THE VALLEY: Safari Planet!

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Stop, dude. Oh, stop, dude. The way they were calling each other, dude, is like, you know, give me your face, dude. And he's like, stop, dude. It's like, that was actually their way of saying, I fucking hate you. You know, they weren't wanting to say those words. They were just calling each other, dude. But that's what the subtext was in that little clip from this week's episode of the Valley. Hello, everyone. Welcome to Everything Iconic with me, Danny Pellegrino. I got a lot on my mind. A lot on my mind. And I'm going to take it out on Daniel on the Valley because that man was, the episode was called Triggers in TRs. And that man was triggering me. It's triggering me and it's triggering Lala. And thank God for Lala there standing there, crew socks, watching Nia paint Daniel's face because she was getting ready to pop him. Make it go, pop, pop, pop. And her panties weren't going to go drop, drop, drop. She was just going to pop that man. And I was ready for it because I cannot stand that man anymore. I can't watch him on screen just berating his wife and then her taking it and the way that these two talked to each other on screen. It's been like that from the beginning. I mean, we were all obviously so distracted by the jacks of it all the first two, three seasons of this show. What season are we on now? We're in three. The first two seasons that we were so distracted by that demon jacks. But this was all still happening. I mean, there were plenty of moments we talked about on the podcast throughout the past couple of years with the Valley where Daniel had just been seeming to be a nightmare to his wife. I mean, it happened. I remember the one time they were taking a sprinter van and he was talking in a weird way. And then of course that one time when they were, they were drunk and Jason was dressed in a hot dog costume. I mean, there were plenty of times and I know everybody hates Janet, but then when Janet had come out and said, oh, you made me uncomfortable in the broom closet or the fuck they were at. And then they were calling him dark side, Danny and stuff. Everybody was still sort of siding with Danny and me because everybody hated Janet so much. Everybody hated Jack so much. Hated Janet so much that everybody was a little bit not paying attention. But this Daniel, I can't watch him anymore. He's just so frustrating. Such a seemingly bad parent to those kids. I mean, every single week he's getting so frustrated by the one kid that they have on the vacation. And it is hard to watch as an audience member. Like I can only take so much where I'm like, thank God that Lala this I've never thought I'd say these words in my entire life. Thank God that Lala is on this cast because I need someone to put him in his place. And if there's someone that's going to do it, it's going to be Lala. Lala Kent. She's going to make it go pop, pop, pop. Remember when Anna Pumper was when she said, do you want to get popped or do you want to get popped? And then she made a song out of it. Make it go pop, pop, pop. Which a lot of people do. A lot of people do complain when I play that clip. People either love it or hate it. Love it or hate it. A lot of people love it. A lot of people, there's a handful of people who are like, stop playing that clip. And I can't help it, especially this week because Lala was ready to pop. And I was ready for her to pop. Daniel, because every, I hate that man. I hate that man. We got so much to discuss on this week's episode of the valley. They're still in San Diego. It's a super sized episode. Super sized isn't the right term. I keep calling it super sized, but that's what they called those friends episodes in the early 2000s. Remember Will and Grace, instead of a 24 minute episode, they do like a 32 minute episode and they'd be like, super sized Will and Grace. And I as a little closeted teen boy would be like, yes. I'm like, fuck yes. More Karen Walker. Yes. You know, I was like so excited. But that's what they called them the super sized episodes. So whenever the episodes on Bravo are extended, I just naturally call them super sized. Anyway, I am excited to get in this was the best episode of the season so far. I feel like we're finally getting somewhere, although it is infuriating to watch Danny and me at least feels like we got something to watch, something going on. You know, their misery is a little bit of our entertainment, unfortunately for them. But I there is a stark difference to earlier in the season I was watching and I think we were all enraged by both Luke and Daniel. But now I am feeling like they're like with Luke, I feel like there is an understanding and empathy with Kristen. And although his words are very frustrating to watch when he's saying certain things, he's obviously being a dummy when it comes to some of the post part himself with this significant other. However, there's a very stark difference. So I just want to point that out because sometimes I feel like Luke and Daniel get in. They get lumped in with each other. But like Daniel, we've seen so much of this bad behavior over the years over the past three seasons that I think we need to separate them a little bit because Luke definitely needs to have more grace with Kristen and needs to be a little bit more supportive and not worrying about going fishing for the whole day and complaining about how he can't go fishing when his wife is three months postpartum. I mean, like he needs to be a little bit better. But the point is, I think they should be separated because Daniel is very frustrating, very frustrating. What else is going on? You guys, I mentioned every single episode that I am on a little bit of the brim because we have construction in the backyard. And I got to say the other day we went out and we decided to get out because there was so much noise here at the house with the jackhammer in the backyard and they're doing a lot of stuff and it's loud. And plus we got the baby. I'm trying to keep ahead of work stuff. It's like a lot happening. And so we went to the car dealership. I still drive my truck from 2005. You guys know that I still got my Honda from 2005 and the air conditioning broke. I'm like, we got to get rid of this thing. We do have another car for the baby, but I'm like, I got to get rid of this truck. It barely works anymore. Everything, it's breaking down on me. So we thought we'd get out of the house, go to the car dealership and just look around, maybe test drive some cars, see what's happening. And so we go and I'm so overstimulated that I can't even think straight, you guys. My brain is not, I'm running on very little sleep. My brain is not working at full capacity, right? And so we go to the car dealership. And you know how those things take a while and you're even to just test drive things, you got to fill out paperwork or whatever. And so we're waiting around and you always, we were with the baby and we told the guy, I was like, oh, we're in a rush because we don't have a lot of time to just be sitting here with the baby. We got to eventually go home and feed the baby and then put the baby down, all that stuff. And so then the baby starts crying, like as we're waiting for the guy to finish the paperwork to do the test driving situation. And so we're sort of taking turns in the parking lot, like walking him in the stroller to keep him calm and all that stuff. And so I'm sitting in the dealership with Matt's outside and I'm just like kind of losing it, right? Like I'm saying deep breaths, doing the Hail Mary, like saying prayer to Mariah Carey, like doing whatever I have to do to calm myself down. Okay, because I hear the baby crying. I'm thinking I can't go home yet because they're still drilling and all that shit. So I'm better off at the car dealership. But then I'm thinking, oh, the baby's got to get home. So it's a whole mind fuck. But as I'm sitting there, the guy, one of the fellas who works at this place, it was like a small car dealership office, which was very confusing to me because you know, the bigger car dealerships, sometimes they have like a little lobby area where they got a coffee, a vending machine. You sometimes they'll put like cookies out or something like that. And it's a little bit of a lobby, but this place was like sort of small, but like still had a little corner area. And the guy, the gentleman there was like, Hey, if you want something to drink, like there's some drinks over there. And he pointed in the corner where there was like a little mini fridge. And I thought this was like a customer lobby situation. That's where my brain was. And he's like, Oh, there's some snacks over there. And so I'm thinking like, Oh, I can get a snack and drink. I was hungry at the time. So I mosey on over there. And I go to the mini fridge, I grab sparkling water. And then I see there's like one of those little charcuterie, like a hillshire farm charcuterie packs. They're basically like adult lunch bowls. Do you know what I'm talking about? It's got like a little honey roasted turkey in there at cracker and some salami or something. And so I see that in there. I'm like, I'm going to grab a sparkling water. And he said, go help yourself over there. So I grabbed that, you know, and then I go sit down and eat it and I finish it. And I just put it's on the table there. Mac comes in with the baby and we're waiting for the guy still to finish up the paperwork. And then I hear one of the other fellas come in from the