My Friend & My Ex Are Hooking Up!

On now hand you over to my best man, Eddie. Wow, wow, wow! Second time's a charm, eh, Billy Boy? Oh, God. Substitution could see a Paddy Power embarrassing Eddie makes way for sensible Samuel. Cool, that was close. You might not always pick the right starter, but your sub can still deliver. Because with Paddy's Super Sub, your bet rolls over to the player coming on. Paddy Power. Validant, selected leagues and markets only. Pre-match and in-play bets on qualifying player outcome selections only. T-Series and exclusions apply at 18plus.com. Hello and welcome to the Friday feels episode of the UUP podcast. I'm Jordana Abraham. And I am Jared Freed. It is so good to be back here with you, Jordana. We are virtual for all those watching on YouTube. You can see Jordana from Wednesday. Has a brand new gallery wall. Wow. Ty Pettington, Sammy Sage came in there. Move that bus. And there it is. Look at that. Yeah, she came over. She was in and out. I will say her, she got it up. She's not super like precise in her methods, but we got it. It doesn't matter how we get there. It's just that we got there. It looks great. We got the, is that my wife hat up in the background? I love it. Down to the wall. Yeah. It looks like a college dorm room nailing a hat on the wall. It looks like she's not going to like that review. She's not going to like that. Well, everything nailing a hat to the wall is like as college is again, everything other than the hat looks like very professional. The hat, maybe I love that. Believe me, I'm going back and forth. I sound like I'm tearing it down. We need to figure out how to fill that space. But I don't know how you put a hat on the wall because it does. It is fun. Well, you put a nail on and then you hang it on the nail. Yeah. Oh, that's good. I thought you nailed. I thought you literally nailed it into the wall. No. Oh, OK. Animal. That's how a college kid would do it. OK. Yeah. No, that looks good. Right. That's how someone who sends you up texts would do it. Right. That's why that's where my mind went immediately. How are you on a Friday? How you feeling? I'm good. I'm good. I'm I have I have questions for you. OK. Do we want to get questions? Do we want to finish our Amanda and West review? We said we taped you up episode yesterday and we even said you even said more developments are definitely going to come. And then they did. They issued a joint statement that they're banging. Is that kind of the essentially that he probably didn't even read. That's all I kept thinking like that he got sent it from her and he was like, yeah, sure, whatever. I don't care what you say. Put this up. Fine. Yeah. I think it's the whole thing. It felt a little like hastily done. The whole thing was kind of vague. It was like, but also concretely. It was like concretely confirming, but very vague about what they were confirming. It's like, I don't mean to say out our feelings. It sounded like a weird guy who's like, I don't know, trying to tell you he's hooking up with someone, but like doesn't really want to like say exactly what's going on. Right. She's living in fear of the people who make tiktoks about her that she rode to stardom. These people made her and now they will break her. The people who reported and told, I don't mean to say what could be considered a slur in the Betches universe, but. Let's hear it. Was Kyle Cook right? No, I think they're. Is she an aspirational figure that we all made her into? I mean, the Internet is a fickle friend. That's how that's how you learn about that. They're, you know, that one day they love you, the next day you are an animal to them. And so they put out this statement and then I saw Sierra Sierra unfollowed. Yes, which both of them. I do think they hooked up. I do think you're around each other at these events and who else are you going to hook up with? Right. Well, did that's did that statement read to you like they are dating? No, they're in a relationship. It read to me as a as a dating podcast, you know, opinionist as a as a as an expert. Exciting in men. In men. To me, that was woman who kind of likes the guy who felt like she had to say something and guy who doesn't give a shit. And she can't say they're in a relationship because he would go, no, we're not. And she knows that. And that statement was letting I just think it's so funny to put out a statement that you're out our feelings. Yeah, they're fucking they're fucking they're two hot people. That's it. And, you know, maybe she doesn't want. Honestly, not to be the feminist in the room, but like maybe she just wants to fuck this human, you know, you know, like, I would call him a human like pile of blankets, you know, like, like maybe she just wants to bang this guy who can throw some water around and then move on. And that makes it worse. Cotton it. That would be worse because then it would be like, why did you need to do that? If like they have to be in love for her to be even for me to get an even a morsel of sympathy thrown at her because like she could have just not and not upset this other person. Right. If you have ever been in a situation ship where you pined for a guy and then he moved on to someone else without feeling any, you know, upset or any anger or any didn't think of you at all. Right. Didn't think of you at all. Then you hate Amanda Batula. You because all signs point to woman who cared about herself and getting off a little bit like at its minimum, it's she just wanted to get off with the like a blanket that is Kyle or whatever, West Wilson at its maximum. It's love. And she fucked over a friend to get hers. So I don't know how we go to any other place, but that she fucked over a friend. No, definitely. But I think, yeah, I think for for her to get out. Well, it's funny. I saw so many critiques of these statements on like TikTok and Reels. And what they I agreed with what they were saying is that like you can't put out a statement like like whoever approved this was like an idiot because like you're not supposed to put out a we statement when people are already like mad at you. Put out like an I statement. But like to come out as a we as a we when you're not a week yourself. Yes. For yourself. People who have gone down in each other semi regularly in between going down and other people. Or this is my personal statement. I I fucked up. I developed feelings. I did whatever. That's funny. Like when it kind of reminds me of when you're talking about like sending a breakup text or sending a text or doing a reveal. I, you know, I mean, this is what this is what I was doing. This is what I was thinking. This