurting others you are kind to yourself or you are set to be high so you have to be strong and when I allow myself I am a very weak person and I am like this and I can live well and someone is willing to be my friend and I have just said the trick part we are in a relationship and there is a fish and you can control your sword under that moment I need to control my sword I need to control my edge for example, when I am talking when we are talking I need to use my attack I can act or I can act I can act and I can show it but sometimes for example, I know there is no need to be angry I can use another way to be in this relationship and there is a fish and slowly the poison will come out but the process ahead is not open and I think you are more than you are accepting yourself at first you are a weak person and you are constantly falling and you can't control the blood but slowly after you are able to control it the sense of goal is clear what you just said is very important and what I have learned in the past two years you think that for example, you reject someone or you express some attack and after you are out of this he will die actually it's not it's the reason I have made this I have talked with a writer about this I have talked with him about some friends will write me a book maybe it's not a friend it's a publisher or something I think some books are not so good at reading I don't want to recommend but I always think I feel like I can't meet in the future my friend told me is there a possibility that he finds you because he has been rejected many times he must have a list of people I am not a person who is very close to money for others it's normal I find someone else maybe he will find you first you are the first person in the list but there are many people behind you are not so important you are not the person who will write this book you are the pillar and you reject it it's not possible sometimes you are too self-taught I just thought about this it's about self-taught I feel that I have a little action I don't follow my action but I think everyone has their own little universe he has his own life we are all in this encounter you have to allow he has some encounters it may bring a little bit of discomfort but it may not be because the relationship between people is not possible you are always like this this is a very ideal state and Wang Wang, you let the other person know sometimes I feel uncomfortable and then you can become a person that makes the other person feel more comfortable that's it and the part about physical healing I really think that exercise is a very good way to help a person start developing their attack and border especially the physical exercise boxing and I think that playing basketball has a physical fight it is also a lot of times because I found that there is a big difference a girl who has been not very encouraged to do some resistance what kind of dancing and then a person who is beautiful running and then when I start playing basketball in high school I can feel a little the difference in resistance for example, when you just started playing basketball people are defending you but the brain-backing you start you have to stay away from him I don't want to hit him I want to be in my own line and maybe not to contact the other person and then slowly and slowly in this process you will find you want to go to more to test some other people's border you may still want to to rely on it or to do some fake actions and then to turn it over and then you start to be afraid I want to automatically plan the route to avoid the possibility of contact but this is really very tiring back to life if you want to avoid the possibility of contact between people he will make himself very very tiring and he is always in a state of complete loss so I found that I started playing basketball playing the flying board physical and physical including boxing very cool in this process you will feel that your attack can be in a safe reasonable and border-limited environment so I have been with friends who are having this or having difficulty you can start from sports to practice boxing to do physical exercise in the movie to hug if he doesn't hit like that it's not a big deal it's a very fake thing I think that is I said it but I don't have any experience in sports but I can imagine that kind of process is to make yourself more animal-like to make the so-called social responsibility to make the requirements a little lighter to make yourself more more natural after that you will feel that you and your opponent have a kind of contact even if you are a rival even if you are playing with your opponent it's a kind of connection if you don't have that kind of thing it's a good pain but it's not hurt it's a kind of it's a kind of you don't know what it is that you hit it's a very strange experience as modern people living in the city we often say it's so painful but it's not hurt many of us are in this state because you don't really have contact with others but you don't show yourself like what you said just now when you started playing you tried to be a friendly a player so you will design a that you can't have contact with others but there isn't much of a real you want to attack you want to go I'm following my script I want to win today so no matter if it's a win or a loss but it's you as you said I'm very famous last year I got a lot of wisdom and inspiration from animals like a hunter we saw a hunter he just killed a deer because he has 4 teeth 4 teeth he killed the deer they all hide their children because they are afraid of being killed they didn't come so they can't eat the food was on the black tiger they stole because they didn't know how to make up they only know how to attack they ate the rest but they just started eating and the hunter came back and stole the food because he was the fastest he flew over and drove them away then they were still wandering around and he was faster almost killed the black tiger but he didn't he just