EP 73: From Addiction To Entrepreneur: Tyler Walker

Disclaimer. At two addicts in the moron, we discuss personal stories of addiction with the intention of being educational, relatable, and inspirational. The views and experiences shared are those of individuals involved are not meant to glorify or condone any illegal or harmful behavior. This content is for educational purposes only and is not intended as professional advice. If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, we strongly encourage you seek help from a qualified professional or support service. We are back, clap for you, to another episode of two addicts in the moron. And we got a very, very, very special guest. This has been a long time coming. Dude, Tyler Walker, everybody. What's up, dude? Hey, man. So any links for treat? Like right after we started this thing. Yeah. Like we were like, yeah, we're gonna go and do like just promo and pass out stuff and like hopefully people will pay attention. And you were the first, you were like, you're the fucking guy on the thing. And we had a really good conversation to start. And I just prefaced this. But he's the very first person ever to ask for a picture with me. And I was a little freaked out about it. I was like, why? We have like four subscribers. Dude, you're one of them. That means he beat off to you. Yeah, dude, I will. I showed my girl. I was like, I'm famous. This guy knows me. What's up? Yeah, it was awesome. Dude, it was the ultimate ego stroke. Well, we had a really good long conversation where you made me feel like I was the biggest weirdo in the world because I can drink a beer and leave it alone. You were like, you're so fucking weird, dude. What the fuck is wrong with you? Like not holding your tongue at all. It was so cool. But this is a really good time. But thanks for coming, dude. Yeah. Yeah. We, because we were, I mean, right then we were like, you should come on the podcast. And you were like, I'd love to come on the podcast. Right. And then we all got busy. Yeah. I think you were just secretly waiting. You're like, look, you're going to have to have a little more subscribers before I'm going to get on the fuck the shit. All right. So here we are, man. Thanks for coming. It's an honor. Got a lot of stuff going on, dude. So I really appreciate you taking the time and you live fucking far. Yeah. Yeah. You're a bastard. Yeah. Bastard. All right. I'm in town pretty much every day. Okay. That's commute. Yeah. Yeah. Well, again, man, appreciate you stopping by. So what was your DOC? So overall is trash can. Pretty much anything. Yeah. But my, my first love is definitely met that. Let's go. Okay. Five bar. That was my, definitely. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, met this. Methods the one thing that I will choose over anything in my life. Yeah. Overlife. Overlife. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was a, you know, and that all started. I mean, it started. I started pretty young and started Ivy. I started shooting method 16. Whoa. Until I was 33. Whoa. Yeah. Vains left her. Yeah. Yeah. I've never had a problem with my veins. That wasn't a problem. But yeah, 16, 33. My sobriety days, June 12, 2019. So I've a little over six years. Let's go. Let's go. I got a weird question because I've never shot math even though math was definitely my favorite. When you're shooting math, you don't have to shoot it as much as like when you're shooting heroin, right? Or is that doesn't matter? So. No, and I don't recommend anybody ever shoots the best. So, yeah. Definitely. We have to say that a lot on two addicts and a moron. We're not. I can only. Yeah. We're not. I could do it. We're. But I definitely do not. However, that's, that's when it ruined my life. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Like, like, you know, started obviously it started, you know, smoking weed, weed turns to pills, pills turns to, you know, drinking and party and whatever. And then first time I did math, it was like, oh my god, this is the best stuff in the world, right? Because I can stay up forever. I have the most confidence that I've ever had in my entire life. Right. I think I look good. I feel good. I'm stronger. You know, I can think faster. All this, all the stuff that goes along with that. And. And, you know, once that really took effect, then it was like. It was. Once I found the needle, like, smoking it would like, it was just one, you know. I could smoke on the weekends. You know, it's the early stages of the progression, right? I could smoke on the weekends, put the bag up. It's not a big deal. You know, I've got some dope for next weekend. And then once I got on the needle, the first time I ever shot up. So first time I ever shot up. I took my grandpa's, so my grandpa had given me a gun for Christmas. I took the gun, went and pond it to go hang out with these two girls who were going to, so we live. Originally from this little town called salmon Idaho. Upon this gun, decided to go to Boise, which is five hours away from salmon. And I'm going to hang out with these chicks. So on the gun, give them the money. I don't know how to get you know, like this is the beginning stages, you know, be like a little bag here. They buy bag of dope, come back to the hotel. They say, you ever shot met. Oh, yeah, shoot it all the time. You know, so okay, well, I'm like, but you're going to have to hit me. I can't hit myself. And all I remember is she mixed it up and she thought that I was somebody who had been doing it for a long time. And all I remember is the minute that it went into my body, hit my heart, my eyes started bouncing off my nose. And I started shaking like convulsing to the point where I couldn't stop. And they go, my God, we need to get you in a bathtub right now. So they start me but as naked and they put me in a bathtub and they fill it full of cold water. They leave. I'm at a hotel. They leave. They go get bags of ice. They come back and put bags of ice in the water with me. And I just sit there. And I'm not functioning. I didn't speak for three days after that because I was so high. I was just so high. So went to a different fucking planet. Oh, yeah, yeah, it was wild. It was wild. The girl I was with, she was actually cheating on her girlfriend with me the whole time. And so that's what I'm getting high with. And then of course, when I come back, the first words that I'm a mouse are sleep with your girlfriend. So then you know, that turned into a yeah, like you got problem. Do you want to join in? It's really not cheating. Yeah, right. So yeah, that was the reason I never shot it. I've given some people some shots. Yeah. And the rule at my house is if you come over and you buy something from me and you want me to give you a shot, you have to leave after that. Unless you're a female, if you're a guy, you have to go because you're going to go zero to a thousand really quick. Yeah. And sometimes I can't deal with you. Like I can't deal with the all over the place. That's part of it. Right. The non-stop porn, you know, say that I can say this to anybody that's ever shot me. You go, yeah, you can't ever stop scrolling. You never finish a full episode. You don't watch a movie ever. You tell that to any tweaker. They're like, oh, you get 100% rose. That next one. And I watch the preview, download it and go to the next download it. And then at the end of the night, I have like 400 downloaded videos. I haven't watched any more than 25 seconds of it. And then I start feeling guilty because what if my daughter gets my phone tomorrow? So now I have to delete 400 videos. And then I would rent and repeat the next night, the next night, the next night. Yeah. Yeah. And then it goes from just normal shit to get it gets dark real quick. Yeah. Especially the longer you're like, look at this girl doing it this horse. Why would this even come from? Why would I even watch this? Why am I searching for it now? It gets dark really quick. But yeah, that's why do I like it? Why is this the exclusive porn that I'm watching now? Why am I beating off to it? Yeah, it gets wild. Yeah, dude. So six years and how old are you? 38. Yeah, I'm 38. Yeah, what about to say, dude, this was not a fucking quiz. Oh, yeah, dude, look, I've gotten, I don't know, man, there's time feels like it is slowed way down. Even though you're way busy, it's still slower than it probably. Yeah, definitely, it definitely is. I think you need anything done. You know what I mean? And even, because I'm the same way, right? When I get high, it slows me down, calms me down, but I get all these projects. The ideas in your head, you have so many great ideas, so many great ideas. And you can never finish anything. Like I had an RV. Okay, so this is real. I had an RV. I told myself I was never going to be homeless again when I moved out to Texas. Right. So I was like, first thing I did is go buy this RV from the junkyard. And I'm talking like it is perfect condition, nothing wrong with it. Right. But it's like 80 style. So it's like Mad Max RV. Yeah. Like perfect condition. Everything's good. I decided there were things that were wrong. I mean, due to the two years, the two years relapse that I had during that time was that was a. I'd create all these projects. Right. One project after another. Oh, we're going to take out, we're going to pull the countertops, put new countertops in, do all this other stuff. It went from perfect condition to infested with bugs. Mattresses all over the outside of the house. Masked cameras everywhere. So many cameras. And yeah, I never finished any of those projects. So then when I got sober, right. Part of me, part of me getting sober was like, you're getting rid of my sponsors. Like, you're getting rid of the camper. You're going to take it park it somewhere. You're going to sober living. The girl I was, you know, involved with a thier like you're going to sober living. There is no options. And so I put it in storage, got sober, ended up cleaning out my storage unit. One day when I was out there, I found boxes and boxes and boxes of cords. I was a cord guy that tweaked your thing. I'm talking like the four foot by two foot by two foot, you know, big industrial size boxes. The cords, cameras, everything you think of the cords. But yeah, once I got sober, I was able to completely redo everything in two weeks. And I'd walked on it for like six months. Yeah. I was a Bluetooth speaker guy. I used to, I used to buy so many Bluetooth. My rule was you can never have too many Bluetooth speakers. Like because they go dead and then you have to charge them. So I'd always buy all these new ones. But I remember in my house, I had decided that I was going to redo. I was going to take all the carpet out and I was going to be, I was going to put tile down everywhere, right? My upstairs bathroom was the first one to get done. And I did it all. It did a great job. But there was two pieces that I needed to cut to finish it. That was like in 2016ish. And when I sold my house, those two pieces still weren't cut. Like I literally sold it. So yeah, my job is never, I would get like 90% done. And then be like, I need to build a wall over here. And then fucking now I'm building a wall. And this part over here like just would never get done. Never ever get done. Yeah. That's definitely. I was reading this article one time. When I was when I was high. You know, I was a fucking tree. I was reading this article one time when I was high. And it says, how do you know if your next door neighbor does math? I'm like, let me fucking read this. And it said everything so they know. And everything that I had done, like if there, if you have furniture outside that used to be in your living room, fucking probably some math. If you have a bunch of electronics taken apart, there was nothing wrong with them. And they're now all over your house and the wires are everywhere. And I'm looking around like radios, fucking speakers. Like I would take speakers apart just to see how they worked. And then I would never put them back together. Or I would try to add an LED in there and it would never work. And I had, you know, those little scooters that you fucking rent downtown. I had three of those for whatever reason. I thought I was going to fix them and then be able to charge people to use them. I never happened. I traded some meth for those. Yeah. Still had them when I left, when I moved down to my apartment finally, I finally just left them. I was taking them from house to house to house. Yeah. Place to place. Yeah. Never finished, never finished anything. That's definitely a twicker thing. Yeah. All the things that it was on that list, when I got down to like the third one, I'm like, fuck, my neighbor's no, I'm a twicker. Yeah. There's no doubt about it. I'm not following anybody anymore. I think that's the thing, right? Like we think that. I mean, I will admit that there was like a seven year span, where like I was a completely functional Christmas. Even though I was shooting dope, I would, you know, the progression piece of this whole deal is. You know, when I would, I would, I would be able to wake up, do some dope, limit myself on the amount of dope that I was doing. So that I wouldn't be too high so that I could still go to work and I could function. Right. And the whole time I'm doing this, I'm driving truck, right? You know, CDL, drove truck for, I had a truck for 20 years. It was oil filled, right? So oil filled, it was like, wasn't accepted, but it was like everybody got high. We're working 80, 100 plus hours a week. Yeah. So I was doing something, right? So, but I could limit myself in the beginning. So it would be like, just do enough to get through the day, you know, come home, you know, party a little, but make sure I stopped early enough that I could get some rest so that I could get up and do it all again the next day. Yeah. I did that for seven years, you know, made a bunch of money. Never was able to save money or do anything, you know, because when I have days off, then it's like, let's go buy boats and motorcycles and four-wheelers and, you know, and take them apart and not put them back together. And I have this thought that this money is just going to last forever, right? Like it's always going to be there. Yeah. Then once the oil filled shut down in 2008 for a while, it was, that was really where I spiraled out. Yeah. And it was just like, because I, you know, motorcycles gone, boats gone, everything's gone, all the stuff's leaving. And, oh, guess what? You had got a place to stay either. So now you're asking this other guy if you can stay at his place. And then all you guys do is get high and fix the house. Yeah. Work on stuff together. I think that's one of the things that definitely hurt me during my addiction is I always had good jobs where I always made money. Yeah. But I never saved. Like I literally live paycheck to paycheck, which I always knew like, well, I'll make it back in two weeks. I'll make it back in two weeks. But then when I would get fired, I had nothing saved up. So I would literally be, that's where I would have to start like doing some criminal shit to be able to make it to the next day. And like, you know, the scams that we do. Oh, that's right. Like we, methodics come up with some amazing stuff. I think just drug addicts generally, but I think they, the most, I always say some of the smartest people have ever been with, been around or drug addicts. Well, smart resourceful. Like, but the smart resourceful doesn't fucking leave you guys. Yeah. Yeah. You know, that never goes away. I think, I mean, I said all the time, but I'm glad that you did math because if you didn't, thanks Joey. But if you, for real, if you didn't, like with these walls wouldn't have got built. These fucking lights and cameras and shit wouldn't have gotten figured out. You wouldn't have 14 jobs or whatever the fuck you're doing right now. You know what I'm saying? But like, I'm just, I'm saying that how, because you guys were doing that shit, taking shit apart, never putting it back together, once you got clean, you kind of got to work on the putting it back together. I mean, to your point with the fucking RV, right? Like, once you got clean and sober, you're like, I was done in like two weeks. Yeah. I mean, I was like, dude, what were you doing? Yeah. Like, bro, did you ever sit there and watch your, you said you had cameras on your RV? Oh, yeah. Would you get stuck watching them? Bro, all the time. Okay, let's check this out. So I'm in this trailer park. I'm in this trailer park up in Liberty Hill. Right. So I've got cameras. So like, obviously in the front of your RV, you've got, you know, you can put the blinds up, you know. So I'd, I'd mount it in a camera at the very front so that it could see all of my neighbor's house. Right. So I, and I would constantly just, you know, be on there just, and it was, it was one of the old cameras to where it was like, had to be hardwired to a TV. