9 Mindset Shifts to Escape the Achievement Trap | Ed Mylett

Project Hail Mary is an extraordinary cinematic experience. You're a great scientist, Dr. Grace. The world is calmed down on you. Storm Ryan Gosling. So I met an alien. Two worlds. One impossible mission. We're going to save the stars. Project Hail Mary. Amazing, amazing, amazing. Seed 1st March 14th and 15th in cinemas everywhere March 19th. This is the unmatched show. Hey everyone, welcome to my week in special. I hope you enjoy the show. Be sure to follow the Ed Mylet show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. Now on with the show. Okay, welcome back to the show everybody. It's so good to have you here with me today. And what we're going to talk about today is something that I bet you've never had discussed with you before in your life. And you know, there's all kinds of different addictions in life. You know, we can become addicted to alcohol or we can come addicted to a person we can addicted to drugs, we can be addicted to gambling. And all of those are really well known addictions. There's one addiction that I see become so prevalent in our culture today that I do not see being discussed in the business world or in the personal development, the self-help world. Because it's sort of a scary topic to touch on. And so what I want to talk about today is achievement addiction. And I know that may sound like an interesting thing coming from somebody who show us all about, you know, achieving your dreams and making great things happen in your life and changing your life. But there can become an addiction to achievement that becomes very unhealthy. And one of my concerns about so many of you that are involved in the, you know, the podcast or personal development world is that you begin to miss the force for the trees and that you begin to become addicted to achievement in a way that is unhealthy. You know, all kinds of studies right now, if you write this down, just remember this phrase right now, process over product. That if you're always focused on the product you're producing and the achievement that you must have, you lose focus over the process. And what happens oftentimes in life is we become so focused on the fruit of our life. We become so obsessed with the fruit that we want to produce in our life. That this takes all of our energy and focus away from building the tree that could actually produce fruit for a lifetime. We become so addicted in the finish line in the achievement. This addiction to achievement that it becomes incredibly unhealthy to our long-term mental health and also our long-term wealth accumulation or long-term building because we don't learn the process of delayed gratification and we don't fall in love with the process of doing something great in our life as opposed to always being addicted to the product. And this achievement addiction become incredibly unhealthy. It can become unhealthy because you delay all of your bliss in your life until you get to particular destinations. Once I get this achievement, then I'll be happy. Once I get this relationship, then I'll be happy. Once I get this amount of money, then I'll be happy. And this addiction to the finish line keeps all of the bliss in our joy and our life into the future. There's there is a way to be blissful now and still being productive. The other thing that happens when you're addicted to achievement is that you become it can very carefully and seriously become a perfectionism addiction where you think everything you have to do has to become perfect. That can cause paralysis. That can cause you, I'm talking about analysis paralysis. That can cause you to not want to take risks or take steps or step into the unknown because it's all about the achievement. It's all about the finish line. This can lead to a life that's really not very harmonious. All kinds of data tells us right now and I've said this previously that actually the brain produces more of dopamine, which is our joy chemical or pleasure center, the pleasantness in our life. We produce more dopamine during the process of achieving something than when we actually get to the actual finish line of the achievement. Brain studies now show us that when you get to the end and you get to the dopamine, it actually falls off the charts downwards once you get the achievement. And then you're left wondering, is this all there ever is? Is this as good as it's ever going to be? And if you do that enough times, you repeat this achievement addiction pattern. Once you actually get to the achievement, if you do and it's a very unhealthy way to get there, when you get there, it's not all it's cracked up to be. And eventually you and your brain go, this just isn't worth it anymore. And you stop the journey. You stop building willing to do the work that you once did. You may need to ask yourself right now. Are you really working like you were working when you were starving and hungry if you're no longer starving and hungry? Because there was something beautiful to those days where you didn't have any achievement. Wasn't there? In fact, in some strange ways, the hardest parts of my story of when my water was turned off and you know, and we didn't have electricity in my house and cars were repotent. I had a home going to foreclosure. In some odd way, there was a happiness