is my feelings that I'm going into to say it's we. First of all, it doesn't make any sense. You're two different people. Right. Who aren't married, engaged, anything. You're nothing. Right. So put out separate I statements or shut the fuck up. Right. I I can't. What did this do for them? How did this help them? The statement. It didn't. It buried them even more. Oh, you know, it helped the show. It helped Andy Cohen. I saw Andy Cohen getting interviewed by my buddy Adam Glenn, who does, you know, he's a paparazzo. And he was like, what do you think about what's going on? And like Andy Cohen's like in a full suit. He's got his hair wet from like getting ready in the morning. He's holding like a trapper keeper. And he's like, we're going to have to find out all the facts. And he was talking about it like it was, you know, Iran, you know, like it was a crazy. Yeah. I mean, if he is the president of Bravo, this is his Iran. Yeah. This. I just think it's it's such a small thing to me. And I do understand why someone attaches themselves to the story. And they're like, I've been, you know, I've been fucked over by a friend is one group that you don't want to make mad. And then I've been in a situation ship and the guy never cared about me and moved on to a person I know is another group. You don't want to make mad. Yeah. And she seems to have angered both groups. I think the relatability of this. I was thinking about this yesterday because I was like, why do I like these are two if you think about it, like, why is it so big? These are two single people. Right. These are two people who are not in relationships, who are hooking up. Right. Right. Why is it? Why does it even to me? I'm like, I feel like a little bit of a visceral reaction to this. And I think it's because it's this feeling because, like, if you know this feeling. That's a very frustrating feeling because it doesn't feel like you necessarily have the right to feel that way in a black and white way in a way where, again, they were never officially boyfriend and girlfriend, Sierra and West. Right. They just had this like five month thing. Sure. It seemed like they were headed there. And then there was like a pulling away and like an unsureness. And I think that part of the that's why I said, yes, on Wednesday's episode, it is almost more difficult than if someone had been in a real relationship. It was like your friend's actual ex because there's this feeling. I'm saying on Sierra's part and she talks about this a lot where it's like she feels like they had something very deep and meaningful and she was very invested in it. And the idea that he. Like could do this or or what's like might say we date. We were like dating for five months and we were never in a relationship can be used as a way to sort of invalidate your your feelings, your experience or your feelings or like the way that the meeting that I believe was probably there if she still feels that strongly. I don't. And then that's how you can kind of be in your head about like, am I a delusional like lunatic who's like very right who like was somehow like is very into this person who has no right to be or has no meaning to be like there wasn't that deep. Right. And I mean, I think that part kind of drives you even crazier because you're you're not able to say, oh, that was my ex husband. We live together like that's my ex boyfriend. Like we dated we like we're in a relationship. It feels like right. You can't validate it to yourself. So it feels almost worse in that way. Right. Well, I mean, the going the the advice that's always been given on this show or has been, you know, formed by this show is break up with people. Like have an ending. It did. Well, you know, if I I'm in a relationship with someone should be what you say. Not we are in a relationship, just like that I and we thing that you were talking about before, like I think Sierra, if she came to us and was like, I have trouble getting over this guy from years back. I think we would both tell her you need to dump him because you need to put an ending on this and you need to validate that it was a real thing. And then you can hear from him that he's being dumped and he's, you know, receiving this information. It doesn't his feelings don't really matter as much. You're not a she's not in a straight jacket. Sierra, she's not she's not a crazy person. And anyone in a situation ship that has ended or a relationship that never really became a relationship. Right. Everyone who's ever been in that. You are not crazy. So if you were sitting in a you can see why it would feel that way. No, no, no. I this is me giving advice to see. Right. I know. I know. Right. But I'm like, but so that is totally a valid that I can understand why anyone would be like, I have been where Sierra is sitting. I can understand that you're right. And that's why I asked you on Wednesday. I'm like, why is this so big? And now hearing the backstory and then that in, you know, and Sierra and Amanda and Paige, we're all sitting in that bed, grandpa, Joe, being pretty judgy. And I think what Amanda's finding out is that it's really easy to be on a reality show while you're in a relationship. And it's really easy not to try. And, you know, I just said this on J train. I was like, I was like, I can't believe I am now. Coming to the defense of Jesse Solomon, who is like the most hateable looking guy to me in the world. Like he's just has the look of someone I wouldn't get along with. Like I'm about to buy a ticket to a Jesse Solomon show to watch him do Frank Sinatra. Just because these women were so hard on him for what? Having fun in the Hamptons and hooking up. Like that kind of like like I'm looking at this now and I'm like, Amanda, it's hard to hook up. It's hard to go out there. It's hard. It's hard to meet new people. So what do you do? You met the first person that you that you could hook up with. And it was a guy that you shouldn't hook up with and you did it. And listen, we all make mistakes. But I keep thinking of those three in there. PJs. Having a grand old time while these dudes were being told how horrible they were for going out in the Hamptons. I don't know. I now I'm putting myself now I'm doing what you're doing with the men. Yeah, you're now you're I'm doing the same thing. We're all doing the same thing. Right. I'm triggered by these guys who just wanted to have fun in the Hamptons and, you know, throw some dick around. So I don't know. Right. And I think I think we're going to move on. But I think I think no, I think the real the the irritation with West is that he's is that I think the most irritating