He Matched With Me… And My Brother! A Dating App Nightmare

On now hand you over to my best man, Eddie. Wow, wow, wow! Second time's a charm, eh, Billy Boy? Oh, God. Substitution could see a Paddy Power embarrassing Eddie makes way for sensible Samuel. Cool, that was close. You might not always pick the right starter, but your sub can still deliver. Because with Paddy's Super Sub, your bet rolls over to the player coming on. Paddy Power. Validant, selected leagues and markets only. Pre-match and in-play bets on qualifying player outcome selections only. T-Series and exclusions apply. 18 plus, scumableware.org. Let's do it. Flying in and doing this day of... Tough. Flights take me out now. You're old. What a way to find out. Hello and welcome back to the UF podcast. I'm Jordana Abraham. And I am Jared Freed. It is so good to be in studio with you, Jordana. How are you today? I'm great, I'm sweaty. New York, it just couldn't go, it couldn't be like 72. It had to be, it had to go from 55 to 87. I don't, you're right. Listen, I've been in a bad mood since I got here and I think it's because of the heat here. So f***ing hot. But it's worse than Florida. Like I don't... The city is very, it like retains the heat. Yes, it's muggy and it's like annoying and you have all your stuff on your back. Like I'm just saying like when I, there are these subtle differences that go a long way. Florida, everywhere you go, AC blaring, going. You know, we're just crushing the ozone. Rightfully so, it's all right. The opposite of Europe. The opposite. And you walk in, everything's made, built for. Heat, yeah. Manhattan seems to be built for nothing. It's horrible, it's annoying in the winter. It's annoying in the summer. Spring to fall. Built for the fall. There's 10 good weather days in New York City. Yes, well we missed them, that's what I'm saying. It's 87 now. Yeah, gone. Because I got here, I was annoyed. I was waiting for the Uber at the airport. I was annoyed. I was like, I don't know, I was like, why am I in a bad mood? Because it's so hot. Immediately, because it was hot. And I'm like, but I am of the heat. You're of the heat, you should know how to handle this. Right, at this point, I don't know, I immediate bad mood, I had an issue with the Uber, but it's great to be here. It's good to be in New York. It's good to be with you. Yes, you flew in. Flew in specifically to tape this one episode. Sort of. Kind of. So we're here, we're on YouTube, if you're watching High YouTube Land back in studio. So I flew here today and I'm like, I'm feeling tired. Like I am feeling the, and I've also traveled three weeks in a row, different states. Like for shows. I mean, yeah, you travel a lot, so. But it's hitting me, but I think you said it's my age, that I'm an old man. Not just you, not just you. Well, I feel like there's. We're all getting old. I feel like a real sign of aging. And we're older than production. So maybe they haven't felt this yet. The kids in production. We'll have to ask them. Because I used to book like, like Beach by Noon, book the first flight out, the like 6 a.m. flight, get to the destination by like nine. Think you'll have like a full beach day. Now I do that. Like I tried doing that in the past year and you're just like, you have to wake up at like 4 a.m. Yes. And I can't do that anymore. It's very difficult. And have like a real day. It wears on you. You basically have to work in the 2 p.m. nap. Yes. You can get to two. Like I try to go as long as I can on a day where I do first flight out. But it's tough. It's tough. I mean, I fly, the thing I've been doing lately is doing the night before. So I land there. That's a rich person thing. That is a rich person thing. I know, but it is. It is, you know, because I'm like, because you look at the whole, you're like, I could pay an extra whatever. Like the, it's going to be more, you have to pay for an extra night of the hotel. Right. To do the night before. The cost that you're right. That's why you do first flight outs. You're like, oh, I'll get the whole day, but I won't pay for that night. It is a cheap person's way to go. That is my way to go. That is our way. I was first flight. I mean, listen. I don't think I can handle it anymore though. No, I'm with you. It becomes more difficult. I mean, for me, a lot of times it's, I have to do two shows that night. First flight out, 5 a.m. But I do, yeah, it's all, my back hurts, my hip. Were you in economy? I was in economy. I was in, I was in comfy plus. I got upgraded to comfy plus. Okay. Next to a guy I knew. Who knew me? Okay. Brutal. He knew you. Brutal. Absolutely. He knew me. He goes, Jared. He did the, Jared. And I go, hey. He's a fan? No, we've done like some work together. And I didn't know him right away. He handled it great. And he was sitting right next to you. Right next to me. So we had to have like a 10 minute. And then you have that moment where you're like, earphone in. Yes. Are we done now? You don't want to be, you can't do it too soon. No. But someone's got to do it. Someone had to do it. And I, and I literally, I had like a, like there was like a moment where I put the earphone up to my ear, like he's on this side. I like went like this. And he was like, and another thing I was like, oh God, I got another 10 minutes here. That's so funny. Yeah. But he was very nice. I got to say, like if he hears this, he was, he did a great job. Something could be good at that. He was good at it. We had a little chit chat. Okay. Me on my phone. Yeah. You on your phone. That's a person you might want to speak to again. Yes. Yeah. We passed the test. We as a group, because some people are like, and New York, when are you going back again? You're like, oh my God, now we're related? That's so funny. I mean, Mike, Mike would, Mike says that about me. With this, he's like, when we take the train together, he's like, I'll be like talking to him, and then he'll be like putting his, I'm like, hello. He's like, he would say I'm not good at that, but only with him. Right, well, he would think you would be on the same page. I just do the tap. Hey, hey, hey, what are you thinking about? You thinking about stuff? You want to hold hands? Want to hug the whole way to New York? Yeah, speaking of Mike. He gets excited when there's no seats left, and we have to sit separately. I would be the same way. I'd be like, oh. See ya. I'm like, no, we can ask this person, he's like bye. No, no, no, we're not gonna, we're not separating a family. What is, so we're coming, I think I have to ask you, but I think I might come stay with you for the fourth of July. Yes, you're coming. I think that's happening. You're coming, yes. Okay, because I think what we're gonna do, Emily and I are gonna come to you before the fourth of July. I'm so excited. And get that pool ready, that pool better be ready. It's ready. Okay. I mean, no, it's not ready, but it's gonna be ready soon. We heard that last summer. I'm