there that I don't even have now in my life because I was so enthralled in the process of my life. You know, some of the most happy people in the world are the most happy when they're just so involved in process. Why? Because process focus keeps you present. There's all this stuff in person. Be present. Cause yourself to be in the present. Don't be in the past. Don't be in the future. The truth is all there is is the present. And when you're focused on something that's the work you love in your life, the actual work, the actual dedication to the process, you're fully present. The minute you take your focus to the achievement, you're no longer present in your focus in the future. This can lead to anxiety, worry, frustration, and addiction that's unhealthy. It can lead to sacrificing lots of other things in your life that matter on the way there. I'm not for a minute saying don't bust your tail and do something great. That's don't misconstrued what I'm saying. Because I don't believe you can actually enjoy inaction and rest unless you know what it feels like to be completely active and busting it. For me, I only enjoy inactivity after massive spats in my life of full activity. Then and only then can you appreciate rest and enjoyment and unplugging a life of being unplugged a life of no process a life of no achievements a life of no expansion of your being is a wasted life. I'm talking about nuance here. What I'm saying is that you get so addicted to the achievements that you constantly delay your bliss and your happiness at the expense of other human beings in your life. And secondly, when you get there, you're waiting for all the dopamine rather than falling in love with what you do to get there. This is not a message about falling love with the journey. Sure, that's part of it. I'm talking about falling in love with the process and what's happened to a lot of people is they've become conditioned in their life. There's this conditioning that it's all about the achievement. Why is that? Because that's what we see. We see on ESPN, what do we see? We don't see the entire game of baseball or football or basketball, whatever the sport is. We don't see them practicing. We don't see them lifting weights and stretching. We don't even see most of the stuff that happens. We only see the highlight. We only see the home run. We only see the great catch. We only see the touchdown. We only see the goal. We only see the dunk. We only see the three pointer to win the game. And so we become highlight real and achievement addicted thinking that's all that matters. Not unless your brain not work that way. Your life won't work that way. And I worry sometimes in this space, this business personal development self-help space that everything's pointed to the achievement. And this becomes an unhealthy addiction as opposed to addiction to the things that can be healthy in our lives. There's also this addiction to accumulation. That some of us cannot accumulate enough things. If I cannot accumulate enough awards. If I cannot accumulate enough money. If I cannot accumulate enough cars. If I cannot accumulate enough conquests. It's a woman cannot accumulate enough man or a man cannot accumulate enough women. If I cannot accumulate a jet cannot accumulate things. But somehow if I can just accumulate a bunch of stuff that somehow that's an achievement and I'm going to enjoy my life and feel better. And just remember this in your life, you cannot take it with you. You cannot take these things you accumulate with you. But you can leave it here. And what I mean by that is somebody who's accumulated a lot of wealth in their life. I can tell you, I want you to accumulate wealth. I want you to accumulate success. I want you to accumulate awards. I want that. But this should not be your obsession. Your obsession should be the work you do in the process. The people's lives you change in the process. That you can leave here. See the award, the money, the jet, the house. You can't take that with you. But the lives you change, the difference you make, the consciousness you shift, the difference you make in your own family by being the one, the difference you make in other people's families by the work you do in your business, your life, your good works. That you leave here. Life's about being in the full present moment. Every moment you possibly can be. And then when you're no longer here physically, you leave these things here and they reverberate into history. The ripple effect of the works you do. That's something that's blissful when you're addicted to it. But the actual achievement, not so much. And so I want you to really evaluate this idea of accumulating things in order to be happy as opposed to being focused on what you need to do to change other people's lives. The other thing I want to share with you too is that one way to get out of this is to begin to compete. I like to almost like gamify my life where I'll compete for different things. I'll compete in the gym every day. So it's not about how big is the bicepter, how ripped are your abs or whatever your body fat might be or your weight or all that. That's an achievement. But to fall in love with the process of actually working out and actually competing to get stronger and faster, competition is a great diversion from the unhealthiness of achievement