thing about him to me is that he he thinks he's a good guy. OK, I don't know him well enough to know his disposition, but I that is annoying that he would be blissfully aloof while also aware enough to like to tell you he's a good guy like you can't be both. You can't be like so out there, but also tell you you're a good guy. Exactly. And I think that he's like you see in that in this like we're watching the season of last summer, which was, you know, again, is a couple years after and he and Sierra are like holding hands. He's like holding hands with her. He's flirting with her. He's saying like I really want to talk to you. So it's like I think that adds one to her fury of like. I'm which is like. It's not like you ended it with me and then never and then left me alone. Right. No, he's a dick. You gave me a lot of mixed messages, which is a big part of the situation ship thing is like the person still kind of like gives you that attention. And even though that it meant so much to you, it doesn't mean that much to the person to be like, oh, like let's hold hands in the house or let's snuggle in bed, whatever it is. Men get away with stuff like that because we are considered to be people with no like awareness. We women give us the the ability to like walk through life. Like we don't have any emotional intelligence. Wes is more emotionally intelligent than he's putting on. And then using that to get his rocks off. If you're what from what you're telling me, when you're holding hands with someone who's admitted to wanting to be with you and you don't want to be with them, you're a dick. Yeah, that's a dick move. Like I mean to relate it to myself, you know, and the relationship I'm now in. One of the things that like really hurt me inside was like, I didn't want to go back to someone that I was like messing with. You know, and I didn't want to go back to someone, you know, a boyfriend or a fuck off. And it's like, right, you kind of you have to respect that even if it doesn't make you feel as good as you want to feel. And I'm not saying I'm a hero. I'm just saying like I'm 41 doing that. Right. West is I don't know how old maybe he hasn't. He's I think I look this up. He's like 31, I think he's not maybe he's not mature enough to realize that I do think it takes time to realize. But I to give him any empathy at all. But like that's a dick to hold hands with someone that wanted to be with you. And you've said, no, it is pretty clean and simple. You're being a dick. Right. Unless you're holding hands with her because you've decided she's going to be your girlfriend. Right. Right. Totally. You want to be a boyfriend, whatever it is. Well, it's one plus one equals two in a scenario in dating where it doesn't happen a lot that it's one plus one equals two, you know. So we want to move on. No one should ever. No one should. No one should look at you as an example of anything that's going to happen realistically to anyone else. No, no, no, no, no, it's not going to. Listen, if you're out there, I'm on the road. I am in St. Louis this weekend, Norwalk, Connecticut, Vegas, Los Angeles, Jacksonville, Austin, the Hamptons. I'll be there. Summer housing this weekend. Maybe I'll get Sierra to my show or Amanda or the bed people. Maine, I'm going to Portland, Maine. I'm going to Fox Woods in Connecticut, Jaredfree.com for the tickets. Also the book, I'm holding it up, Walking Red Flag. It is in pre. Who is this book for, Jared? It's for anyone who's ever dated. Honestly, I'm doing the audio book right now. It's for everyone. It's for everyone. I don't mean to like shill, but like it's a lot of you're going to laugh. You're going to make it's making fun of dating scenarios that anyone who's if you're listening here, you're going to love it. It's going to make you laugh. It's going to make again, like what this podcast does is what this book does is take the personal out of it. Like you're hearing from a guy who's speaking honestly, you're going to hear from someone that maybe you're dealing with or have dealt with or have dumped or been dumped by or all those things, your brother, it's going to make you relate to the it's going to make you go, yeah, we're all going through it. And it's personal, it's stories, it's jokes, go pre-order. I want to be on that New York Times bestseller list like more than any. That would really make my summer waltzing around the Hamptons with my shirt that says New York Times bestseller on the back. Yeah. And then you can go back to your high school and show it to your English teacher and be like, see. That's right. You didn't believe in me. Standard English. I was in the. Wow. I was in the. The. Remedial class. Remedial. That's. That's what they called me. Remedial Jared. Jordana Oversharing. Everyone goes subscribe. I was just listening to Naomi went on a peyote journey out in the Texas wilderness. Is that not very Naomi? It's the most Naomi. I love the part where she was like, yeah, Jeff gets nervous when I talk about this. I'd be like, I would be too. You're talking about your titty's out in the mums. What the fuck are you talking about? You're your mom. Shut up. When she was here over the summer, her kids were like me. I like went on a walk on like a hike with them. They're like, mom said to count four butterflies. F mom. Four butterflies. Mom says we can't come back until we count until we we stare at four butterflies. That is so funny. We can. So what else is going on? The babies are good. Mike is good. The babies are good. We're getting ready for our trip out to see you. We're hoping the listeners get to 25,000 YouTube subscribers so that Jared can do his babysitting. I'll be babysitting brushing up on your babysitting skills. Look who's talking three. That's going to be, you know, two men and a little lady and little ladies. And to let you guys behind the curtain, we're doing, we're as I, you know, transition back from maternity leave. We're doing a few more remote episodes and then we'll do some in person. And then occasionally we'll do remote again. So if you're wondering why we're not in studio, that's why, you know, I'm going back and forth to the Northeast a bunch of summer. We'll, you know, get a bunch done in the studio and join the benefits. We're going to talk about my trip to meet the parents. I met, I met my girlfriend's parents and her sister and her brother-in-law and her niece. I need to hear all about it. Do you have any, do you want to give a tease? Do you have any questions about that before we go to the emails? Do I have any, I mean, how, I haven't heard anything about it. How did it go? It, it went great. Overall, it