The Moment His TikTok Fame Ruined the Date

Hey Sainsbury's, have you got anything to help me save on my lot's dinners this week? Well, we're always matching and lowering prices. So hundreds of Sainsbury's fresh fruit, veg and everyday products are price matched to Aldi. And every week with Nectar you can save money on thousands of the products your family loves. So we can help you plan your dinner and your budget. Sainsbury's, good food for all of us. Selected products, Aldi price match not in Ni. Nectar prices require Nectar account. Terms at Sainsbury's.co.uk slash Aldi price match and Nectar.com slash prices terms. Hello and welcome back to the UOP podcast. I'm Jordanne Abraham. And I am Jared Freed. It is so good to be back here with you, Jordana. How are you? What's the haps? We are virtual. We're in our little boxes here. Can't even escape. And so for those watching on YouTube, you can see us, me coming from Delray Beach, Jordana from her castle on Long Island. What is going on? How are you? I'm good. I'm good. I'm trying to like think what I've been up to a lot of the same. You've been traveling around though. I travel this great country of ours. I am on the road heavy. It's been a lot of travel. I got to say my voice. I have been talking more than normal. I am. So I'm doing the audio version of the book, Walking Red Flag, which I can show you right now. I'm sitting here. Walking Red Flag is right here. You can pre-order the book. We need those pre-orders again. I've been making videos saying thank you to people who have pre-ordered. I will make a video. Oh, wow. If you send me a receipt, I will make a video. How many videos have you made? About a thousand. Wow. No, no, no. I keep doing them. I do them as they come in, as I see them. So you're not counting? No, I'm not counting. I, they're a little embarrassing. There was one, I made a couple like, so I flew last week to Tempe. I will say the Tempe Improv in Tempe, Arizona, one of the best clubs I've ever been to. It is fabulous. Honestly, I didn't sell that well. I'm saying this as a comedy club. The people stink. The people, you know, you could have bought more tickets, but the club was just a great experience. I really enjoyed my time there. So, and the staff just want to make sure I, let me give them their flowers. When did that become a thing, giving someone their flowers? Was that always a thing? Feels like it's a recent. It feels like an old, tiny saying, but. That came back. I think it is recent. Yeah. Well, here are some flowers to the staff at the Tempe Improv. Just great people, fun people, great shows. And I traveled with my lady. I've gotten a lot of response on, do you know people have some interest in my relationship status and me seeing someone? Did you know that? No way. No way. People were. People are very excited. Yeah. Very excited. I keep, I don't know. Do you think people are cheering for people to get in relationships no matter how little they know or how well it's going? You know, everyone loves like a, everyone loves like an underdog story. So I'm an underdog. I'm a big loser. No, I don't think it's like you're a big loser, but I think like it's an under, like it's unlike, it feels, it felt like unlikely, I would say for a while. For what? Like it seemed like it wasn't going to happen to me for a while. I would say that. Would you say that to a female friend? No. But no, but here's the difference. I feel like a lot, most of the, if I had a female friend who was single, it's more likely she would be talking about how she was upset about being single. Right. And I think for you, and I don't mean an underdog, like you've been trying so hard to get into a relationship and it hasn't worked out for you, although we do love those stories too for people. Yes, we do. Especially more for women. I think it's more like, you seem like frustrated with the state of your dating life. And I think you've talked about it vulnerably and openly. Yeah. And I think when you get a win, people get excited. I think it's kind of like me and the babies. It's like, I think if I had just had some kids, I don't think people would be so excited for me. But I think it's like this idea of there was, it was a struggle. There was some struggle involved in it. There was some mental hurdles involved in it. And at the end of the day, you kind of like persevered. It feels like a movie. You're right. I've always thought of me getting into a relationship as the same as you having trouble getting pregnant and then finally having a baby that's pretty much the same struggle. I mean, they're both, they're both like, you know, life milestones. Sure. And I think my frustration was like, you know, I, and I think there was doubt out there that maybe it could have been thought and it would have been fair to be like, well, Jared thinks he wants something that he doesn't really want, you know, like, because I, I think, you know, I did, I was looking for companionship and I just didn't know if that would happen. And it feels like it's been like we went on, she, Emily came with me on the road this past week. Right. So she came with me on the road. She came to pass over here and then we went on the road. We took a flight, a six a.m. flight for Lauderdale to Phoenix to get to Tempe. And that's when I made the video. This is what started this conversation for Walking Red Flag. I responded to people with videos and I guess I did it before they like sent over Instagram DM. And a couple people just got selfies of me and it just looked like I, it was just like me being like, and like, and if you can see it on YouTube, yeah. And I think a couple of them were like, is this what you promised? Like they didn't know if this is like, it was like, it just looked like I, there's a picture of you. Yeah. I was like, okay. Yeah. So then I had to resend the screenshot from the YouTube recording. Right. That's, that's what you get. You're welcome. So then we'd spent the weekend together and, you know, I did all the things I would do on the road, but like I kind of was like pushed a little bit to like do something a little different. Like, and we took a hike, which I would never, you know, if anyone has followed my travels over the years, I do get a guide. Like I've done food tours and I've like said, yeah, I go on food tours and one of the most memorable food tours is when I went to Melbourne, Australia, and I signed up for a food tour and I was the only one on the tour. So it was just me and the tour guide and it was like awkward. It was a private tour, if you will. Truly private. And him and I just like ended up getting drunk, you know, on the food tour. And I, you know, so I hired a guide to take us on a hike. The guide was, You couldn't just go on a hike? So no, I couldn't just go on a hike. Why do you need a guide to go on a hike? Like there's a tree, there's another tree. Yeah. I had to, first of all, I had to show off. I had to make it a thing, you know, like if you just, what are you like, You don't want to be seen as cheap? Yeah. I didn't want to be, hey, let's go on a walk on the woods, you know, like let's go on a walk in the desert. I don't know. Like, okay. You had to make it fancy. I tried to make it fancy. Again, these are very like beginning relationship things. Maybe a year from now, I'll be like, hike, who the fuck are you? We're going to sit on the couch and do nothing. You know, I don't know. And we went on the hike. So yeah, I got a guide and like, I'm just like doing these things that are like a lot more fun. Like it was more fun to like have someone else there to like, you know, we could make fun of the guide together. We could like the guide together. We could, you know, the guide, I actually would encourage anyone to get a guide for everything. Like, and then we went up Echo Canyon, which is like, apparently the most hiked hike in the country. Like the most people take it a year, which is like the least guide necessary hike you could ever take. Like people saw us with the guide and we looked stupid. Like he was, and I think he knew that he was like showing us things. He was like showing us, he's like, this plant is called, you know, plantus arabicus. And I'm like, I think- Probably just making shit up. Right. Just to feel like it was worth the money. Yeah. I just had like a really nice time. So it was like nice to do those things in a relationship. Like, have you, do you and Mike do things together? It was so funny. I was just talking to him about how we like, don't, we used to do so many things. I don't know why how it came up. Isn't it so annoying, the new relationship person asking the person who's been in a relationship for a minute, oh, do you guys do things too? Now I'm like, oh, are we happy? I don't know how it came up, but it literally we were driving the other day. I was like, do you remember when we started dating and we would do like sushi making? And we would do like, he did like a trapeze thing and we'd carve pumpkins. I'm like, you did a trapeze thing. Yeah. When we first started dating, we did like the, he took me to this like New York City trapeze like, like swing from the, I know what a trapeze is. I can't imagine it. I can't see you guys. I'll send you pick. I can't wait to see it. It's on my Instagram. It's on my Instagram. And you guys like, you know, flying around the flying will, it was like the bachelor. Yeah. That is a bachelor date. Yeah. It was pretty cool actually. Cause he, I remember when we were, I'd been talking, he had said that he had done it before and I was like, that sounds really cool. I want to do that. And then it was my birthday when we first started dating and he took me to a trapeze thing. But yeah, we haven't done anything in a long time. Well, I'm telling you, we should do more things. If Mike is listening, get a guide for like anything. I think getting a guide, this is my Jared freed relationship tip one. Get a guide. It is this guy, James, he was great. He was fun. He knew stuff. He was passionate about the subject. He fed us water. It was great. Yeah. That's true. I think some of our most memorable trip moments are us making fun of our guide. Yeah. The