garage at the car dealership. And he's looking, you guys, for his hillshire farm charcuterie. And I'm like sitting there. I'm like, Oh, fuck, like I ate this man's lunch. Like I didn't realize this was like their office area. This wasn't like a lobby situation where it was like for anyone. And the, when the guy had told me like help yourself to snacks, I think he meant like there was a basket of some candy on top. Like I think that's what he meant. But like I went in the fridge and grabbed the hillshire farm charcuterie container pack snack pack lunchable. And I ate it right there. And then I'm sitting and I'm like, well, do I, do I like raise my hand and tell the guy, it means sort of far away from me. So I didn't think he could see the empty hillshire farm lunchable. But I was like, I don't know what to do. Do I tell him or whatever? So then I just like ran outside and left Matt in there. Like I was like, I'll take the baby, you know, and I'm like, I go, I'll take the baby. And then it made it look like Matt stole this person's lunch. And so it wasn't me, but I do feel bad for that man. I don't know. He didn't ultimately like confront Matt or anything. And I was just outside like walking the baby in the stroller, just laughing my ass off. But I apologize for that man. I don't, it was his lunch. And apparently it was just like the office refrigerator. And I didn't know, I thought it was a lobby situation. It wasn't, but anyway, so I'm not really working at high capacity right now. So if I get things wrong, it's so be it. But I did take actually copious pages of notes because this was such a super size episode. And they went on a little safari and it was making me laugh too. Cause there's safari outfits, mostly Benji I want to focus on because do you guys know Brian fellows from that? It was a Tracy Morgan SNL character from like the nineties. And he had a talk show, like a zoo talk show where he invited zoologists or people with animals on the show. And then he, he would like interview them and the animals. And so then if they had a parrot on, he'd be like, that parrot's talking. That's crazy. And he went, and he's always dressed in this like safari outfit. And I was like, oh my God, Benji is dressed like Brian fellows from SNL's safari planet. What's the name of sketch? And it was cracking me up every time I saw Benji. That's crazy. I just was like laughing so hard at Benji and that Brian fellows outfit. I love more Benji. I would like Benji to just step it up. And do they even give Benji a professional? They should give Benji a professional. Honestly, bravo. What are you doing? If we can give Schwartz and Lala a professional, we can certainly mic up Benji and put him on that couch. Come on. Anyway, we opened this week with Lacey and Lacey says Janet was trying to find things out about her. And doesn't want to be around her. And first of all, this, so this leads into the fight that they have this episode. And I think it was like, I know everyone hates Janet. I get it. I get it. A lot of people are, you don't got to tell me twice. If there's one thing I'm certain of it's like death taxes and that the whole audience fucking hates Janet. Right. Those are the only things in life that I'm certain of. However, I try to look at these episodes objectively and I try to say like, okay, like if this was my real life, or if I was in, this is a reality show. If I was one of these people, like how would I feel? And Lacey's upset that Janet was like looking into her. Okay. But I would, if like, if I was on a TV show and like somebody was like either coming on the TV show or dating someone in the cast and then sending cease and desist orders to other cast members about like what they're talking about on the show. Like I would also do a little research on that person. Right. Like I'd be like, okay, I got to see what we're dealing with because this person sending cease and desist orders to my friend Michelle, who's a cast member and saying, don't talk about me on the TV show. We're all on together. So like I need at least do a little basic research. And so I just want to, I'm not trying to defend Michelle and Janet and all these people, but like, I don't think it's totally out of the ordinary for them to do a little recon on this person that's sending him cease and desist about the TV show. They're on. Does that make sense? I don't know. Yeah. We did open this week at the music park and they go to dinner with their prizes. Schwartz carries Danny into the restaurant because Danny is so fucking lazy, I guess. Can't even take care of his kids or walk the boardwalk at the music park and pissed. Man, it's so Schwartz, even the laziest person I've ever seen. I'm sure it's isn't so lazy, but you know what I mean? Like, I don't know that Schwartz for Schwartz to carry Daniel. I keep calling him Daniel because I just don't want to call him Danny. But him carrying him into the restaurant. I was like, that, that man can even do any, can't even work his legs. Got to rely on Schwartz to, to walk him into the restaurant. And then Michelle arrives late because she was on that beach having that conversation with Lala and Michelle sits across from Lacey. And I did write my notes that this is a weird group. I think we sort of need a couple more people that get, we need people that get along with everyone because I'm looking at the table and I'm like, I, I sort of feel like they kind of all hate each other. We're supposed to believe this is like a group of friends. And like, actually, I think they all sort of hate each other, or at least there's definitely like two, two groups here. Like there's one group that likes each other and then another group that likes each other, but those two groups hate each other. I don't know. There was a Sheena flashback. Sheena. There wasn't Sheena because Lacey brought up about that thing about how she affects someone from Baywatch. And it was actually Sheena who revealed that information. And Sheena's not even on this show, but she's evoked every single week on the show and they flashback to it. And Lacey has to say that like, what's her name? The guy from Baywatch, David Hasselhoff, Blockdron, social media. That's right, David Hasselhoff, I guess thought it was him that they were talking about. And Hasselhoff and his wife, which let's just break this down for 45 minutes because David Hasselhoff, did anyone ever see that video where he's like eating a hamburger on the floor? Do you know what I'm talking about? There was like this viral video from years and years ago. And it's like one of the most horrific videos that has ever been on the internet. Okay. So for that man, for the person who was in that video, eating hamburgers like so fucked up on the ground for him to be like, actually, I'm going to block someone from the valley. Like that is actually like pretty shocking to me because that man has seen and done things that we can all only dream of. And he's taking things way too far, as we've seen in the video of him on the ground eating that hamburger. And so for him to think that like someone from the valley is taking things too far, that is shocking to me. But Lacey says it wasn't even him. That wasn't even the situation. It wasn't even him. It was like some other guy. Did we ever get confirmation which one it was? I told you, I used to see one of my crushes from the early seasons of or from the original run of Baywatch at the gym. I used to see him there all the time. And it was like, that's the one of the things about living in Los Angeles. Like you do sort of run into celebrities sometimes. And it's like a random celebrity that you had a sexual awakening about. And you're like, oh, there they are at Trader Joe's or like, what? Whoops. It's very odd. It's very odd. But let's see. Lacey is sort of twisting all of this, I think. That's how I feel about Lacey. And look, I think Lacey is great for the show. And it's really fascinating to me how she's turning on Jesse, her partner who she's on the show with. It seems like she hates him. Like that's at least from the audience perspective. I'm like, oh, Lacey actually does not like Jesse. And Jesse is trying really hard for Lacey. And I do think on some level like Lacey was probably trying to be on television because we learned that she was trying to be on the House of Orange County. She like had interviewed a bunch of times, which is weird to me because I think they have the same production company, don't they? Orange County. And this show, I believe I could be wrong. So don't quote me on that. But I think they have the same producers. So it's like, actually she interviewed with the producers of this show and the producers were like, no, you're not right for Orange County, but like, let's throw you on the valley. But so I don't even think she's interested in Jesse. But that's so fascinating to me because she, I love a person that like. Their alliances shift a lot of the time. That's what I like so much about like Salt Lake City is that you're watching week to week and it's like this week, Angie and Lisa hate each other. But then the next week, they're best friends and they got over it. And then Angie's fighting with Heather and then Heather's fighting with this one. Like they change all the time. And there's no one really has like that sort of a blind loyalty to each other as much. And that's what I find good about Lacey is that she's turning on Jesse even in her first couple of episodes on the show. And she's like making up with Janet and fighting with her. And you know, it's