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, sit there and just watch the TV. One of the neighbors comes out of the house. He must have been a jailer or something one day, but he comes out and he's wearing a full police uniform. And I'm like, oh my God, he's after me. Yeah. I knew that he was going to set me up. Yeah. He was just like, oh my God, dude, I have so many stories. I don't even know where to start. Like with this whole deal, dude, because there's just like, I mean, I spent a long time in addiction. You know what I mean? Yeah, dude. Well, 16 to, I mean, would you say 16 is like kind of where you're going to be? 16 is where everything like the meth started serious. I started getting real bad. Yeah, I started, I started using, I started using it 12 right started smoking weed, doing prescription pills, parties, you know, Kager to solve the just normal stuff. I'm from a, you know, like I said, a little town tonight. Yeah. It's probably like three, it was like 3000 people back when I was there. Yeah. I always had four wheelers growing up dirt bikes, all that stuff. It's, I know it's way different than Texas, right? Like there is so much BLM land up there that you can just jump on a four wheeler and go ride and go camping or go do whatever. You don't have to pay for camping. You don't have to, you know, know somebody that's got land to go out and hunt. You don't, you can just disappear. Yeah. Now, because I remember, this is a child, I just be like, dude, there's nothing to do. Yeah. Right? It's like now I'm like, I wish I could go back to that time. You know what I mean? And have the dirt bikes and four wheelers and just be able to do whatever I wanted. Go to the mountains. Like when me and my wife go up to Idaho and spend time with my dad, that's all we do. Yeah. Just jump on the clouds and we'll just go ride around the mountains and go hang out and enjoy nature and all the other stuff. But it's like when you're young, right? Like I tell this to my son all the time, but how many times do you hear from your kid, man? I'm so fucking bored. And I'm like, every single time he says it now, I'm like, dude, what I wouldn't give for fucking 20 minutes of bored. Like just like boredom, like just 20 minutes, me and my underwear staring at the ceiling fan, no TV on just alone with my thoughts. I don't get to do that shit. I don't get to be bored. That's a luxury I've afforded you, motherfucker. Right. Right. Enjoy it. You know what I mean? But when you're a kid, that's how you're wired. You're like, I'm so bored all the time. You don't appreciate what you have until you get older. Until you get older. And then you get older and you're like, yeah, that was so cool. I want to make sure my kid has stuff that I didn't. Yeah, dude. Yeah, dude. Yeah, the fucking, the video shit, when I first started doing meth pretty heavy, I would go to my buddy's house. And they would all be in the living room smoke and just watching the TV, watching the cameras, right. And I'm like, this is fucking terrible. And then after about two months, once I put cameras in my house, I'm like, this is amazing. We're just all sitting around in my couch just watching the cameras. I, oh, there's the mailman. Who the fuck's that? Right. And then the new mailman, we didn't have the best cameras. We had the grainy ones that wasn't like the picture was great. So when you got really high at night, the grainy's fucking start turning into weird shit. Oh, absolutely. Yeah, and it's, dude, it was like, I'm like, we're sitting there like, holy fuck, do you all see that? Do you all see that right there? There's somebody standing out there and there's nobody out there. But it, you would bet everything on your life that there was somebody standing out there. Yeah, it got scared. Yeah, it got crazy. Yeah, shadow people are real. No cable, no TV. You got it. You get to get to get now. We're watching cameras, baby. Yeah. That's what we're doing all day. Shadow people were so real in this guy's life that, that Kaylyn knew about him. Yeah. Right? Yeah, my daughter knew about shadow people. I used to see him like pretty often. Yeah. The lack of sleep. Yeah. I named him. Or an abundance of meth. Oral. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm done. There's all kinds of crazy stuff. I used to like just leave my phone on record. So I could hear stuff and then I would listen to you. I would listen to the stuff. Like in my hotel room, right? So like I said, I was oil filled. So it's like they, they always give you a hotel or they put you in a hotel. So you just like there. Then I would think people are coming into my room and stuff at night. And so I'd just leave my phone there recording. And then I'd like start hearing people talking in the recordings because I did be too high. There's so much bad stuff that happened year over year over year. Oh, yeah. Yeah. When you see people on TV that like are high, high, high. And they commit these crazy crimes. Yeah. I'm so grateful that I never got to that point. But not justifying what they're doing, but I can see where people go fucking insane on six days, seven days of not sleeping. Like I think the most average it was like three, maybe four. And I was fucking a loose cannon. So I couldn't imagine being like fucking seven days. And I will tell you this, the, the methods definitely changed over the years. And it's not a strong. I don't think probably. Well, so it's right. I work in a working detox. So I see it all the time. You know what I mean? As far as the met the met's weird, right? Like I have a lot of people that will tell me, hey, dude, like I, you know, I did a shot and then I instantly heard people coming through the vents. And so, you know, I had to take off or whatever, you know, like the instant psychosis. Instant psychosis. I never had the instant psychosis ever. Like my psychosis would come where you're talking for days. Seven, six, seven, eight days. And then I'm like, okay, no, I need to eat. No, I need to sleep. And then I'm good for another run. Yeah. Good for another run. I'm like, continue to do that. But that was way later, huh, dude? Yeah. That was. So you said you started when you were 12. Smoking weed. Yeah. What do you, what do you contribute you doing that to? What do you contribute you run into drugs and then kind of one-uping? Obviously four years later, when you start getting involved in mass, what, what do you think is the contributing factor to that? So. Because 12 is young, dude. Yeah. So I always, I always, man, I, I, I don't have a dad growing up, right? He left before I was born. I sense of, we have a good relationship now, right? But I didn't have a dad around when I was growing up. Yeah. So I remember telling people like, well, you don't know what it's like to not have a dad. Like, this is why I get high. You know what I mean? Right. You know, people watching this are going to like, dude, I grew up without a dad. You know what I mean? I didn't do drugs or there's, you know, there's plenty of different things. Some of them did. There's going to be some that watches that. And I know exactly how I feel. Yeah. Absolutely. Well, that was a thing, right? So I grew up, didn't have a dad in my life, you know, it was always seeking acceptance. I've always been a big kid, right? I'm talking like junior high. I was like 300 pounds. You know, so I got made fun of all the time, you know, and they called me heavy Chevy. So could I use to drive a Chevy pickup, right? Old school 80s pickup, right? So they call me heavy Chevy. And so at one point, like I embraced it, right? And got Chevy emblem tattooed on my arm. Yeah. Well, not even right. A big dick above the head. And so like, that was, that was the thing. Like, because I was wanting to fit in. My mom played a large part in that too. You know, my mom had struggled to throw in addictions. You know, when I was, when I was about 12 and she found out that I was smoking weed, that was like something that she didn't, it wasn't like she found out and then she was like, oh, we can smoke weed together. Let's smoke weed together. She started stealing my weed from me. So in the only reason, right? So this starts, this goes way back to age. And only reason I even found out that she stole my weed was because I took, so this is back when I had those big cameras, right? Yeah, I came for it. The big camcorder. The big camcorder, you put the tape in there. You know, it's the big tape. Not the small tapes. The VCR tape. The VCR tape. The VCR tape, you've what to do to the camera. Well, I stuck it in a plant next to the wood stove and she had came home from the bar and she was standing in front of the wood stove and I could see the outline of my, you know, those old brass weed pipes, you know, the L shaped woods. I could see the outline of my weed pipe that had gone missing in her back pocket. I'm like, oh, this chick stole my weed. Mm-hmm. So then when I confronted her about it, then it was like that's when this bond kind of came in like, hey, we're both getting high. Like, you know, we can party together. That was kind of like a downward spiral because, you know, there was one point of that whole conversation with my mom that she, you know, she later in life, she told me, she goes, you know, I'd never really liked you until I realized that we could party together and once I realized that we could party together, you're just so much fun. And so that's, so in my brain, right, like, well, how do you get somebody to love you and care about you? Well, you do drugs to them and then, you know, they're accepting you and they love you, right? And so that was kind of a downward thing, you know, so it was, I, to answer your question, overall, I would say the drug started for acceptance, right? I wanted to be accepted and loved and cared about and, and, you know, once I started slaying and weed, dude, that was like a whole different game changer too because then it was like, you know, now all these, yeah, you captain popular, everybody wants to hang out with me, you know what I mean? And we're just, you know, smoking weed all the time and everything's cool, you know, and then obviously that goes into, you know, starting doing prescription pills. And this is back when, God, I feel so old sometimes. You know, it's like, this is back when all this stuff was happening with the doctors where you just walk in, like, oh, I got back pain. You know, they're like 120 hydrotanes coming up and you're like, me, those in three days, where I'm going to go sell them 10 bucks a pot, maybe all day long, you know, just start slinging pills, you know, and then we never had cocaine. Cocaine really wasn't a thing up there. Did do some, some EPIL, we always get ripped off on the EPILs, you know, that's how they sell those bunk pills, bunk little presses at the dolphins and stuff like that, whatever. So we really didn't have none of that, but when we, when meth, I mean, we're a little town, you know, somebody out there is cooking it and then bringing it in and then, or vice versa. And then next thing you know, it's just like, men that I started smoking meth was game changer, game changer, 100% game changer. I mean, observation from the normy guy, like I feel like everybody's drug addiction starts with a void and it starts with at a younger age than maybe they even realize until I ask that question, maybe sometimes. But it always starts with, I mean, I always feel like acceptance is like a big one because I remember doing drugs, weed and drinking and at younger ages to get my own acceptance. I just, it just never was a thing where I ran away like I never ran. I never picked up the ball and carried it to the end zone. You know what I mean? I was just like, for this fleeting moment, I am accepted. I'm popular. And I feel like everybody who comes and sits on that, on that chair and this guy, it's all about the same thing. Yeah. You know, that acceptance and that crossroads and it's just like the people you surround yourself with at that moment is really what causes you to take that ball and run with it. Oh, absolutely. And well, that's a thing too. Like we're a town on a strong like we're talking poverty, right, trailers. Like I remember my dreams in life, like one, a single wide trailer on one acre of property. Let's go. That was going to be like a trailer. I would have known that I made it if the trailer's skirt. Yeah. You have the trailer's skirt, bro. You're fucking all the way to the top. I would have made it. I thought that mother fucker too. Let's go. And I'm from a small town too. Yeah. And like I just call it trailer park city. Yeah. I in like when growing up, I thought it was the greatest thing in the world. Like I thought my town was just it's the same way. Bonfires full-weather and fucking dirt bike and fucking hunting if you're a hunter fish and if you're a fisher. There's not a whole lot of outside like sea shit to do, but country shit all day long. And but I know when I go back now, you can tell like the meth, the drugs have ravaged the city that I'm brought. Little town. And like it in it. It's almost depressing sometimes when I go back now because I know what it was and how much it meant to me when I left. And I didn't start really doing drugs till I got to Austin. So I smoked weed and drank a little bit there. But when I came to Austin, that's where I started really partying. But yeah, it's, it's, I think, yeah, it's a, but yeah, trailer, if you had a trailer back home and you had the skirts, man, skirt, skirt, let's go. You can't see the wheels on my shit. You can't see the wheels. They used to always, they used to always make this joke that my mom, anyway, when you're, when you're disin one of your homeboys, your mom hates you so much. When you go to school, she moves the trailer so you can't fucking find out where she moved to. Yeah, I think most people that sit in that chair, either the acceptance or that one of their parents wasn't there. That's the biggest thing that I always see or combo both our combination of both. I mean, if I feel like when you have a parent that's not there for me, I'm not speaking for other people. For me, I felt like somebody that I was supposed to love, trust, and supposed to do everything for me kind of gave