killed them I saw the feeling of being killed by the deer I think when he went to the black tiger to defend his food and he was very gentle I don't know I feel that compared to the enemy he was gentle to protect his children I felt a real life he was very instinctive because he saw a lot of them and killed 2 deer and kept on he didn't have any thoughts we had to hold hands we could still be friends I will not break the rules I will hurt you he just scared them I think many times in life we are being judged or someone did something that doesn't respect us or makes us unhappy I believe that instinct has some kind of instinct to defend ourselves we just did a move to push back the instinct or to make it look like something else but when we chase the instinct to act like this he was very unique from the beauty of life you can see this animal or this person he was very gentle he was very active you can see his different side he is not always the same this is what I think we are living in the lack of power I heard you say this I want to give you an advice I think no matter if we are a person who can use the attack or a person who has a lot of concerns we can learn at least to use the eyes of the mind to look at the attack we have two cats actually there was only one a stray cat but we felt lonely so we adopted another one after we adopted I regret it because they always fight and they are very fierce they are like a cat my wife is very experienced when I saw them fighting I wanted to separate them I even went to hug them although they don't understand my wife often said let them play she is very calm she thinks they are playing you are just a cat you are afraid of being lonely they can play I saw them biting a stray cat I said how could they play like this but now I can take a very relaxed attitude because I can see they are very fierce when they fight but I can also see they are really with each other sometimes we make some bad things and cooperate I can put the attack into a normal relationship including maybe I didn't understand why many people go to watch the boxing I saw it I said it was so painful I used to turn the TV to the MMA channel and I immediately turned it it was so painful but now I can understand it is painful but it is also beautiful and if you put this thing in a people in this process explore their own border and use their own power you see it as a kind of thing you will appreciate it and it is interesting I found that when a person's attack can come out he became more alive he can control others he can also be very good at fighting when we say that when two people are getting better it is not just me praising you there are many ways to control many Beijing people have this kind of feature they like to be in a relationship I used to think I am not comfortable being damaged I don't dare to damage others I always think we should make this relationship very stable now I think there is such a loss it is actually an attack but this attack is very subtle it is actually I can draw your weakness I know your weakness but I will draw it and then you will not think how can you be like this it seems that there will be a more fresh and close relationship between us it seems that the north culture I am not going to do a bad thing but I do think the north culture is more difficult between people it is even a bad thing what are you talking about I don't know what you are talking about anyway, you can feel in that culture many things are fun I think what we are now why do you like to watch the Tohoku show because our relationship is too bad we lack this bad too polite too formal too formal I have a river between you we just don't drink water what kind of demand do you have let's see how to communicate talk too much about this non-reliance but we don't want to go to the bone-breaking violence but the non-reliance itself is we don't go to the inner line don't turn it into a real violence the harm of the body but on the language level we use a more intense way to see how much I care about this even how much I care about you I think it is a kind of more rich more intelligent process last year at the time I was in the air someone always told me to talk non-reliance and I was more angry I don't know why I felt that for more than 20 years everyone was telling me you have to talk non-reliance you have to feel that this kind of communication is better you have to learn and then there was I was like this I have to throw away all the so-called better warm-up I just want to communicate with you I just want to share with you it is under different conditions if everyone is very violent we have to talk non-reliance if everyone is violent this needs to be violent I remember a school president a very famous educationist he designed a task to find a student when the semester started he gave the parents a list there are 10 words on it you have to find opportunities in this semester to your children at least once you have to make a guess what kind of a conversation I would make in this sentence it is hard to say for example I love you very honest feelings but there are some words it is hard for other parents no no this word is for parents they will think I am not a good parent I rejected my child I didn't give him unconditional love in this 10 words you have to find a chance to talk to him because he represents a balance or a多元 relationship you make me think about Yijia a friend she was a psychologist she posted on Weibo she said her daughter often said mom, you are a bad mom you are the worst psychologist Yijia said I am your mom you will think I am the worst psychologist if a mom or a good side of the Yang we will be attracted to that because no one will resist love but Yin Yang is one we can only see the Yang we will ignore the Yin the Yang so in many relationships I often think a relationship it can really go a long way to both sides to be able to be in the other's heart and to be able to be in the other's heart when we can be in a relationship to put our