like she's shown me a lot of different things and I'm really appreciating that. But I do believe she's probably on doing all of this to be on the TV show, right? That's what I think. But at the restaurant, Kristen, Kristen wants to leave. She doesn't want shots. She doesn't even want to be there. She doesn't want to be the negative Nancy. And this is another reason why like they shouldn't have started filming so, so quickly after those two had their babies because it is so upsetting to watch. There needs to be better paid maternity and paternity leave for parents out there. None of this. It should be paid mandatory paid for more than three months for everybody. I'm not just saying reality TV stars, but everybody universally. It is ridiculous to me that moms. Working mothers have to go right back to work because they don't get longer paid maternity leave. And this is a show that is just showing us what this is like because their bodies are going through it. Their emotions are going through hormones and everything. And it's like we need to show this to, I don't know, the government or something. Not that they do anything, but we need to show somebody. Somebody needs to be watching the show to say like, hey, we need longer parental leave from work because Kristen doesn't even want to be at this fucking restaurant. And Luke's trying to be nice and he's like, I know she just had a baby. And what was so interesting to me is like he was being empathetic to her and Kristen said, are you just saying that because you have a microphone on? Cut. Got you. She got you, Luke. Cut. That's right. She got him. She said to her significant other who was being nice on camera. She said, are you just saying that because you have a microphone on? I got the chills just from that little one. And she's physically uncomfortable. She said she's got to change her adult diaper at the museum park. Can you even imagine? Do you know what a museum park bathroom is like? Let's just all close our eyes and imagine a museum park back bathroom. So imagine having to change your adult diaper because they're making you film a TV show with a bunch of people you hate. And you got to film. You got to change your adult diaper in that nasty ass San Diego Museum Park bathroom. Absolutely not. Like give her a raise. Kristen deserves honestly a raise and an egot or something. Just give her an award or something because there's no reason that she should have to be hanging out with these yahoo's that she don't even want to hang out with. The husband too. She didn't want to be with him. She just wants to go home to the baby and sit in her house and enjoy herself, relax and try to heal herself from all that she's just been through. And yet she's got to be here and change her adult diaper in an amusement park bathroom. Absolutely not. Let her go home. Let her go home. And Luke says he feels like he can't say anything right. And the truth is he can't. So you should just shut his fucking mouth. That's my truth is that. And God bless Luke. I mean God bless him. But he feels like he can't say anything right and he's absolutely right about that. That's the only thing he is right about is that he can't say anything right. So shut the fuck up. You know that sometimes you just need that from somebody. And that's universal. That's not even just a postpartum thing. Like when you're in a mood or you're going through something or you're stressed or anxious or having anxiety issues or depression or whatever. Like sometimes you just need someone to stand there and also shut the fuck up. Like hold my hand. Agree with everything I say. And if I'm complaining about something just join in and complain. You know like I don't even want when I'm in like a really piss poor mood. I don't even want somebody like to try to be like oh everything's great or it's going to be good or just let's turn it around. Like I don't want any of that like annoying optimism sometimes. I just want you to be like yeah this is all bullshit. Like whatever it is that we're complaining about like just jump on board and just yeah if I'm complaining about that I'm wearing an adult diaper at the museum park and I don't want to be here. Just say like yeah that's fucking sucks. I'm pissed too. You know that's all Luke really needs to say and then shut up. But unfortunately you know he keeps talking unfortunately and that's that's unfortunate when any man keeps talking I think. But Zach asked if Kristen's OK and Kristen's like fuck like I don't want to make this big thing. She doesn't want to make a big storyline. And I was like please let let Kristen wrap her. You know like a producer writing cast to wrap them. So I was just thinking producer step in and wrap wrap her wrap her for the evening so you can go back to that house. That I feel uncomfortable at that house. There was like a word art sign that said together in one of them in the main house I think that they're staying at. And when I saw that I just got like a bad bad eerie vibe. And I do think on the valley they're not really sending them on nice luxurious vacations. They're very low budget vacays and I just it makes me sad. Like they need to go to a nicer vacation spot because everything like with the cast members is pretty sad to watch. And so like maybe at least give us some vacation porn. But like I don't want to look in an Airbnb that's got word art around them. And then they have to separate them in three different houses because they're not big enough to house the full cast. So let's figure out a nicer resort or something. But let's see. Yeah so everyone's checking on her. And there is a moment where Luke says I wish there was a mutual understanding that we're both figuring this out. And I was like you know what I understand I want to give a little empathy to Luke. I do. And yet it's hard for me because it's like well Kristen's going through much more but we also have to realize like Luke is going through a change. It's certainly not equivocal. That's why Luke needs to save a lot of that complaining for like go complain to Zach or somebody else about your troubles. Like Kristen's got her own troubles right now. So she don't need to deal with your bullshit. Do you know what I'm saying? Like I am empathetic to him and how he's going through this shift in his life too. Because I think that's important to understand. But it's like don't. Well Kristen's got enough on her plate right now. And Luke also wonders he's like his other parents like this or is it just us. I don't know. The group does though have a lighthearted moment where they're auditioning people from Jasmine and Melissa's wedding. And so they're trying to decide if like Jesse should do the officiating or Lala should do it. And they're all kind of fighting for it because they know that's going to be screen time and a guarantee next season. And so that's what they're really auditioning for is for next season because I would imagine Jasmine's wedding is going to be like maybe the launching point of the season four right. They're going to show it on camera. They know Jasmine's safe in her spot for this series because she knows that she's at the wedding coming up. And so the other cast members who might be on the chopping block could look at that and say OK well if I'm involved in Jasmine's wedding then they can't fire me for next season. That's like a guaranteed contract because you can't have if Lala's officiating the wedding you can't just fire her from the show because then she'll be in the premiere next season when they're launching Jasmine's wedding. And so then Lala will be in the season they can't fire her otherwise they'd have to edit her out which be weird if they're editing out the officiant. So that's like a guaranteed paycheck. Smart. Smart. OK so then we do see meanwhile at the table Danny's having some drinks and we're all looking at thinking dark side Danny's coming out. Uh oh. Uh oh. And Danny was being annoying. Even Schwartz is like what the fuck is going on and Lala's sort of like looking at the corner of her eye. But you could tell when like Schwartz is pretty amenable like he gets along with pretty much everybody like think about the times we've been with Schwartz. He was sticking through with Tom Sandoval and the while he was doing the scandal of all Schwartz was like well he's OK you know what I mean. He was friends with Jack's last season like he could pretty much put up with anyone's bullshit is what I'm trying to say and he will. And yet even him at that table was like kind of you could feel him side eyeing Danny like Danny was like having drinks and like being annoying as fuck. And Schwartz was just sort of like like you could feel his uncomfortability and Lala says in the confession I heard Danny becomes loud and super annoying and obnoxious. And it's like yeah you heard it and you heard it right baby girl because he is and we need to step up to the plate and give him hell. Give him hell. Give him Lala wasn't that the name wasn't that her catchphrase give him Lala give him Lala. It was stupid catchphrase. That's crazy. Let's take a break here. I want to come back and we barely scratched the surface baby so buckle up Buttercup. I want to thank A-Cast and we'll be right back. Yeah. This season I want to feel it from the start from the whistle from the first touch want to beat the odds want to take an early lead want to see why he costs so much money. Want to shop and before the ref is even called in want to see the call go our way for once. I want to hear their lot go quiet want