praying it's gonna be ready. Now I am too, we're gonna go, both gotta add our prayers together. Yeah, and then I'll do the show. I'm so excited. I'm excited too. I got a house to check out. This is gonna be, we're gonna have a fun recap. I cannot wait. So that'll be, so does Mike knows, I mean, he'll have to know by now, by airing. Yes, he will, he'll be excited. I don't know, we're all, I'm gonna have to bring plenty of cool toys. You guys are really, you guys like, not many people have seen the before and the after. So you will be, you both were there last time and now you're gonna both see it again. When we dated, we both came to the house and then we ended and she was the only one who ever saw the house. Basically, yeah. So we're gonna do an episode today. Let's do it, let's jump right in. Yeah, let's do it. Should we jump right in? Let's just do it. We should jump right in. I'm on the road, if you're listening right now, I'm gonna be in, oh, I'm in Connecticut this weekend. I am in the, I'm in Norwalk. I'm back, I'm back in Connecticut. I'm in Norwalk, Connecticut. And then I've added some dates. Let's hear them. Vegas, Los Angeles, I need people to start buying those Los Angeles tickets. I always get, come to Los, you never go, I'm coming, Jacksonville, Austin, Cleveland, the land. I'm coming to Cleveland, West Hampton Beach, that's the weekend we're talking about. Miami, Miami, Foxwood. Long Beach. Long Beach is happening, but that's kind of on the table a little bit. Me and my experience are the only ones talking about it. Right, no one else. I got a, Long Beach is happening too, if you're in Long Beach, I'll be there too. But we need the Hamptons. Yes. I don't know, maybe the Long Beach people and the Hamptons people don't really mix. Yeah, I don't know. I think you're gonna get two separate crowds. Two different markets. Foxwood's in Portland, Maine, so I'm coming, the book, Walking Red Flag. I need that New York Times best seller list. I think you'll get it. From your mouth to the Lord above's ears. We need, I need it. How many cameos have you done? So, I've done about 50. That's a lot. Does that a lot? Yeah. Okay, pre-order. I did the audio book, you can pre-order the keynote. I pre-ordered. You can pre-order the audio book, you can pre-order the hardcover. I need to take my copy. Take your copy. I got Jordana's copy right here. I got a free copy and I still pre-order. That's how good I know it's gonna be. We need that New York Times best seller. I bought myself a jersey already. Yeah. On the front, it says J-Train. On the back, it says NYT best seller. Wow. I've already gotten ahead. You are manifesting this. I am praying to all the woo-woo gods. This is gonna be so embarrassing if you don't get it. You have that shirt. I'm gonna have to switch the back. You are the bride, you are the girlfriend who's booked her wedding venue before she's gotten engaged. That's right. Listen, I'm speaking into an existence. Honestly, if it doesn't get it, then it'll be pretty funny anyway. I have to explain it every time. Honestly, who's to say I'm not? At that point, you know, we live in a- No one's gonna check. Right. Right. Call yourself a doctor, who cares? I'm doctor-free. Yeah. If you wanna save a few quid, British gas have a way you get half price lekkie and it's called peak save. On every Sunday, it's the smart thing to do if you're regular folk or furry and blue. 11 till four, let the good times begin. You could charge up the car or take the dryer for a spin. Half price electricity, what joy that brings with British gas peak save, we're taking care of things. T's and C's apply eligible tariffs and smart meter required. Up next, it's bread flare and his new band. Oh my god, I'm back again. I'm back, I can see no everybody's been gonna bring new games, gonna show you now. New game party, find new- Dropping hits every week, find the new slots. I'm back, I can see no tonight. 18 plus be gamblerware.org. That's right. What are we talking about today? All right, we are doing a Nicky or Picky. Let's get into it. And we want you to sign up for benefits. Benefits, we're doing two extra episodes a month. We get personal, we just did an interview with my parents. My mom's call went so well that we did an interview with my parents. You can hear my parents answering questions about their marriage. About the relationship, yes. About relationship. I have follow-ups. We're gonna do another one. We had so much fun with it that it's gonna be two episodes. So sign up for benefits also gets you add free episodes and a day early. What are we talking about? All right, we're gonna do an Icky or Picky, I'll read it. Icky or Picky, you're dating someone. You get the Ick, are you being picky or is it a good enough Ick? Yes. I am gassy. I keep, when I come in here, I breathe. I have to give myself a little bit of empathy. When, does this happen? I take such big breaths and I perform on this show so much that I get burpy. You're like burpy, you say? Yeah, yeah. When we start. I get burpy gonna eat too fast. Eat too fast. Yeah, that causes a lot of burp. That's interesting. That's tougher than what I'm, I don't know. What would you rather? Do you want me to burp you? I've had a lot of experience burping in the past few weeks. We'll save that when I come stay at the house. One of the more, yeah. I'll burp the three of you. Yeah, burp us all. Emily, if she wants to be burped, burp her too. Put Emily down for a burping as well. She'd like one. I think she'd like one. Let's do it. All right, dear J and J, feather feather, I have an Icky or Picky for you based on a disagreement with my mother-in-law. For context, my brother- The shrew. Yes, it's coming out. For context, my brother-in-law is in his mid to late 30s. I hate when people do that. Just call him 37. Right. Just call him 37 or 38. Mid to late 30s is like. It's either 37 or 38. Right, what else could it be? That's it. Mid to late. Mid to late. I mean, in what context is that even usable? That means 35 to 30. But I'm sorry, when could you use mid, I've heard mid to late my whole life, but like, was it just invented by an asshole? But if you're gonna say mid to late, just say the year. Right, why would we ever use mid to late is my question. Is there ever a scenario where we're saying mid to late 40s, mid to late day? Like, why not just say it in any- Maybe it's like you're trying to say a range for someone you would date, but like, it's such a small range. Mid to late 100, yeah, I'm trying to think of, is there ever a range of mid to late 30s? Because 39 is late 30s. Right, mid to late. But mid to late 35 to 39, why not just say, why are we adding extra range? But 39 is late, I think it's 37 and 38. 