guy like making references. Yeah. The guide serves as the, as the, you know, the, the, the fodder, you know, like it takes the attention off of talking about the relationship. Yeah. And then you have like inside jokes to come for years to come. Totally. Well, because at first, I mean, now I'm not sure what's funny and what's not funny. Like when you talk to like in a relationship, everything's funny between you two and then you tell people stuff and you're like, boy, I'm a real fucking bore now. I told Emily, I'm like, we got a guide, his name's James and she goes gains. And I'm like gains. Like how is that even an option of names you could choose from? Like gains, like that's not like James or Harry. It's gains is an aname. Gains. So I called the guy gains the whole hike and he didn't know why I called him gains is because of a mistake. So he really served as our fodder. He might be listening right now. I gains. He's someone who's getting paid so that you can make him feel uncomfortable by making inside jokes about him. Absolutely. Worth it. Worth every dollar. You should go to like a winery or go to an app or something and then have like the person who's like teaching you about the wines. That's the best person to make fun of. Because they take it very seriously. Right. And I'd have so many bits. My whole thing is to make the tour guide uncomfortable and Emily. Like I that's my goal. Every. I want to make everyone uncomfortable. I really get into dad mode in a relationship. I'm a totally different person. I can't wait for more. Yes. Thank you. I think it's going to be great. If you're on the road, you want to witness me doing all my different guided tours. I'm going to be in saying a Norwalk Connecticut, Vegas, LA, Jacksonville, Austin. I'm going to be in the Hamptons staying at Jordana's place. Yes. You know, I'm not exact. I'm still like an hour from West Hampton. But here I think it'll be fun. The excuse train is coming. No. I know. I want you to come. Listeners are going to like this. They've been saying you're avoiding having me over. This is not like you're coming. You're avoiding having me over. You're coming. No, you're going to. I just don't. I don't want. This is me avoiding you being like, Jordana didn't tell me that she doesn't live in the Hamptons. What? This isn't East Hampton? Where am I? You know, speaking of relationships, Mike has gotten in my head. He was like in the kitchen listening to our podcast on his headphones while he cooks. He doesn't even want. He doesn't like to talk to me. He just likes to listen to me where I can't talk back to him. Right. Well, he's like cooking something. You just hear him yelling into the space. And he's like, and he's like, we're going to Jared's show in West Hampton. I'm like, yeah. He's like, you just said we'll be there. He's like, does Jared know it's an hour? Like, and Jared's staying here? I'm like, yeah, like he's going to stay here. He goes, does he know it's an hour away? I'm like, I'm sure he knows it's an hour away. He's like, you should tell him it's an hour away. Tell him, don't worry. I'm getting a guide to lead us on a hike from your place to the Hamptons. Great. I'm on a party bus. You're staying. I have you. I'm getting your room ready. Okay. Get it ready. Also, Maine and Cleveland, Cleveland added to the show list. Cleveland, I'll be there. Yeah. So what else is up? I want to circle back on one thing you were talking about before. So you were saying you're surprised that like, of all the people who are excited about your relationship, did you anticipate like a more negative response? Like, did you have a fear going into, you know, publicly acknowledging your relationship of like a negative response? No, I feared, I didn't fear any, I feared, I can't say I didn't fear anything because I did have anxiety. I did say that to you and that feels a little stupid now, you know, having being over the hump of it, like this anxiety of like- Well, it's fragile in the beginning. I think everything in the beginning is fragile. Also, how will I feel? I don't know what I'm going to feel on the other side of putting this out there. Will I be, you know, will I put it out there and be bored? You know, like there's a fear of like the next step. The next step is fear. Again, I'm sure you had some fear. You have a baby. What's going to happen between Mike and I? We'll be, will we, what's our new, what's the new dynamic like? You know, what's the new dynamic like for me in this relationship? The next step is also like, you know, my anxiety a lot had to do with like, you know, past relationships. Fuck that guy. You know, just the act of being happy is something, is a vulnerability. Like, and, and, you know, people only get taken down- Almost more vulnerable than the other way. Right. People only get taken down when they're successful. You know, like they, people go, you know, if you, for every successful person, it's like someone else who's like, well, let me tell you the real story. This makes it sound like I think there's a real story that I'm hiding something, but I'm not. I don't know. Maybe I'm online too much. It feels like everything I read is like, let me tell you threads. Don't go on threads. Are you on threads, Jordana? A little bit. And like, yeah. What a horrific- Not, not actively. What a horrific group of losers on threads. It is like- More than Twitter or X, whatever the fuck it's called now. X, X and threads. X is like being, people being horrific. And then threads is people thinking they're better than other people while also being horrific. Like it's like, I don't know. It also depends on what algorithm you're on. Like I see a lot of comedians complaining about comedy. I'm like, well, you could have written other things like funny jokes when the time you took to write this. I don't know. It just feels like there's a little bit of a self-master. There's a masturbation going on on threads that is disgusting to me of like everyone piling on someone they hate. You're afraid of someone feeling like they have something on you and coming out with something now that you're happy. Well, it's not even- Or in a relationship. That even makes it sound like I'm hiding something. That's not the case. It's more like, you know what, I met Jared at a bar and he was a total asshole. And then someone was like, he's an asshole. I've always thought he was an asshole. And then someone goes, I always got bad vibes from him. As I'm happily with my arm around my new lady doing eskimo kisses. You know, like it's like, I don't know. You're on guard. It weighs on me, but not anymore as much. I feel better than- I also, you know, the thing I am shocked by is like someone saying, you sound happier. That's the thing I am a little shocked. Yeah, because I don't- I never thought of my- I don't think- Or do you think I sound happier than I did before? I think you sound- I mean, I think when- Here's the thing. I talked to you about things other than like dating. Right. I think when you talk about dating, you seem a little happier. Okay. Or you say, you know what it is? I think you just seem, it seems like you're genuinely like really excited and really into this person. I feel very light from it. I feel very like airy. Her mom heard me talk about her mom's titties and thought it was funny. So, you know, I really have it all, you know? Yeah. You know? So, right now I have it all, you know? Like I- Yeah. And I think last week's episode, when we talked about, you know, it was like the episode after the episode, you know? Like you came back and I talked about the relationship, you talked about the babies, and then we really had like a real you-up episode last week. And I don't think we ever like lost a step via me being- dating and- But I definitely felt more free to like be as honest as I could ever be and fun with the topic. I could go and direct- I don't know, but I never thought of myself as being heavy on the topic while going through it. I think maybe there was a sense of like, it felt like you were in like a cycle that you weren't enjoying, that you wanted to get out of. Right. And I think that is true as far as meeting really people that are wonderful and, you know, worthy of a relationship. Everyone's worthy of a relationship, but I'm saying like- Except? Except I can name a few. Let's go to the list. No, but I think that's my job on this show is to make it a little less personal with whoever you're dating a little bit. Like to kind of like- And that was really a hard thing to like date people that I thought very highly of that I was like, I don't know why I'm like just having this stomach ache of this next step. And then again, and a stomach ache I felt while being with the person I'm now with. So, you know, so that that was a little bit of- That was heavy for me. That was hard. Because I feel badly. And I think that's like, you know, I- Maybe that's the anxiety of like getting in a relationship. I still feel a little badly, like, which feels like a little bit of a narcissism, a little bit. Like anyone I date is going to be fine. They're going to find someone they're going to be great. They're going to find someone wonderful that is going to be their story and awesome. But I do feel like I'm like, you know, I don't want to be dancing in a meadow with my- No one wants to hurt anyone. No. And I just think like, I know like, like I did on TikTok, I put out a food video of me going to get pizza with Emily and like, she's in it. You know, like again, in the way I told you, I wanted someone to be part of my life. I want to be able to like put the camera on them and say, what do you think of the pizza? You know, and I- You know, you have a fleeting secondary like, like that would suck if someone felt like I was giving someone the thing that I couldn't give to them. I don't know. Yeah. I mean, that's what the social media sucks. Yeah. And just, maybe it's from the show or just being aware of how we get emails about like, and I saw him dating someone, you know, I'm like, and I- Right. I think of that email. I do have that cross my mind a little. And I hope that doesn't take away from- I think it's