up on me from the beginning, which put a give up mentality in my head, right? So I gave up on it's still. I really have to fight myself not to quit shit still. Do you know, I mean, it's for real when shit's like terrible. I'm like, fuck this. But I got to sit in this shit and I got to figure it out. But for the longest time through my life, when shit was hard, I would just quit. It's quit. It's quit. And I used to always blame that on my mom because she would let me quit baseball or football when I didn't like the coach and shit. And when I went to rehab, the specialist there, I was to blame and my mom for this shit. And he's like, you ever think of it as your dad's fault, not your moms because your dad quit on you first. And I was like, wow, I never really thought about that. So I think that's a combination probably of both. I mean, we all want to fit in, especially when you're a kid. Oh, absolutely. Like I will literally fucking do any, I snorted a line of salt this big when I was a freshman in high school. Is they put a hundred dollars together and they snorted this fucking line of salt and I didn't finish it. So they didn't pay me the hundred dollars. And I had to go to hospital because the nurse said I could die from that. Fucking I had it like my nose was bleeding. It was terrible. You could die from it. Yeah. Cause it fucking I guess it sucks all the water. I don't know. It told me you could die from it. I went to the hospital. It just used like, I'm not doctor. I don't fucking know. You like, I was just going off of what I said. I heard no shit didn't feel good. Lots of stuff heard that we put up our doors. Yeah. But all shit is the methadone snorting those methadones back in the day. It was like you like knew like it was like you were just waiting for the pain. It was like, Oh, here we go. You know, it's like, Oh, oh my god. Yeah. I don't I've never seen anybody snort meth and not fucking make the face. 100%. You know, I had this weird thing every time I'd snort it. I would get this popping in my ear. And so I'd be like, start hitting my ear. Yeah. My mind I would shut my I would hurt. I would always have to hold my eye. I had a buddy that used to eat it. Just eat it out of the bag. Yeah. I don't know. So, so that's the thing right? There's all kinds of different ways to do it. But eating it, I'd never liked eating it because it took me to a whole another level. It. First time I ever perched you did it was not good. Yeah, I got weird and did some stuff that I did not want to. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So. Yeah. Well, I'm sure I'm trying to think about it like because people eat gummies and not and from what I understand, that's a completely different drug than if you're smoking weed, if you're eating weed, becomes a totally different thing because of your body's processing it. The way it metabolizes your body. Yeah. Yeah. So it's going to be different. For it makes sense with meth like that's a. Well, meth also tastes terrible. Well, terrible. Fucking terrible. It's chemical. It's not like a weed yummy. We need to be honest. Probably tastes like gummies. But fucking meth does not taste fine. Well, yeah, dude, you're cooking it with gasoline and fucking cleaning products. Yeah. Right? I mean, it's like battery acid. Battery acid. Yeah, just like whatever the fuck. Yeah. So. Fast forward to how many times did you go through rehab? So I don't really have once. Embelliance Montana. Only once. Okay. Let's let's back up. Right. So was this when you got sober? Okay. Okay. Dude, I was. Yeah. Hopefully this thing doesn't just end right there. No, no, no. All right. So. Okay. So it starts the party and stuff, right? The young age fine meth. Like, dude, I'm going to do this forever. So right about that time is when I. I get in trouble. I saw a half ounce weed to an undercover cop, right? And it was a girl I'd never sold weed to before, but she was cute. Of course. You know what I mean? So I'll take this chance. It's a project. Give it to her. Next thing I know, right? Like I'm getting served papers. And well, I had left. I had left town. So seller weed, I ended up moving away, move away for like a year and a half. I come back. I was ended up moving to a place to work at Home Depot. Me and my cousin started smoking crack. Obviously the job didn't work out. Well, for either of us. Yeah. I mean, so it was like, so then it was like, okay, I got to come back to town. Well, I come back to town. And my grandpa was basically had given him a couple of weeks to live. And so he's going, he did something really cool. He ended up giving away all of his stuff to all of the grandkids and everybody. Prior to him passing and so there was no fighting, right? Over anything. And he was going through that. And then while he's going through that, the cops show up at the house. And so this is like the cops show up at my house. Art, we had a trailer right next door to his and cops show up in my house and served me papers. Hey, you should have found some weed to the center cover cop. Boba, blah. And of course I'm pissed off, right? Somebody ratted me out. Well, blah, blah, blah. I'm getting all this trouble. You know, my grandpa asked me and this is right before he passed. He's like, he's like, did you do that? And I remember I lied to his face. No, I didn't promise. I didn't do that. You know, and it was a lie. And then he ended up passing. And then so that there was a lot of guilt and shame kind of behind that whole piece of it too. You know what I mean? Like that. I couldn't get honest with that. They paid a bunch of money, they ended up spending a way more money in this should have helped me with the lawyer fees and all the other stuff. Basically, I got seven years probation. Right. I was looking at a long time in prison over a half ounce of weed, which is stupid. But you know, money works. Right. So they pay, they pay all this money out. Give me a good lawyer. I get off. I got seven years probation. It's a probation getting high as it's like, I mean, once you get in the groove of it, it's pretty easy. You know what I mean? Like you have to fake P go in, do your stuff, walk out, you know, and especially if like they're cool with the P.O. Like half time, like, oh, don't worry about P in this month. We'll get in next month. And you know, so you kind of know what's going on. So it was never a problem. Then I get my CDL. I end up going, I quit that. I ended up getting in trouble outside. I need to leave. Right. That town's the problem. Yeah. Of course the town that's a problem. Yeah. Me, you know, so I'll leave my sisters going to hair school at the time in Idaho Falls. So I go to Idaho Falls, get hooked up with a pretty much a scholarship to go to school to get my CDL. So I go to school, get my CDL, have my CDL and I'm like, I need to go to the oil field because I have all here about all these people making all this money in the oil field. And my buddies are up there working. And so they're like, hey, we can get you on with this company. And so I go up to the oil field and then it was just like, I mean, I had money, right? Yeah. Coming from a trailer, you never have money at all of a sudden, you know, it's sold at a hundred thousand a year. Yeah. Dude, this is great. You know, I mean, like I can do that and you know, go to work and do all the stuff. And but that that was like I said, I was partying. It was slow in the beginning, right? Right. Be able to manage, you know, only part of you, you know, on the week off, right? Because it's usually two week on the week off in the oil field, right? So you work for two weeks and you go home for a week. Work for two weeks, go home for a week. So initially I was doing that. I had a kid. My idea of being a father is send money home, right? Just send money home, send presents home. You know, my kid thought I was saying it for the longest time because I would literally just bring truckloads of presents home truck loads, you know, going to the store. I mean, my wife's heard this story several times, but he'll still bring it up, you know, but remember back when we just push out like four or five cards at Walmart, just, you know, that money, you know, I mean, so it wasn't it wasn't an issue and I'd buy him whatever he wanted. So like that was my idea of being a good dad, send money home, buy him presents, send money home, buy him presents, not be present. You know, I mean, it's not like you had it's not like you had a fucking somebody to teach you had a big a dad either. Right. You know, and I didn't have that right. So, so I do the same thing. That's that's kind of the point I wanted to get to you before we jumped ahead, right? Was was I didn't have that father figure there. And so then I repeated that exact thing with my kid, right? So he didn't he didn't have this father figure either, right? And so, so then I'm busy, you know, I'm getting high all the time doing my thing, oil filled crashes. I do. I actually, I want to tell you about this. So I mean the oil filled doing math, functioning, everything's good. I'm job jumping out there, right? Cause once you start working for one company and they find out you have any type of experience, next company is like, Hey, we'll pay you 20,000 more. Hey, we'll pay you 20,000 more. Hey, we're going to we'll do you this and this and this and we'll give you free housing and we'll do this, right? So it was just like job jump job jump job jump, job jump, job, just nonstop. Yeah, there's so much stuff I could tell you guys that but when I ended up at this one company, I, we run shifts two weeks on one week off, fixing to go home. This other guy is going to Washington on his days off, taking the train. My K here's the money. Go grab me some meth to bring me an ounce of meth. He calls me when he gets out there because hey, I got your meth, but I got this really good deal on heroin. Never done heroin in my life. Like grab me an ounce. Yeah. So, brings me this ounce of heroin, right? So I'm using the heroin. I'm using the method wake up in the morning. I'm using heroin to go to sleep. I do not know how I'm alive to this day. I'm honest to God. I don't. Right. Cause like I'd never, nobody ever showed me how to shoot heroin. Right. I'd kind of seen it like it flips on movies. Whatever watching new videos. I figured out how to do it. And so I'm shooting heroin to go to sleep and I'm shooting meth to wake up and dealing that. And it's just constant constant thing. So my progression, right. And at this point, like I know that things are getting bad, right? And especially now that I'm doing heroin and right. And I'm driving a commercial semi, right? So I've got a lot of stuff that get half and you know, you get an accident. You're pissing in a cup, right? Yeah. There's bigger consequences. But I know that so blessed. I never killed something doing it. It's so blunt. Yeah. So during that time, I was like, I'm driving the truck. I just, I got high that morning. I'm driving. It's early morning. And I feel that that mouthwater come on, where's this porn? I'm like, oh my God, you're going to puke. You're going to puke. Try to roll the window down as fast as I can. I can't get the window down fast enough. Projectile all over the side of the window, all over the front window. And I'm doing this in traffic, right? I pulled over the side of the road. And I'm like, like, dude, you've got to stop. Right? Like the first this and mind you, I've always wanted to stop doing drugs. Once I got to a certain point, right? In the beginning, it was fun. And then it just gets to a point where it's just like, I have to, I have to do this to feel. You mean, hey, just to be okay with myself, right? And so then I protect off of it all the truck. I get pulled over and I'm like, you got to stop. So call your boss. Tell your boss everything that's going on. Call the cops. You'll get arrested. You can go to jail. If you go to jail, you can stop doing drugs. Oh my God. That's a great idea, right? Call my boss and I tell him, I said, hey, dude, I'm in shooting meth and shooting heroin. I need help. I can't do this anymore. So instead of calling the cops, he comes. He's a great guy comes and picks me up, takes me home, throws me a blanket. Says go down to the basement and sit on the couch. She's like, this is going to be a rough one for you. And I detoxed by myself in the basement on the couch, puking and shitting all over myself. And it was a fucking horrible experience. I still had a bunch of heroin left over and so it's a minute I fucking was done. I was like, gave it all away. I was like, I will never do heroin again. I've never done heroin again. That was just that was like it was such a bad experience. I never wanted to do that. You know what's crazy to me is when I hear that I've never done heroin. But I know a lot of people that have met in recovery that have. And they say that the detox is fucking terrible. It's the worst thing in the world. But yet when they get through the detox and they are, they get out of rehab wherever it is. And they get back out in the real world. The first thing they want to fucking do a lot of times is go back to doing heroin. Yeah. Even though they know that they're going to have to repeat that whole fucking process over again. And like you said, it's terrible. Right. It's just absolutely terrible. So back to where we were going with the treatment. Right. So. So after that never did heroin again. Obviously went back to the meth. I can function on meth just in a meth every day. I'll be okay. Right. Well, oil filled shuts down. As soon as the oil filled shuts down, I'm on my way back to Idaho, see my kid. I don't know what the hell I was doing. Actually, I was just I was I was lost. Well, come to find out. Baby mom has cheating on me. Somebody else. I'm devastated. I'm high on meth. You know what I mean? So that I'm just like, I don't know what to do. I call a friend. My friend tells me he's like, Hey, I know this guy. You know, he could probably crash with him for a while and figure out what you're doing. So I'm like, okay, cool. So I land in Billings, Montana with it's crashing on some dudes couch that I don't even know. And trying to figure out life. So. I end up going to work for this guy for a while. Doing concrete construction. Do that for a while and end up. So he's going to these meetings all the time, right? And I'm like, well, what are you doing? What are these meetings for? Where are you going with this? Yada Yada. And he's like, man, we're starting this motorcycle club. So then I come up with this bright idea that, you know, well, I want to go, you know, and want to, you know, be involved. And so of course, you know, I start going to these meetings and I prospecting for this motorcycle club and I prospect and. I didn't have a job. Sold out. You know what I mean? So like that was pretty much my job. I quit, you know, doing construction with him. So I could just sell dope burning up all my resources all the way through with everybody that I can. End up joining in this motorcycle club, right? Which were while I'm there, I've filled out acceptance once again. Yeah. Like, there were good group of guys. Everybody there was. They were great guys. They did a lot of great stuff for the community. I obviously had a different agenda, right? There's your bad apples and they were group where I was one of the bad apples. So I'm selling not only in my selling math and I'm, you know, I mean, I got I went into a lot of people that I started selling math robin places. Was there was a there was a whole lot that went into that. Oh, buying guns. I was packed so many guns. There's