36 is mid. Yeah. Yeah, I would say I'm in my mid 30s, I'm 36 years old. But next year- Mid to late seems to be what people who are 38 say. I'll be 37, not mid to late 30s. Right, but you would say mid to late so that you could make people assume you're mid versus late. Do you know what I mean? It feels like a trick. Yeah. Because you're like, oh, I'm mid to late 30s, or they're mid to late 30s. It seems like what someone would say about someone who's older, that they're trying to set up with a friend to not tell them how old they are. I agree. We, I think we got them. I would say you're in your early 40s. Yeah, I- Is that how you would describe your age? No, I would say I'm 41. Right, but if I had to do- Yeah, I wouldn't want that. Okay. I guess someone would go, oh, they're 41? I thought you said they're in their 40s. Like that sounds so different. Well, 41 and 49 feels very different. 49, if I am still running around with my head cut off at 49 like I am now, all of this will be- In your 40s, I don't think is a good description. Right, 41. Early 40s. Oh my God. Now I'm sweating. It's now gotten hotter in here. Well, thank you for writing in. I'm already 49. He used to be in the military, but he got out to go to med school. Nice. Between the military and med school, he moved around a lot and never stayed in one place long-term. He will be starting his residency soon, meaning he will be living in one location for the next three years. Now that he's going to be more settled and earning an income again, he would like to have a girlfriend. Okay. Here's the- Good for him, I like the way he is. Wow, this 38-year-old- I'd like a girlfriend, yes. I'd like it. Now I'm ready. Yes. Here's the thing. He still sleeps in a twin bed. He says it's because it's easier to move and he got it for free. I said he should probably get a grown-up bed because it would be an ick for women. He should also probably get a new story. That story. Talk about a more drying sentence. Got it for free from who? His mom? Right. Who's giving him a bed? Yeah, what is he, a podcaster? Right. Remember that era? You used to get a free mattress every week. I was handing out beds like they were nothing. I was just like, you need a bed? I got you a bed. Does anyone need a queen-size Lisa mattress? I think I was dating someone where I gave their family a bed. It's a golden age of podcasting. They're going right. Everyone got a- Everyone got a bed. Everyone got a Casper. This podcast, I think we're lucky for our growth, never felt like we exploded on the scene. Lucky. Lucky us. But it never felt like we had that, there's gotta be a podcast out there that went up and was getting all these mattresses and then they had nothing. Right. All they had to show for it was 12 varying direct-to-consumer mattresses. And listen, I stand by everything I said in those mattress ads. They were great. There was not one mattress that I was like, that I sat on that I was like, who would want that? No, you need a good mattress. Good mattress. All right. Well. It's me defending past me. Anyway. For my mattress. I don't know how this guy got a free twin bed. Other than that, he says it's because it's easier to move and he got it for free. That might be birth control of a certain kind to some women. Not a good way to phrase it. What was that? Your mattress? Got it for free. Yeah. I said he should probably get a grown-up bed because it would be an ick for women. My mother-in-law disagrees and says anyone who judges him based on his twin bed isn't worth the second date. So icky or picky, a man in his 30s with a job still sleeps in a twin bed. Sincerely an ick sister-in-law. This is almost like sitcom level classic mother-in-law speak. Anything my boy does is great. If they don't like it, they can go hit the sticks. They're not good enough for him. Yeah, right. This is like a water boy. Right. This is water boy. This is the retelling. Yeah, this is Kathy Bates. This is Kathy Bates. Totally. I think, you know, it's funny. Like I see this ick, you're picky. If you got brought home by a man, would you, and you saw a twin bed. Yes. I mean, I would be like. Would you be immediate ick out? Or what level of? I think even after college, I would be like, need a full-size bed at least. What if you ask, why do you have a twin? Would you do that? Or would you? Well, I would say it'd be good way to make sure I didn't sleep with him. I'm not gonna sleep with you in the night and then be on your twin bed with you. Yeah, that's a good way to get a girl not to have to stay over. I mean, if she's okay with the, I don't know. I wouldn't, I don't think I would have sex with someone on a twin bed. Listen, I don't blame you for that. I don't. You're like, I would. I would have sex with a woman. If I got brought home to a woman's place, she had a twin bed, I would say it's the best of all worlds. Okay. You fuck and then I go, hey, I'll get out of here. There's room for one. What if it was a inflatable twin bed? We'd fuck and then I would say, and then I would say, hey, can you turn around while I try to get myself off of this bed that's on the floor because it's gonna take me three. Huh, huh, huh. Speaking of things that aren't an older man thing. Yeah, I don't think I would. I mean, I don't think I could seriously. You wouldn't even give him the chance of an explanation. Yeah, I would ask. I would be like. Because I think this is, I would ask. You would ask. If that was his explanation, what he told the sister that I got it for free and it's easier to move, no. And my mommy said, anyone who doesn't like my twin bed isn't good enough for me. Yeah, I mean, that's someone who's too enmeshed with their mom. Well, yeah, it is funny that like. If you had a twin bed, do you think your mom would say something to you? Like you need to get a bigger bed? My mom would say something to me, she would say. She's yelling about my bed now. I have a king size bed. What does she want you to get? So. A California king? I have a bed that, so the house I have came fully furnished. Right. I walked in, they gave me all the furniture and it's like brand new furniture. And the one thing that's like broken, the beds, the slats underneath the bed are like, there's something wrong with them. So the bed kinda slopes down, but I sleep on it and I'm fine. And it's been okay, but it makes a good amount of noise when you move around on it. And but it's a pain in the ass cause now I have to coordinate a new, I'm sure these places do it, furniture places do it. Take the old bed out. I gotta get the new one in. I guess to match, you wanna get a nice one. Right, and everything that you just said stops me from doing it. But now it's another thing my mom has on our list that like my mom runs through the- How does she even know that? Because she's walked in and said, what's wrong with the bed? Oh, she sees that it's- She saw it, she like sat on it and went, ah, like you can hear it. Okay. And, but my mom loves a pop quiz. So like, if I go to dinner, she'll be like, when's the, where's the plumber? Did you get your cardiologist? Why about the bed? So she's like added it to the list. Right. Of things that I fail. That you