nice. Is it? I don't know. I'm not trying to be here. I actually feel like I sound like a- No. A dick saying that. No. I think that's nice. And I think it's relatable beyond relationships. I think social, like that, like you go on social media, there's like 10 things that make you feel bad about yourself in like, 15 minutes. Right. Right. Right. I think that that's kind of just like a natural that whether it's- whether it's someone who went on a date with you, who sees you in a relationship or you see someone doing better than you in your career, or you see someone who like, looks better than you in a bathing suit, I think that's sort of like, if you go on social, that's why some people can't handle it. I get it. Right. There were times I couldn't handle it either. But it's sort of like, that's the nature of living online is like, you see things that don't make you feel, not every post makes you feel great. Right. I'll give an example. I did a show for Passover last night. I did a Passover show and people were taping. I hate when people tape. I think it's stupid. Like with their phones? Yeah. Like literally I'm on stage and they're holding up their phone. Like they're the aunt at the wedding who has the iPad in the middle of the aisle. It's like, we're- we hire a videographer. Like, you know, also someone holding up their phone taping, you can't- that's not a real good position to laugh, you know? Like you're taking yourself out of the laughers. And then also you're being a distraction by taping. For some reason I was thinking, I'm thinking about when we saw John Legend and Ken. I'd date. I'd date. I feel like we were what we were all doing. Do you think that annoys him too? I don't know because music, you know, it's the reason comedians- that's so funny because I was taping and singing with John Legend. I might have that video. I- like I'm going- You get a whole rant about you. Right. Because I was doing my own words. I'm like, and I was like adding words in. So he must have really hated me, but that's why- well, I guess how do I rationalize my own behavior? He has- He's really, really, really famous. Yeah. He could take it. Well, comedians always want to be musicians and musicians always want to be comedians. And my thing for musicians is they can re- John Legend can play all of you anywhere, anytime everyone wants to hear it. I can't redo a bit that like someone else posts online. If it goes viral, I lose the bit. Also, if it's taped in a way that makes it look bad, I guess that's the same as John Legend. But like if my bit is taped and looks bad, you're never coming to my show. If John Legend is taped and looks bad, I think you're still going to a John Legend show. You know, like I think you're going, oh, there's a random taping in the corner. He's singing with it. I don't know. You may- I would think that about a comedian. I think I'd be like, oh, that was not his best joke. That's even worse. You have no idea. Or that was not John Legend's best performance, whatever it was. That's horrific. That's like the worst thing I could ever hear. Like, you know, everything that I put out is to get more people to enjoy what we do and the show. So, well, okay, I'll take it under consideration. But I- last night I did this Passover show. There's people taping. I made fun of it, but then I moved on, you know? Like, and I'm like, well, I guess they like tape it and then they put it away or they show a friend or whatever. So later that night I get home and there's a two minute, like a full on bit is taped and it's from like my right side underneath. It's like the worst angle ever. I don't know. Yeah. I look like a blimp. They, you know, it's like the full jo- it's like a two minute taping they posted. And then I message them like- Where did they post it? On their Instagram. Main feed. It was crazy. And I look at their other videos. They had like a little tiny following and I'm like, I don't want this. And I go to look at who they- and they don't follow me. The worst crime of them all. They don't even follow me. So it's like, now you're putting up my stuff. You don't even follow me. You don't care whether I live or die. Right. You know, like, then I go to the who they follow. And now I'm looking at who they follow. And it's all these comedians that I know. I'm like, good enough to follow them. You can't follow me. You know, like, you're not posting their two minute bit. What the fuck? And I'm getting angrier and angrier. So I message them like, hey, I'm happy you had fun at the show. I- Can you please take down the video or put it up with music over it because I don't like my bits going out unless they're on a special. And they didn't get back to it. And I'm like, this fucking asshole, they don't even like my stuff. And they post my stuff. And then they wrote me back this morning, like the nicest message. We had the best time. Oh, no problem. I'll take it down right away. Like, and all those things I made in my head were my own insecurities, you know, like it had nothing to do with them as a person or how they felt about me or other comedians they follow, you know, it just, it was stupid. And it's the same for all social media. Like that's what it, social media, it's like this, you know, the, the cigarette comparison's been done before. But like, I think we're going to find the effect these things have on us is going to be, is like, something we can't even control. Speaking of things that could be bad for us. AI is the, is the subject of our first email. Let's do an email, Jordan. Any oversharing, the episodes have been great. I'm a listener. I'm a fan. Yeah. I'm, I'm excited to be back. Let's do this. All right. You're back. Enough with the back. All right. All right. I'm here. I'm here. So I'm very excited to still be here. We know these babies. We get it. You're a mom. Yeah. All right. Hi, Jane. J. I love the pod and I'm a proud benefit subscriber. I had a weird experience on the dating apps this week that I wanted to share. I think I'm a really engaging texture on the apps. And I think it's annoying when people are dry and don't ask questions back. I think most people feel this way, but I got a really strange response to a message I sent. Someone told me they thought I was AI screenshots attached. I feel like that's like the new insult. It's like the new insult. Yeah. It's a little bit of a neg. It feels like, and it's funny while reading this email. I was like, do you sound like AI? Like I didn't trust them even though they were writing it. Is it AI? Write this email about seeming like, okay. Is the possibility of there being AI users on dating apps going to make people skeptical of those of us who type with good grimer, complete sentences, punctuation and follow up questions? My profile is completely built out. So there's no other reason anyone should think I'm not a real person. It's just frustrating that putting in effort, like communicating clearly and asking real questions is being mistaken for AI. And now I'm afraid other people have felt that way about me. I'm not copying and pasting anything or trying to sound overly polished. I'm just showing interest. Sincerely, a very real, not artificial batch. All right. Let's read this conversation. I'm glad she included the text. I mean, without the text, it wouldn't have really made sense. We needed the text. Yes. So we can decide if she sounds like AI. And I read this with the eye. Yeah. I read this with the like, you know, I'm a detective. Does it feel like it's AI? Absolutely. I, because I didn't trust her. I was like, maybe she does sound like AI. Let's, I've, have you ever been on a text with Mike and been like, are you being a human right now? Maybe not with Mike, but with like other people. I've gotten like, if someone has like, I feel like if someone's trying to tell you something difficult, a moron guard for it, right? Like, did you put this through a machine first? Right. I mean, I, I've said to Emily recently, I was like, can you not AI respond to me on this one? Okay. While we were having, you're not getting enough. I, yeah, I didn't get enough from that answer. And I do think AI is a good reference for, Hey, this feels like you're being surface level with me right now. Like, but maybe that's why you would have a conversation over the phone to get away from texts. But I, I, you know, I think you can do that with someone you care about too. You know, like I, I think you can pull back because you're like, I don't know how to answer this. So I'm just going to go corporate speak. You know, yeah, not offend anyone. All right. Let's, let's, I'll be him. Anyway, any dating conversation where someone says anyway, I, I don't know. I feel like we've already on a, they hated the last topic. Right. Like next topic, please. Anyway, so random question, but I'm trying to build a playlist for divorced moms. Got any suggestions? What the hell? Why would someone be doing that? But anyway, that's what you wonder. Why are you building a playlist for divorced moms? And what kind of music would that typically include? Cause they're full of bangers. And I made one for divorce dads, lol. And I don't know, would, would you think landslide by Fleetwood Mac fits the vibe? I didn't understand any, that explanation doesn't, is very weird. Anyway, hmm, I think it depends on the divorce. Is the mom feeling sad, angry, empowered? No offense, but I'm reading your last message and thinking that was written by AI. It was definitely not written by AI, uh, crying, laughing emoji. Just not sure what would be on a divorced mom playlist. What do you think? Does she sound like she's being AI? I don't think she sounds like she's being AI. I think she's doing what you're supposed to do on these apps, but I guess AI would too. About like, um, she's engaging. She's doing like a yes and she's like having fun with this person. She didn't do a yes and if, if I'm to be very hyper critical, she did just question him. You know, there was no yes, which is kind of what he's looking for. I, I, I would say this is not, obviously they're not a connection. Not a match. Yeah. They're not a match. Anytime. I do think saying anyway, so