so many guns. I was like this pencil pusher. So I just buy guns and sell them all day. And burn up all my resources with all my friends, right? Showing up really shitty. So I'm doing a lot of stuff that's drawn a lot of attention to this club. Okay. It's not good. Especially when you're in the early stages of the starting club, you're already got there's a lot of eyes on you anyway. So I'm doing all this dumb stuff and burn up all my resources. Can't hold the job. You know what I mean? I was working at Harley walking parts out the back door at Harley. You know what I mean? Like there was just there was so much to you like the thieving and the drug addiction and the all of the, you know, selling drugs, buying drugs, selling guns, doing all the all this crazy stuff that I would, you know, I would never thought I would do. What burnt up all my resources basically all burn up all my friends that would like let me stay on their couch. Let me do this like they finally get to the point where like dude you got to get a job. Yeah, you got to go do something. You know you got to get a job. You got to get a job. You got to start contributing and you could never contribute. So, they end up buying me a camper. Some friends buy me a camper. Of course I can park it on their property, but then I'm busy getting high doing all the weird shit in the camper. You know, you know, weird shit in the camper. Your neighbors or friends, whatever they see what's going on. They're like, well, you can't be doing weird shit. Really, that's weird. So, I'm doing that stuff, you know, and eventually you got to the point where it's just like, I just, I couldn't, I couldn't keep doing everything. And plus I'm drawn a lot of attention. You know, I ended up becoming a full passion member in a club and all that stuff, which I worked really hard to get to that point. But I, I just couldn't do it, right? I was drawn too much attention and I was going to get in trouble. I was going to go to prison. Like, I knew I was going to go to prison. Like, at one point I had an ATF call me say, hey, we have a bunch of guns that belong to you that were involved in violent crimes. Like, we need to talk to you. And I'm like, yeah, we're not fucking talking. I'm like, I'm fucking tweaked out. Yeah. Like, we are not talking. And so anyway, I ended up, you know, have to go around. Club life is a lot like Ding Life. You know, like, you got to, you got to ask for permission to be able to leave to be good out. And so I had to go around to all these people that they were really good friends, right? And they cared about me. They told me to go to rehab. So that's when I went to rehab, right? So, man, there was a lot of stuff that happened in there. Crash my motorcycle, fraction, put a heroin fracture in my leg. It was raining. So I was turning in the corner and I put my foot down because the bike started slipping out. And I put my foot down and I'm doing about 60 miles an hour. And when I did, as soon as it hits the ground, my knee comes up and hits me in the jaw. And it kicked the bike back up and I rode it all the way to the bar. We make it to the bar and walk into the, like, I'm, give you go to get off the bike. And I'm like, oh my god, your foot's jacked up, bro. Like, this is not okay. So go in the bar, hobble into the bar, get a shot at the key. I take a shot at the key. Walk out of the bar. I'm like, dude, this is not okay. Go home, smoke a bunch of meth. I'll be fine. So next day, my leg is the size of a watermelon to my ankle. Yeah. I'm like, it's fine. I'm just going to keep smoking. That'll fix it. Fix it. And I sent that picture, because I took a picture of my leg and I sent it to the girl that I was seeing out there. That whole lifestyle was wild though, because it was like, you have groupies. Yeah. You know what I mean? So it's like, and the way I treated women and the things that I did to women was, man, I look back now. I'm like, damn, you are really a piece of shit. Yeah. Because it was like, you know, I'm completely different now, right? Yeah. I have a great relationship now, but it took me learning a lot about myself and going through all that stuff. Yeah, basically, they told me they're like, you're either going to get in the car and go to the hospital and get looked at or we're going to put you in the car. And so I was like, okay, I'll go to the hospital and get looked at and get looked at. They're like, oh, it's a hairline fracture. Still couldn't decide it. I didn't want a job, right? There wasn't much they could do about it. I need to stay off of it. A bunch of meth for a while. And yeah, that was the doctor's orders, right? Yeah, just one more. Yeah. Yeah. Go home. Just keep smoking meth. Yeah, it'll be fine. So it's a great doctor. Yeah, great dog. So yeah, so I smoked meth and you know, didn't it got to the, but it got really bad. Like my life was falling apart. I wanted to be there. I wanted to be part of my kids life. I wanted to be a good dad, right? Getting high all the time. So I'd have these episodes to where I would just, you know, freak out. I'm going to kill myself and, you know, whatever. I don't know how many times I said that, you know, I was going to kill myself and I was just done. I couldn't, I couldn't do this. I can't live like this anymore. So I went to treatment. You know, I was, I basically told a bunch of people I'm like, dude, I can't do this. I'm going to kill myself. If I don't stop. So go to treatment. Or I'm headed to treatment. Basically, a treatment. They're like, dude, there's no beds. And I'm devastated. I'm pissed. I'm actually really pissed off. I'm like, how dare they not have a fucking bed for me? Type of, you know, mentality. So they don't have a bed. I go home. I'm all depressed. Somebody pulled some strings and they made some phone calls. Basically, they a bed opens up. Found a bed. Found a bed for you. Right. So I go in there. I meet this guy named Bill, really good friend of mine, even to this day, who wrote Hartley's and used to shoot meth. I mean, like he was sober. And he's like a huge part of my story, not because, you know, I went there and, you know, he did something. I mean, he did a lot for me, you know, and really what he did the most that was probably the most impactful was, uh, never judging me. Right. Never judging me. Like, I went in. I did my treatment. I did 35 days in treatment. It's best 35 days of my entire life at this point, right? I'm like super stoked because I go in, you know, they introduced me to AA. I'm not an AA guy. I'm like, yeah, yeah, this is not going to work. You know, they tell me to get a sponsor and, you know, do the stuff and, you know, I do the one, two, three shuffle, you know, don't want to commit to anything. And eventually, uh, comes time when I can go home. So where do I go? I go back to the same people places and things. I go back to where I used to break up on my dope. I find the biggest rock I can. It's on the floor. Yeah. This is, this is one of those gross things that I was just going to say specifically for the podcast. Okay. So all tweakers know, right? Any tweaker. It's out there. Peas and bottles. I don't know why the fuck would be in bottles. I still do sometimes. It is, it's just a thing. You just piss in bottles. Yeah. So before I went to his treatment, I had a bottle of piss and I'm like, yeah, I'm going to take all these syringes that are unused. And I'm going to put them in that bottle of piss so that I won't lose them. I'm going to bring in. So the day I would get out, I go back to the same people places and things like I said, I find biggest rock I can. It's like a floor where I was breaking up dope at and I went and dug those fucking bottles through those needles out of that piss bottle and I shot dope with them. I mean, it's your piss, dude. Yeah. I mean, it's kind of sanitary. I didn't really think about it. I mean, I'm like water, rainwater. I mean, I did lots of toilet water. Yeah, lots of toilet water. A lot of mountain dew. Dude, I don't know why mountain dew is like really big with people that do meth. Oh, yeah. That's like the drink of choice for some reason. Well, it's not a drink. I mean, if you shoot up whether you taste it, is that why? So most of the people that I did smoke meth with, they also drink mountain dew. I didn't know that they were also shooting up with that. You can, you can't. I shot up with all kinds of shit. Really? Yeah, because I shot up with water from the pool. The pool of the toilet in a truck stop. Dude, like real sanitary. That's not sanitary. You dig in a cylinder. I'm really really pissed. Completely sanitary. I get that. I understand that. But that's not obsession, piece. You know what I mean? Like I will go to any lengths to get high. Like that's what I do. Yeah. Like I get high at the end of the day. I still be in bottles. And when I'm driving, and I have to, because I can't hold my piss. Yeah, but you're not saving them. Do you save them? I throw them in the back seat until I clean the car. Oh, dude, come on, man. I'll tell you all the time. If you went out and looked at me. You're sober, buddy. If you went out and looked at my car, like when people at work are like, hey, can you give me a ride down there? I'm like, I will. But just know that I don't do meth anymore. Even though my car looks exactly like I still do. It's going to look exactly like I still do. Oh, throw your piss away. Can you do that for me? I got to care that you're pissing me off. I actually clean the car off the other day for the first time in a long time. But yeah, I still, because I can't hold my piss. I literally cannot do it. Like I got a piss right now. So bad. Yeah, I'm surprised I haven't pissed myself. I got a little bottle here. You don't care. That hole's not big enough. I'm sure, right? I got to be a gatorade bottle. I just can't just piss in an aquafina. Oh, Jesus, dude. Yeah, that is pretty fucking wild. Yeah, so I go to treatment. Get out of treatment. Go right back. Back to it, right? Like immediately or? No, dirt. So yeah, dude. And then I'm like going to meetings. Like I'm showing up at meetings, shooting dope in the bathroom at the meeting, going into the meeting, not thinking that all these tweakers are going to know I'm high. Right. At least you weren't trying to sell to them though. No, I never did that. Yeah. And so then some people do that. So then it got to the point where like, you know, the guilt and shame kicks in and it's like, oh, I don't need that, you know. So then I'm homeless. The ball. I mean, I got that RV right in the camera. My buddy kicks me out of his driveway, moves it to Walmart parking lot. This is back when you can park at Walmart, you know, for weeks or whatever. And they would, do they not let you still do that? I don't know if they still let you do that. I don't know. But probably cars. Because I pull it and sometimes when I go to Walmart, especially on the weekends, because I go workout early to get it out of the way. And I'll go through Walmart sometimes. And there's people out there that are sleeping in their cars. And I think Walmart has a policy where they won't tell you to leave. Yeah. I'm shit like that. All we did was like move the camper around the parking lot. Every so often. You know what I mean? Make it look like someone else knew something pulled in. Yeah. And one that was a thing. So I'm like selling, I'm selling dope out of the trailer. Right. Got all the other crap going on. Meet this homeless girl. It's decided to be this great idea. If I sell a camper, trade the camper for an eight ball of dope, moving with the homeless girl, her two dogs will just live life. Yeah. You know, so I did sold the camper, moving with her dogs. Yeah. So obviously me and her start dating, you know, we're together or whatever. She's seeing guys on the side to make us some money. And then we're taking the money and getting high with. And she starts working at a sex shop right out there. And so then I'm like just showing up at the sex shop to go to the back private rooms. Yeah. Right. And so I'd go to the private room so that I could shoot dope in the private rooms and you know, get weird for a minute. Yeah. And so the problem is with that. So then it would turn into like, I needed money. Right. So then it was like, how can we get money? Oh, you're working at a sex shop. Well, we hang out with a bunch of tweakers. They would all, you know. Then I start walking boxes. And I mean boxes. I'm talking boxes, more sex toys than any one person should ever have. Yeah. And trading them to the dope, man. Yeah. That's pretty cool for drugs. Yeah. Yeah. You know, it's funny is I usually get this guy in Fluegerville that I used to buy shit from. His entire garage was just shit that was traded to him. And he had some cool ass shit. He really did. He had some cool shit. And it was like not he's like, you know, you're one of the only people that ever bring me money. Am I really? And he's like, yeah, he's like, most people just trade me like that lamp right there. Like he, but he had some cool shit paintings in this. And if I had a pool table, someone trading him for a fucking eight ball, a badass pool table. And I was, but his entire garage was fucking tweaker trades. That's what it literally was. It was insane. It's a great show name. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. That's crazy. That's crazy. That's crazy. That's crazy. That's crazy. That's crazy. That's crazy. That's crazy. That's crazy. Yeah. So then, I don't know, I did that two years, man. I was homeless living in the car. Isn't it crazy how, like I've heard, like, Jake Klein, for example, he talked about when he was homeless. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to sleep on the streets because now I don't have a, I don't have to show up. I don't have to have a curfew or this or that. I'm just going to do what I do. One, what happens to those, you burn down those resources, even though you have places to go and you, you know, even if you're showing up over there, you're disrespectful as shit. Yeah. I mean, like, you're doing a lot of stuff that's, you know what I mean? Yeah. Watching porn and jerking off all day and so the shower's broke, like, that's pretty fucked up. You know what I mean? Like, so you're doing just some shady ass shit, you know, you burn those resources and people like, dude, you can't stay here. You know, no matter how much they love you and care about you, like your addiction has really just taken you over at that point, you know, and they are fucking assholes for not letting me stay here. Oh, and they are such a piece of shit. Yeah. Because they won't let me. How dare you get mad at me for jerking off in the shower for two hours. What the fuck is wrong with you? Right. Blacklight in here. And there's only one matter. Yeah, there's only one matter in the whole place. You're done? You're done? What are you doing in there? I'm shaving. Shut up. I had someone stay here less than a month ago. I won't say his name, but reached out. He said, hey, I need help. Blah, blah, blah. I'm like, all right, you can stay here for the weekend. My daughter's not here. It fucking lasted one night. Like he was cool for the first day. And then like, you don't think that I know that you're taking a two hour shower. Like, come on, bro. Like I know what you're doing in there. You're smoking shit in there. And then when he left for that to go get some food, I went in his room and I checked the fucking windows unlocked and the blinds are all fucked up. I've never unlocked that window ever. Right? So I call him and he'd call him and say, hey, bro, you got it. Like I'm going to get you a hotel for a week is what I did. I might get you a hotel for a week, but you can't stay here. He said, why? Because you were smoking in the room. Like you're doing to open the room. I know you were. No, I swear to God. Bro, the window is unlocked. Oh, I didn't unlock it. I swear to do. I put that on God. It's like, bro, you're talking to a fucking extra addict. Like I, I, I swore to God for everything. Yeah. Like God was my witness on everything. Yeah. Bro, you got it. So I put him in. I did put him in a hotel room and he did pay me back about a month later. Hey, I'm just kind of crazy. Nice. Good. It was. You got sober? You got sober for a month. I wonder. Yeah. It's part of it. It's part of the deal. Like I was trying to get sober multiple times throughout that, that all those times, right? It's like, dude, you know, call the boss, tell the boss, get arrested. You know what I mean? I'll be able to stop. Right? Anyway, I could stop, you know, trying to figure it out. But I picked up pieces along the way from each, each time that, you know, I got a little learning, a little learning experience. A little bit here, a little bit here. Yeah. So what made you stick? Man. So. You mean Montana, right? It was, uh, do this lick on this dude. Still a bunch of stolen guns. Trade a bunch of stolen guns for stolen car. Because me and that girl, obviously, yeah. Check this out. So me and that girl, obviously, we had a very toxic relationship. I was going to say, beat on each other all kinds of stupid shit. Yeah. Sounds like the most healthy foundation girl. So she, she, she punches me in the face while we're driving down the road, right? And I get pissed off and start pulling the car over and I go, blah, red line it and blow the head gasket. Yeah. So now we're fucking homeless homeless. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You just ruined the house, dude. Yeah. You're like, good job, dude. And, uh, so I do this lick on this dude. Trade a bunch of stolen guns for stolen car. I'm like, dude, we just got to go to Texas. We can make it to Texas. Won't be able to get drugs. We can stop, you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Just got to go. No, there's drugs in Texas, dude. Yeah. So it's a my logic. So I can just make it around mom and sister, right? Yeah. I'll be all right. You know, I won't know anybody. I can't get anything. I'll be fine. No drugs in Texas. Yeah. That was thoughts, you know. And, uh, I was a thing. I'd burned up all my resources, right? Sister don't want to give me money. Yeah. Nobody wants to give me money. I mean, I was such a dick to my sister, dude, for so many years, dude. So many, your collar, you know, with all these excuses. Oh, I need contacts. Oh, I need this. I'm homeless, you know, like, can you send me some money, you know, whatever. And so like, I mean, I was really shitty to my sister. We have a great relationship now. It didn't. She is amazing for putting up with all the shit that she put up with. My methadone prescription is about to fucking run out. What a hit. Yeah. I'm gonna be sick. Oh, I need to get an eye exam, right? Well, I don't take care of myself anyway, because I'm tweaking and I'm not changing my contact. So I'm sleeping with the same pair of contacts for six months, eight months at a time, right? I take the one year prescription last six years. I mean, stupid shit. And so anyway, nobody wants to give us money, right? So I got stolen car and we can go, you know, we had enough money to leave. We left, made it to the next town and then, you know, we're out of money, out of gas, you know. So we're going into like Albertsons. I'll do just do grocery cart runs and it's right in Albertsons, load up the cart, bring it out, throw it in, drive to the next parking lot, figure out where we're going to do, go sell some steaks or whatever to make some money to get some gas to go to wherever. Then finally, my aunt's decided they'd throw me some cash and made it to, went to Colorado by the joint. This is when like the shops, you buy weed legally over the counter and Colorado, you know, I mean, it's like stop there, get a joint, head into Texas, three hours outside of Georgetown. She's speeding, never had to advertise her whole life, right? So she's speeding through this town. I just lit that joint, get pulled over. I got warrants or fucked. I got shit ton of warrants, bro. I'm leaving the town where the cops are calling me saying, hey, we need a talk because we have a bunch of guns that belong to you. Oh, by the way, you get pulled over in these cars all the time. You don't go to court. Apparently they put a warrants up over here. No shit. I know I'm in trouble. Yeah. So she goes, he takes her, goes back to the car. She jumps in the back seat of the car and they're having a conversation and she gets out and she walks up to the passenger side where I'm sitting. She said, give me your driver's license. Like, okay, here's the driver's license. She goes back, hands, cop driver's license. She comes back to the passenger side. She says, get in the driver's seat and drive. And I'm like, shut the hell up. Like we're in a stolen car. Like we have fictitious paper plates on this car. Yeah. Like, this is a setup. She's like, no, drive. If you just wanted to see there was a license driver in the vehicle, just drive. Never ran the, never ran the plates. Never ran the ID. Never ran anything. Let us go. And that been Georgetown. Perfect. Right. She won't stop talking about getting high. I'm like, dude, I can't get high anymore at all. Like it's gotta stop. So I tell her, I'm like, we're done. We can't do this anymore. Like you take the car, you go back. I'm, you know, I'm gonna be done. Start working at, uh, start running heavy equipment for Austin Wooder cycling out here and doing that and talking to the guys at work one day and decided to tell them, hey, dude, I really love mushrooms. See, and I got a guy showing up at work and throwing me in out some mushrooms. I can do mushrooms. Mushrooms doesn't my problem. Yeah. Yeah. So I can do mushrooms. Do the mushrooms. Great trip. Trip balls, dude. Great experience. No problems. I can do cocaine. Yeah. I know wasn't my problem. This is the math. I don't even like cocaine. I don't even like fucking cocaine. Bro, it's a waste of my fucking time. Yeah. I want to be up for fucking seven days. And I, you know, 45 minutes of me pissed off. Fucking meat mugging everybody that looks at me. So I, you know, started doing the cocaine and then started doing the, obviously fall right back into it, right? Do the math. But I'm out here, right? I'm trying to put things back together as time goes on, right? So I'm calling the judge. Hey, judge, like, you know, I moved out to Texas. I had a drug problem. I couldn't stop. I'm still getting high out here, but he doesn't need to know that, right? Like, you can stop. Ball ball. It came out here to get sober. He's like, cool. So we're going to just get rid of all these don't come back. Fine. No problem. And then, you know, let's try to, I had, let my CDL laps in that time. So then I had to go back to school, get my CDL again. And then of course, when I go back to school, then I was like, that's when it just really peaked again. Because it was like, yeah, I met this girl out here and then we start using together and then we start using together. And then it's like, okay, I'm all in. I'm going to get the CDL and do that. So anyway, fast forward. How did we get sober and what made this thing? So meet this girl on plenty of fish. All right. Yeah, meet this girl and her tagline on plenty of fish. I got 16 months clean and sobered. Like cool. I got two years clean and sober. You know, as I roll on the board. Roll it over. Look at that. And go meet her. She's at Oxford. Go meet her. You know, we hook up, start hating. And then it's proud of such a piece of shit, dude. So it was just like this game all of a sudden, right? She doesn't know that I'm getting high. And so I'm showing up at her Oxford and I'm shooting dope in the women's house at the Oxford House, like, but everybody's sobriety and jeopardy. You know what I mean? And do that for a while. And she finally sees through all the bullshit. She's like, dude, you're a fucking loser. You have a CDL in your pocket. You're working at Marcos Pizza for five bucks an hour as a delivery driver, like what the fuck is wrong with you? She leaves. Of course, like, you know, I do it in a good, sick toxic boyfriend would do. And oh, because you left me, I relapsed. How dare you? Right. I blame this whole deal on her and thank God that she had boundaries and a good sponsor because basically, the sponsor's like, cut this motherfucker out of your life, 100%. Mm-hmm. If you want to help him, that's how you help him, you know? And she referred, she gave my number to my first sponsor, not my first first sponsor, but my first sponsor that I went through the work with. And he reached out to me and said, hey Tyler, you know, I heard you might want some help. And you know, I got a couple of men's 12 step meetings so to go to on Mondays and Tuesdays if you'd like to come, we'd love to have you. And I'm like, I call them back. I'm like, I don't want your fucking help. I don't need your help. And then, I don't know, three hours later, I'm on the phone, ballin'. Yeah. I'm like, dude, I gotta stop. I can't do this. I know what I need to do. I've been to treatment. Same thing to tell you at all your meetings and any treatment you ever go to, they tell you the same exact thing. Get a sponsor work steps, get a sponsor work, you know, some of these people that go to the 16, 17, 18 treatments, get a sponsor work steps. Find your own path of recovery, right? But the one thing that I've learned through my path was this. I can't put any substance in my body, no matter what it is. Can't have a drink, can't do a pill, can't do anything. Mushrooms led me to coke, coke led me to meth. I was very forefront of my mind all the time. Like, I can't do anything. I have a beer, you know what I mean? I would, I would, I want to think that I could have a beer, but I'm too afraid to try to have a beer because if I have a beer and then that leads me to, oh, I can smoke some weed and then I smoke some weed and then I can, where's it stop? Where's it stop? Right. So I just don't do anything. I haven't done anything in six years. So, but she, okay, where we at? She leaves, she leaves me. This guy calls me and basically it's like, hey, we, you know, we need to work steps. I need a sponsor. It's like, okay, so come to this Monday night, men's meeting. Still have drugs left. Show up. Go down. So I go, go, leave the house early to go to the meeting. I show up in McDonald's parking lot an hour before the meeting and I'm shooting dope in McDonald's parking lot because I know that nobody in that meeting is going to accept me for who I am, right? I have all this, it's just this negative self-tog. I guess an addict. I saw, you know, I don't even think it's necessarily just an addict, right? Yeah, I got to show normal. People in general, you know what I mean? Like we have this negative self-talk. We're not good enough. Nobody's in like you. You can't do that. Piece of shit. Whatever, you know, the case may be. And so I shoot men in the parking lot and then go to this soberhouse to this meeting. And I'm sitting in the meeting and, you know, I'm crying about the girl and I don't have a relationship with my kid. And I'm unemployable. I live in this trashy ass camper and everything in life is just terrible. Terrible. And he holds up the big bucket and says, dude, you're the last person to know that you're going to be okay. He goes, if you just do this and apply this to your life each and every day, you don't ever have to drink or use drugs. I'm like, that may work for a guy like you, but that's never going to work for somebody like me, you know? And so we finished up the meeting. He walks out and he follows me out of my car. He says, I want you to do two things. I want you to make your bed. I want you to save prayers and then give me a call tomorrow. Still I drugs left. So I go home, made my bed, military style, right? Clean corners. I think it's good. Put a blanket on top of it so I can sleep on top of it. So I have to remake it tomorrow. You'll have lazy shit. So if I mix up a shot, I do a shot. I sit down on the edge of the bed. And I wasn't, me and God have always had this problem, right? And a lot of it has childhood trauma from church, where I was at a church that basically had, you know, started getting pierced inside my ears, pierced, got my tongue pierced. You're like, you can't wear that here, you know? And basically it told me not to come back if I was going to continue to wear it. And I was going to continue to wear it. And so I figured if, you know, person in a position of power that was over the church didn't want me there, then maybe God didn't want me. Yeah. Uh huh. And so I spent a lot of time running from God. But he told me to save my prayers. And so I sat on the edge of that bed and I said, dude, I said, dude, you better show me something because I don't believe you're there and I don't believe you exist. That was the last day I've done a drug. Uh, obviously I got busy with 12 steps. You know what I mean? I went through all 12 steps. I did all 12 steps in about a month, you know what I mean? Um, during that time of doing the 12 steps, you know, I was concerned about the girl in the beginning. My sponsor's like, bro, she already told you what she wants. She wants you to leave her alone. I'm like, leave her alone, respect what she's telling you, you know? Um, so I go through the steps, get through the steps. I still care about this girl, right? Which, just a God thing, right? The way this worked out, but it's, you know, I'm praying for her every day, right? Because I was told I needed to pray, right? Every day, that was something that once we started getting into the step work, it was like, hey, you need to pray prayer meditation, prayer meditation, prayer meditation, every day. So I did it. So I'm praying for this girl, not to God, please give me this girl so that I can have her in my life or God do this and this and this, right? Like using the Mrs. Some Genie, right? But it was like, hey, I just want her to be happy with whatever. So about a month, month and a half, two months goes by. Um, I've been praying for every day. I get, uh, my sponsor tells me, he says, hey, I haven't heard about Amanda in a long time. He says, so why don't you write a letter to her? So I take that as, oh, he wants me to center this big ass long text and tell her how great I am and how good I would do it at all. Stuff, right? Because it's totally ego at this point, right? Right. And so I write to this long text, right? Three page text, you know, hey, I'm sponsoring these guys and I'm doing this and I'm sober and blah, blah, blah, no response. About a week goes by. I get this text from a different number. It's like, hey, you've been weighing on my heart a lot lately. I just wanted to make sure you're okay. Like, oh, oh, it's Amanda. Hey, you got my text. Mm-hmm. Like, what are you talking about? You've been blocked on all platforms. Like I never got anything. You know, and so like, I had, I had this epiphany of like, my God, you like, you've been weighing on my heart a lot lately. Just wanted to make sure you're okay. I mean, you've been weighing on my heart. I've been praying for every day. Mm-hmm. So maybe this perks stuff actually works. You know what I mean? And so like, that was like this epiphany that I