to see them leave early want to drop into the group chat to tell them. I've seen the future want to hear them agree. And if not I'll say want to bet bet Fred 18 plus Gamble aware dog. And we're back. That's crazy. Before we get to the rest of this dinner I do want to just point out that I saw you know Stacy from the real house is a Potomac. I saw on social media there was this interview clip of her on a red carpet somewhere. And the red carpet interviewer asked her is style cast her on tiktok that's right saw the video initially. But the reporter had asked Stacy about Giselle because Giselle's daughter I believe is in a sorority with Angelina Jalee's daughter and so there's this picture of like the daughters. And Angelina Jalee and Giselle like they were in the end and other other gals in the rounds too. But I guess like the interviewer asked Stacy from Potomac Housewives like what she thinks of that or something like that about Giselle and Angelina and their daughters being friends or whatever. And Stacy gave like my favorite housewife answer because she calls Giselle evil and then she's like she but she's a great mom and so. It's like so Housewives and to me it's like that's why Stacy is the perfect housewife because it's like that's the relationship I do want for my housewives is like for them to think that each other are evil. But like also find something good about them it's like the conflict resolution it's like yeah I hate her with all of my guts and she's my arch nemesis but she's a really good mom and so I pulled the clip and I just want us to listen because it made me laugh so hard. Despite our differences generally speaking I'm joyous and she's evil she's a great mom she loves her children and I support her totally. And I support her totally. It's like so Housewife it's so Housewives and makes me happy. Anyway back to the valley we are at this dinner at the amusement park or outside the amusement park. Danny's been drinking Michelle's yawning on camera and you can't be on an on camera baby girl like that camera is picking it up and we need you to perk it up have a Diet Coke or something because this show is already bleak enough we can't have. And Michelle's actually been my favorite so far this season honestly honestly I feel like I've gotten to know Michelle. She's been doing cartwheels on camera like I didn't know that side of her she's opening up better her mom and like I find Michelle at least very interesting like I'm like I'm getting to know her a little bit more on the show. So but that said you can't be on a candid camera you gotta have some sugar or something like I know most of us like I'm going to bed I'm in bed by 8pm watching TV or something. By the way last night I watched that Martin Short documentary on Netflix. I loved it. I mean obviously I love Martin Short with all my heart he's my Frank from Father of the Bride. I mean I love him and everything he does and he's so brilliant and also one of my favorite memoirs is of his. He wrote a memoir years ago but it's one of my favorite celebrity memoirs it's great if you haven't read it. I'm sure he does the audiobook too but I read the book but he's got a new documentary on Netflix and he's been through so much. He's had so much loss and grief in his life and yet has such a beautiful attitude about life and I found it very inspiring and it doesn't really get into too much nitty gritty like it's kind of a little surface level for the documentary but I loved it. And you see there's a lot of home video footage of him hanging out with some of his famous friends and he has these infamous Christmas parties which I learned about reading in his memoir about these holiday parties he throws and you get to see little clips and I always I remember reading the memoir and thinking like. What I would give to go to Martin Short holiday party because it was like sounded so incredible and they even show some home video footage from these parties and it's like oh my god it. It almost exceeded what I imagined in my head because people show up to these and you have all these incredibly talented people like Catherine O'Hara rest in peace and. And Eugene Levy and Andrea Martin and all these people and when you go to Tom Hanks Rita Wilson and when you go to the Martin Short holiday party they all have to sort of perform for people. And so you have like some of the most incredible entertainers of our time and they're just at a Christmas party getting up to a microphone and it's not filmed for anything and they're just. It's amazing but so I highly recommend that I really recommend that I don't even know how I got there what was I talking about. I guess I'm. I guess back to this the valley but so Michelle's young and then they all go back. Oh while she's young and though Danny Daniel says if you fall asleep you might be labeled an alcoholic. Because people are labeling him and it's like dude actually like people are labeling you because you make everybody fucking uncomfortable like everybody has told you. That you make them uncomfortable when you're drinking from everyone from Janet to Jackson to Jasmine to all the J's I guess Jason. Every single person on this cast that's name starts with J has said that Danny makes him annoyed and uncomfortable when he's drinking and so then he's like making jokes about it it's like well have you not did you not watch the show back because. Even in one season everybody was saying that I'm dark side Danny and I can make everyone uncomfortable when I'm drinking and. And then not only that we see it as an audience member the times he's been drinking like he gets uncomfortable and it's probably because he's short he's a shorter man which I love a short king and he's very attractive so that's no shade a short king. But I did lovingly say last week that me has got five under five five because that man's a child. And so I imagine the alcohol hits him quicker so you need to be a little more careful Daniel. But after one season he should have watched in the behavior the way that everybody was responding to the behavior as well as just seeing on screen the way he acts when he's drunk. And you would think that he'd be like OK like maybe I just shouldn't drink on camera. And even last week on the show it seemed like he was mad at Nia because he wasn't drinking at the park. I think he made a few snide comments about it. But it's like well that's nobody's fault except for your own like you're the one who can't handle the alcohol like if you can't not make everybody uncomfortable when you're drinking or annoyed because I'm not even talking about like taking out the. What were the words that I think Janet use the word sexual assault right or I don't want to use those terms like because I don't remember exactly what the wording was. But even taking away that seriousness just from a very base level even like I said Schwartz was annoyed at your drinking at the table from my eyes. So it's like even if it's just annoying you should stop doing it right like you should look at the behavior and be like maybe I don't need a cocktail. I don't need a white claw right now at the safari where Benji's dressed as Brian Fellows. Benji I love Benji. I do I do love my Benji. Remember that dog Benji. Yeah. Love a Benji. So then anyway. What do we got here. They leave the restaurant. I'm ready to take off this shirt puts up sweat pants. Oh and I love that actually that went back to the house and they all did get on there in their sweatpants. There was something very Vanderpumper rules coded about it because they were all running around in sweatpants or pajamas at this house in the kitchen boozing. It felt very millennial 20 something like I. I know they're all my age in real life but like I kind of felt like I was going back in time to my 20s and it's like we're all in a fun group trip. Everybody's drinking in their pajamas and hanging out in the kitchen. And it felt like a member on Vanderpumper rules when Brittany found out about the faith and Jack's situation where Jackson Faith hooked up with an old lady in the bed. And there was like that recording and they were all at the apartments and it was like they were going from one apartment to the other apartment but they were all kind of in like sloppy clothes or pajamas or sweats or whatever. Not full glam or anything like that and they were going from apartment to apartment dealing with all this drama and that's kind of what I felt this. Maybe that's why I like this episode because it felt very nostalgic for old Vanderpumper rules. And also maybe it was like one of the first scenes finally where we didn't have to watch a baby and like God bless the babies. We love the babies children of the future Whitney Houston but I can't watch a baby on the valley anymore like enough is enough like put the babies up in Brittany's attic or wherever you got to put them with the nannies. God bless them but we can't watch a baby anymore. So we've got to get the group in and babies off screen. Put them off screen. I don't care where you put them. Let them hang out with the nannies, the babysitters. I don't care who it is hang out with maybe not Jack's but anybody else off camera like anybody else. Call up Peter and have Peter start watching this kids because I can't watch him on camera anymore. But so it was nice to just see them all get drunk and I liked it. And then let's see before though they get back to the house Janet, Jason, Lacey and Jesse stay behind at the restaurant. And Lacey says she doesn't like getting a bully mean girl