random question in the middle of a conversation means this isn't getting messy enough for him. Like this isn't getting deep enough for him. This isn't getting fun enough for him. And I, I do kind of empathize with his position where he's like trying to draw blood from a stone. I don't know about that. Okay. Well, she responds to him and asks him a question. Why are you building a playlist for divorced moms? He doesn't really answer the question. Like, I think she's, she's like play, she's like, I'll play. Why are you doing this? Right. Which is, I think the more interesting conversation. Totally. And I, I think it is to improv partners that are trying to do their own scene. Like it feels like he came into this conversation with an idea of where it was going. And he's kind of like dancing in the corner and doesn't care that she has her own thoughts and her own questions to the matter. So I think like for him, he wants to be laughed at. He wants to be fun, funny guy. And she's just like, She should be funnier. Right. It's not funny enough because you're right. When he says, because they're full of bangers, it's like, she didn't ask that question. She says, why are you building a playlist for divorced moms? Because they're full of bangers. No, no, no. Who's full of bangers? That doesn't even make sense to what doesn't make sense. Right. He's doing his own thing. And it's like, I, I, I think for him, he's trying to say like, why aren't you giving me what I want from this conversation? Right. He's like asking her to set up a joke for him, but it's not landing. No, it's not. Which is why it's not a match. Right. It's not a match. I, as far as does she sound like AI, I guess like, I do think she says, say, hmm, it depends on the divorce. She kind of plays, she does play along there. As I'm saying, she's like, she's doing her best, I think, to like, she's doing her best. I, I, I don't know. Give me, I wrote down a list. Okay. How would you respond to these playlist questions, these playlists that I want to build if we were talking on a dating app? You ready? Like I was trying to think of like, is there any other direction she could have gone? You ready? Okay. Anyways, so random question, but I'm trying to build a playlist for long bathroom visits. Got any suggestions? That's, that's funny. Well, how would you respond? I would have to, I would have to, it would bring out, it would have to elicit my creativity. I'd have to think of a good bathroom song. Okay. Anyways, I'm trying, anyways, so random question, but I'm trying to build a playlist for eating a plum. Okay. Okay. Anyways, so random question, but I'm trying to build a playlist for looking at a body of water while feeling sad about a lost aunt. Okay. Got dark. Okay. But anyways, here's the difference between yours and, and this guy's. Yes. Yours is like, here are some universal experiences minus the end thing sort of like, I don't need to even ask you that. I don't even need to ask you why you're doing that, because it's like sort of built into the joke. Divorced moms, you're a man asking to build a playlist for divorced moms. It sounds like, I don't know what you're talking, you know what I mean? For, to me, I'm like, well, who is this for? What's, why is it, why are you doing it? Whereas, like, if you're like, I need a, if someone said, I'm trying to build a playlist for a long bathroom break, I wouldn't say that on a dating app, just because not the sexiest thing to think about. But I think that's like, Oh, I could see why someone would want to build that. A shower playlist, whatever it is. I'm going to add on to your point. I totally agree with what you're saying. Vulnerability produces vulnerability. When you say, when you're a man who randomly takes the conversation to playlists for divorced moms, you're not even talking about yourself. You're not even talking about your life. You haven't admitted to, is your mom divorced? Does she need to pick me up? Hey, I got a random question. My mom has been looking for a playlist. What would you get for a mom who's been divorced recently? Like that is a different, you know, she asks if she's ruining the conversation by having proper grammar. There's nothing you can do to ruin a conversation if you're vulnerable and personal. Like this to me is he's ruined the conversation. When you're going to random- I'm making a bad joke. Right. Also, like what are you going to do? Make fun of divorced moms and now divorced dads are kind of, you're making fun of them too. If he said, I'm a divorced dad, my favorite playlist is this one divorce dad playlist that I listen to. It's kind of weird, but it has some funny songs on it. That's a different conversation that he's not even engaging. Agreed. So like the examples that I gave, long bath and visit, you're saying I sit on the toilet a long time. That is vulnerable. That's why it's funny. Right. It's funny because you understand, because it's like relatable. Right. And we're in on it. I'm in on it. When you say divorced mom, like it's funny that she's like, do I sound AI? He sounds AI. He sounds he'd keep put in to a like a like a dating app generator weird topics that people might respond to. He sounds like AI. Yeah. I'm not AI. Validated. You're AI. Not a match. Regardless. Yeah. Let's do another email. uupatres.com. We need your emails. We love a screenshot. We love a screenshot. We love the data. We love it. Specifics. Spraw materials. That's right. Specificity. Find out what it means to me. Petty or prudent. J and J. I have a petty or prudent. So the game here is things end. Are they being petty with how they acted after the ending? Or was it a prudent move on their part? A year after my husband and I got married, my parents gave us $20,000 to put towards closing costs and a down payment on our house. Two years after we purchased our house, my ex cheated on me and we divorced. So when it came time to split up assets, he wanted to sell and split the money we would make off the equity in the home. But I reminded him that we wouldn't have a house if it weren't for my parents' money. So petty or prudent. I made him sign over the equity of the house to me even though he paid into the mortgage for two years. Context, if it helps, we met at 27, married at 30, divorced at 33. Jordana, what say you about the petty or prudent? Okay. I'm trying to get a grasp and clarify what's going on here. It sounds like her parents contributed to the closing costs and the down payment and then they split the mortgage payments and now they're getting divorced and he wants them to split whatever the proceeds from the house are. That's what it sounded like. Split the money we'd make off the equity in the home. I mean, she really, she must be a real estate agent now because honestly, 20,000 towards the home would mean the same as the costs and down payment, right? Like, it's not like you split those up. When you close on the house. Right. You have to pay all that stuff. It sort of gets lumped together, right? In the mortgage too. So it's like, it's all things that the real estate agent wouldn't say and I'd be like, what's the number at the bottom? I don't need to see how this goes. Right. So they sell the home for, they bought it for 800,000. They sold it for a million. There's $200,000 and... He says they should split it. He's saying they should split it and she's saying she wants the whole thing. Right. Which, okay. Yeah. How do you feel? That seems like crazy to me. That seems like what she's saying here. She doesn't break it down like that. So basically, if they made $200,000 from the home, she gets it all is what she's saying. That's what she's saying. Yeah. That's petty. Yes. To say, I want an extra, I, of that, give me back my $20,000 and then we'll split the rest. That seems fair to say, okay, it's $200,000. I get, I immediately recoup the 20 that I put in more than you. So that's 180 and then we each get 90. Yeah. That seems like what should happen. Plus the fact that they made the investment decision together. Like they chose... Yes. It's not like she chose the home and then he moved in and it was her decision. Right. You know, it's like she didn't elect... They did it together. Right. They did this together. So the profit is because... He's been paying into the mortgage. Right. And the profit is due to the decision, the financial decision they made as a team. Like if you sold the company and you put in more money, you'd get your money back in the same way you just explained. Right. And then you would split whatever the profit was. Right. It's totally petty. Yeah. Yeah. It's petty. Well, she's saying because I was cheated on, does that entitle me to take... No. I mean, you'll go to... Here's the thing. There's a divorce court where you can please your case for why you deserve whatever you think you deserve or more from him. Right. But that's like a legal thing. So yeah, it's petty to say I'm keeping the whole... That's basically you saying like I'm keeping the whole house, like I'm taking the house. Right. And if this was part... Like also, let's say, I don't know who the breadwinner is in this scenario. So if someone said, well, they're making money and I stopped my work and I have to keep up... There's so many other things at play, don't you think? Right. There's a million other factors, which is why you should just split it. Or I mean, you can let a legal court decide. And do I want someone equipped with that story to talk about me for the rest of my life with? You know, like you kind of have... There's a point where you're paying for PR. You know, there's a point in a relationship ending where it's like, what's the cost of good PR? And what's the cost of the story that gets told after? I think for a woman who... It sounds like this is a woman writing in. There's not as much bad PR to cheapness that there is for a man. And again, the cheating thing is as bad a PR as it gets. So she kind of has the leeway to do... Kind of act however she wants, which is what she's kind of taking advantage of. Right. Or she thinks she deserves... You're basically saying like, you would have to say $90,000 was the cost to me of you