had like, you know, maybe that's something you should be doing. So of course, I go and tell her, I'm like, hey, we're talking again, you know, can we get back together and let's get a place. She's like, no. She's like, right, dude, you're not getting a place. It's not real. Yeah. She's like, you need to go separate living. I'm like, what do you mean? What are you going to do? She's like, I'm going to move in with these other four guys. I'm like, right? So then my head's all twisted. Yeah. I'm like, you know, these other four guys. And you know, they're just going to be having orgies and all of a sudden over there all the time. Yeah, your mind goes to the immediate one place. I'm going to say, right, because that's, those are the relationships that I lived in for so long. Yeah. And that was used to, right? And I played a huge part in doing that to other people as well, right? It was a direct reflection of me. Yeah. 100% it was a direct reflection of how I treated people and the things that I thought of and the things that I did. Yeah. You know, had nothing to deal with her, right? So she goes and does that. I went to Oxford. I went to Oxford for six months up at Bell. Great experience. I was in the three-man room, you know, sharing room with three other dudes and did that for six months. After six months, she's like, you know, we start, you know, we're talking, we're taking it slow. You know, casual dates, doing stuff like that, spending time with each other, you know, it's still Oxford. So she can come spend the night or I can go spend the night, you know, and so it worked out. And then it was like, okay, it's time to get our own place. You know, we cool with that. She's like, yeah, so we ended up getting in our first apartment, which by the way was horrendous to be able to find a place with a convicted felon. Yeah. Yeah. I've had nothing to do with me. That was all her. Yeah. So I was like, damn it. You was like, what the hell? I can only imagine because for me to find a place, I'm not a felon, but my credit was terrible. Yeah. So I used to have to put like three months up front and then fucking pay your last month to first last a month. And then here's another fucking deposit. I would have to pay like 10 grand to move into a place. And so if I was a felon on top of that, fuck. Yeah. Yeah. So, so luckily, and we looked, man, we looked and then we, you know, it's like, we're trying to, it's like, hey, do we just put it put the house under your, or the rental under your name and then, you know, but we're trying to live in principle. We're trying to live in integrity, right? So we don't want to, we don't want to do that. So eventually we find somebody that's like, hey, we're willing to give you guys a chance. We're going to, you're going to have to pay double deposit. Yeah. You know, first last end double deposit. So it costs us some money to get in there. We get in there. And then, you know, neck my next question is like, hey, when are we going to get married? She's like, are you talking about, you're not even going to meet any of my family until you least have a year sober. You know, so it's like, and then COVID happened and I couldn't go meet her parents. And I got my son back, son started coming back into my life when I first got sober. And then I mean, it was strictly just summer coming up for the summer. I spent a little bit of time with this for the summer. Yeah. And then, but no, my son's back in my life. Me and a man are marrying. Hey. Hey, you showed her. Yeah. You showed her. Yeah. Yeah. He showed you. So I'm going to tell you. Dude, that's, I remember this story, at least that part. You did tell me how you guys connected out at LR. It was a beautiful story. Yeah, it's wild because, I mean, I definitely married up. She is one of the, she's a great step mom. She treats you. You know what I mean? She's going to agree with you. You did marry up. I mean, you did marry up. I'll never say it. I mean, that's just, it's definitely what it is. I mean, she takes care of me. She takes care of my kids. We run businesses together. We run multiple businesses together. You know what I mean? She, I mean, she'll, I'm the dreamer. You know, I mean, she's like, okay, well, how are we going to do this? Yeah, she's, you know, you're the dreamer and she's the, the commentator. Okay, hey, like there's an application to this. Like, I get it, man, that's, you guys are perfect. And then you know, for, for each other. And we got into, you know, started the sober houses, you know? Yeah. So talk to me about some of the 57 businesses that you're involved in right now that you make this poor lady over here. Fuckin' have to learn about everything. About it. But. Oh, yeah. She, trust me. She, she had definitely helped me with my real estate stuff. I was, you know, all the study and the stuff that we had to go through for that, you know? So I started, initially I got sober. When I got sober during that time of us living on Runberg, which that's where our first house was on Runberg. So I get sober on Runberg. Go. Right. Gun shots. I mean, a first week we moved in. Talk about putting it fucking all out there. Yeah. For, wait, this shit's either gonna work. It's not. Well, that was the thing. So, so I, I do want to stress, right? Like, when I first got sober, it was, I went to, at least my first 90 and 90 was like, I went to a meeting every single day. Yeah. And then it was like at least three meetings a week, right? And then it was like, as time went on, then it was like church is like, you're going to church. Like that's just a non-negotiable. Right. You go to church, you know what I mean? You know, the meetings like over the past six years, right? Like, I found what works for me specifically, where I can balance my time with God, family, and sobriety. Yeah. You know. And so, yeah. So, some of the businesses we started, so I started a nonprofit right out the gate. I got sober, started outcast ministries. Outcast ministries. Outcastministriesatx.com looks up. Yeah. You see my testimonial on there, actually, it's pretty, pretty wild. That's the testimonial the church did for me when I first got sober. I'm a lot skinny here and there. You'll see. He's a badass move, dude. That was a, that was the first move I went to. Yeah. Outcast ministries. Started that and we started a way out recovery homes. And that was me and me and Connor, my brother-in-law, which there's a whole story behind that, to you. That was great, dude. Great, dude. Amazing, dude. I love him to death. He was my sponsor. There's a whole story behind that, dude. Connor was a fresh fire. I don't mind him seeing this because he was. He was such a trash. I mean, he's killing it in life right now. Oh, really? I'm so blessed to have him in my corner just because, I mean, he was my sponsor. He was a trash fire. Like, every week he's calling me. He's like me and him got hooked up because of the ministry. Yeah. Because I was doing outcast. We had a mutual friend that referred him to work with me. And so we're going through the work and it was just like, every week he's calling me. Hey, dude, I'm getting high. I'm like, hey, you know, you have to tell your soberhouse that you're getting high. Like we need to live an integrity and you're going to get kicked out and be homeless. Again, we're going to have to figure this out again. Okay, go ahead and tell us. Calls me next week. Hey, doing this. Hey, I just, I just threw out a eight ball of meth in front of my house. I'm like, cool, I'll be there in a minute. Yeah. Is that method going to stay that trash? Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to go get it. You know what I mean? And it was just like, just non-stop stuff. And then of course him and, so me and my sister are many in our relationships. Yes. Because I was such a dick. Yeah. She's going through this really bad relationship with this guy that was just like, he was a piece of shit. So she's going through this bad breakup and she calls me and she's like, hey, can we go do dinner? I'm like, yeah, let's go do dinner. So Connor, he had been, I don't remember what he was doing. He was doing something at the house and sitting on my couch and I said, hey, you got to pack it up. You got to go. And then the next thing goes, you got to sister and I just laughed. I'm like, you the fuck out of here, bro, you can't even talk to her until you at least have a year or so. Yeah. He's like, what does she look like? I pull up a picture of her and he goes, I'm going to marry that girl. I'm like, oh, no, you're fucking not. He's like, can I just go to dinner with you guys? Like, I ain't got nothing else to do. I'm like, fine, come on. Go to dinner. They meet. She totally blows him out. Ignore them. I mean, he's one of my sponsors, bro. Right. You know, he's like, he's a shit show. You don't want nothing to do. They're blows him off. And then she drove this giant sport clips truck that was wrapped in sport clips, these cows. Yeah. So all of a sudden, because I'm so well known in the recovery community, I have all these people that are calling me, hey, why is your sister's truck parked in front of John Brown and so were living? Hey, why is your sister's truck? I don't like this mother. So anyway, me and him, you know, he obviously stopped being my sponsor. I'm just like, I'm just so, like I said, I'm so grateful to have him in my corner, because it's so cool to be able to watch that. I know all the stuff, you know what I mean? And like what that was the other thing to you, snowpocalypse happens. Oh, yeah. Snowpocalypse happens and he gets snowed in or snowed out of his sober living and snowed into my sister's house. Yeah. Of course. Of course. Yeah. Right. Why would you die? So we didn't have power for a week, you know, and so we're, I mean, I'm crazy. I'm from the country. So I know how to, you know, we're going to survive. You know, I'm going to say the big deal. Bro, I'm going to go to ball. I need to was a phone charger. Bro, I did. I just went to Walmart stole their pallets. We had a fireplace in the house, you know what I mean? Like just go chop my leather. And then we went up to, we went up to a trader Joe's. Yeah. Joe's all their stuff went out, so they threw all their shit out. Oh, no shit. And so we like literally went back there and just loaded the pickup truck full of stakes. And so we got like a truck full of stakes or just as fast as steaks up and whatever. Destiny was in sober living at Oxford and she was like, Hey, something here long enough, you want to come over here and stay because we have power over here. I'm like, why would I stay over there? Cause you don't have no power. I'm like, bro, I used to go without a electric and all I need is a fucking cell phone. Yeah. I don't need shit outs. I have my cell phone in this charge, but you can come stay with me. Yeah. Got blankets. Yeah. That was good. I was good to go, bro. Yeah. So they get, you know, they get snowed in and then of course, man, it goes in the bathroom. Yeah. Take a shower and find all the pregnancy tests. The Connor knows, he was my sponsor. He knows obviously I went way more in depth with Connor about, you know, my past and the stuff that I used to do. Sure. And so he knew you know what I mean? It was like, I remember Amanda's like, did you better tell him what's going on? He's going to kill you guys. Like, this is not okay. You know, and he came to the house and the first thing he did, he called me out on the front porch. And he talked to you, come outside and said, I got your sister pregnant. And he like did this little cheat turn thing. Like he was like, he was like, expected to be the hidden. And it was like, I was giving big all the hug. And I'm like, did make it right and take care of her. Yeah. And he did. And he has. He's done a great job. But, you know, the subur houses, we, you know, we started doing the subur house thing, you know, open the subur houses and, man, it was, it was a great experience. But I turn to those over to Connor at the beginning of this year, you know, Conners. And he's done great things with them, you know, and the people that he's got working over there are fantastic individuals. They're, you know, they run a great program over there. I went and met up with them over there, him and your sister. Yeah. To, to do some shirts and met up with them and talked to them at one of the suburlivings. And yeah, man, those are really good people. They're cute kids. And yeah, dude, you, you're, I'd looked at, I'd looked at it on that, right? And what's cool is, I don't know if he did, man. If you look it, if you look at the way that God's kind of worked in my life and just weaved these threads through all these different people's in my lives, right, that brought us all together at different times and the things that he's done. It's like so astonishing to me just because it's like, I was so broken, right? And I remember like the, I remember my addiction like was yesterday. I remember trying to overdose and die like multiple times, you know, and being pissed off that I couldn't even kill myself, right? And then this negative self talk or walks in, right? I wake up and I'm like, dude, what the, is wrong with you? You can't even kill yourself, right? Right. You know, kind of person are you, you know, and so it was like, I remember doing all that stuff. And I remember being in the worst possible positions and places I could have ever been in my life. But then I also, like if I wouldn't have gone through the things that I've gone through, I wouldn't be where I'm at now and I wouldn't be able to help the people that I've helped along the way and have being able to watch those people thrive in life, you know what I mean? And really, but yeah, so it's a sober levees. Roll the semi in not this last October, but the October before, right? I drove truck for 20 years, rolled the semi as soon as I rolled the semi. It was figure out your career. What are you going to do? You know what I mean? I'm dead sober when I rolled the semi, you know? Yeah. Roll the semi and it was like, do I want to continue doing this? I mean, it was bad. It was a bad roll over like truck rolled twice, snapped the trailer off the truck, drove over the top of the truck. I mean, it would have killed me if I would have had my seatbelt on. Yeah. I mean, I mean, so like that whole thing wasn't wild experience to you because, you know, I ended up having to do 11 months of physical therapy, stuff like that. And while I was out for physical therapy, I was going to stir crazy, trying to figure out what I was going to do. So I went to school, got my real estate license. Started building a real estate business. And then before I was supposed to go back to work driving truck, which I was miserable. I would come home every day and I would tell him, man, I'm like, dude, I can't, I hate this job, dude, I can't do this for I hate this job. I hate this job. You know, but I could never quit. You know, and I feel like I kind of got pushed to, you know, and that was scary. It was probably one of the most scary things that ever happened to me, right? This truck roll is over. You know, and then it's like, well, what are you going to do about your career? Yeah. You can go back and drive truck. Well, do you want to drive truck? Like, dude, it's dangerous. Like it is super, super dangerous. Yes, I can go drive truck. I would be perfectly fine driving truck, but I was miserable every day. That's something that I really want to keep doing. The answer is no, right? So it was like the day before I was supposed to go back to work, I got to call from Dan. And he's like, hey, dude, do you want to come work over here? I rise. I'm like, yeah. So I started working at rise. So I work at rise also. And then I just opened up a staging company from a real estate business. Rather. So yeah, that should cover, that's it, right? Yeah, covers it through right now. I was in church today and they said something. They were talking about like God saving us, right? And then he said that God didn't save us for us to sit to sit it out. He saved us so we could share it on. And I was like, man, that's an AA thing. I guess that's a life thing. I say it all the time, man. Like in church, they're very similar. Yeah. I get very like me being the outsider. You know, it's a odd combination being in a room of therapy in church. Like it's a little more open, it's a little less judgey. 