need to do. That I have to do. That I, and I say to her, I go, I'm a traveling clown who has to, who has to go on the road. I have a lot. I go, the one thing about moving close to my parents is they have forgotten that I have a job. Okay. They in no way think- Well, you're not working when you're there. So I could see why that would happen. Right. From what they can see. It's not like you're getting up early to go to work the next day. No, I'm not going into an office by those terms. But I work. I have things that I have to get done. Like, hey, they'll call me 12 times to get the worst decision I ever made. And I'm telling this to people, do not teach your parents how to get through the do not disturb. Oh, by, which is by calling multiple times. Just to keep calling. Yes. Don't tell them you have do not disturb. Don't, don't even bring it up to them. And it's the worst mistake. Cause my parents, now I need, whenever I need the do not disturb, they're calling through it. Right. Yeah, that's tough. So, I'll add this to the list of complaints I have about moving to Florida, but I. I mean, it's, that seems pretty low. Pretty low on the list. But I, but my mom has seen my bed and. She would say, if you had a twin bed. If I had a twin bed, she'd be like, what are you doing with a twin bed? Who would ever, she would say, she would actually say she'd go the reverse of this mother-in-law. My mom would go, who would ever want to be with someone with a twin bed? My mom loves a question that is a judge's. I think that's preferable to a mom who's like making excuses. Well, that's why I never bought all the feedback that I was like in mesh with my mom. Like no one is a bigger. My mom hates me. Yeah, hates me. No one is a bigger critic than my parents. They are the biggest critics I have. Right. So, as far as this though, twin bed. Would you date a woman seriously who had a twin bed? I. At 37 or 38? I. No, I guess I would use that. That would be a pretty good built-in excuse for why we're just chilling. Well, if I did a woman with a twin bed and her explanation was that it's easier to move and I got it for free, I would assume they're not really taking their pursuit of a boyfriend very seriously. Right. So that's kind of like. Same for a man. Right. For a man especially. His life is not ready for, set up for a relationship. Literally the minimum thing you would need to be in a relationship is have a bed that would fit two people in it. Absolutely. Right. And well, here's where I'll let him off the hook. First of all, I'll tell your brother-in-law, thank you for his service. He's a veteran. Yes. And a doctor. And a doctor. Like this guy's a total catch. So like, will women look over the fact that he has a twin bed? Yes. Like let's just be honest here. Well, if he was like, I'm actually, I think the excuse of I've been moving a lot and I've just had this bed and then I've never, but I'm now gonna, now that I'm living somewhere for three years, I'm gonna get a different bed. That would be okay. Right. We're on the same page. I just think like the way this woman, the way the mother-in-law is looking at it is actually like way off. Like he's missing out on women he would aspire to be with. Yes. You know, like only to get women who see him as a box to check. You know, he's actually like shrinking his own pool. You know, like, so this is an ick, but he could explain it so much better than he's doing. Even the way- Not sexy. Right. I think he could have a twin bed and also say, you know, I just got settled in this apartment and someone gave me the bed and, you know, being in the army, you know, you wanna be, you know, we depend on logistics a lot. And, you know, for now this is good logistical. I don't know, he would use words like that. You wanna be able to move. Yeah. You wanna be able to move and on the go. So like that, like operations. But you have to acknowledge that it's weird. Oh, yeah. If I saw someone with a twin bed and they didn't immediately say, yeah, it's crazy that I have a twin bed. Right. Here's why I have it. Here's why I'm not gonna have it soon. Right. And if I'm the sister-in-law, how many years would you need to stay somewhere to have a regular adult-sized bed? Cause he's like three years. Three years seems like enough time to get a bed. I think one year. Right. I'm with you. Twin bed is for your dorm at college. Right. Listen, or you're in a barrack. Yeah. You know, so. That's like the equivalent in that situation. Yeah, it's an ick. Icky. Especially considering how he's explaining it. And honestly, his relationship with his mother is now an ick also. Right. She's added the ick by having that opinion. Right. All right, let's do an email. You ready? Yeah. J and J love the podcast. Have been listening for a few years now. I started listening while I was in a relationship and now I'm single again. Welcome back, honey. We're here to help. Here's your vibrator. Hand it out. So. So. What if that was the way you came back to the podcast? I guess you're back listening again. So we hand out. He has the thumbs. Right in. We're running a sweepstake. We need. But now I have a question for you guys that I haven't heard you talk about, so I thought I'd throw it out there. My ex and I broke up last summer in August. He wasn't abusive or a bad person, but we just weren't right for each other. And he definitely had some growing up to do. The romance was just gone. When we broke up, I didn't mind that he stayed for a while as a roommate because there wasn't really bad blood. And to be honest, I needed help with the rent. I also know he needed the place. It is almost a year later and he is still living with me in his own room. We get along fine and I'm not in a hurry to kick him out. He is tentatively, he is tentative. So you didn't do the audio book, did you? I didn't. This is what I would do with the audio book. You say it over and over. I would, it would take, there was some words that I would like 15 times. I was surprised they couldn't just get AI to capture your voice and then have it there. Didn't we already have a talk about how much this scares the shit out of me? Yeah, it scares you, but like. It scares the shit out of me. If it would save you like 100 hours, would you be willing to do it? You know, let's put a pin in this for two seconds. I did a voiceover for a show that's, I think it's still on. Wasn't that your dream? My dream was to, my dream is to be a cartoon and a movie. This was for Love Under Cover, which was like this. Love Under Cover. Love Under Cover. Love Under Cover. Love Under Cover. So when I came in to initially do the voice, it was the best job I've ever had. They were complimentary, it was fun, it was easy, it paid good money. So when I did this, they were like, we've already done your part with AIU. And they're like, and I was like, what? And they're like, we have it done. They played AI me for me. And this was like two years ago and it was