cheating on me. Right. And if I paid someone $90,000 as the cost of cheating, I would also want something back in that deal. A public statement that we're cool. Yeah. But that's the truth. Like you can't take the $90,000 and right into a podcast. My ex is a cheating loser asshole who... Yeah. You know... Well, that's why when you settle a court case, there's usually like, you're not allowed to talk about it. Right. There's NDAs. That's part of the deal. I'll pay you. But now you can't complain about McDonald's to everyone. Right. Because McDonald's has paid you. Now they bought your silence. Right. It seems like she's having her cake and eating it too. So like, I would consider her petty, but that doesn't really sting as much as guy who cheated. And now he's also lost money. So like, she wins again. Who cares? Yeah. And I think the argument like, we wouldn't have the house if it weren't for my parents' money. It doesn't... It's not really a fair way to look at anything because like you wouldn't have had the house if not for seven other million things that fell into place in the right way. Right. His money to pay the mortgage. You probably have a more expensive mortgage because it's two people contributing, you know, than you would have had. Right. So let's do another email, Jordana. This one... Let's do it. This one, I am very interested to hear your opinion on this email. Okay. I'm ready. Go for it. Hi, Jane J. Jared, I saw you at your parents' country club during a Passover dinner in Boca. I wanted to say hi, but I was with my boyfriend's family and I got a little shy in that setting. Let me give you some context. I grew up in the Appalachian Mountain Dew Drinking Foothills of Amish Country, Pennsylvania. Weren't we just joking that Emily was like, uh, Amish? Yes. Because you said Sheila did the deep woods of Pennsylvania. In the woods, yeah. Yeah. A woods woman. Yes. Is this her writing at the... Maybe it's her. Yeah. That'd be really funny. When I got... I sent this to her. I actually did send this to her. She'd be like, are you writing into my podcast? You okay? Everything good? When I got accepted to Penn State Main Campus, my town treated me like I was going to Harvard. For the record, I'm not Amish, but my former neighbor, Jedidaya, is. Now she's Amish adjacent. Hmm. Now I live and work in Florida and this country club lifestyle is still a culture shock to me. I've been dating my boyfriend for nine months. He obviously comes from a great family, but admires the fact that I'm a self-made woman and shows her own clothes. Let me give you my interpretation of this dinner. The aroma was an assortment of strong perfumes, designer leather, and various meats. Does that sound accurate to you, Jared? Ah, ish. It could be. I don't know. Okay. Do you remember that scene in the movie Mean Girls, where people acted like animals at the high school fountain? That's what the buffet felt like. I've never heard 800 people collectively speak at such a loud decibel. I was so overstimulated, but also fascinated. Anyway, I love living in South Florida, but I still get a little nervous going to family functions with my boyfriend just because it's so different from what I grew up around. What's your advice on dating into a family with a very different lifestyle? Yours truly, shy, Amish-adjacent country club girl. P.S. latkes are awesome. I don't really understand the P.S. I guess because there were latkes at the Passover. Because there are a lot of Jews there? Is this like a Jew thing? Well, it was Passover. Okay. Yeah, I guess so. I guess maybe it's the way she wrote it. It sounded like she's not Jewish. I say right. Oh, right. And latkes are awesome. That's been an added benefit to being at a Seder. Is that latkes are awesome. How do you feel about this email, Jordan? I guess my question is like, at first I was reading it and I was like, oh, this sounds like it's about money. But then, you know, as the email progresses, it sounds more like it's about culture. Is that what you, did you agree with that sentiment? That it's more about like the loudness of the culture or like the type of people who, she's around? I want to admit that this email hit me in a way that I was like, am I being sensitive? You know, like I'm willing to be, let me be vulnerable on my end. Do you think it's anti-Semitic? I never said that. I wouldn't go far enough to say it's anti-Semitic. I'm not going to be that person. Okay. I would say that if someone took it that way, I'd be like, you know, chill on that. You know, I wouldn't go that far. I think she's doing a lot of coded language that, to me, it's, I mean, I see this email and I was like, I was off put by it. I'm not, I think it's offensive. I'm, it's offensive, but I'm not offended. I don't know. I'm trying to like, okay, I understand that someone could look and be like, Jared, you're, you're taking it personally, but I think there's a thin line between making fun of something and being offensive. That's the hard part. You know, that's the work. You know, I think the work is when if you're going to speak about other people and make fun of things, is you have to make the people who you're making fun of feel somewhat loved or included. If I were this person's boy, and I know they've liked the show and they saw me at Passover dinner and they were too shy to say hello, I would dump this person immediately if I found out I was dating them. And I would say they- You're not though, right? It's not- No, I'm not dating them. I did send it to my girlfriend to make sure it wasn't her. I think this kind of is like a little bit of a taste of what's going on online. You know, like I think this email, they feel free to say these things that, you know, these people smell and it looks like a bunch of animals attacking each other over the food. They feel okay to say that because it's country club, so these are rich people. And she's self-made woman who sews her own clothes from the Appalachian Hills. And that's the picture she's painted in a very professional way where if you are of the- And again, it's created by the internet. I see it on TikTok more than anywhere else. There's persecutor and victim. If you're in the victim group, you can say whatever you want without having to be more creative or careful of the feelings of the person you're talking about. And if you're of the, you know, the punch-down class, again, in this case, if you're country club people, you have to be more careful about how you talk about people that you would be hypothetically punching down on, on the group that doesn't have it as good as you. So I don't think- Because when I read this, I was like, I don't know, like she's the self-made woman who made it out of her hometown and he- He's from a family. I can only assume that she would say other things about him that he didn't have to work as hard for what she has and that he doesn't have to- You know, like I think- I kind of read this and- And oh, also the potatoes are good. Like, I don't know. Like I was kind of grossed out by this email to be honest with you. Right. I think this idea, and I think this happens in dating a lot. And I noticed this from women who are speaking in the same tone as the men in the manosphere and being allowed to do it and cheer it on for. So- Because they're punching up. Because they're punching up. Which, again, it's a little bit like you're saying, like, you know, you're taught- Right. One, you know, two wrongs don't make a right. Because I don't know when this ends. I don't know when this- Do you know what I mean? I don't know how you came- Because you said anti-Semitic. I wasn't going to say anti-Semitic. Well, it speaks a little bit to, like, some Jewish stereotypes about people being loud. Right. I think that's- You're at a Jewish event, you know? Like, and maybe, again, she listens to this podcast. I don't think she hates- I think she- Design or leather. Right. Like, I think she's- Jewish stereotype. Right. I think she's trying to be fun with the show. And I don't mean to, like, hammer her because I don't think that she's a bad person. And if she'd like to say hi to me, I would love to say hello. She's a little smarter than she puts on. Like, she paints a picture very well where she is the hard-working gritty from the nowhere sticks. And all these people are, you know, you know, grabbing for food and all their cake and- and riches and aren't a pr- You know, like, it just rings that we're these unappreciative monsters who are elbowing each other to get to the prime rib. And she's a little old country girl who's saying please and thank you and excuse me. You know, again. Right. I- My issue, oh yeah, I mean, I could agree with that. I think there's some thinly veiled stereotypes going on here. But I think my main issue with the email is that there's no real vulnerability. No. Similarly to what we were talking about before, where she says, I get a little nervous going to- going to family functions with my boyfriend because it's so different from what I grew up around. Where's the vulnerability in that? Different is not vulnerable. Right. Because all the money makes me feel insecure about, you know, not- not having had the same things or trying to keep up with this lifestyle. That would be, I think, a vulnerable, interesting conversation if it's about this. Because I kind of- I'm always worried- maybe she's right- because I'm always worried that I'm not acting or doing or saying the right thing. You know, I think there's like a- But what she's saying is like, I don't want to be around these loud annoying people. That doesn't really feel like nice. No, I- I read- well, I'm happy you said that because it didn't feel like this was a nice- I didn't feel in on the joke, if I'm to be honest. And I- and I agree with you. The vulnerability is key. It is- Because- That's why I thought she was going- Right. With the original email. To me, she's- she's insecure that the people at this event would say things about her- behind her back that- she would say about them behind their back. And it- and listen, I see this a lot at events that I get invited to, especially when they are like high-end events. Like