was a great time there. Hometown, I did a hometown. It was a bachelor hometown. She lives out in the sticks. Like she's from like the woods, you know, like, more woodsy than me. Wait, like, I think it's way more woodsy than you. It's like woodsy. And, and it's like 15 minutes. Honestly, if I saw a covered wagon roll by with a bunch of Amish, I would have been not been surprised. I would have been like that belongs here. And so, but, you know, she lived beautiful home. Jared met a, met a lady on her rum spring up. I. Yeah, that's right. Potter. Yeah. That would be a good holiday show. Potter had to use a phone. Yeah, that's right. She and so I brought, you know, that I so like I, I brought. What does one bring to a family when you meet them? Like, you know, that's like the big question is like, you don't want to walk in empty handed. You want to be appropriate. So I brought and I will say this. My mom, I go, my mom doesn't know she gives a good advice until she does until like, I have to like pick it up, pluck it out of what she says. She was on our last episode. I thought she gave pretty good advice. She did give good advice. I go, mom, what should I get for her parents? Like I'm going over and she goes, an orchid. She started talking about orchids. I was like, are you out of your fucking mind? I'm not bringing an orchid. She's like wine. I go, I don't know, even know what to buy for wine. You said wine and then she goes, I like a chocolate Bobca. And she started laughing and I go, that's the answer. I was like, I'm going to go to breads bakery and I'm going to get their chocolate Bobca. It's a New York City. I like anything that is like from a place that you can tell a story. You're like breads, bakery, not to like plug for them, but like that's like a New York City. Like if you're not in New York City, you don't know, even though to you or I, breads, bakery is this like behemoth baking company. It's to anyone that lives in the, you know, the woods like they do. That's like bringing technology. Right. I brought a charger. And they were all. Yeah, they were like the aliens and toy and toy story. And like the claw. So I brought, I got breads, bakery, the Bobca chocolate and coffee Bobca. And it was a hit and they never heard of it. I hit like they never heard of Bobca or breads. They've heard of breads, the bakery. So then I was like, oh, it's a New York City thing. I could sound like I knew something. Okay. It's a little bit cooler. It was a convo. Yeah. Starts a convo. Oh, this place. It's you never had breads. Oh my God. You've got to try it. Gone. Eat. Wow. That was the dessert. I brought, thank God I brought it. There wouldn't have been dessert. Oh, wow. So yeah, they didn't really prepare. So I was at a cooked meal. I mean, I want to, we'll get it. We'll get fully into this unbenefit. We'll get fully into it. But I also brought a gift for the niece. And I would say if you're meeting a girlfriend's parents and there's a niece, you will blow them away with a gift for the niece. They'll be talking about it to everyone they know. That's all that. I will say I can make no mistakes. All that stuff about burrowing in her mom's titties from last time when I talked about going, I could say whatever. I think I think I've really cleared a path for myself buying the gift for the kid. That was the best decision I have made in my entire life. And that's our tease. And I will do more on benefits, but I just want to, the gift for the kid. Great. I love that. I think, I think that's a great, that's a great tip. Like, right? Because it makes it feel like you've gone above and beyond. And I probably wasn't that hard. No, not hard at all. I used Uber Eats. So, you know, they sponsored the show. I did. They delivered it right to my doorstep. So you got it for free. I don't even beg for this yet. Whenever I bring stuff home, like with my mom, I remember like my mom was like, all right, what like, I like try to present it as a gift. She's like, what podcast dad is this? Yeah, you can't. This might be ruining it for myself. I can't let them know that I get all this shit for free. Mom, you, you, yeah. And you brought, you brought her mom's sugar bear hair. Yeah, he keeps gifting me coconut oil to spray on myself. I don't know. He gave my aunt a waste trainer. Up next, it's bread flare and his new band. Oh my God, I'm back again. On that vacation, everybody's been. Gonna bring new games and show you now. New game party. Find new dropping hits every week. Find the new slots. 18 plus be gambler. We're talking. That's right. Are we doing some emails today? Let's do it. Let's get it. Let's jump right in. Let's jump right in a half hour. Okay. It gear, Picky, we love an it gear, Picky. Basically, someone's going to write in that they were turned off and they're looking for us to give them permission to be turned off. Did you get the Icarra are you being picky? J and J long time listener subscriber here. I've had a couple of emails featured before and I'm back with a fresh dating dilemma. Thank you. A random guy added me on Instagram a few weeks ago. We had mutual friends, so I didn't think much of it. A couple of weeks later, he DM me asking me out. He's 26. I'm 30 female. But again, mutuals made it feel normal enough. We exchanged numbers to set up the date. After two quick texts, he proceeded to send me what I can only describe as a diary entry about his evening, complete with multiple paragraphs and photos. Mind you, this was within the first five minutes of having my phone number. For context, I'm not a big texture, especially with someone I've never met. I'd rather set up the date and actually get to know someone in person. Instead, I got a full play by play of his night. Aaron's an awkward running with his boss parking drama, the whole thing. My immediate thought was, why am I being given this much responsibility for your day? I was instantly turned off and felt like it showed a lack of self-awareness. My instinct was to send something simple like, hey, it was nice connecting, but I don't think we're a match. One of my friends told me I should just not respond because I don't owe him anything. He later followed up with a cool, cool text, which somehow gave me the ick even more. So I'm curious, ick you're picky. You exchange numbers with someone and within minutes, they send you paragraphs narrating their entire evening like you're their personal journal. Screenshots attached, sincerely, and an anti-texting batch. So, Jordy, do you want to we want to start by reading these texts? You want to read his novel? Let's do it. All right, you be him, I'll be her. Hey, how's