This is a Monday.com ad. The same Monday.com designed for every team. The same Monday.com with built-in AI, scaling your work from day one. The same Monday.com with an easy and intuitive setup. Go to Monday.com and try it for free. From pretty in pink to St. Elmo's fire to a weekend at Bernie's, he helped to find what it felt like to grow up in the 80s while it looked like a life full of connection. Offscreen, something was missing. Until a simple question from his son completely changed everything. That moment sent him on a 10,000-mile journey across America, not for fame, but for something far more human. And that's Connection. Today, we connect with Andrew McCarthy. Welcome to the show, Andrew. Thanks, good to be with you. I like that intro. Yeah, so this book, it starts from a very personal moment in your life. Your son asks you a question. What was the question that he asked you? Yeah, we were sitting in the kitchen. He was telling me a story about one of his friends and we were laughing. And then as we sort of settled down, he looked over at me and said, you don't really have any friends, do you, dad? And I took that hit and then I kind of thought, you know what I said, I do have friends, Sammy, but I just don't see them, but I know they're there and that's enough. And he kind of went, yeah, okay. And he went off to see his girlfriend. And that stayed with me for a few days. And then I thought, you know what? It's not enough. I need to go see these people. And so I got in, you know, I had, like many guys, I had this core group when I was a young man of my dear close sort of chosen family. And then through life and jobs and careers, you know, everyone's scattered across the country. And I hadn't seen any of these close dear friends in years and years, some in decades. And so I just thought I need to go see these guys. And so, and since I hate driving and hate driving on highways, I drove all back roads across America to go reconnect with all these people. And along the way then, I started talking to random men that I just sort of encountered on the street. And I'd sort of tell them what I was doing. And I said, would you talk to me about your friends? And they all kind of looked at me like they were, I was crazy. And then they kind of went, yeah, okay. And not a single guy said no to me. And so I would talk with these all sorts of, you know, cops in Ohio, blues musicians in Mississippi, oil rig workers in Texas, all these guys about the place friendship had in their lives. And it just evolved into that at a certain point, I think in Kentucky somewhere, I thought, my God, you know what, there's a book in here. You know, because every, there was these themes that were starting to evolve that I just thought was really interesting. And so many guys are like me, that have dear friends, but haven't seen them. And so what's the deal with that? Yeah, the thing that stood out to me when I started reading the statistics in the Atlantic, a great write up on your book in the Atlantic, where it says men with poor friendships have a 50% higher risk of dementia. And around a 30% higher risk for heart disease and stroke. It's got me wanting to call all my friends. I mean, are these stats true? Absolutely they're true. It's amazing. And it's worse than that. I mean, you mentioned a couple of them, but yeah, there's lots of it's equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes a day and seven alcoholic drinks a day without the fun of those. That's how detrimental it is to your health but people that are isolated lonely. And you know, guys, for whatever, the idea of sort of manhood in America has evolved to be this kind of stoic, go it alone, pull your hat down, just grin and bear it, and you know, that kind of macho kind of attitudes, which is all cliche and everything, but it's so largely true. And I asked everybody I met along the way, I said, do you ever get lonely? And all the young, interestingly, the young guys would say, oh yeah, yeah, man, I get lonely all the time, but older guys would not admit they were lonely. They go, no, no, I never get lonely. And because then it occurred to me, I'm like, what's going on with this? Because I know that's not true. And I realize loneliness can be equated with weakness. And the one thing a guy can never be is weak. You know what I mean? So that makes people even more isolated, more shut down and more sort of separate. And I just thought those, you know, and I kept finding that over and over again with guys, and particularly older men too. So all that kind of stuff I found fascinating, and it's kind of crazy out there. And also, you know, I got to discover America in a way I never had before. I'd never been down to Mississippi before. I'd never been driving across West Texas, and this, you know, to get out into America again, and you know, our country so sort of polarized politically in this way. And I didn't talk about politics with anybody. I wasn't interested in that. I was interested in the human part of it. And I was so amazed that like people in America are still so open and kind and generous and willing to sort of, once I started talking to people and their willingness to talk back with me and welcome me into their kind of intimate lives, it was fascinating. Yeah, at one point you were standing on the corner in Winslow, Arizona. What a fine sight to see. And you went to the birthplace of the blues in Mississippi. Out of these moments, what was the highlight? Where at this moment you said to yourself, this is exactly why I needed to do this. Well, seeing all my friends was certainly that. But there were moments like in Winslow. I was, you know, and I drove analog. I didn't want my phone telling me, make a left. I hate that. I hate being told what to do on any level. I hate when my phone's telling me