100%. But you say things all the time that you hear in church that are just things that we've always heard in rooms. Yeah. And this is the problem, right? You can't hand a drug addict or alcoholic a Bible and say, hey, if you read this, cover to cover, it'll change your life and all the answers to all your problems are in here. Because I'm going to look at that and I'm like, yeah, right. But he had me a big book, felt called synonymous and I can relate to the people in there. And I can really start figuring out it's all the same stuff. Yeah. When you go through it, right, you're talking about confession, right? Which is fifth step, right? Right. You're talking about repentance, right? Which is step nine, right? Making demands. But you got to draw those parallels, man. The Bible, there's, I 100% agree with you, but like the Bible is a harder book to read. 100%. That's what I mean. It's almost like, yeah, it's like that. So it's funny because I called my sponsor. But I get that I get through all the steps. Those are the first things I did as I call my sponsor. Chris, I kind of feel like I've just been suckered here. Is this like a dumb down version of the Bible? Yeah. He goes, yeah, kind of. He goes, he goes, it's not necessarily a dumb down version. He goes, but if anything, it's the back door to the Bible. Yeah. And that was my experience, right? It's like Bible, it's like layman Bible. Well, if you hit me a Bible, first thing I'm going to say is it's too many pages for me. Oh, yeah. I'm not reading thousands of pages. I'm not going to understand half of it. Like I got my daily reflections Bible at work and it drops three paragraphs from the Bible and then it explains it to you in layman's terms. And the Arthur's Arthur author. It's not an Arthur. I get confused because I'm going to be one. The author is Sarah Young and she's phenomenal at explaining it. But if I would read three paragraphs in the Bible, I would be lost every single time. Yeah. Unless it was like thousand, not kill. Pretty simple. Right. But like if it's something, especially the way that they spoke back then, not going to understand it. But a big book is pretty simple words. Pretty simple. I can understand it. Yeah. And I can relate to the stories that I'm going to read in there too. All right. So did your sponsor have you go through and do all the means? Yeah. I've heard, no, but I've heard of somebody doing that. Oh, no. I was life changing, life changing. Go through and just write anywhere I related to either in the past or present. Yeah. Right me. Yeah. Right. My big thing was this, an alcoholic, a method, really. My problem is the math. Right. The problem is, it's like, I know now, right, after being in this lung enough, I can't put any substances in my body, especially alcohol. I put alcohol in. I'll, it'll all lead me back to the same thing. Yeah. Right. But all those means, right? It's like, and the, the out, not, not relating to the alcohol thing was like, okay, well, if you're not an alcoholic, then cross out alcohol and put meth or cocaine or whatever. Whatever. And I think the 12 steps, right? And the one of the biggest things about the 12 steps is like, we need to carry the 12 steps into all areas as of our lives, right? So I love my boss. My boss is great. And, you know, Dan at Rise is great to you. Dan pulled me aside one day and he goes, showing some real drug addict behavior. Like, I got high in five years. What are you talking about? You know what I mean? And so he goes, yeah, we need to have a meeting. I'm like, okay, cool. He pulls me into his office. He says, I need, or he goes, I need you to print out your finances. I'm like thinking, once this guy wants to see my finances for, you know what I mean? Like, I don't gamble. I don't do, there's nothing on here that he's going to like, rip me up on. Yeah, you can see my finance. I'll print all this shit off for you. Send it to him and he's like, he's like, yeah, you need to get to him and he's sitting across sitting like me and you. He's got this red pin. He's just staring at me. He goes, you know what you spend on eating out this month? No idea. He spent $1,500. It's a lot. He's like, yeah, yeah, he's like, you want to know you spend on bullshit Amazon purchases? And you like that? Like what? It's like $1,300. You have a problem. It's like, you need to call your wife. 90 talk to you guys. Go my wife. You're a trollier? But no, he called us in. He's like, hey, you guys need to work steps around this. Like, you guys, you know, I'm going to be like, you know, I'm going to be like, you know, I'm going to be like, you know, I'm going to be like, you know, I'm going to be like, you know, I'm going to be like, you know, I'm going to be like, you got to call this in. He's like, hey, you guys need to work steps around this. Like, you guys, you know, getting sober is not just getting sober. It's carrying this into all aspects of our lives, your finances, your relationships, your everything, right? Yeah. So we had to sit down and go through finances, work steps around finances, right? It's pretty much where we're trying. We're trying to figure that out. That is one of the hardest things for me. Yeah. because I don't think about $20 here, $40 there. My daughter just asking for fucking whatever I just spent $50 in there on. I don't think about those things. Until my money gets real low, then I'm like, we need to stop fucking eating out all the time. I start laying into destiny like, well, you need to start cooking more around here. And she's like, bro, you're literally the one that fucking wants to go eat steak every other night. Yeah, yeah. You're literally, it's not me. I'm like, I'm good with ramen noodles. You're like wanting to go, or I'll say, you know, we can't fucking go karaoke because we've already went three times and she's like, okay, but we don't have to spend money when we go there. You're the one that fucking spends all the money on fucking this food and this food and this food. Like we can literally just, we don't have to go to the bowling alley and fucking buy all of the shit in there, you know? But yeah, but yeah, that's, it never crosses my mind until my money starts getting low. Then I'm blaming it on everybody around me like, yeah, I mean, that's still, that's a, that's a really hard one, I think, for most any, I can't speak for everybody for myself because I never was a money manager anyways. Right? I never managed money. I never, I was never, I was never taught to save. I was taught to make it and spend it, make it spend it, make it spend it, replace it, make it spend it, replace it. And even though I got sober to your, to like what you were saying, our job is not just to get sober. I got sober and stopped gambling and I stopped using money on drugs and on strippers, but I started moving that money in other areas. Oh, absolutely. Like, well, now I can buy my daughter a lot of shit. Oh, I gained, hundred and fifty pounds first year. Yeah. First year. Pick, you know, put down the spoon, pick up the fork, and it was like, boom, you know, I mean, because it was like eight out every day. Yeah. Wings and more was easier. So fucked up, bro. So I'm just nonstop, bro. We're just like, we need three of these and three of this. And you know, I can't just have, you know, the deep fried green tomato. It's got to have deep fried green tomatoes. It's got to have deep fried mushrooms. And you got to have the deep fried green beans. And then jalapenos, because they're all poignant. You know, like, right? Even if you go through the drive, drive through these days, it's 30 or 40 bucks. Every time, every time. Every time. You go to McDonald's on their shitty value menu. And it's sorry, McDonald's, we are looking for a sponsor. We're gonna let you take it. But we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll rephrase that. But even if you go on the fucking value menu, the shit's expensive. Like when I was in school, I remember I worked at Burger King in a fucking, a meal was three 25, 299 with tax. And that's not, that's unheard of. You'll never find that again. We got down with the apps now. That's the new thing, right? When you pull up to the dealer, you're like, hey, you got an app order? You got to be down with the apps. That's the new thing. You get down with the apps. I didn't even know that was the thing. I was in Chipotle the other day, Chipotle. And this guy was ordering like extra, extra bowls in front of me. I'm like, there's only two of them. He's getting four, he said, no, it's Tuesday. You get on the app, you buy one bowl, get one bowl free or some shit. He was like, you want the app? And I was like, now I'm good. I'm just getting one. But I was like, I didn't even know people did that shit. It's a big nap. It's an app. Yeah, I know. It isn't app for everything. Really? That's great. That's a big app push. So everybody's got one. You know what I mean? Like, very quick, you can scan your thing and get a bunch of points. Why do I know this? Right? Because it's well. Because I fucking need it. I always have to be a dealer bar mother fucker. Oh, that's ridiculous. Yeah. Yeah. We went to McDonald's yesterday and my sister-in-law was like, can I use my McDonald points? I didn't even know there was fucking McDonald points. Dude, there's points everywhere. That's what I'm saying. It's on the app. It's on the McDonald's. It's on the Store. It's on the Store. It's on the Store. It's on the Store. It's on the Store. It's on the Store. One of those two. Yeah. Well, Tyler, this was a fucking great episode in a long time. This was actually one of my favorite episodes. And I want to ask you one question. Oh, yeah, go ahead. Yeah. Being a dad now compared to this is a big one for me because my daughter is the reason I got sober. And there's been times in my, she's the main reason. She's not, she's not every reason, but she was the main reason that got to start it. And there's been times in my sobriety, especially early on where that thought crossed my mind to use, especially when things got hard. Even when they didn't get hard, whenever I was, I remember I left to do it a fourth step with my first sponsor. And when I walked out of his house, I was like, man, I did real, I heard a voice in my head saying, man, you did real good today. You should go get ironed, celebrate. I was like, holy shit, this shit comes out even on good days. But the dad that you were then compared to the dad that you are now, when you speak on that, because I think that's important because I know there's a lot of people out there that are still struggling that know that I thought when I was struggling, well, I still show up, right? But I'm not present. I'm still showing up. I don't miss a lot. I don't miss visits, but I'm showing up 30 minutes and 40 minutes late and I always have an excuse. And then when she's with me, I'm sleeping most of the time. Or I'm hocked off in a bathroom, smoking mad and beating off and you know, watching porn or whatever while she's out watching cartoons. So can you speak on that? Yeah. So, I mean with him, man, it was like, you know, I was just checked out. Like I said, like the time that we did spend it was like me bringing home on the presence and the gift and all the stuff to the point where I mean, that's all it was. You know, during those times of visitation, when he would come down is when I started realizing that I had fucked up royally, right? Because it's like, dad, give me this, dad, give me this, dad, give me this. Like, right, like I feel like I have to do those things to make up for the lost time. A thousand percent. And so, so yeah. So that was that whole piece of it was hard. And I knew that like, okay, like this is got something's got to change. So he ended up, the thing with him was he, him and his mom ended up getting into it. He got into some trouble. We're from a town of 3000. I had a rap sheet, 10 miles on paper from time I was 12 and firm, ever. You know what I mean? His mom, same way. Right? We both got not the best reputations in that town. Him and her getting into an altercation, cops pick him up, take him to jail. So he spends the night in jail and she calls me so I don't know what we're going to do here. And I said, well, send him down. It was more of a, so it was like, I was like, yeah, send him down. We're going to, you know, try this out. And he came down and then it was, I was like, what the, did I get myself into? Like I am still learning to be a dad. Yeah. It is not 100%. Dude, it's a lot. I'm not going to lie, right? Like, the sending the money and the child support and so much easier. Bro, like, he was born so much easier. But being a friend of father is like, dude, it's a lot. It's a lot. There's a lot because I would not, there's no way I'd be able to do it without Amanda. There's absolutely no way. I can tell you that right now. I like when you said that when you mentioned how good of a step mom she is. Because that was me and me and Destiny got married. That was a big deal for me. Yeah. Is if my daughter don't fuck with you, I can't fuck with you. Yeah. And if you're, you can't just put it on the front and you can't just show up when you want to. You've got to show up all the time for her because I need you to be a role model for her too, right? Like when we moved to her sister and I told her sister, you need to be a big sister. She's going to look up to you and that's a big deal for me. So yeah, that's a, there's still some days, man. Look, being a dad's hardest fuck. Hardest as hard as fuck. And there's still some days where she makes me question me being a dad. Yeah. Like, there's some days where we're spat and spat and spat and I just, we'll sit there and say, I don't even know what the fuck I'm doing. Well, so I will, I will say this, right? He comes out here, Amanda starts getting involved in activities, right? And yes, in the beginning, it was, it was rough. Rough. Oh my God, it was rough. Yeah. Like me and him would just non-stop, right? I don't know how to be a dad. Yeah. Right? And so, you know, and then he's got this mouth on him. You know what I mean? You can just say whatever he wants. You know what I mean? It's just like, we're just button heads. But Amanda had, she was so good about like when that would start, she's like, nope, you go to your rim, you go to your rim and I'm like, fine, right? You know what I mean? And so it's like, right? And so then it's, you know, and she goes and has a conversation with you. Yeah. I mean, dude, I couldn't tell you how many times we've ran him through a set of steps on stuff that he's dealing with in his personal life, right? Not that he's mad at it, not that he has a problem with anything, but like, those are good skills to have, right? Let's look at your part. Yeah. What's your part in this situation? All right. Would you want