your day been? That is funny that it starts with this like subtle, like small thing. Like it's almost like he's like luring her in, you know, like, hey, how's your day been? And then it's going to be this long thing, right? Yeah, he's he's starting off innocently. Right. I had the day off today, so it wasn't too bad. I flew back from DC recovery at the gym and then got dinner with my friend. What about you? You said you had a crazy afternoon. That's as good as a Monday can get. Where'd you get dinner? Well, I went for a run after work by my office. However, while I was changing, realized I forgot shorts and then I had to run into. I'm already like this is crazy. However, while I was changing, realized I forgot shorts and then had to run into Lulu to buy new shorts. While I was trying them on, I realized that my penis looked a little bit smaller than yesterday, and I had to go to the doctor to make sure that I check on. No, I'm kidding. I'll go back and I forgot shorts and then had to run into Lulu to buy new shorts. Then as soon as I start my run, I see the guy I work for walking his dog. And he goes, wow, you left work early, huh? So that was awk. But he was chill about it. Thankfully, clearly he left early too. Then went to my grandparents for dinner and had amazing cutlets and then was driving around an hour looking for parking because we are really doing the most closing down my street to clean puny snow banks like this on on the night before at 60 and sunny. And then obviously she didn't answer. And that's when he writes back, cool, cool. Hey, Jordan, what are your thoughts? I think this is a lot for your first encounter. I think one of these stories would have been him starting a conversation, like one part of this. Right. Like, let's say he just told the story about the LuLuLuLemon shorts and he called it LuLuLemon and didn't use the word awk. That would be a little bit better. I think it is. It does show a lack of like knowing how to have a conversation that you're telling three different stories at once and sending pictures and the person has not responded yet or said anything back to like it shows a lack of conversational skills. You know, it's funny. I read the email before we did the show today, you know, and. I didn't read the text as you could tell because I wasn't sure what he's going to write. Like I read the I read the email thinking this was going to be way worse than it was. Yeah, I don't know. Her description. To me, his texts are. And again, they haven't gone out yet. They've never met. So I do agree that's a lot. But it was affable. And it's not like he went in any other direction than his day. It's not like he went into like the history of America. He he is staying on. You did ask. And you did ask. I was they was. And it is a lot, but it is affable and nice and polite. And. No, I just think her like if I was to describe it as icky or picky. Yeah, it's it's an ick because he's coming off a little bit like. Like a little bit of a goober, if I'm going to be. If I was to give a bit of an honest, right. Her description. Like, I think to answer this, the idea that you're not responsible. When she wrote that, why am I being given this much responsibility for your day? That part's annoying because she's not being given any responsibility. He's just telling you he's trying to make conversation badly, but he's trying to make conversation. And she could have written back like, wow, what a day. You can fake it. Like, I'm not saying you should fake it forever. But if like considering he you have all these mutual friends, I'm sure he feels more comfortable than he should. That's why you engage in the conversation. So I can see being annoyed by this. If there was no plan made and he's just going on and on about his day and being so nice, but like not making a plan. So it's like this, like, why are you doing this? What are you trying to? What credibility are you trying to build here? But even your friend seems a little bit too miserable for the conversation. My friend told me I should not respond because I don't owe him anything. Like, and he's not right. Right. I mean, he's asking for it. What do you think? She doesn't know you get no, the cool, cool. Take the hint, buddy. Like the cool, cool is the is the more annoying part. Like, I don't need. I don't owe you. Don't know my text habits. You don't know how I am as a texture yet. We haven't gotten that deep. I saw it. Maybe I read it and I moved on. You kind of have to take the loss on his end. Right. Now he's like calling her out. The cool, cool is a call out. We are not right. So the O part shouldn't come until the cool, cool. Like which part? The part of the feeling that I owe him something. Oh, yeah. To me would come from the cool, cool text, not from the here's my blue, blue lemons. What do you think? Like, I mean, he went to dinner with his grandparents and loved the cutlets. Like he's a sweet guy. Like I I I'm not saying she has to like want to fuck him. I'm just saying like, don't make this into to say I don't I'm not responsible for his day made it seem like she's trying to vilify in a way that he's not a villa. Yeah, I wouldn't be like mad at him. I would just be like, I don't think this person might this person might not be a match for me. They're a little much a little soon. Right. And I'm not saying give him all the chances in the world, but like to not respond to what he wrote when he's really trying. Yeah. You don't have to go out with him. You can just say like, oh, it's not like that that that is a little or like that snowbank. Yeah, that is kind of ridiculous. She could make one comment. And then if he asked you out and you're like, this is why people talk before going out on anything is to be like, I'm not really getting a vibe. Right. Like I think one text of like, wow, what a day. Can't wait to hear more about it when we go out. And then if he went on and on again, hey, this isn't really how I communicate. Like I think that's to me, I think she's being picky. And then she has a right to be icked out. I agree. But the cool, cool, picky and icky. Yeah, I agree. And we are on the same page. She's a picky icky bitch. All right. Inspired by jet engine silences. The Dyson Hush Jet Purify powerfully purifies the entire room quietly, capturing pollen, allergens and pet dander, removing odours and harmful gases such as NO2 day and night. Hush Jet, powerful, compact purification. That's quiet. Indeed presents. Highers you can't afford to get wrong. Like a warehouse operations manager. Where are the fort lifts? I sold them. They were too expensive. I got a great deal on these scooters