when they're like, maybe with people who have money and people feel comfortable talking to me, which I appreciate. That they're the insider who's the outsider. That's kind of like a movie trope. You know, the movie Titanic? The one that rose. Yes. You know, there's the rich woman who wasn't always rich that she can confide in because she gets it. She gets it. You know, like- and I think that trope, that character, people put that on themselves of like, I'm here with all these monsters, but I'm not like those monsters. I know how to say please and thank you. Like, that's not a vulnerable place, just like you're saying. Like, it's actually mean and it doesn't really- Right. Have any empathy to it. And I do think, again, not to make it about like social media, but this happens in dating. This happens a lot. Like, listen, I would say this to- we had Rich BFF on the show. Right. When she said she was the breadwinner and screamed about it about her now boyfriend and he- I- if a guy came on the show and made a big point to say that he's the breadwinner and the person that he's living with is not, I'd be like, kind of sounds like a douche. Right. In the same way, I think it sounds douchey from her and I would- you send her the fucking clip. I don't care. Like, I would say I had a great time with her on the show, but I- the breadwinner thing, I go, ugh. You know, like I- and I would say that about anyone. Yeah. Who would say that? So, like, I do think when you're the- again, when you're punching up, you're not being asked to be as creative as the person who might be punching down. And we're not even saying that's happening. Like, I didn't go to her event and then say, you know, all these horrific things. You know, like, I didn't even get a chance to go. So, she's putting- maybe her- his family hasn't got a chance to go and see her family. Maybe she's afraid of that. That would have made this email better, I think. Like, I'm really afraid of inviting them to my family's thing and then it's not, you know, we don't have a big buffet. We, you know, we kind of have, you know, my mom cooks when we have the holidays and I could understand that. That would be a different question. Yeah. And I think that's a relatable part of it. I think- and I think the- I think the- the financial part of it is also kind of an interesting thing. Like, dating, but again, I don't think she's even saying- if she was going that route, I would have a lot more advice and empathy and thoughts, but it seems like she's just saying these people stink. Right. She says, what's your advice on dating into a very different family- uh, in dating into a family with a very different lifestyle? Well, I would start with not thinking that you're better than that lifestyle. Like, trying to find a way to not sounding like you feel that you're better for having grown up your way versus their way. Like, again, why would I dump this person if I were dating them? Based on this email, I would assume that they think that I have had an easy life that in some way didn't prepare me in the way they got prepared. Because I didn't have my hometown give me a parade for going to Penn State. You know, like- Right. That's how I would feel. There is also like- yeah, and if you feel that strongly that that's the case, then don't date someone in that- in that circle. Right. Don't go to their family Passover. Right. I was at that Passover at a great time. And I would make fun of- here's the thing, I would make fun of things at that Seder, believe me. Like, I did. I talked about, you know, the rabbi didn't seem to have a good plan. I would have had a better plan. I talked a whole- I gave a whole spiel about how when you do a Seder, when you run a Seder, I wish they would just like stick to three things. It's different to make fun of something when you're in it than if you're- I think it's different. If you're like- It's different. I think- Well, I think you- Different. Someone- you can make fun of your mom. No one else can make fun of your mom. Well, people could if they wanted to be- well, Sebastian Maniscalco, okay? He has a bit about Passover. It's like- it's actually the most famous Passover bit is from Sebastian Maniscalco. Like, everyone's seen it. Yes, I've seen it. And in no way do I watch that and go, well, he doesn't get it. He's Italian. I watch it and I go- it has a lot of love and empathy. It's his wife who's Jewish. He's talking about the food and how- he says Jewish food sucks, you know? Like, in the bit, basically. And- but he only says that because, again, that's the talent and the work that was put into the bit. Like, when people say, oh, people are sensitive, that's someone who doesn't want to work at the opinion. And I do think a lot of times in the internet world we live in today, a lot of the people who come from the punch up don't have to work as hard as someone who might be punching down. And that's like a- might be like a hot take, depending on how you take that. But like, you look at those mannosphere guys, those mannosphere guys sound a lot like her. Like, in my opinion. Right. I could- I could see that. I don't- I'm not that- I'm not that in tune with the mannosphere. I'm not- Did you watch the documentary? I- I understood. No. Oh, you gotta see it? Yeah, you gotta. It's like- it's wild. Like, I mean, like, the guy Lewis Thoreau, he's- to me, it's so funny that he's- he- the documentarian is the most wonderful form of masculinity on the whole documentary. And he's like- he is the example to be followed. Like, he's not- he's not like- he is in no way a beta. Like, he has his own presence. He asks questions. He's thoughtful. He's vulnerable. He- he takes shit. You know, when- when some people would be so angered by it that they might get too emotional and, you know, get in an argument, he's attacked. I- I think it's so funny. It's so interesting that he is the- he's the thing to be looked up to amongst all these men who want to be looked up to so much. It's just very interesting. I've gotta watch. It ends with- so spoiler alert, it ends with they all hate the Jews. So- Oh. It's like I- And I was- So maybe you should- I was shocked. I was like, oh, I didn't know- was this play about us? Wait, is this fucking play about us? Right. Yes. It saved it for the end. I had no idea. It comes to the end, you're like, oh, okay. I had no idea. I feel like that's- that's usually how, uh, any of these sect things end. Right. I- I actually- Just in case. I- I should have said I- at the end, I- I actually thought to myself, I go, I guess I should have seen it all along this is, you know the- They buried the lead, right? Right. Welcome to Pali's peace-se-ri-ere. Your blind date is already at the table, and there she is. Cousin Brenda, what are you doing here? You're married anyway! Substitution brought to you by Pali Power. Cousin Brenda makes way for Beth, the office crush. Oh, get in! You might not always pick the right starter, but your sub can still deliver. Because with Pali's Super Sub, your bet rolls over to the player coming on. Pali Power. Validant selected leagues are market-only. Pre-match and in-play bets on qualifying player outcome selections only. T-sensees and exclusions apply. 18 plus, scammelware.org. Let's play some games. Red Flag Dealbreaker. Let's do it. It is the game that's sweeping the country. You're dating someone, one thing happens. Is it a red flag? You notice it move on? Or is it a deal breaker? You end it, sight on scene. You ready? I'm ready. Long time, first time subscriber, Feather Feather. Love you both. Thank you for all the laughs. Over the years, thank you, thank you, thank you. Writing in with a Red Flag Dealbreaker. 36 female just went on a second date with a guy 36 male. First date went great. Very similar interests and lifestyles. He talked a lot about his dog and I mean a lot, including showing me a whole album of photos of the pup. But I get it, I love dogs too. Scheduling for the second date followed with several texts from him, emphasizing almost insisting that the dog had to join us. Really? The second date? You just can't bear to be parted with your pooch for two hours on a weeknight. We eventually settled on dinner at a place where I knew dogs were welcome. And I wrote it off as it's a nice spring day. Can't blame them for wanting to bring the dog. Dinner outside will be fine. Thankfully, the dog was well behaved. But this guy fed his dog directly from the fork. As in scooped up some food, then leaned over and let the dog take a whole bite off the fork. What? Again, don't get me wrong. I love dogs too. And giving them food from the table is fine. But like use your fingers, put it on a napkin on the ground. What's worse is the guy then continued to eat his dinner using the same fork. Gross. Now I feel like I'm intruding on a special thing of theirs. Like the spaghetti scene from Lady in the Tramp. And I'm stuck watching this guy and his dog lovingly eat the same strand of spaghetti. So Red Flag or Dealbreaker, a guy and his dog share the same fork at dinner. Thanks, man's best friend. Great side off. Yeah, I'd be out. I would be out. Yeah. This is like a little, this is a little much. Insisting on bringing anything besides yourself to a second date is crazy. Any form of insisting is crazy. Yes. Insisting that, like because the whole nature of a first date, second date is that it's light and we're just getting to know each other. I just want to know if I can share a space with them. Yes. The minute you get in the world of insisting, and that's like a hard thing to lift yourself out of. Like if you're insisting that you want a FaceTime, it should have been a yes right away. You shouldn't have to insist. If you're having- If you have to insist, you should go. Right, and the date, it's never gonna work out. Any form of insisting is a bad dating omen. Like right? Yes, other than insisting that you pick up the check. Right, that is fine. I insist. No, I insist. No, I insist. Right, I totally agree. The issue isn't even the dog with the fork. Like the dog with the fork doesn't even- Yeah. Like it's like almost to be expected if he insisted on the dog