thing. Meaning like she said Janet, Michelle and all that. Gosh, I don't even want to say this on the microphone because I know you guys are going to yell at me again because it's going to sound like I'm sticking up for Janet again. And so I'm just going to get messages being like I hate Janet. Anytime I even say something like sometimes I didn't even say something nice about Janet. I'll just say something like, you know, Janet went into the room and people like, why did you have to say that Janet went in the room? Because people hate her so much and I get that I understand. But I do when Lacey says like the mean girl thing I sometimes think like this. Let's take Lacey and Janet out of the equation. In general on Bravo, I'm starting to notice that like they use that mean girls is used as a slur now. Like remember back in the day on Bravo used to be like bullying. Like when Kelly Bensimona be like and Bethany was bullying me, you know, she would use it as if it was like everybody acted like this was the worst thing. Like you just called someone a fag or something like that, like a gay man a fag. Like that's the kind of the vibe that the word bullying had in the early years of the real house size. And now I'm finding that same vibe with the term mean girls and it almost is like used now. And so when Lacey used it, I was like, it's not always sometimes sometimes it is. I get it. Sometimes it is maybe mean girls ganging up on each other. But other times don't you think it could just be like friends having a similar opinion or being there for their other friends? Like if my best friend got a cease and desist from you, okay. And I and she hated you and also was like showing you were showing up to pick up my my friends, my best friend's daughter from school, even though we agreed that not to introduce to whatever. Then I would stick up for my best friend and I would hate that other person without meeting them as well. Like that I would be a good friend. I think that's called being a good friend. If I was best friends with Michelle and she had told me this, this woman had shown it to my daughter's school and picked her up even though my ex and I decided that we weren't going to have introduced anyone to the daughter yet. And then was sending me a cease and desist saying, don't talk to me on TV show. And all these things were adding up. I'd be like, okay, like I'm not going to like you on behalf of you, Michelle. Does that make sense? And so like when it's always used like mean girl and I'm like, I don't know if that's mean girl as much as like maybe just being a friend. Not to mention I'm still a little unclear if like they all got the legal letter or if it was just, I don't know. But again, I do love Lacey on the show. So I'm not trying to hate on that. And please don't yell at me in the DMs about saying something defending shit. I don't want to hear it. Okay. And we do find out though that Lacey, you know, I didn't like the text that Michelle sent Lacey, although Lacey, they showed the text on screen and Lacey was exaggerating because I don't think Michelle was like, oh, she's so ugly from a plastic surgery. Like Michelle definitely said mean things to Lacey in those text messages. However, I don't think they were like what Lacey was saying because Michelle did say she like looked weird or something. I should have wrote down what the texts were. But she didn't say anything about plastic surgery. Did she? Michelle definitely should. It was not appropriate. But then I think like, I don't know, it's hard for me to understand. I want to be empathetic to all sides. And so I think like about my own relationship and I'm like, well, if Matt had hooked up with a new person, I probably would hate them no matter what. And I would probably send mean texts about that person. Unfortunately, I think I would. I'd like to think that like we could be a nice modern family where we all get along and stuff. But I don't know. Initially, I would hate that other person that he was dating to hell with them. Okay. So then Jason's wearing a lover boy hat. I don't know why I thought that was an interesting crossover. Lacey says you Google her though. And now it's all about Baywatch. So she's pissed about it. That's why she says David House off blocked her. And I love that. I love a little weird crossover. And this whole Baywatch crossover is really giving it to me. Lacey and Janet do ultimately make up. And that's when Lacey gets mad at Jesse and is like, Jesse, go apologize to Janet. Go apologize to Janet for yelling at her. And then Janet was like, Hey, you know how we can really move forward as if you fuck Jesse with the dildo. And they say, what does that mean? Like she didn't understand. It's like, what? What do you mean by that? And Lacey or Janet's like, yeah, just fuck him with the dog. She's like, just peg him. I don't know. I don't do butt stuff. She's like, Janet, I don't do, but I don't even talk about that stuff. I'm not into that stuff. I don't know anything about that stuff. What's that? I don't know. What do you mean peg? What does that mean? What do you want me to do with the dildo? What's a dildo? I don't do butt stuff. Lacey, didn't she say she doesn't go near the butt or something? She's like, I don't even go near the butt. And I don't know butt stuff. And it was like, it was just a joke. Although Lacey should try it. You know, I think more, wasn't there an episode of Broad City about that where like one of the gals, Abbie, pegged to someone, something like that. I think everybody should try it. You know, just try it. Look it around you. The world's on fire right now. Try some fun stuff. Get wild and sack. Just see what happens. See what you like, what you don't like. Got to decide. You got to look into it. Okay, then we cut to the house. They're all a little drunk. Lacey really won me over though here because she was holding a giant case of Diet Coke. And like, she just had the full, she didn't even just have like one little can. She had like the full box of it. And I was just like, oh, I'm in love with her again. They're all a little drunk. Lacey though, she did also, not only did she not understand the dildo, but there was a quick little moment where Jesse was like folding the closet door open and it was an accordion door. And he's like, I, you know, trying to put my stuff in, but it's hard with this accordion door or whatever. And she's like, what's that? So what's that? And I wrote my notes. She needs to learn things because I understand like one or the other I could give you. I feel like if you don't know what a dildo and pegging is, then you should at least know what an accordion door is because that's a pretty wide gap. And to me, those are on opposite sides of the spectrum of like life, uh, nouns. You know what I'm saying? Like accordion door, the kind of person who would know what an accordion door is would be the opposite of somebody who doesn't know what pegging is. And so for you not to know either one of those makes me question like, well, what do you know? You know, what do you know? Lacey. And that's why we need her mic'd up for more TV because I need to know about this person. And honestly, I think it might have been, gosh, should I say this? It might have been a mistake that they didn't put her on Orange County Housewives. Am I wrong? Cause she's sort of weird. She's a little weird and quirky to me. And I'm like, the Orange County Housewives need that. Like they could have gotten rid of hip and casita and filled it in the spot with Lacey. And then we got Jesse over there on Orange County. Like to me, it might have been more sense than having another cast member on the Valley. Maybe it was a, maybe it was like one of those, a coin toss decision where the producer was like, well, let's figure out where we put her. Do we put her on Orange County or do we put her on the Valley? What needs her more? I don't know. I don't know, but she's mad at Jesse. She says Jesse's giving me the Ick. I'm like, these two are not going to last. Uh, let's take a break here, another break, and then we're going to come right back. Our last break of the day. Um, and then, uh, we got to talk about, um, so much stuff. So we didn't even get to the safari yet. You guys still got two pages, baby. Be right back. We're back. Generally speaking, I'm joyous and she's evil. Okay. So then Michelle, Brittany, Lala and Janet sit and talk about Lacey, Janet's in the massage chair. And look, was this a mean girl scene? I don't know. I'm curious what Lacey would think about these gals getting together because they were getting together to talk about Lacey, but that's also the concede of this reality TV show. And I understand why those people who are friends with Michelle are having her back, but maybe this did it very into mean girl behavior. I don't know. I don't know. Who's to say, what the fuck do I know? Uh, then Luke and Zach sit down too. Luke questions if he's a good dad because of constant criticism from Kristen. And he's trying to understand this is why I think him and Daniel are different because it seems like Luke is actively trying to understand Kristen and trying to empathize with her and trying to see. And although he's going through his stuff and he, he shouldn't maybe be equating it to Kristen. He's also still trying to understand. Whereas I feel like with Daniel, he doesn't seem like he's trying to understand his wife, Nia at all. It seems like he's just up against her and she's constantly, she's crying out. Even when she's not crying out, like