heart and anger into the other's heart the relationship can go deeper and deeper yes so we are actually giving the public the positive side so that everyone can know actually I sometimes think if we talk about this in such a way it is still good it is still good it is still good especially the function it is something that can be accepted but when we return to our starting point it is still there you can't deny it I think there are many things in human nature I have been working on this for two months I have been able to attend a meditation a meditation to be honest I didn't expect much I just felt like I will experience it it will let you observe your body and it will also say why do we get upset why do you get upset because we have a greed and I used to think I always wanted to go around I always thought this is not good this is a I think it is very annoying very complicated I think why can't people live a simple life we can live a happy life but when I really I really I really observed I was so much I was so much greedy and then I really I was really angry because I could see these things in my heart I was always being suppressed or I didn't dare to look I was always avoiding these greedy and I didn't understand some of the behaviors I created a understanding and a understanding I found that between human nature there are these common parts we will be we will be we will be greedy about what we like because we are a person it doesn't mean I just close my eyes and I don't look at it it is not there it is always there to live to decide whether we are willing to accept and see it exist and then you can talk about the second part is to say I really can in life how I go better not to say control, better to resolve these things in my heart I think maybe many times in my heart is in the safe space with the Saint to resolve these parts to give it a space to resolve so I think this is a maybe more advanced for attack or for all negative emotions the first part is it is a kind of survival we are defending our own side we may be a lot of people in our life once he hurt or attack my side we need to give him a warning so he knows I am a person with a scar I can also defend myself like a hunter so Xiao Jing just said I think it is a more deeper thing maybe it is only in our life very few extremely important or makes me feel extremely safe so he can see in my heart that he is not brave that he is not brave even don't explain to him why I am in the sweat why I am fighting he is a person not so good I have some some kind of magazine but he is real he is my part I will receive some readers or users may ask me the same question I am not cute I am very polite and polite and my companion also the example of Yi Jia the child will think why don't you present the good side to me instead I think it is a more deeper thing because it is you I give you the chance to see if I am not so close to you I will not allow myself to present these things to you so we are back to the essence of intimate relationship when it comes to the functional many things are already solved I have to be with this person to share some risks I don't need I can carry myself but he may be more real if someone can see and allow me in some way he can help me to allow myself yes, he is also a process of knowing yourself because if we don't have such a relationship we may not have the chance to see my inner self there are so many I think many times because of a relationship it is safe enough you may be able to slowly and slowly you are more willing to let go and then you may realize I actually have these it is not that there is no relationship but it is only in this relationship because it is safe enough I can present it first, I actually have nothing to say I have a feeling that if someone is hurt he is not leaving he just said that he is hurt and we will deal with it he is like the recovery of our childhood because when we were young we were very sure that we can't attack how can you think like this you are selfish I think we can't call it wrong because it teaches you to be a social person so it must have the right socialness but I only said that it is not to accept I am a bit bad person and there are many so-called personal thoughts but he is also there so after many people realized that I am in a safe relationship I can reveal this but it will not cause any bad consequences yes I think this is a very important thing can you encounter such a relationship and you say parents I think I don't have a child but I have a lot of friends I really think raising a child is a very challenging thing it seems that you are not enough you developed his social function he said that you didn't let me do my own thing he said that you didn't let me do my own thing why didn't you let me develop more social functions but this is not enough I think how can I do this I am a parent my personal experience I will make another one tomorrow there was a concept of Winnikot it is to be a good enough mother but this mother is not really just a mother she is a parent good enough our domestic emotional analysis teacher Zeng Qi Feng said that this good enough translation is not accurate enough why? because Chinese people will think it is good enough he said it is good enough so teacher Zeng Qi Feng said that is 60 60 is enough you have to have some room for mistakes sometimes mistakes are to develop a lot of things that space yes, it is a a very strange a very lovely place because we may have some misunderstandings, some conflicts some unnecessary emotions we will become more intimate tomorrow I think most of us parents think it is good enough they use that standard to raise us and now not everyone is talking about self-reliance I recorded a blog a while ago actually it is the concept of just Li La Er talking about when we are now facing ourselves actually telling ourselves 60 is enough and I said a metaphor many people like to say actually the 40 is enough for 60 is not enough you have to go to the tea shop to make it up that