to be treated like that? You know, like, and do that. Got him enrolled in NJROTC. Kid is killing it at life. Killing it. Like, these nefs, you know, horrible, you know, just couldn't get it together out there. Yeah. And that's just really what he needed. He needed a father figure in his life, right? Well, I'm also working all the time, right? And so I wasn't able to be that father figure. I had to trust me. I had to do some work around this, too, because it was like, we got him enrolled in NJROTC, and all of a sudden, like, he's listening, and he's doing all this stuff, because he has these male role models, right? And it's not just those guys, right? He's got these male role models in his life that are good influences, and supporting him in lifting him up. It's also guys in my own personal recovery, right? now cast ministry is one of the best things I ever did. Yeah. That built us a group of guys, a group of individuals that we all get together and we'll go to trips to Galveston and we'll, you know, run in there being, being, we'll hang out and we'll spend time together. We'll bring the kids and the families and the wives and the girlfriends and, you know, communities, the one thing that I definitely needed in my life. But all those guys, like they talked to Riley and he's part of the group, right? They, they all, they're in recovery. So we all live by principle, and they're lifting him up. You know what I mean? Yeah. Then he gets in the NJRTC, I mean, and just kills it. My six year, the day of my six year sobriety day was like a wake up call for me because he had just completed a basic leadership training, right? Through them. And so like I'm showing up to watch him compete in this deal and I'm like, this is why you got so. But yeah, I do like, it is, it's hard being a dad is hard. And it's not easy. And especially when you've spent that much time in addiction and, you know, it's learning. But the best thing you can do is to put people in your corner. Those men that run the NJRTC and the guys that are in my core group of men that I work with, I am so grateful to have those people in my life because they are good leaders and they are good role models, right? And just because my ego tells me that my son needs to learn from his dad, it's not true, right? Not a little bit. And me and that's the thing, you know what I mean? Like there's been a lot of things that have happened. Yeah. You know, and he's like I said, I'm so proud of him that, you know, I can't even, can't even, he chokes me up all the time. It pisses me off because I'm like, do it like seriously, like we'll be at the NJRTC stuff. And I'm like, like hold it together, hold it together, don't cry, don't cry, like stop. You know what I mean? Just because this is like, damn, didn't, and then he walks up. He's like, he dad, I'm like, hey, you know, I'm going together for a second. You're like, yeah, I'm just, that's awesome. I'm glad you mentioned that too because, like, Caitlin's mom, it's a great mom, and she's engaged. And when I went to rehab, I met the guy I liked him, but I didn't know him that well. When I got out of rehab, I took Caitlin's swim and then she knew how to swim. I was like, I didn't learn how to swim because last time I went swim with her, she couldn't swim for shit. And she's like, Mr. Scott showed me how and bro, that fucked with me. Oh, yeah. That fucked with me so hard. Like, I was like, mother fucker, right? How dare another man teach my daughter something? And I went to work about it. And I talked to this old timer at work, Tommy. And Tommy said, he said something that changed my way of thinking with it. I was telling him and I was like, man, I'm fucking, I don't even, I want to call him and shit. And he said, you embraced that. He said, you can never have too many people love your kids. He said, remember that. He said, you can, so ever since he told me that, we need help. I was like, dude, that's amazing. Like that's amazing. And he treats my daughter fucking great. And I get along with the dude. He's a fucking great guy. And like, there's no, you know, so yeah, that's what, that's what I learned from that. But that was hard for me. Like, man, and you know, one thing that I used to think about whenever I was getting high is whenever I started wanting to get sober, I kept thinking about if I don't make this change, someone else is going to have to raise my daughter. Someone else is going to walk her down the aisle. I'm going to have to do her kids in Yadda with her because I'm not going to be here. I'll be in prison or I'll be dead. I don't know. I thought it's, those are the options for me. Are I can get sober and show it for all of them? Yeah. You know, that was, that was the other piece of it, right? So like, just going through the steps and getting, you know, to my immense portion of it. So who do you think, if you had to guess, who was my number one offender on my resentments? I would probably say his mom. That was number, she was up there, but she would know. Was my dad and my mom, right? She was my first two on my resentment list. So funny thing with resentment list. You know those people in the men's, right? Yeah. So when my sponsor pulls up and he goes, Hey, you know, you know, you know, this didn't amends. I don't know that guy anything. Mm hmm. What are you talking about? You left before I was born. He did all this stuff to me and blah, blah, blah. Because yeah, but you see how much hatred he's carrying in your heart from the past 33 years. Yeah. It's just like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Yeah. Because you guys, you guys are saying hurting anybody. Peek you. Mm hmm. And I was like, God damn it. You know what I want to, you know what I mean? Yeah. But I did. I was willing to go to any links. Yeah. Right? Because I was going to die. I was going to die. I was going to either kill myself. I was too chicken to kill myself. But you know what I mean? You know what I mean? Like something was going to happen. Yeah. Right? I was going to figure it out a way. And. Or I was going to do that. And so it was like, yeah, I tracked this guy down that I'd never talked to and reached out to his sister and mom and his all family. Finally, I get this. Hey, yeah, I'm your dad. You know, I told him I said, hey, I need, I only own a man's life or death there and for me, I need to talk to you. And I'll happen to be in Boise on this time because right at least going back up there for. Mm hmm. School. So show up, meet him in a hotel. And found out his side of the story. Right? That was the thing. You know what I mean? But shake hands and it's like, hey, you know, I tell him, I said, hey, man, I owe you an immense, you know, a little ride if we sit down and have this immense. And you know, this is life or death there and for me, you're going to get high if I don't do this. So yeah, so we go around corner and we talk and. We go to a little coffee shop and sit down and I found out all of his story. Mm hmm. You know what I mean? Parents find the military. He got her knocked up and then, you know, they're moving and they're doing all this other stuff. And it's like, you know, he just never reached out afterwards. Right? And so it was like, I mean, but he was scared also. You know what I mean? He's like, dude, I haven't been there in 18 years. Mm hmm. You know, now, how weird would that be if I reached out? Right? It's all this, this thinking, right? And we have a great relationship now, right? So it's like, but it was like, you know, I'd been judging this guy for all this stuff and not knowing his side of it. Yeah, didn't listen to it. And then once I find out his side of it, right? Which I'm telling you, that immense, I was the most petrified I had ever been. This is going to somebody I'd never met in my life and basically telling you. Someone you felt like probably, I don't know that motherfucker. I don't know him anything, right? But I'm going to this guy and I'm telling him, hey, I owe you an immense and this is why I owe you an immense. I mean, an immense for the way I talked about you, the way I talked bad about you, the way I, you know, thought about you, the way I did this, you deserve better and I can do better, right? Because I'm not, I'm not trying to live like that anymore. What can I do to make it right? Right? And then, you know, and it was like, from that moment, it was just like, you know, he wanted to keep, you know, tell me, I'm sorry and, you know, all this stuff. And I'm like, hey, dude, like we're going to, we're going to squash all this, squash all this right now. Like either a you can be in a relationship with me and, you know, you got a grand kid. I would love for you guys to meet and, you know, I would love to be, you guys build that relationship and whatever. I got an amazing wife. Yeah, great wife. Yeah, absolutely right. Like all this stuff going on and then, you know, we can either do this or just let me know now that you don't want to do this, you know, and then we can be done. And then in my part, he's not, I mean, like it's all good. And, you know, it's like, yeah, you know, found out I had a younger brother and two younger sisters out of that whole deal. So on the backside of that, that fear, right? I'm petrified and fear to do this thing, but I go do this thing and on the backside of that, I find out that I have siblings, siblings. And then we can start building these relationships, you know what I mean? And so we all, you know, we have relationships now. My dad flew out here, he came to our wedding and, you know, we fly up there and spend time with him, you know, yeah, try to every year. We didn't do this last year, but hopefully we're going to go up there this year. So you will, brother, you got a, you got a great fucking story, man. And I want you to come back on more because I know there's a lot more stories in there. So, like, where we can kind of go, I can talk to you guys for days. And so here's a thing is like, you know, we've had a couple of repeat guests on, and I always enjoy the second time around because it's less story and it's more just chopping it up and like life, right? And I can tell that you're somebody that I could tell this immediately when I met you that you were somebody that I would, that I would fuck with him that I would hang out with. Like, you know, so thanks for finally getting on this fucking thing, dude. This was awesome. It was awesome. And I can't help but have this little bit of a feeling. There's another half that we should probably have in this share too. You should definitely do. I was thinking the same thing. And where that story, because I would love for that to take place. A lot sooner than the year and a half that it took to get this fucking guy sitting in here. And yeah, just look, bro, I say it to everybody. I mean this with all sincerity, man. You need us for anything. You let us know. We'll show up. We'll do it. And the door is always open for you to come sit there. I do want to throw out. Serenity on the Stars Camping Trip. Yeah, dude. Yeah, yeah. Serenity on the Stars Camping Trip is the 1617 1818 19. 1718 19. Yeah. And lazy LNL out in New Bronfels. The original home of sober games where sober games originally started. So if you guys follow in social media, sober games is, you know, they do all kinds of events. Bolly ball out there. We compete for the championship belt. The WWE style championship belt plus bragging rights, right? So get your teams on there. Get your teams, you know, registered to go out there, get your spots picked out. But we'll go out there. We'll do the playoffs, which is going to consist of volleyball, tug-of-war, musical chairs. They have a dance competition. I see no, got karaoke in there too. Last time. So I don't know if they're doing karaoke this year. It was on there. Was it on there? They have, they did a comedian. All right. That's a guy in sobriety doing all this great. Yeah. It's great. There's going to be all kinds of stuff to do. They'll have food covered. There's a bunch of donations of drinks and energy drinks and stuff like that. Dan brings out his pizza makers. He's got these. Stone pizza. Stone pizza. Yeah. The ills and he makes, he's just like rolling pizzas out and doing that stuff. And yeah, definitely come out and check it out. If you can't afford to cover the costs, get in touch with somebody on the platform. There's a, you'll see, there's a QR code you can sign up or whatever. Or you can reach out to me directly and find me on all platforms. Every single platform is either Tyler Walker, Realtor or Tyler Walker on every platform. So I'm going to plug this one for you too. You need a house, you need a cellar house, you need a rent house, you need... Commercial rent, farm, everything. This is the guy, fucking Tyler Walker, ladies and gentlemen. And even if you got some, like me and you were talking earlier, right? If you got some bad stuff on your deal, we can tend to work around that. It's going to obviously cost you some money. But I've had to make it happen. I've helped people in all kinds of different situations, whether it's felonies or whatever as long as Arsons, Arsons a hard one. Yeah. Very, very hard one. That's like a game killer. You say it's Arsons, it's like, yeah bro, you know, I'd love to help you, but you know, it might not be a thing. So... Well, brother, thank you so much. Thank you for coming on. We're going to have you sign the wall here in a second. We got to snap some pictures. And then we will get you off to your 874 jobs that you've got. Perfect. We also lost one of our supporters. I don't want to talk about this. Yeah. So I think we're going to shout it out. But our last episode at the end of it, we had a buddy, Alan Luckett, in recovery. And when he found out that we were doing this, he was through the moon about it and was one of our biggest supporters. And he passed away. But we thought he was going to be okay. Yeah. He had a good night when he shouted it out. And he passed away like two days later. But he passed away sober. Yeah, he beat it. He made it to the finish line. He fucking beat it. Yeah. You know, in this game, we lose a lot of people. And he's the first person that I've lost in recovery that made it to the finish line. That made it sober. We always lose people when they relapse. But he actually made it all the way. And he was so proud of what we were doing. And I went to, we both went to his home group to represent him. And I think I know I found out that he talked more about us than I ever would have thought that he talked about us. But yeah, he's such a good guy. My daughter loved him. And yeah, we're going to miss him. So we're probably going to do an episode just to shoot the shit about him. Yeah, tell us some stories. Tell us some stories about Alan. But Alan, we love you. We miss you to your family. Riley, your entire family. We love you. We miss you. I'm not sure if you need anything. The kids, the grandkids, your wife. Right? Yeah. So, yeah, rest in peace, Alan. We're going to, I think we should probably have maybe his granddaughter come and put him on the wall. Yeah. Me neither of that. I was honestly thinking about, I mean, adding them there, get the graffiti guy to come back out. I think that'd be fucking awesome. Let's see what Riley, what asked Riley about that one. See which one he made both. Yeah, we have both. Yeah. Rest in peace, Alan. We'll miss you. We love you. Love you. Hate to end it on that note. I know, dude. All right, let's talk about Midgets. All right. All right. Do it with the war on Midgets. Peace. All right. Do it with the war on Midgets. Peace. Peace.