she's trying to keep that plaster, that smile on her face, but it's so clear to everyone watching that she's miserable and angry and stressed and anxious and all of these emotions that he's not seeing. And it's like of all people to see it should be him, not the audience watching the reality TV show. Like you're with her all the time and you guys are supposed to be husband and wife. So like you should see that. And so when I see Luke sit down with Zach and like he's trying to understand and I'm like, well Daniel isn't trying to understand anything, at least from what we're seeing. But Zach cries into Luke's, in the conversation with Luke and he's like, you should be crying. Zach says to Luke and I was like, yeah, actually Zach spot on, but leave it to a gay to give us some tears and some drama on screen because a gay knows that we need entertainment. That showbiz. That showbiz. And so Zach at least knows what showbiz is. And so he's like, I've got to squeak out a tear for Luke and Kristen. So be it. Like I got to put on a show. Zach's a show girl in the gaze. No, the gaze. No. But then Zach tells Luke to just support her and Luke also hears from Zach that he's a good parent and good for Kristen and it touches him. And Luke says the baby is actually tearing this couple apart, even though they fought for the baby. And so I'm reading for them. I really am. And I think if they're, if they're able to keep understanding each other and Luke's able to keep trying to see Kristen's perspective and empathize with her, then I think that they'll be able to make it and be good. Let's see. Then 1016 p.m. Schwartz is texting Kiana as a girlfriend. His other name. You know, she is beautiful. She popped up in my social media and I just like, um, saw somebody post something about Kiana with the glasses. You know, the girlfriend is at her name. Kiana. And she's so stunningly beautiful. And I was like, gosh, was I too hard on her last week? Cause we're just getting to know her. So maybe I was, if she, if I was, I apologize. You know, I'm going through it with this construction. I'm going through it. I am going through it. So anyway, I just want to apologize. Lacey tells Jesse to apologize again, though, to Janet. She says she was triggered by her Jesse raising her voice or whatever. And then Michelle pulls Lacey aside and says she was threatened to sue. And Lacey is like, well, I don't talk about you. I don't know. They were, then they start arguing. And I guess Michelle sent those text messages to Jesse and Jesse showed Lacey what she shouldn't have done. And this is where, oh, the text messages I did write down Michelle called her a fake OC girl and doesn't approve of her look to be the daughter step mom. And I can't defend Michelle here because it's like, you could have, but also, but also Jesse, like, why would you say, why would you show your ex-wives and the mother of your child's texts to the new girlfriend? Like that's messy. I guess it's good TV. So good job, Jesse, but also don't do that. Do not do that in real life. But also thank you. God bless you, Jesse. And then you push. Oh, oh my God. Oh my God. We didn't even talk about this yet. Allegedly Michelle pushed Jesse through a window. That's crazy. Through a window. And look, they both have competing stories about how he got pushed through a window and we don't support any sort of domestic violence, but I'm a little confused as to how he got pushed through the window because Lacey just shouts it out. She's like, Jesse, you pushed Michelle or Michelle, did you put Jesse through a window? And Michelle's like, how dare you? And the whole group is just like, oh, shh, shh, shh. The whole group, all their eyes go wide. Like I saw the whites of everyone's eyes, every one of them. And they were all a little tipsy too. So the way that they were able to open those eyes, I know Brittany with her Botox, sometimes you could always see the whites of the eyes because she's got the brows to the high heavens. God bless you, beautiful gal. But the rest of them even, I was like, I see all of their, Zaks got the eyebrows too. Him and Brittany got the same brow line, which is on their hairline. But you could see the whites of their eyes. And they were all like, oh, this was something we're not supposed to talk about. Like we were not supposed to say this on camera. And then we get the competing storylines. Jesse says it was about a commercial deal and he was folding laundry and then she pushed him or something. And I don't know, this was interesting to me. It's like, I hate that we weren't filming because I need more information about how he got pushed through the window. I think Michelle said that he was drunk or something. I don't know. Jasmine says Michelle just needs a vibrator. So she's going to door dash her one. She's like, she just needs to get laid and then someone new man in her life. But Brittany's like, we're just rehashing all bad stuff. And meanwhile it was like Brittany, who kind of sparked this whole thing because Brittany was the one who when they got back to the house, she's like, Lacey, you and Michelle need to talk. Like you need to talk about all that old stuff you were angry about. And then when they do talk about all the old stuff they were angry about, Brittany's like, we do not need to rehash and old stuff. And I was like, Brit, Brit bananas. What do you, I love my Brittany. I love my Brittany. I do. I love her. But Michelle yells at Jesse. She's like, divorce me please. And it's like, yeah, they need to just divorce. You can't believe imagine having being in the middle of a divorce, but like you're on a TV show together. Like that is everyone's worst nightmare. But Lacey says, or no, Michelle says Lacey doesn't like Jesse or Lala says that Lacey doesn't like Jesse and Jesse doesn't have money. And so he's miserable, which was interesting to me. Then we cut to the next day. There was a quick little moment where they were playing with bunnies. And I was like, where the fuck did these bunnies come from? Was it the front yard or something? And Brittany's like, one of those bunnies has a lot of wrong. And I was like, why are there, it was so fast. And I, you know, you couldn't even catch my breath. I was like, still dealing with, still dealing with how Lacey didn't know what an accordion closet door was that when all of a sudden we were talking about her seeing the bunnies with an eyeliner on. I was like, what the fuck are we doing? Where are we? Where are we? Shorts meanwhile wakes up and he's giving Tony Soprano. He's got the gold chain and the robe on. And remember in the very first episode of the Sopranos, it was like, that's, that's the kind of vibe shorts was it probably the only one of the few times that I've been very attracted to Schwartz was when he was in that robe and he like woke up from a sex dream fucking Lala, you know, like that was, that was what he's just waking up from. Make it go pop, pop, pop until my panties go drop, drop, drop. Made her paintings go drop, drop, drop in that dream he had of her because he wakes up in that Tony Soprano outfit and was like, hey, Lala had a sex dream about you. And Lala was like, well, what happened? You should have my chest or something. That's what her mind immediately goes to, which I have a lot of questions about that. I mean, I don't know if we want to spend a lot of time on that, but we could. We could maybe. Should we? Should we? Like why would I don't know if we should. But maybe like, why would that be your first? Why would that? Why is that your first like kind of hypothesis is like, oh, you should have my chest in the dream? Because I don't. And I know I just a few minutes ago, I told everyone to be adventurous in the sack and start exploring the bedroom and stuff, but I don't know if it's shit on someone's chest. I don't want to even poop it on my chest. I don't know. And so it's not something I would explore with, but I don't want to kink shame. But I'm just not sure that I want anyone pooping on my chest. Especially you got, you know, I'm Italian Polish. I got a lot of hair on my chest. Like I can't be dealing with somebody pooping on me. I'm sorry to get gross. But Lala says though, she doesn't even imagine Schwartz fucking. She's like, his socks would probably still be on. And I'm like, I bet you actually she's right about that because the only place that Schwartz probably wears socks is in the bedroom. You know, like I always call him shula Schwartz because he's always got the hooves out. I bet you the only place is like when he's having sex is like he keeps his, he like put socks on. He's like, I'll be right back. Then we cut to the safari, Benji and Jack, Zach, they're both sort of dressed like Brian fellows, but especially Benji. I love him. God bless. Luke and Kristen go on the swing. Kristen opens up a better postpartum, which is the fact that she's opening up about all this, I think is really important and relatable to a lot of people and young mothers out there. So it must be very hard for her to do this on camera because I can't exactly relate. I can think of my own anxiety or depression at times when I've been in the throes of depression. And I think about like opening up about that depression on a large platform while you're in it is really brave. And so she's doing this with postpartum, which I don't know exactly what it's like for, you know, women whose bodies going through changes and all that kind of thing. But I would imagine it's even harder to do than opening about maybe your depression or