really good. So you didn't even have to do anything. They're like licensing your voice. I wasn't gonna say that. I was like, well, let's make sure I get paid. You know, like, but it's scary. No, they're paying to license your voice. You would hope. But you don't know, you know, in Turkey, they could be, you know, Jordana. There's enough of you out there, they could have Jordana Abraham as our spokeswoman. Yeah, they could totally be selling some weird shit. Right. Twin beds. Right. Jordana, you said twin beds are an ick, but here's you selling Turkish twin beds. There you go. Yeah. No, but again, like I'm, I do feel like that would save you a lot of time. No, I, you don't want it. You want the real deal. I did not do walking red flag with AI. Yes. Okay. So people know. Buy it. No ghost reader. No, I, well, I did act outs. There were parts where I like did the voice of a mom and I'd be like, honey, you need to. Yeah. One man show. Yeah. I really did all, I did old, old people. Hello, young man. You're not married. Like I have like different voices I do throughout the whole thing. You're like Robin Williams and Mrs. Doubtfire. Hello. I do voices. That's me. All right, ready? It is almost a year later. He's living with me in his own room. We fight, we get along fine and I'm not in a hurry to kick him out. He is tentatively planning to move out in the summer. Before you say something like, I don't think she's over this guy. I want to add a couple of extra details. Okay. Stopped us in our tracks. I'm 37 and I could kick him out, but I do not want to have another roommate ever again. I want my own place. So he, once he's gone, I have no plans to rent the extra room out. But until I finished school, I'm not really in a financial position to do that. So I could either wait about six months and have my own place or kick him out now and deal with the difficulty of finding another roommate. My question is, is it out of the question for me to put myself out there and start dating again while living with my ex? If you met someone on a dating app and they told you they were living with an ex, would it be a deal breaker? Should I just wait until he's gone and this whole situation has wrapped up? P.S., you may be wondering why he hasn't moved out. And while I can't say 100% that he has no feelings for me, I think he's mostly just too lazy to leave and would end up living in his car. No joke. So please don't ask why I dated him unless you're prepared to invite me on the podcast. Sincerely, conveniently cohabitating. I would love to get into that on an episode. I wonder why they fell out of love. He's willing to just live in his car. It has no drive, it has no... Well, that she wants to tell us why they dated in the first place. Right. Yes. Okay. I don't know. He said a lot of nice things and they ended up getting comfortable in a loveless relationship. Yeah. I think as a woman, this is like a slightly different conversation, I think for a heterosexual woman and a heterosexual man. Totally. I think men will still go out with her if she's living with her ex, but I wouldn't go out with a man who was living with his ex-girlfriend. Looking for a relationship. Let me add on to this. Men will still go out with her and not be affected as to whether you could be in a serious relationship with them or not. Right. That will not even come into their thought process. So she's good. And it sounds like she's made up her mind before writing the email. I mean, she's saying, why, before you ask this, before you ask that, it sounds like she wants this apartment for when she graduates and she's just gonna have to stick it out until that happens. The reasoning does make sense to me. The reasoning is all that matters when you have something that's peculiar or different in the terms of society's judgment. Yes. The reasoning here, we dated, it didn't work out. I think her biggest problem is the way she describes the relationship. Okay. Like to her, I think she has to get used to selling her own story and how she sounds. When you say my ex and I broke up last summer in August, he wasn't abusive or a bad person. Why is that the first thing? That's the bar. Yeah, like you can break up with, I didn't think that when I thought you broke up. Well, that's what women sort of like sometimes need to feel like they can leave someone who's willing to commit and great in a number of ways. Like I think women have to do a lot more convincing to leave something okay than men do. Absolutely. And like I said, like women are always like, please change, please change, please change. They like want to keep the relationship going. And men are kind of like secretly thinking about the fact that they think you're just okay for like a long time. Right. And she even writes at the end, like that he's not a hundred percent. If you, and while I can't say a hundred percent, he has no feelings for me. So she has a guy living in her apartment who has some feelings for her still. That she's actively turning down. And I'm sure for her, she's like, I want to go back out dating and people, she's assuming people could go, but you got a good one at home. You got a guy who's willing to live in his car at home. Right. He still wants to live with you. Right. Are you sure? And it's like, well, no, it seems like he's not really attractive to her anymore. And that's fine. Would you date someone seriously who is still living with their ex? Yeah. Based on this story being told, if someone was living with their ex and they were like, they're going to move out in a year. After that, I want my own place. A year's a long time. It's a long time already. You know, they're moving on to it. They're almost at a year. It's a long time, but I wouldn't. I think if it was a year from when I met them, that would be too long. If it was like the end of the year, they're moving out in the next couple months. I do think this is way different for a woman. I think the idea of like, I think. You wouldn't, it wouldn't bother you. It wouldn't bother me because it's like, okay, all this, I'm not in a rush myself. Right. Whereas me, I'd be like, I don't know if they're ready to be like moving on to a serious relationship. That's what I'm looking for because they still live with their ex. It seems like they're still in meshed with their ex literally in a while living together. Even less than that. Let's say if I was living with my ex, what rush am I in for anything? Yeah. Where does time play into my life? And I do think you gotta have, I think this was, for me, this is also the case. You gotta be aware of the time and space of the universe. If you're dating someone who has no thought on where they are on earth at this present date, then they're not really thinking of that for anything. Right. So like, Jared, you're 41. Oh my God, 49 is different than 41. Yeah, I don't know. That's pretty wild. Like that does, that's something that's on my mind. So I would think that me at 