though. You expect us to move a two tonne pallet on a scooter? It'll be fun. Just think of the core strength you'll build. This is a job for sponsored jobs. This is what happens when you don't sponsor your job on Indeed. So the next time you need someone to get the job done right, get matched with quality candidates with an Indeed sponsored job. Visit indeed.com slash next hire and sponsor your job today. All right, I'll read our next email. Let's do it. Hi, Jane J. I just saw Jared at the Neptune in Seattle and had the best time. Trodana, congratulations on your two new babies. You're a rock star mama. I love it. It's funny because I now I'm not sure if people are joking or like in on the joke or or. I would have. They got to be in on it. I mean, right. Yeah, I think that that's the better disposition is. Everyone who's doing it as a joke stir who would never say that and thinks anyone who would really say that is disgusting. That's what that's the word. The assumption we're going to go with. That's our default. Very generous here. Yes. Yes. All right. Onto my question story. I am a 26 year old woman living in Seattle and have written historically about the qualms of dating here. The Seattle freeze is real and it's hard to meet people. I've gone on quite a few dates in the last 18 months. I'll be a hinge and I know what makes a good first date to me. Last week, I went on an amazing first date. He's 27. It was just a walk date in the afternoon and we kissed, which is unexpected on those. I was so excited afterward. I should also note that I mentioned maybe wanting to move to San Francisco in the next year ish. We texted some afterward and then a few days later about making plans. And this is what was said. And then we're going to read the first three screenshots before I read the rest of the email. So I want to make sure people know the Seattle freeze that she refers to. I can read a definition. The Seattle freeze is a widely recognized phenomena describing the difficulty newcomers face in forming deep friendships with locals who are often described as polite, but distant, standoffish or flaky. Coined around 2005 or refers to a social landscape where initial pleasantries rarely develop into lasting connections, creating an invisible wall. Now, I will say when I was in Seattle, I felt it is tough to talk to people there. Like it is clicky, but also people generally feel like their fists are up. It just feels like it felt like everyone was on their period, no matter what their gender was. Like that was kind of my feeling. Like I went to a bagel place there and I was like, hey, how you doing? Like I got there was a line and I got to the front of the line. I was like, hey, how you doing? And the woman goes, not now. And I go, OK. Sounds a little like New York. Is it like New Yorkish? New York. That anger feels like a hug. This felt more like, I don't know. I feel like they're like Seattle just feels like a place where you have to be aware of everyone's feelings at all times. And you're being taxed to death and your rent is really high. And that feels like maybe it's a lot to deal with. Like it would be like something that would make you a little on edge at all times. Like I have that feeling about I thought Vancouver was a nicer version of Seattle. OK, was my in Canada. So that makes sense. Right. That does mean neighbors. Right. The neighbors to the north. OK, so let's get to the screenshots. You ready? OK. All right. I'll be her. You be him. Go for it. Hope you have a good start to the week. Let me know if you'd want to do something later in the week. I just have plans Thursday, but otherwise pretty open. Smiley face. Yeah, I'm down. I do want to be up front, though. I'm not sure if I see something working that's not just casual. If you're pretty set on leaving the city kind of soon, you know, kind of curious what you're looking for. OK, totally understand and appreciate the question. I have no. You took. Yeah. You ever do you ever see a text like that? I come into your inbox and you're like, I need to take an Adderall to read. I I couldn't agree. I also sometimes I go to the end of it just to see like I'm like looking for the AI rundown of it. Like I'm like, let me get to the end to make sure it's like an I love you. You know, I love that. I love when I does that. I love when I does the summary because then I can read it without panicking towards the end of it. Totally agree. All right. If I were him, though, I would I think this is this is how I would read it with a right before I read it. If I were him, hey, would you like casual? Then I see this long stretch of blue. I'm like, I guess she takes a long time to describe blowing me casually. OK. I'm like, this in no way is going to be a text about how she wants to fuck and not care about what the future holds. Yeah, I don't I don't think so. Unlikely. Chances are low. OK. But let's see. I will. Maybe we'll be surprised. Totally understand and appreciate the question. I have no plans to move until January or February of next year at the earliest, which is also dependent on jobs and finances, etc. That being said, the main reason I've thought about leaving is because I haven't felt very connected to my community here, friends, job, romantically. But obviously a lot can happen in a year and I really hope something does. You're one of the cooler people I've met out here and would be super curious to see where things go. I'm at a point where I'm definitely willing and able to build towards a more serious relationship with the right person, but also seeking sexual intimacy and fun, if that's what's available. That's a lot. So happy to discuss more in person or over the phone. In an ideal situation, what are you looking for? I mean, let me just say. Let me just say when I see if as let me let me be my inner man, this person has come to my show. She was very complimentary. I don't want to be mean to her because I like her and I have. I'm happy she wrote it. There is no first date. That could be good enough. To make me go out with this person again, considering that text that says to me, if I met the right guy, I wouldn't move. I don't know how I read it to. Right. I don't want the responsibility. Of forcing you to stay in a place you don't like. For this thing, I don't even know if it can get to. The thing that we're both maybe looking for in the future. So I'm going to cut bait now so that I don't deal with the consequences later with someone that I think is nice and would hook up with casual. Like again, like it wasn't as magical for him as it was for her. And now it includes a lot of stuff being set up front that