anxiety when you're going through it because you're going through your, you haven't quite figured it out yet. You're not on the other side of it. So for her to just go into the season, be like, fine, I'll show everything that's going on. I think it's really incredible. But she talks about her comfort zone and not wanting to leave the house, which that was for me. When I think of my sort of throes of depression, I was like that I had the sort of my safe zones where it was hard for me to even leave that my apartment at the time when I was in the really serious bout of depression. It was like, I could barely get to the shower in my apartment. But the idea of just like even going to the grocery store or any of like outside of my safety zones, like I had a few places that it was like, if I went to it every day, it was easy for me to go to. But anything if people were to invite me like somewhere new, let's say, it would be like so much energy. To just make it there. But it would it would feel like climbing a mountain and obstacle just to agree to go somewhere else. So I related to that when she said that. But Luke says he does get defensive, but he gets beat down. And he wants her to say that she's stressed and anxious. And she said she was anxious before postpartum. And now she feels sadness and rage and she apologizes to him. And she's worried that like her other relationships, she says Luke will say he's had enough when her anxiety is heightened, which that is also so real. That's so real. I don't know her opening up about this. I think it's really great. Meanwhile, we cut to the San Diego Safari Park. And it's sort of weird that they're all parents going to zoo without their kids. I know Nia brought the daughter. But is it the daughter or son? They have a is it a little I don't know they brought the kid, the baby to the Safari Park. But it's like so weird. Like let's go to the zoo. We're all adults and we all have kids, but none of the kids are with us. Like that is so weird. Like when do you think it's weird if like, if Matt and I just decided to go to the zoo, but like we didn't bring our son. Lucky, like we just like see a baby. Like sit with the babysitter, daddy and papa are going to the zoo. You know how people that baby talk thing, like before I was a parent, I was so like, I thought it was so weird when people say like, like, Dipey or poo poo or pee pee. And then now though, like I'm learning about when you have a baby, they're learning they're babbling a lot and you're supposed to narrate your day. So you're supposed to say like, I'm doing the dishes now or papa's doing the dishes now because you want them to learn the word papa that your papa. And also one of the speech people will say with babies, like you just want to talk around them, narrate your day, narrate exactly what you're doing. But then they're babbling. So you're also sort of shortening words. So like you're saying pee pee instead of urine, like I'm not going to say, Oh, did you urine in your diaper? Instead you say to pee pee in your diaper. But then you go around doing that. And even when the baby's not around, you're like saying, like I got to go pee pee when you're at the mall. And it's like, I hate myself for that because I always thought of people when they were when they were talking baby talk and they weren't even with their babies. I was like, what are you doing? And now I feel like I do that sometimes because at the mall with a friend, I'm like, I got to go do pee pee. And it's like, I should not be saying I got to go to pee pee. But I understand now why I say it or why people do that. So I'm trying to not do that. I apologize if I do it on the podcast, but I'm like, oh, I got to order some more diapers. Got to get me some diapers. Okay. So then they're all at the zoo. Danny's Mad Nia brought the baby and I was too, to be honest with you. That was one time I did side with Danny was like, I sick of seeing these little ankle biters. Like getting the fuck off my show. God bless. And it's important and I hate to even say that because I know it's important also for Nia to be showcasing that it's like for her going to postpartum and she's breastfeeding and she's she's showing the reality of that. But it's a reality like I've had enough of like, I don't know why I just don't want to see any more babies. It's like enough. I don't even feel like Nia and Danny really fit in with this cast at all to be honest. The cast is really big. I don't think anyone actually likes them except for Kristen Luke. And so it's like, get out of here. I know that's how I feel. And she's in also, I just want better for Nia. Maybe just get Danny out of here. But Nia just wants Danny to help the baby get on this safari truck. And Danny's like, wow, we got a babysitter. And it's like, just shut the fuck up and lift the stroller onto the safari truck and help the nanny or the babysitter, whatever the fuck you got to do, like shut the fuck up and help with the baby. Like, why does he always every time she like ask him to the most basic of things? Like, can you hold the baby for two seconds? Put the baby down tonight while I eat a sandwich because I need nutrients because I'm breastfeeding the baby all fucking day. Like, why does every time she ask him to do one simple task? And he can't, he's got to complain about it or say, why did we bring the nanny? It's like, well, you know what, just shut the fuck up and lift the basket into the safari truck. So you and Benji could go on the safari and see some giraffes. God damn it. It makes me pissed. There's two trucks too. They got two that can't fit the whole cast. It is revealed to that elephants are pregnant for two years, which was a lot. And Nia's nervous that the baby's too hot and I get that. And Daniel's like laughing at it. She's like, Daniel, why are you laughing? I'm hot and your baby's hot, so it's a lot for me to deal with. And she's always like very calmly explaining like she's freaking out and going through anxiety and stress and everything. And he's just like a nightmare. But then Nia starts fanning the baby and Zach at one point offered the baby a Diet Coke. That made me laugh. Like he genuinely was like, Nia said the baby's hot and like I'm worried about the baby and Zach's like, do you want this Coke? And everyone else, the other frustrating thing about Danny and Nia is like the rest of the cast members are all uncomfortable around them. Like even Jasmine pointed out in the safari, she's like, I got to listen to these two bicker all the time. And so I'm on the side of the truck or the bus or whatever. And I'm talking about the rhinoceros that we're looking at because I'm just trying to like make conversation to to avert my eyes from those two idiots. And so it's like, I feel bad for the rest of the cast members who have to deal with Danny and Nia sucking the air out of every group retreat. Anyway, Lala tells Michelle to go pull Lacy aside and Lala coaches Michelle on how to be on reality TV because she's like, you need to do this, this and this be firm. But tell her how you feel. And then this is when Michelle pulls Lacy aside and it's like I was dropping off my daughter. I saw a woman and Lacy sort of gets it. I don't think these two will be friends, but I hope that they're able to coexist. And Lacy says Michelle has unresolved trauma. And Lacy is like, I see a lot of therapists. And I was like, what do you mean you see a lot of therapists? Like, I don't know. I guess you could see. I thought you always see just like one therapist. I didn't think and I've been going to therapy for years and years and years, but I didn't think maybe you change therapists, right? Like, if you don't like one, maybe you've tried to find a new one. But I never knew that you would see a lot of therapists. Like, what did she mean by that? She's like, I see a lot of therapists. I was like, do you mean at the gym or something? Like, what do you mean you see a lot of therapists? Don't you just see one for your appointment? But maybe it's like one of those that maybe Lacy's actually had a ballgame on something because maybe that's one of those things that we all should be seeing multiple therapists get a few different opinions. You know, like that a weekly thing. What if I just started having like three different therapists during my week and it's like, yeah, I meet with this one. And then two days later, I meet with this other one and I just hear them all out and just maybe you'd learn a lot more. But let's see, they move forward, they make up. They also do a group photo and Nia announces they're doing a pageant and the men don't seem into it. Nia, she says, oh, this is interesting. They show a photo of Nia as Miss USA. And this is such a reminder. It hit me really hard because the whole episode and perhaps for the whole past 22 episodes or however many episodes the show has been on, we've seen Danny and Nia seemingly be miserable even throughout them having more and more children. It seems like their life, they hate it, right? Like they didn't want to move to Santa Clarita, but they couldn't afford to live in the house they wanted near their friends and in an area of town that didn't look like a Tim Burton movie. And so they moved to Santa Clarita. They keep having kids, even though Nia just says she's going through so much and wasn't sure. It seems like they're miserable. They're miserable. And so I think all of us, you watch something like a Miss USA or you see something like one of those pageant things. And you think like, oh, those beautiful