41 going, wow, 49, yeah, I would hope I was moved on with my life. That's a thought I'm having. Yeah. You know, if you go out with someone, they go, yeah, they'll move out in a year. But I am looking for something serious. I would go, those two aren't really. Right, they don't really work in the same sentence. Right. So while I wouldn't count this as a deal breaker for a woman like the way she explained it, would be enough for me if I liked her enough. Right. Yeah, I think it would be a big red flag for me. But I also have dated women where I was like, okay, good, also they're going through some shit too. They're not in a rush. Right. Bies you some time. It does. And you can also put that in your back pocket if you need to break up with them. Right. And I just don't think you're ready. Right, I don't think we're ready. I'm not ready. And then they go, well, I'm ready. And I'd be like, well, I would now be like in the court of public opinion. Right, you still live with the old BX boy right now. How ready could you be? Right. So. Well, that's why I would be worried also about dating a guy like that, because I'd be like, he would bring that up and that would be a part he can pull. He will bring that up even without being manipulative. Right. Well, to be true. At some point, if he broke up with you, he'd go, and you know, this living situation, I just need to get it taken care of before I can concentrate on a woman. Right. Fuckin', it would, that just flowed out of me just now. Yeah, you said it very, you know. I said it pretty convincingly. Yeah, pretty well. Let's listen to the game. Let's do it. Red Flag or Dealbreaker, it's the game that's sweeping the country. You're dating someone, you go on a date, one thing happens, everything's great, one thing happens, is it a red flag or is it a deal break? Right. Are you gonna, is it enough to end it? Go for it. I'll read it. Hi, Jane, I love you guys. Let AI, Jordana, read it. Yes, I wish. Hi, J&J, I love you guys. You guys got me through a really tough breakup a few years ago, and I've been a loyal subscriber ever since, thanks. We gave her that vibrator. Got you back out there. Got her back out there. A few years ago when I went on a first date with a guy, and in the nicest way possible, I knew there was something feminine about him the second he opened his mouth. We had a really nice time and had a lot in common, but I couldn't shake my initial feeling of uncertainty about this. Okay. The next day, at the brunch table, of course, I was telling my brother and my cousins that I went on a date with this guy, who was really great, but there was something feminine about him that I couldn't put my finger on. My brother, who was gay, said, let me see his profile. I pulled it up on my phone, and with one look, my brother gasps and goes, oh my God, I matched with this guy too. We all burst out hysterically laughing, and my brother and I started comparing our conversations with this person that we had both been talking to on the apps. This guy clearly has a very specific type, my cousin said, hysterically laughing, and great taste, my brother added. On the one hand, I couldn't believe that this was even a possibility, but on the other hand, I was just relieved that my gaydar was working properly. So Red Flag or Dealbreaker, he matches with you and your brother on the dating apps. It was a deal breaker for me, don't get me wrong, we love a bisexual king, but I just couldn't risk a lifetime of sexual tension between my partner and my brother at Thanksgiving dinner table. Can't wait to hear what you guys think, love and incest is not best, betch. Wonderful email, this is like a modern family episode. Yes. Like I could see Cam and, Cam wasn't single, but if Cam was single and Sarah Highland, after she'd gone to college. Yes, it would be more like Claire and her brother was, Mitchell, yeah, Claire and Mitchell dating, if she was like a horse. Right, this could have been a flashback to them in college or high school, yeah. Honestly, it probably was a storyline on Modern Family that they would talk about. Well, I've had this happen. Yeah. Not in the, you know, I've had this happen with my brother. Were you matched with the same person? I matched with someone that messaged me, it's actually in the book. Okay. And I got, I hated it, I was angry about it. We matched and then they messaged me, hey, I've already hooked up with your brother, I just wanna let you know I'm a big fan. You've talked about this on the show. Yeah, and I was like, what an annoying, I didn't need to hear that. Just don't, right, but she was like, but I couldn't go out with you. I can't, I don't think I can go out with you because I've already met, like. Right, I didn't need to hear that. I didn't need that in my head. You know, like I just told you you're hot. Oh, I don't think you're hot, but I do think your brother was fun to hook up with and good luck with everything. Like that's not how you would talk in real, in person. What if you had a sister and she'd matched with your sister, same thing? Huh. I guess I only thought of this from the buy mail way. And I was like, I don't think, like this guy that matched with both. Yeah. Like, I don't think it's as easy for him. Like for the guy? The buy guy, I don't think has in as easy time as the buy woman. If I had heard that my sister matched with a woman that I matched with, I guess it would be weird. I don't, I've never had a sister, so I don't know how that would hit me, but I would assume that would hit me in like a. I still think it would be weird. I agree with like the sexual tension between, just know it kind of, because a match is sort of like, we both are sexually attracted to each other. Right, that is what you're announcing. Oh, it really does. And so like the fact that that's already out there is weird. I mean, if I met them in person and we fell in love and then I found out like a year later that they matched with my sibling, it wouldn't be like a deal breaker. If you found out that Mike had matched with John on a dating app. Yeah, that might be different. Like, I mean, let's put this in real time. Okay, if I found out, like I just, If I found out he matched with one of my sisters, like I think that would be, and they never met. And they just matched. Right. Well, it is different. That's kind of what we're saying. If it matched with my brother, yeah, it would be like a little, I mean, that's also like incorporating so that someone is a bisexual person, as opposed to like maybe what I thought they were, which is like heterosexual. That's something else I would have to consider. Right. No, it's just funny that she's like, we love a bisexual king. I'm like, well, no, you don't. Like, I don't mean to be the killjoy, but like. But I do think it's different going into it than if you found out, like let's say she was like, she went out with this guy and they dated, and then she found out a year later that he