being there. Yeah, I think the insisting is crazy. The dog with the fork is especially if there's like a, if she's getting a weird vibe between the guy and the dog, that's also weird. I mean, I would already have gotten that vibe if he insisted on bringing it. It's like it's a date. If you insist, you can insist on bringing your dog on date six. Yeah. And it has to be for a reason. Right, right. Three dates into it, so it's anything. Yes, I'm out. I'm out. All right. Dump the stand. And I just love the idea of I like dogs too. We are so, we tiptoe around dogs so much in dating. It's crazy to me. Just so you know, it's like imagine replace dog with like kid, with like baby. Right. I love babies. I don't normally hate them. Like you don't have to do this. Yeah. I mean, switch dog with cat. I don't normally hate, you know, you don't have to do that. You just go, I don't want a cat on a date. I don't want a dog on a date. I don't want a cat on a date. I don't want a baby on a date. I wouldn't want a dog on a date. Right. I don't want to, I don't want your anything. I don't want your iguana on a date. I don't want your friend on a date. That happens sometimes. Yeah. Get out of here. Shoot. Scat. Bye. All right. Let's do another one. Long time listener. Also so happy Jordana is back. We missed you and it's really nice having you on again while you're navigating such a big new chapter. Jared, shout out for holding down the fort. We did not get the same intro on that one. Jared, you'll be okay. What is she, Mel Robbins? All right. Yes. I had a red flag or deal breaker situation and an Ikea picky all rolled into one this weekend. Screenshots included. Love it. I was out at a bar in New York city with my friends when this guy and his group came up to us. Me, 28 female, him, 27 male. I wasn't immediately sure if I was into him, but I've been trying to be more open and date more intentionally. So I didn't write him off just because he wasn't my usual type. He had just moved to New York city, which is honestly my favorite kind of guy to meet. Enthusiastic, not yet jaded by New York dating, et cetera. As the night went on, we were dancing and kissing and overall having a good time. But towards the end of the night, he started dropping some interesting details. He said he's TikTok famous for dancing. He mentioned he owns a lot of real estate and properties. He also told me he has a lot of money, but doesn't like to share that upfront because he's worried a woman will use him and that he has some trust issues. To jump ahead, I felt badly hearing that and that alone is what motivated me to respond at all to his texts because he said I was the first girl he'd talked to or bought a drink for since moving here last week. The TikTok slash real estate. Hold on. He doesn't usually share that he's got a lot of money upfront, but just this once. Just on the first time he's meeting someone. He'll break this rule. He'll make an exception. Right, cause he's trying to fuck you. Right. Yeah. Yeah. That's crazy. The TikTok real estate combination immediately gave me the ick. My friends and I left shortly afterwards, me spending the night with my situation ship, but I woke up to these texts. All right. Should we do the texts and then I'll finish the email? Yeah, let's do the texts. Okay. I'll be her. Why didn't y'all just invite us, LOL? We all have a good time mine as well. Where are you at? So these are the nighttime host, dance kissing texts. Yes. We stayed at the same club cause they close at four. Ha, ha, ha, I went home. She's typing that from a Uber on her way to her situation ship's house. That's hilarious. Wow. You hate me, LOL. Let me come stay with you, LOL. I'm not gonna lie. You missing out on a real dude right now. A real dude? Wow. These texts are amazing. He wakes up at 5.50 AM. I'm sorry about last night. Still drunk probably. Right, still feeling it and anxious. I'm sorry about last night. I was drunk, crying face emoji, but you are really cute. And I fuck with your vibe. I'm flying out to Florida today for some work I have to do, but I'll be back and I wanna take you on a date and be the gentleman that I am. Hey, don't worry about it. I'm flattered, but I wasn't a fan of you talking about all your TikTok fame and acquired assets. That's awesome. But in New York City, most people have a lot of wealth or fame because you have to in order to make a living here. You can't really survive without either a high salary or a high following. And I'm not really interested in going out with somebody who's making a point to talk about theirs. And I get not wanting to be used, but you can't control that either and just comes down to judgment and trust. But it was nice meeting you. Just wanted to send this so you don't think all girls in New York City just give a number and then ghost. Wow, she's really doing a solid for all the girls in New York City. And it was, he won't think that they ghost anymore. He'll just think that they're giant assholes. I didn't want you thinking that women ghost. So let me just tell you everything I've ever thought about you. Let me leave you with this goodie bag from meeting me. We make enough money in New York. You don't need to talk about your stuff. He writes, Let me give you a little information about how it works here in Big Apple. She likes meeting someone new because all those other people are jaded. I wonder where she found that out. That's fair, he writes. And thank you for saying things I need to work on. Thank you for a great night. Love your business idea. You're going to rock that. I let the alcohol speak last night instead of myself if you wanted me to be honest. You got the side of me I don't like. That's why I don't drink. If you gave me another shot and go on a real date, you wouldn't regret it. But I'll leave that ball in your court. But thank you for all and it goes on. She didn't let him sound like a nice guy. Yeah, not. She cut him off. Yeah. So I don't want to hear that. So my questions, Icky or picky being TikTok famous for dancing, something about that just turns me off, but I'm fairly offline. Okay, I'd have to see the video. Well, can I, I don't mean to be, you know, here's the thing. If someone said they were TikTok famous for dancing, I would be like, let me see the dancing. I would, I would. I assume they were joking. Right. It's such a cheesy thing to say that I would entertain it and like egg them on. I would either think they were joking or if they were taking themselves seriously, I would egg them on so they could see their dancing so they could show all my friends what a loser I met. But that's beside the point. I think her writing into us, Icky or picky being TikTok famous for dancing, something about that just turns me off. Of course, what do you think? That's not an interesting, I think most people would be turned off by someone bragging that they dance for money online. Like it is cheesy and corny. So like, you know what I mean? Like, I know, like you're, and then she says, but I'm fairly offline. This is again, this is the elitist, I know nothing so I'm better than the people who are in. I kind of think this is like, she's, this email is about someone who's a deal breaker and like not someone I would want to hang out with. But also the more they write about it, the more I think the email is a red flag and a deal breaker. Also a deal breaker. Right. Yes. The guy was, to how insulting her text was, he seemed pretty nice. Totally, right. If someone wrote that to me, I would just not respond to them. Good luck. I'm sorry. I would just block them. Yeah. Was a horrible person to you and bought you drinks and tried to impress you. And you know, I don't know. There's like a lack of, like, there's a lack of awareness to explain to someone that you don't want to see it again. She doesn't want to see them again. So it's not worth your time to improve them for what, the greater good of women? Like, fuck off. Yeah. He didn't ask. You could just say, hey, I had a good time. I'm not really looking to go out again, but thanks so much for a fun night. Again, if he wrote that to her, I didn't really like how you danced a little bit too provocatively. And for that reason, and in New York, you should know people are pretty classy here and don't dance like that. Like, we'd be hammering him too. Yeah. No, yeah. She sounds like an asshole. He didn't ask you why you said no. Right. He asked you on a date. It's a simple no. It was nice to meet you, but I didn't feel a romantic connection. Done. Yeah. If anything, it wouldn't, I don't think she's saving him from thinking all New York City girls ghost. I think she's actually scaring the shit out of him, thinking that anyone who he asks out on a date will not only just reject him, but reject him with a full list of reasons why he sucks. Right. That would be more traumatic for me and bigger deterrence than not getting answered. I think most people can move on. Oh, thank you for asking me on a date. Let me tell you the ways you made me dry. And one and two. Yeah. I mean, her next question, red flag or deal breaker talking about how much money you have. Like, yeah, we know. Of course, talking about how much money you have. Yes. There's a subtle theme here, and I don't mean to like connect all these things of like, listen, I am a straight man here and I'm speaking for the other side. I'm giving some feedback that some people are starting to sound like dicks on the other side of the aisle and starting to sound like they're being emboldened to be dicks because the world will allow it. And I do understand the brunch table, making fun of someone who talks about how much money they have. Yeah, of course. That's fun to do, but like, I don't know, young guy makes mistakes. You found, you found them drunk at a club while you were dancing, you know, like. Yeah. It's funny to me that she even said that like, him mentioning that he owns a lot of real estate and properties was the, was a deal breaker. And the only reason she gave him a chance was because she felt bad because he says that because he has so much money, he's worried that women won't use him. That's, to me, of all of these