people, they have everything. Like they have life is so easy for them, right? Like they're so stunning. She's one of the most beautiful people I've ever seen. She literally Miss USA. And you think like I watch or I see someone like that. I'm like, God, they must have it so easy. They're so beautiful. And then you watch the show and you think like, oh, actually it doesn't matter how beautiful you are. You could still be miserable in life. And I think that's an important lesson for us all. Anyway, they do get back to the house. Zach is late getting back at the house because he stopped for some four Locos, which was also very funny to me. He's just like, yeah, they got four Locos here. And I was like scared he was going to give one to Danny because did he give one to Danny? I don't know. Danny says if this, if they were doing a magic Mike competition, it would be game over in two seconds. And I'm like, because of why, like what do you, I think he was implying that like he's the hottest of all the guys. And I just do not, I do not subscribe to that. And I don't know that I even have an answer for who's hotter. Like, because he does have a objectively good body and like, even though he's very, very petite, I'd say he's very petite. Like he is very petite. Remember the very first episode of the show when Jack's pants dim and he had that shirt on that went below the knees. It was like a nightgown on him. And really it was just an average adult t-shirt. It was probably a size smaller medium. And yet it went down to his ankles like a my mother's nightgown in the 90s. Remember, remember those nightgowns that women used to wear from the Kmart? I remember going to Kmart and they just had like these giant oversized t-shirts that go to the ankles. And it was like, that's what Danny was wearing. Like when it wasn't tucked in. So he's very petite. But he's got a gorgeous body. And if I were to not know anything about his personality, he'd be like, oh, he's cute. But for him to just imply that he's the sexiest magic mic person here, I was like, absolutely not good out of here. And I don't know who I'd rather see take off their clothes. Really any of them, even though I'm not attracted to any of the other men on the show. I still would rather see anyone else strip. Literally anyone else. I guess Luke is more attractive than Danny, right? Is he? Would I rather see him strip? Really any of them I'd rather see strip more than Danny at this point, because I don't care for that man. I'd rather Benji start taking off that safari outfit on screen than Danny. That's crazy! Zach, though, he's getting ready for this and he's got a breastplate. They did send Benji away. I don't think he's even involved in this. I don't think they're dressing him up as a woman. He just went to take a nap and watch mom and family in the room. He was turned on CMT to put on some mom and family. While the rest of this group was filming. Zach's got the breastplate and Kristen's dressing Luke. They're having fun. Schwartz has done drag before. He's obviously the ugliest woman. We all know that, but he puts on the Cinderella dress. This is when Danny's getting mean to Nia. She says very calmly, I feel like you're being critical and it's hard for me to function. She's even out of breath. She's out of breath because she's mad that she's late. He's like, everybody else is getting ready. What are you doing? She's like, well, I just put the baby down and breastfed the baby. She's literally out of breath from all she's doing because the baby was just sucking her off for nutrients. He is complaining that she wasn't there to do his makeup. It's like, how about you pick up the foundation and start powdering yourself, sir? Put on your own rouge. Why does Nia got to do it? Watch a YouTube video and start doing your own foundation. We've all learned. I'll put on a makeup tutorial before in our time. Don't act like you haven't. Daniel, Buko, or whatever your last name is. There's plenty of people on YouTube who will show you how to contour. So you don't need your wife. She's busy putting down your baby and keeping your baby alive by giving the baby nutrients. So how about you stop complaining that she's not there to put on your mascara and you start learning how to do it yourself? Like, why can't you do anything, you dummy? Dumbass. He's being so mad. He's being so aggressive and disrespectful. Nia's horrified because it's all happening on camera. And Lala is just standing there. She says she's triggered because she's standing there in her crew socks just watching it. I was cracking up at Lala just like staring away. She was like ready to pounce just across the way, just through the hallway. She was far away, but she was clocking into work. She's like, you know what? I'm clocking in and I'm going to clock that ass. So she was watching it all. And Lala comes and yells at Dany. And Dany tells Nia not to let Lala talk to him like that. And Nia's like, well, she was just saying what I wanted to say. And then Dany mocks Lala for being triggered. And this is when she's like, knock it off, dog. Make it go, pop, pop, pop. She's like, you're passive aggressive. I'm just aggressive. You're being disrespectful to your wife. I got a brain in two eyes and ears. I see you and you got the wrong bitch, she says. And she says, I would hate to see how you talked her behind closed doors, which is what I always say, but these shows is like, if that's how someone's talking to their wife on camera, it's much worse off camera because they know they're mic'd up and on camera. And the audience already hates the way that they talked to their wife, right? Like the audience has already told Daniel, we don't care for the way you talk to your wife in the past seasons, not even this season in past seasons, other cast members and the audience has said. And I'm pretty sure Danny and Nia have acknowledged it as well at the reunions. So even after all that, you're still talking to them on camera. Like this, it must be worse off camera. And even if it's not worse off camera, it's still fucked up. Like just, he's still just so and truly like this episode more than ever, I was noticing the way that Nia was responding to him. And I keep saying calm, cool and collected. And though she was being very clear in, I'm saying like, I'm very anxious right now and you're stressing me out or like her wording was always very clear, calm. She would take a breath, she was relaxed and saying it in the calmest way possible. And to me, I thought like that was what a therapist would say. Like if you're upset with your significant other, I would think a therapist would say try to calmly explain. If it's not working when you're explaining it in height and emotion, maybe try to take a breath and then explain it in clear terms. And yet Danny still was like not getting any of it, like such a fucking idiot. Anyway, that's the end of that episode that Daniel, he should have. Get out of here. He should just get out of here. I'm mad at him. I'm so mad at him. Thank you all so much for listening. We'll be back next week with our summer house recap. It's the summer house finale next week, as well as the in the city premiere. And then we're also going to keep continuing to cover the valley. And I know a lot of people are asking why I'm not covering in the housewives. And I'm loving Atlanta this season. I'm a few behind on Rhode Island, although I know everyone loves it. I've heard only good things, but it's too, it's hard for me to keep up with all this stuff. So I apologize that we're not covering any housewives at the moment. The last one we did, I think was Potomac, but I am loving Atlanta this season. And what else? Beverly Hills just wrapped up and Rhode Island. I don't know how many episodes they have left, but I'm excited for Rhode Island to like, I'm behind a couple and I'm like, I'm going to save them to binge them all at once. Cause they feel like that'll be more fun. Especially we're not covering it on the podcast. So I was like, okay, I'm going to just save them and binge them. But two shows is my limit. That's my limit. And I try to go where my heart goes. And I think my heart's going to go in in the city because there's so much going on with summer house and I've had a good time recap. And so we're going to move to in the city and the valley. That's where we're going to be going. That's the future. Much like Whitney had said, the children are the future. I believe the children are the future. I'm sorry for singing. I love you all so much for listening. Find me on social media at Danny Pellegrino. Get my books wherever books are sold. Or the audiobooks. And Patreon, if you want Sex in the City Recap, so you can go to the website patreon.com.com. For $4 more per month, you can access those bonus episodes. I do just one a month over there. And yeah, I bet you I do. Have a good weekend and a good rest of your week. Love you all. Want to make your home the summer destination? Chopetsi for hosting essentials like outdoor furniture for backyard guests, custom drink with the signature cocktails, and beach inspired decor for the perfect vibe. Celebrate summer. Chopetsi.com to discover your finds today. With bet, Fred, when you bet £10, you get £50 in free bets. So, want to bet your new striker to score the first goal? You midfield maestro to get the assist. Want to say there'll be a header? Want to see their striker caught offside? He wears poor clothes. You can't get a good deal of money. 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