matched with her, that he was bisexual and he matched with her brother and that she knew that he was bi the whole time. She might not care. She might not. I would bet against that, considering just what I've, the data I've consumed from women. Yeah. You know, I just, I think that would be a very interesting email to hear the perspective of a person. Yes. I don't really like, generally like a nice thing to say. I agree. You know, like, but that's kind of what this podcast is for, to be like. Uncomfortable conversations. Right. Yeah. Right. So I think it's interesting, I think it's an interesting like King Solomon's debate. Right. You know, like I, but I do think, you know, it's funny, it's just, I just think it's so funny to be like, we love, you know, she's giving an opinion that the internet has told her to have. It's not about him being bisexual. Right. I think it totally is about him being bisexual. Right. So you think like, if she dated this guy and really liked this, like, you think the bisexual thing would stop her from going out with him rather than the, the fact that it was her brother? I would, I don't want to make assumptions for her, but she did go on a date with a guy and didn't like, liked everything, but it's, you know, that he had a feminine vibe. You know, so I would assume that, Yeah. That would be considered feminine to her. So. Right. It's hard to untangle all of it. Right. This is, if you want to look, well, it is funny that like, I'm not, I'm being a kind of a killjoy. I'm being a little bit of a, No, I think you're being like, I think you're bringing up the reality of the situation for many people. Right. Right. Which feels icky to say. Right. And I feel for like, there is a bisexual guy out there who is on both apps. Yeah. Or as, I don't know if, can you be like, does it say you're bisexual if you're on, like, if you can, can you go on? She didn't know. Right. So, but, but he's playing, he's doing his, he's having his best bisexual life on the dating apps right now. So you can be seen by both sexes. Good for him. But I'm like, that's gonna be, you know, difficult for him. Right. Have you ever seen someone's like sister on the app? And then like, Oh yeah. Would you swipe left? I've seen sisters. Well, sometimes, no. Sometimes you're like, I've always thought she was cute. Even though you like hooked up with her sister. Oh, I always, I thought of like a man sister. Oh no. A woman sister. Yeah, a woman sister. I have had this happen. Would you swipe? Not knowing. Not knowing. If you don't know it's different, but if you knew. No, I matched with someone that was someone's sister that I had already hooked up with. And I was like, and then I didn't realize until later on. And I was like, I feel like I'm being a jerk. Right. And then when I realized, I was like, I kind of just backed away from it. For sure. Yeah. So it's a deal breaker for you. If they match with your. Yes. Well, it sounds. It would be a, that's another thing. I'm not trying to say I'm above this woman. It would be a deal breaker for me. Right. I do think it would be weird even if it was like, again, my sister, just knowing that the two of them have announced through this app that they find each other sexually attracted. Right. I don't know if it would be enough. I think it'd definitely be a red flag. I don't know if it'd be enough to do it. I think the bisexual thing, I probably would add another layer to it and it might be too much for me. Let's do another. Okay. J and J, feather feather, long time listener. Thanks for always keeping me entertained when it comes to the tries and trips of dating. I recently went on a first date with a guy I met on hinge. I proposed getting a drink and he countered with dinner. Not usually my vibe for a first date, but I agreed. He said he'd get a reservation and ended up snagging a last minute reservation at Philly, at one of Philly's most expensive restaurants with a prefix three course meal, which I found a little intense. He then kept offering to send me an Uber to pick me up for the date, which I declined. On the date, we ordered several cocktails at his encouragement and then when picking our three courses, he added a second entree, a la carte. All in all, the date cost easily $400 to $500. Boy, Philly, a lot cheaper there. Yeah. Here though, you know. Doesn't sound that crazy here. This is why people live in Philly. Yeah. Which in a city like Philly feels wildly unnecessary. Yeah. I mean, there must have been a lot of people in their sweatsuits there. Is that what they wear everywhere? Philly and Boston have very similar styles. Yeah. It's not exactly the fashion capital of the country. All those people in eagle sweatshirts. I let him pick up the bill as it was all his idea. Yeah, I would. He'd better pick up the bill. But the whole situation made me feel icky. So red flag or deal breaker, he overspends on a first date. Thanks for everything you do, a cheap date. What do you think? Yeah, I agree. This would be, I don't know if it'd be a deal breaker. If he was like extremely rich, it like wouldn't be, I guess it wouldn't be a deal breaker. It would still be kind of a red flag. But if he's extremely rich and that's just how he does everything. I don't like dinner on a first date with anyone. But I agree. I think that the expansiveness of the date kind of makes it feel like the stakes are higher, which I don't like for a first date either. Oh yeah. That's why I don't like it. I think it's rude. I think it's rude to put her in this position where she's sitting there like, what do I owe this guy? Right. And she doesn't have any history on him to know. It's a hinge guy. Right. What you're saying is totally reasonable. Hey, like honestly, if this was, what's the Philly? Brad, if this was Bradley Cooper, he's from Philly, right? Bradley Cooper? I thought he was Canadian. He's from PA. He made the movie about Philly. He's Mr. Philly. If you were, if I was on a date with Bradley Cooper. If it was Bradley Cooper, you match with Bradley Cooper on hinge. And he's like, hey, I think you're great. You see what a good vibe. But I also, I'm Bradley Cooper and I can't just waltz around Philly. So I'm gonna send a car and I'm gonna just take you out for a night that would be comfortable for me and I hope you're okay with that. Well, that makes it a little better. That makes it totally better because there's only so many restaurants Bradley Cooper could be taken care of. And also Bradley Cooper is so rich to me that like this doesn't feel like a big splurge to him. And I would know that. And you have some information to know that. Right. The regular hinge guy, like I think it's like cheesy unless he is like extremely wealthy almost. Like it's like you're almost using it as like a card. That's why it's real. But it's like shows you something. Yeah. You're making up for your personality. Right. Wherever you think it needs to be made up for. Yeah. Yeah. No, this