what to do. So I got a big, you know, ramming. Now I wrote out this book of just this giant old school book, and that's how I followed across the country. And so I would look at these kind of, where is the place in between? Well, there's nothing between these little, this line. And that's where I'd head. And I saw this tiny thing of Winslow. And I'm like, Winslow, where the? Why do I know Winslow? And I couldn't think of it. And I'm driving, and I'm driving. And I start, about an hour later, I start saying, I'm standing on a corner in Winslow. And I'm like, oh my God, I'm going to Winslow. So I turn, and I'm like, I go to Winslow. And I'm like, idiot, like, and I discover all these other boomers have come to Winslow and are standing on the corner taking selfies and just saying, oh my God. But moments like that happened to me over and over and over again. I went to Elvis's birthplace in Tupelo, which was incredible, amazing place. You know, I went to the Roy Orbison Museum in this tiny town of Wink, Texas, in northern Texas that was crazy and wonderful. It was this little storefront that's a little old lady just sort of maintains this museum. And I got to wear a pair of Roy Orbison's glasses, you know? So things like that. America is kind of a wonderous place out there when you get out there. Close your eyes. Focus. Listen to work getting done with Monday.com. Relax as AI does the manual work, while your teams are aligned on a single source of truth. Feel the sensation of an AI work platform, so flexible and intuitive, it feels like it was built just for you. Notice you're limitless. Now open your eyes. Go to Monday.com. Start for free and finally, breathe. We're here with Andrew McCarthy. His new book is called Who Needs Friends. It drops on March 24th. It's a really honest look at friendships and why so many men struggle with it. You had such great on-screen chemistries and the films that we've all seen, Pretty in Pink, Weekend at Bernie's. But in real life, I heard you say that people like Emilio Estevez, Demi Moore, Rob Lowe, you didn't see them in decades. You didn't hold on to those friendships off camera. Why do you think those relationships didn't evolve into stronger friendships off camera? Well, I think it's like in any job where you work with people you like and that's great, then it sort of ends and you just sort of drift it back into your lives. But also, I lived in New York, they lived in LA and back then that was a real dividing kind of thing. We weren't sort of as fluid as we are now and sort of being everywhere. And but although I have to say, I got a text this morning from Emilio since I made that documentary. I got a text right there from Emilio this morning saying how he'd read that excerpt that you mentioned in Atlantic and how it was just so lovely to be sort of back in touch with someone I knew back in the day. And those things, those relationships were really important when I revisited those for that movie Bratz. It made me realize how much affection I had for my youth in a way that I didn't understand and how important that had been to me in a way that I didn't understand before I went to look at it. That cliche of 90% of life is showing up and I really just think that's true. Whether it was showing up for my friends in this book or showing up back and to meet those people again for the Bratz thing and just sort of being there and having some as we call it now FaceTime. You know, Zoom's cool and text is cool but to just sort of show up and kind of honor that the import of events have in our life, I think we underestimate that in our world now. It's been a long time since I watched something on television and wasn't looking at my phone or being distracted. And I gotta tell you, Andrew, when I watched Bratz on Hulu recently, it was one of those things that I could just feel the emotion. I could feel the nostalgia. I could not look away from the screen. So I honestly have to say that people may say that the 1980s was your defining era. But I'm feeling like, Andrew, this is some of your best work. These books that you've written, the journeys that you went with your son when you went to, I believe Spain, very inspiring. Do you feel like you're in a different kind of creative moment right now in your life? You're really hitting them out of the park here lately. You're nice, but I mean, I do have less defensiveness than I did when I was young. And I have less to prove. I don't care about certain kinds of, when you're young, you're striving and you're insecure and you don't know anything. Now I'm just interested in doing what I like to do and things that, and I think that kind of, my work, like anybody's good work, is like it's an exploration of your place in the world, isn't it? And so I'm just really interested in that and explain sort of reveal. I have less to protect now. Who would have known that you had such great work after Weekend at Barney's? I mean, my goodness. How could you top that? Well, I think, I don't think I ever have. I think Bernie is, you know, without doubt the high water mark. I feel Bernie. The term brat pack, it's something that you've said that for many years you really didn't like that time and it impacted your career you feel like, but now it seems like you've made peace with it, maybe even embraced it a little bit. What was that journey like for you from pushing it away and that label to now coming to terms with it? Yeah, I mean, you're exactly right. I did hate it at the beginning. I thought it was real stigmatizing, but I've come to realize it took me a long time, but people approach me, they come up to me and they go, oh, those movies, putting paint, you know, they start talking their eyes, guys over and I realize very quickly they're not talking to me. They're talking to their own youth, you