is a golden branch yes, you have to give yourself that 40 you have that 40 you have more possibilities you can not use the standard or the standard system to operate you can keep that 40 whatever you are in that 40 yes, we are talking about the few key points of evolution include if you do not make a complete negative energy how can you evolve if you make a mistake and then try it out then I will adjust it I think this era is the most hope it really gives us a lot of mistakes even if you do not make a so-called correct choice but after 10 years you will be grateful that you did not make the right choice because it made me move towards that path and that path is the direction of myself at this moment so everything in me is the correct and wrong combination this is also the lack of what we said before many times when we talk about the original family we always complain and complain why you can only give me so much why you give me the certainty or love but in the opposite way if we think about it if we are forced to grow up in the environment where parents are not well then we are definitely more resourceful than the previous generation more capable, more loving so after I went home when I was facing my mother I found that my heart had a change it was a bit the hatred why you can only give me so much why you can not compliment me and then care more about me you are my mother you are my mother but when when I came to D&D I realized I have more energy I am now more capable of loving the person I love because I am more capable of being able to keep the energy from the high to the low the person I love since I have the ability to give then I will be the one who loves her I will not be entangled why you do not respond to me or do you love me because she has already made the most for her since I have this then I will love her so I am not entangled I have always been entangled I am not entangled I am using my love and energy to make her feel better I love you I will send her messages I will give her video I will tell her what I want to say my mother may only give me a expression I do not care how can you respond to me Xiao Jing, you are so brave to give her this love I think it is because you spent some time to be unhappy to be sad they are actually from the time of the long distance they are actually two sides of a coin so we some of us feel that we are at this moment so we feel that we can try to love others to express the positive part of the machine some of us have not yet reached this time so you do not have to worry you can still attack to hate and to find those things also have to be in the future one day I think I have already expressed this I can start to use these things more efficiently and express my positive love without the process ahead you want me to directly give love directly I do not want to to be in the heart to be in the heart to be in the heart to be in the heart to be in the heart because our relationship with our mother and daughter cannot be broken so your potential will be very safe to express these things to your mother I think in the end I also want to talk to some other people those who are being expressed in the public especially in intimate relationships very important relationships when the other party expresses the attack to you I think this is a little bit more prominent for men many times men feel that I was expressed by others this is a very serious serious even serious thing many of these I think how to say many people men may be more he will want to go to the counter or he will want to escape he will have a bad idea he will think that he has already started to scold me our relationship is over he is already angry like this what will we do in the future sometimes it is because we do not understand the rules of attack sometimes it is because we do not understand the rules of attack he is not saying that he is scolding you he will start to hit you after 10 years he will become a he is actually he is putting some he may have suppressed for a long time he is focused on releasing even sometimes it is because you provide him a good enough relationship he needs to be here to test what you can take him to some time you find that you after a while he will slowly get better or he will feel that this is a good enough relationship so I can be more self-sufficient to do simple sometimes we need to endure need to give more time of course you think I can not endure I am indeed in this relationship because I am also impatient I think I really can not take this of course it is also your freedom actually all relationships are together to not be together you also have freedom to leave but only in the state worried that this will be a process of all the way without repair I want to tell you from a regular point of view he is not a process without repair he is just in a specific stage needs you to give more space to meet so many times relationship will die in this stage die in this model is that everyone is not confident but I think just Mr. Li gave a special example of the fact that when we are in a society it is more likely to expose the face of the security or the relationship actually already have the foundation to think about this phenomenon including you know this stage will go on it will not always exist I think it will give you more confidence yes yes persist in the past I think our society outside of social that kind of individual emotion so in a time you will feel more aggressive people are going crazy and everyone seems to have not as much pressure as before I think it is a good thing and I feel myself when I can take over my aggressive for example, someone in the comment area or attack me online I always felt how can you say this but when I see myself I think it is normal he may be in a bad mood today and listen to this show and keep a promise I still know how to pull the black I also allow me to release some aggressive I used to pull the black or back to the right I am now okay ok, then our show is over ok, bye bye music