is a deal breaker for me. I agree. And sending the Uber like stop. It's also like, it's like when someone over compliments you. Right. You know, like when I, when someone gives me like a million compliments, I'm like shut the fuck up. Makes you uncomfortable. Yeah. Like how about a real conversation? Are you expecting me to give this back to you? Like what do you want? I have nowhere to go here. You've actually painted me into a corner that I can't really get out of with normal conversation. Right. I agree. That's a no. Yeah, deal breaker. All right. Let's do one more. One more. Okay. Hi, J and J, long time listener, first time writing in. I went on a first date last night and immediately had to write to my favorite duo to hear their thoughts. I'm getting back in the dating world after taking time off the apps and went to drinks with a guy from Hinch. On paper and in person, most things seem good so far. Similar interests, general vibe is easy together, et cetera. The only thing is that he has a pretty noticeable lisp when he talks. As a speech pathologist, sorry, Jared. This thing, we know you hate speech pathologists. Yeah, not a big speech pathologist guy. This is hugely an ectomy. And I fear- It's a long running opinion on this part. This is hugely an ectomy and I fear I can't see myself longterm with someone with a lisp that is very fixable with speech therapy, LOL. I would love to know your thoughts. Is it a red flag or a deal breaker that the guy you're seeing checks all the boxes but he has a noticeable lisp? Much love and thank you for your dating wisdom. Wow, it's never the speech pathologist that you think would have the issue. Right. You would think- Yes, I will say- I can teach him. I can fix him. That would be my thought if he was great in every other way, but he has this lisp. I would, if I was a speech pathologist, be like, I could work with this personally. Well, that's why speech pathologists are liars and this person- That's why we hate them, yeah. That's why we don't like them. This email actually proves my point. That they stink? Yeah. This is- This stinks. I will say, as someone who got braces before their wedding and had a lisp, if you recall, you can find the episode- They're out there. Jared cannot control his laughter. Disgusting. Yeah. I had a full list for probably, like a really heavy one for probably a month and then like a mild one for probably like six months. It was pretty brutal. That was tough. That was a tough time for me and it did give me a lot of empathy- For all of us. Yes, for all of us. As a podcaster, maybe not the best move, but it did give me a lot of empathy for people with speech impediments or lisp because it's really hard. You literally cannot control it. There's nothing you can do. If you could speak without one, you would. Right. You got some mean reviews on the podcast during that time, including one person who wrote their review in a lisp. In a lisp. Making fun of me. I think I remember that. I still remember it to this day. Commitment to the bit. Yes. I mean, good for them. Well, this is why this is- The way this is written is like- You would think she would have empathy for someone with a speech impediment. Well, the box, you would think she would. Right. If I liked him, she would be like, well, I can help him as well. Right. That's why I don't think any speech pathologist got into it for the love of speech pathology. That was always my issue with speech pathologists. That you don't believe they care about their- They don't give a shit about their clients. I would actually- Did you have a bad experience with a speech pathologist? When I moved to New York, way back 40 years ago. Tell us about your traumatic speech pathology story. All these people went to speech pathology schools and they would all, I've done this bit before. They would all explain to you why they did it. Oh, you can go to graduate school, but you don't have to go to med school and you can go work at a school. They can have, a school system has to pay you like really big wages and you don't have to work in the summer. They all had these like other reasons. So you don't believe that they care. Well, just like I don't believe this woman's email. I don't believe this woman cares. He checks all the boxes. Here's what she wrote. Redfield can do like that. The guy you're seeing checks all the boxes, but he has a noticeable lisp. I don't think, I think you're lying to the world. You don't think he checks all the boxes? No, you were unattracted to him. You're not willing to admit that this lisp turns you off and you're trying to like paint yourself as this like, oh, this is so funny. I mean, it's just the lisp. He's one lisp away. No, he isn't. Right. You don't like him. But maybe she would like him if he didn't have the lisp. I think she would. I don't think that this is... Right. I think I would call this picky in an Ikea or picky. If it was an Ikea or picky, you would say it was picky. Right, because it's like, I think people have gotten over other things and you can fix this. You have the powers supposedly. Right. The fact that she can fix it to me like is weird that she wouldn't just date. If she truly, if he was great in every other way, totally why she wouldn't date him and help him out. So that means she doesn't really, she's not into him because the other thing, I guess you could say, well, why hasn't he fixed it? Is he not thoughtful? That's like, it's kind of like. You can't really ask. Well, if anyone has the skill to ask or know what the insecurities are that go with a lisp, it's someone who works with people who has lisp. Right. Wouldn't you think she would have the tool chest full of tools to like work through this with them? You can be turned off for any reason. That's, again, you're, no, but that's the point. She's using this as like for her laughs. Right. She wants us to justify it. Right. I just don't buy it. Like all speech pathologists. Be better at your job. Yeah. Bunch of liars, grifters, speech pathologists. Do you ever run into any in person? I try to avoid them. Anytime I can. What's worse, speech pathologist or a teacher? It's tough to say. No, teachers, I love teachers because now I do get a lot of teachers at the shows or like, I'm a teacher. You know, like a lot of teachers. Yeah. A lot of teachers. I'm a big teacher fan. It was, could I date one? Right. No. No. But at least you respect them. I'm joking. Unlike speech pathologists. The only thing the teacher then came up was because it was asking what profession and I had to give one and that's the one I gave. Okay. Emily's not a teacher, right? No. Or a speech pathologist. Thank goodness. Okay. All right, well we did it. We saw it dating again and we only offended a good portion of our audience. Yeah, I think it's fair. All the Philadelphia speech pathologists, please don't leave us. Yeah, but this was great, always a pleasure and... We'll see you on Friday. Boom.