know? And it's a real gift that I can give them by just receiving them because that moment in youth when we're just blossoming like that and it's such a, it's like a beautiful sunrise. It's very fleeting and really powerful and it's very attractive. And I think a lot of us look back on that moment and it's like, oh, that was a moment in my life. And so I represent that and other members of the Brad Pack represent that to a group of a certain demographic of a certain generation. And to be able to sort of be that for them, I realize that's a great gift. Yeah, you really are one of the avatars of our 80s coming of age moments. So I'd like to play a little game with you. I'm gonna throw out a few of your great films and I want you to, no thinking, just reaction. The first thing that comes to mind when I mentioned the 1983 movie with Rob Lowe, class. What do you think about when you think of that movie? It was my first job. I loved it. I loved it. I had no idea what was going on. I was deer in the headlights. St. Elmo's Fire 1985, Demi Moore, Emilio Estevez. What a great soundtrack and a great movie. 1985, St. Elmo's Fire. What's the first thing that comes to mind? Yeah, me playing bongo drums. I came of age in that movie. I love that character. And you played a writer in that movie as well. Yeah, I really identified with him. I had that sort of rotten before it's ripe cynicism to cover this vulnerability and fear. I love that character. Pretty in pink, 1986. I was shocked that movie was successful. I thought it was a silly movie about a girl wanting to go to a dance and make a dress. I'm like, who cares? And I was wrong again. Mannequin, 1987. I don't know that you could make that one nowadays, but a great movie. You know what's amazing about that movie? It's very open-hearted and innocent. And I have great affection for it. But what I love about that movie most is that me and Misha Kterer, Hollywood character, he was this wildly flamboyant, openly homosexual person. And we were best friends. And it was never ever mentioned. The sexuality was never an issue. It was nothing. And for an 80s movie to have that without it ever being on the table, he was just a lovely person. And we were friends. I thought that was a wonderful kind of thing for a movie of that day and age. It's a very innocent movie. Next, you and Jonathan Silverman, great chemistry. Also, the dead guy, Terry Kaiser, Weekend at Bernie's, what's the first thing that comes to mind when you think of that? And there was a sequel as well. The greatest story ever told. I would agree. What's like a behind the scenes moment from that movie that people maybe don't know? Well, just so much of it, we just sort of made it up as we went along. It's like, well, let's just throw them over the rail. Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's throw them over the rail. And then somebody said, what if Tide washed him out? Yeah, yeah, yeah, what if he gets washed out by the tide? And so much of it was just sort of off the cuff. And we had that moment of, we actually thought it was hysterical why we're making it. And usually that is a kiss of death in a movie. If you think you're funny on the set, it's usually not very funny. But, and I have to say, I was in a hotel about six months ago and I turned on the TV and I went off to the bathroom and I heard some voices and I'm like, what is that? I came back in and it was me in Weekend at Bernie's. It was like the last 20 minutes. I hadn't seen the movie in decades. And I sat there and I watched the last 20 minutes of Bernie with the boat thing where we're driving and this ridiculous ending. And I laughed my brains off. I just thought it was hysterical. I thought, I'm genius. You were. I thought it was great. It was fantastic. What was it like with Terry Kaiser being dead? I mean, how often was that, was he ever a prop or was he really physically there and playing dead most all the time? Terry was amazing because we could just, we just threw him around. I mean, we did break a couple of his ribs at one point and then he was heavily medicated so when we're throwing him around, he was, you know. But Terry was amazing. He just let us do whatever he wanted. He kept that smirk on his face the whole time. And, you know, it was just a blast that movie. If your son were to ask you that same question today, you know, now after you've gone on this 10,000 mile journey, do you even have any friends, Dad? How would you answer them today? Well, as a spoiler on the book, at the end of the book, near the end of the book, I'm talking on the phone to one of my friends who I've reconnected with and we're just laughing and laughing about something and I hung up and Sam just looked up at me and said, Dad, it's so nice to hear you talking to your friends like that and laughing. That's just awesome. And I said, well, Sammy, it's because of you. You said that, you know, and he had no recollection of telling me, of saying that to me. I'm like, well, you started it all. So yeah, I stayed in touch with all of them again and which has been great. He's a big inspiration doing some of his best work of his life and you would have thought maybe the 80s would have been the time that he shines, but he is shining more than ever. The book is called Who Needs Friends and it's not just a book, it's a real conversation that I think a lot of people need to hear right now. I appreciate your honesty, your reflection and all the work that you're doing and thank you for taking the time. I really appreciate you sharing your story today with us, Andrew. Thanks, man, I appreciate it. Close your eyes. Listen to Monday.com. Feel the sensation of an AI work platform. So flexible and intuitive, it feels like it was built just for you. Now open your eyes, go to Monday.com. Start for free and finally breathe.