things, the biggest deal breaker was the third bullet. And that was like the only reason she was gonna, she kept going. Right. No, it's a great point. And it's like, I've got to kind of bring you into the worldview. And what I've been talking about is like, that she has to be a representation of all women. And it's like, that's not your responsibility. You listen to a dating podcast so that you can have fun with the subject so that you can find someone great that you can connect with. None of that shit is gonna help another woman out. Like, no one cares about you. They don't care about, you don't care about them. Stop playing this stupid game of we're all in this together. You're not. Yeah, you're not. So overall, So I think that answers her, I mean, that answers her third question. Overall, should I give this guy a chance? Or is this a walk away situation? How could you even think about, should I give this guy a chance after you sent that message to someone? Sincerely, a non-home owning, non-viral batch. Right, she's non-home owning, she's not viral. Look at me, simple loser. That's why I can talk shit about this guy who's dancing, making dough, I don't know. Yeah, don't go out with him. You deserve each other. You should get together and make little deal breakers. Yeah. Yes. Let's do another one. Last one, J&J just became a subscriber and loving it. Thank you, thanks for the laughs and great advice. If you're listening this deep into the show, you're gonna love the subscription. I think we're pretty personal here anyways, but we would love for you to sign up and you get to know us in a different way. I meet people at the shows that are benefit subscribers. It's like family. Not sure if this is a red flag or deal breaker or icky or picky you decide. I'm a 43 year old widow and I always tell prospective dates before going out that my husband passed away. Usually it's met with sympathy and empathy. I met a man online and we started chatting several weeks later we went off for a first date. It was okay. I had a drink he had for. I guess he was nervous. On our second date, he got two bills and we each paid for our own meal. On our third date, we went bowling and he said he'd pay for the bowling as long as I treated for drinks after this. Can you imagine you were in like a loving relationship, your husband who you love so much and probably paid the tab and now you're dating and the guy's like two tabs please. And you're like, do you think she like looks up to the sky like why would you do this to me? Do you think there's like a moment of like irony or I don't know what it's called that like you're just like, what the fuck? You know? I think there's definitely a moment of like, what am I doing? Right. I need to reevaluate everything. Right. The minute he says two tabs at the end of a day when you loved, you know, like again, I'm sure her, I'm sorry that she's gone through this, but like this is the plight and you go, I had this one, I'm sure she thinks of her husband in the most wonderful, ooey gooey ways. And now she's on a date. Two tabs please. You know, like you get the shoes, I'll get the snacks. I, you know, like what the fuck, you know? I mean, she's, listen, she's being a good sport. She's going, she's like, she's going on the third date. I cheer for her. Like it just, yeah, I agree with you. On our third day, we went bowling. He said he'd pay for bowling as long as I treated for drinks afterwards. Each date he had been fun with good conversation, but I wasn't feeling a spark. And to be honest, the division of bills and lack of shiv where it got to me. On our last date, he asked me if I was going to talk about my ex-husband and if I was going to compare all future partners to him. I was truly offended. My first husband is dead, so he's not my ex. Maybe this is just semantics, but I didn't appreciate the wording. Second, I make a real effort not to bring him up, but when I do, it's because I feel comfortable and want to share. I don't cry when I talk about him. I just usually say something in passing like my late husband and I had been there or done that. My date didn't apologize and said it was no big deal. I, on the other hand, feel hurt and would appreciate an apology. My friends say that I should not go out with him again as he is clearly not empathetic and sensitive enough to my feelings. What do you think? On another note, I just listened to the episode where Jared talks about Ozempic as someone who has struggled with my weight my entire life. It's refreshing to hear a man talk about the struggle of body, image and weight. Thanks for being so open. Thanks for looking for love again, Betch. Well, thank you for writing in. I am terribly sorry about your loss. What do you think, Jared? To me, it's, I think it's hard without the context of being there and hearing how the conversation went because I do think there's a way that this could be said sensitively. It doesn't sound like it was at all from the way she's describing it. Like, I don't think the question in itself, if raised the right way and in the right context, would be offensive, but it sounds like there's a, the way he brought it up was, was not with like vulnerability and softness. Could you ever imagine talking to someone who you know their wife has passed away and calling it their ex-wife? That part's very weird. Yeah, I agree. Unless like, again, he like, just, you know, made a mistake. It's a tough mistake to make. I don't know. Cause it feels pointed. Why else? Why would he do, I mean, but why would he, why would he do that on purpose? I don't know. But even to say the way she worded it, let's say it's exactly how he said it. I don't know, but let's say it is. If I was always going to compare all future partners to him, like even that's a little bit future partners, like in, in what way? I don't know. I, I, I guess maybe my mind goes to like sexual partners. I, I don't know. To say ex-husband and partners, I don't know. There's a, I agree with everything you said. I don't, I don't want to repeat you. I'm just saying the way he said it. It sounds right. It sounds like he said it in like a, in a, I think if she had that reaction, he must have been said, I would imagine in a way that was like, not sensitive, not vulnerable, and not like in a, in a way to sort of like get her to open up about a topic. Right. You know, I think that question in itself isn't crazy. No. You want to know that if someone, if someone you're dating on a third date to say like, how is, I think there's a way that, that you could, could bring it up and say like, how has it been dating since, you know, since the loss? Like, do you find yourself comparing people you date to your late husband? I don't think is it a, an offensive question in itself. I think if I were dating someone who was a widow, it would, I might be curious about that. No, I, I, it is, it is something I'd be curious about. I've dated women who have had husbands who've passed. And it's not, I guess I thought it, I didn't really like, it's more that like this is a part of their life that, you know, I don't know, it's a part of their whole story. I don't, I don't know. I, I didn't really think to ask about, I was like, I'll hear it when I hear it. Right. But I do understand being curious. You know, I don't think he's wrong for curiosity. I think, but I think you got to be like, that is such a fucking huge loss. And especially at a certain age, you know, like, Right. And to say like, are you always going to talk about him? Sounds like you're making it about you. Right. Right. And the comparison is making about you. Just to say that it's okay to be curious about that, but to say it, to not be kid gluv-ish with that topic, Right. Is, is just bizarre and non-empathetic. I'm with the friends. I wouldn't go out with them again. Right. I wouldn't go out either. Also like the paying thing just sounds like he's pretty self-centered. Yeah. But I think it's like, I get, I agree. It's an intimate topic and it has to be asked about intimately. I don't, I don't think the questions themselves are like, I mean, the question about, are you always going to talk about him? I can't imagine a way that that was said nicely, but like, I think with all these things, it's like, is it said in a, did that answer come out in a curious, vulnerable, getting the person to like, open up and share with you about their past? Or is it like, are you going to be just talking about this person and then I'm going to have to like, live up to this person like, in that way? Just to me seems not, not that. Also, and I'll say this as a man who's dated, well, anyone who's dated, you don't date everyone the same. You don't go on a first date with someone who's lost a spouse. If you do, you're not doing it right. Well, you're right. Like this to me is a guy who's dating everyone the same. You go out with someone who's lost a spouse, like, two tabs please. Like, I don't know. Like, you're like, you know, go on a nice date, be, you know, like, I don't know. It's just like, not that I would get two tabs with someone who didn't lose a spouse, but like, I just think you would want to show them a great time. You might be extra sensitivity. Right. I think that there, you meet someone at a bar that you hook up with one night, you go for casual drinks afterwards. It's a little bit more cash. It's a little more, it's a different type of date than it is first date with someone who's let you know that they've lost their husband. I'm just saying to treat everyone. The fact that he didn't treat her differently. I was out at two bills, even not having lost a husband. Totally. Yeah, yeah, yeah. At two bills, two bills at dinner. There's nothing, to me, I would rather pay for the whole dinner than have it have two bills. That's like, just feel sticky. Right. No, but I just will say, I've dated a lot of different people. And if you're going out today, it's you're going out because you feel that it could be special. Yeah, this sucks. I'm sorry. I'm sorry it sucked, but I wouldn't go out with them again. Agreed. All right. We did it. We solved dating again. We did it. We back on Friday. Boom. Bye.