I'd be accepting and would be held accountable for. So for that reason, let me shark tank you. I'm out. OK. Yeah. I mean, to me, this read is like. You could there you could there's a world in which you could convince me to stay. If this went well enough, I'm just saying this. I don't want to hear that. I write and I have heard that many times. Well, I could move across the country if for the for the right guy. I have heard that so many times said to me in reference to me and it's made me go. You know what? I'm not as dug in here. This isn't and what she's saying is very true. This there's a huge part of her text that is very female and not male at all. I haven't felt very connected to my. No, you're one of the cooler people I've met out here and would be super curious to see where things go. She's saying that finding someone like you is really hard. And he's saying I get matches all the time. And there's a lot of people I'd be casual with that this isn't as magical for me. Right. That's the tough part. That's hard to keep up with. And I don't think she is. I'm sure she's wonderful. This isn't me saying that she's not worthy of that. But I'm saying. When it comes to like these timelines and and and where my responsibility lies in your life, one date doesn't get me there to make those type of commitments. Yeah. No, I'm just saying, I think that's the hard part to like swallow the truth of the truth of things, which is that it's seeming seems like men have an easier time going on dates and finding people that they feel like they're compatible with. Right. I think I think it's like if we were to like say, what are the plight? Many cities. No, no, no. I think men I think opening up new conversations and finding people because, again, like women aren't on first dates generally to fuck. Right. Women are on first dates to see if this is a safe person that can have fun with. That is a way different first date scenario than male first date on on minute one. So from that perspective, she's like, oh, my God, I found someone who's safe and attractive and fun and easy to talk to. There's a lot of boxes. Guy's box was. Conversation, good wood fuck, done. And again, that I know this is harsh language, but I'm just saying like understand. You're bringing it down to the simplest terms. I'm making it simple for you. OK, I really. I just think he's like, oh, I'm out. Like there's no way he writes. I really appreciate the openness. Honestly, I have heard something a bit similar before. And it didn't work out and they moved. And I don't think I have it in me again to get emotionally invested in someone who doesn't feel like they have roots here. I think you're super cool, but maybe it's just not a great fit right now. I'm sorry. He just doesn't want to get hurt again. Yeah, I don't buy that shit. This is the equivalent of catching. You know, when they catch the fish and then they measure the fish to see if it's like allowable to keep on the boat and sell. You know, like there's like they. So this is the equivalent of him catching the fish and then him measuring it on the will she be casual and hook up with me for a while without commitment and then him going, they won't. Let me toss it right back in there. And he's just good. Right. No, it's good. Being a second. This you want. This is as respectful as someone could ask if we could just casually bone that it could get there. Yeah. All right. I'll finish the let's finish the email to his last message. This is where it gets more intense message. If you can believe it. Yeah. Yes. To his last message, I replied with a voice memo and a link to a YouTube video. Can you imagine? I would love to get a video of him seeing the voice memo that's over a minute. Oh, here we go. Shit. Let's hope they get excited when I see a voice memo from you from over a minute. I know you're going to tell me like a very funny story. I bring it. That's that's not what's going on here, though. I have. Yeah, this is going to be in his last message. I replied with a voice memo and a link to a YouTube video in the in the voicemail. I basically said, I agree. No one wants to get hurt and I respect your boundaries. However, I do not want to to take the L so fast after such a nice state. Please watch the video I sent and let me know your thoughts. If you hate it, I will not bother you again. I said all of this much sweeter and lighter, but you get the gist. Can I interrupt you for two seconds? I mean, this is what I'm talking about with Seattle. The she couldn't she sent him a YouTube video and a voice memo. Memo and she says, I don't I will I respect your boundaries. Like this is the shit they have to do. Like everything is an extra sentence in Seattle. Everything is a more like she could have just been like, hey, I don't want casual. You know, like I respect your boundaries of this guy. She's sending him a multimedia project. Yeah, you're right. Here's three voicemails, two images, one YouTube video and a survey. Two, please let me know. Going to need you to come back with a seven page essay on why you won't commit to me after one. I mean, now this is now this is a sales pitch. Right. Right. Right. OK. So anyway, she writes in the video, the woman talks about finding love at the bottom of a six pack. You can watch the video here. I didn't watch the video. No, thank you. Yeah. Anyway, she goes to LDR. Thank God. If you date one. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. I need people to know the email. You can watch the video here. Starts at one hour, fifty nine minute mark. And is five minutes long. I mean, no, no. There was there's an hour and fifty nine minutes that you got through to get to the part that I need to get through like that out. And again, I do like this listener. Like I hope I hope that we're not being too hard because I go at. Anyway, she goes to LDR. You date one person exclusively for six dates. They do the same. And at the end of the six dates, if you want to keep going, you can or you can call it off. No questions asked. It takes the pressure off dating and keeps it fun. OK, now this guy's on a dating show. Right. And if I did that, I'd be like, do we fuck in those six dates? Where does the fucking happen? Do I blame for the fucking? You know, like she goes, he responded with the last image attached and the last. OK, so let's read that. He responded, I'll watch it tonight with the salute emoji. And she hearted that. And then he writes back to that. You're definitely watch it. He did watch it or he lied. You're he writes back. You're definitely making a strong case, but I have to be honest with myself here. I know what my capacity is and I don't want to overextend into something that I already feel hesitant about. I'd rather leave it on a high note knowing this just wasn't the right time. OK, that's as respectful as it gets. Yeah. And again, I'm the one being the dick and making this about sex. I'm giving you the more the most evil version. And then let's take him at his word of the most most real. But you can either take him in his word that he can't handle the interpersonal relationship with someone who might move. Or he asked you to be casual and you weren't up for it. And he's trying to find a way out and he's doing it as nice as he can. So it's somewhere between the two. I kind of like this. She's like, if you want to if you want to extend an offer of casual, I'm going to need you to take a four courses on other options available to you. And then if you still want to do it, you're going to have you can opt in. Right. Anyway, she goes at that. I let it go and I didn't feel the need to keep building a case. I think you've built it. I think she's done a lot to build this case. Yeah. Of reasons to go on a second date. I was pretty upset by this because as mentioned, I'm deaf. I'm not definitively moving and honestly would love a reason to stay. Do you think the potential of moving was a valid reason to call it off or was there something else at play? I've learned my lesson not to mention the potential move, but did I say something else that may have been too overwhelming? Please let me know your thoughts. Cheers. Still single in Seattle. OK, I have a question for you. Sure. Do you think she should not mention that she wants to move? I think that's like the one thing that I think she's wrong about. I think she should definitely mention the potential move. It's about who she that's who she is. That's that's where she is at 26. Living in Seattle. I'm not I'm not enjoying it. And I do think I think that that's her problem is she's looking for another person to solve her problems. And I can feel that's how I would feel. She might not admit to that, but like even reading this, do you think I'm definitely not honestly would love a reason to stay? I've heard that line before. I have heard that one. She's not original. That doesn't feel empowering. Right. I feel like when you phrase it, like, yeah. I want to date someone who's so happy with their life, but also wants to make it better. And that to me is someone I'm attracted to. And I think someone could say I'm looking to move soon, while also being that person. I think someone could be happy and enjoying their life and also be moving in a year. But right now, this is also I've dated someone like this to make it even more personal that I remember we were having great dates and it was a lot of fun. And then every like six weeks or every couple of weeks, it was like a new life direction. And I was like, OK, I I'm someone who's like hypercritical of myself. And like, maybe I'm not ready and I'm thinking about myself. And I'm like, and then I was like, not sure if I should. And I was like, I'm not really feeling it. I was like, and I felt bad about ending it. But then I was like, Jared, this person is not ready for a relationship. And I think we all tell ourselves we're ready. And it's sometimes you don't even know. When we tell ourselves we could make it work. I could make it work. Right. I don't think she's ready for a relationship. I think she needs to figure out her life and what she wants to do with it and where she wants to be. I just don't want to date someone who's like, maybe I'll move because she's not saying she's moving. She's maybe she'll move. Well, listen, she's 26, right? Totally right. That makes. Yeah. I think being 26, she doesn't have her old life figured out. She's like, I could stay here. I could leave. It's not like she kind of probably doesn't know. Or should she? Right. So I think that part's OK to not have it figured out. I think, again, this is a very difference between men and women. I want to be like dating while you figure your shit out. That part to me is like, fine. I think to to make this case, she's not doing herself any favors for this person because if it was the best state of his life, yeah, he would go. He kind of I think you're doing she's doing herself a favor, like you said, by by saying, I think I want to leave. This is who I am. This is what I'm doing. Well, because she said to to to to jump on your point, because she said she's thinking of moving, it got her the answers she needed, right, which is that this guy would be casual, but not looking for a relationship with her that's going to start right away in the way she would want it to make her want to stay. Yes. And that would happen either way. She just found out a little sooner this way. Right. Which is, I think, what we all want. Everyone talks about I don't want to waste time. She did not. The only time she wasted was watching a two hour YouTube video. No, I joke, but I think she failed quicker and it's not a failure. Yes, I think like I think she got the answers quicker. Right. She got the answers quicker. And I think she says I've learned my lesson not to mention the potential move, but I think she needs to rethink that. I think the potential move is the vulnerable part that I want to hear on a date. If you were if you were on a date with someone who is potentially moving and you had an amazing time, would you still pursue a relationship with them? If they were potentially moving in a year, I would pursue going out with them again. OK, this all got ahead of itself because that's what happens when you try to convince someone you start talking about the relationship instead of like being in it. I think that's what she's trying to do. She's like trying to like plan her life and it's like been on one date. You have nothing planned, but you're asking for a plan. Yeah, like it's I think if I'm to her, I think she has to let people live their lives the way she's letting herself live hers. She's hey, if I meet someone and if this magical thing happens, but then she's trying to control this magical thing. Right. You can't do that. You know, it's in I. Again, you did you a favor. Yeah, he did you a favor. I think this guy was as respectful as it could get for someone who was like, blow me. No, OK, no. Plus, you don't really want to convince someone to like go out with you who's not excited to do that, especially by like a second date. Totally. And you I also don't want to go out with someone who's take me or leave me. You know, that's basically what. Yes. So while we solve dating again, Jordan, we did it. We did it. We'll be back next week. Boom.