addiction. So I really want today for you just to sit back for a second and ask yourself, what does make me happy? Right. What does make me happy? And am I spending, am I thinking, I'll spend 99% of my time kind of grinding. But when I get to that achievement, man, that's when all my happiness will happen. Or is there a better way to live? Can you actually fall in love and enjoy the day to day process, the ups and downs of your life? You know, I'm convinced in my life, I made a decision. I don't want to marry go around life. I want a roller coaster life. Most people will choose a life of the marry go around. It just keeps going in the same circle. You get on that merry go round. You go about one time. You start seeing the same things, don't you? And it comes back around again and you see it again and you see it again and you see it again. It's nice and calm and slow with that goofy music. And it just repeats itself on a circle very slowly. Little ups and downs as you just go in the circle and see the same things. That's a merry go round life. And if you're listening to me right now, you have decided lead shows and you do not want to live life on a merry go round. You've decided you want the roller coaster, the ups and the downs and the butterflies and your stomach goes all the way up, right? You know, it's woo the screaming. You're scared. That's the journey of life that produces the most bliss is actually the roller coaster life. But I think too many people think I just want to get off the roller coaster, right? And get to the end of it and have achieved that I finished the ride. And I'm telling you when you finish the ride, that's when all the butterflies go away. That's when all the joy goes away. That's when all the bliss goes away. The joy and the bliss is in the ride, even the ups that are going to, to, to, to, to, and you know what's coming you do. Ho, all the way down up and down. I don't want a life that avoids ups and downs. I want the roller coaster. But I want to decide I'm going to enjoy the process of that ride. So you can make two choices. You can choose to get on the merry go round. And if you're listening to me, you don't want to be on the merry go round. If you're listening to me, you either chose consciously to live a life off of the merry go round like 99% of the people do. Same life, same pattern, same conversation, same vacations, same nothing, no growth, no experience, no memories, no joy, no life. That's 99% of people. So if you're listening to me, either you've decided I want to get off the merry go round or you've gotten off of it. But the other mistake and choice you can make is this up and down thing. I just need to get to the end to the finish line to ride over and then you get off and you go, yeah, wasn't that awesome, right? Wasn't that awesome? That's a mistaken choice. That's the achievement addiction. The right addiction, I believe, is the nuanced one in the middle, which is to accept you've chosen a roller coaster life. And the people around you have chosen to be with you in your roller coaster life. And it's to make sure those people around you get what they need as you ride your dream and you ride your roller coaster and that you get what you need, which is the bliss and the happiness and the fulfillment and the contribution that comes with the day to day riding of that roller coaster in the process and not waiting for all of the joy for the end of the ride. And so please guard against achievement addiction in your life. And I'm really hopeful that today helped you really hear something you've never heard before and cause you to begin to think every week I'm producing content. I want you to begin to hear it when I'm doing these interviews through this idea that you're not here to just accumulate and accumulate and accumulate because you can't take it with you. But you can leave the people that you help, the difference you make, the vibrational frequency you change, the consciousness you shift in your own family in your own being and the lives of other people. You can leave that here. And I sure would appreciate it and I know your family would and I know you will if that becomes your obsession in your addiction. Very short intermission here folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. Don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. All right. Hey, welcome back everybody to the show. Today's an honor. I guess she's an icon. I think I would say she's an icon. I'm gonna say that I love her. She's an icon. She's iconic for sure. And she's just, this is a really special being. She's an immensely gifted artist and you all know who she is once you once I say her name. But I've just watched her. When I used to watch her when she was young, I thought she was this really young soul. And as I've watched her become a woman, I think she's stepped into a space where she's like she's like a very old soul. Very wise. She's gone through a lot. She's grown a lot. And she's just got a new album out by the way that I absolutely love. I cried listening to a song on there called How Much A Heart Can Hold With My Wife. And her new album is called God's Work. And I'm really honored that she's here today. So share some time with all of you that I love so much. So Lee Ann Rhymes, thank you for being here. Thank you. Thanks for having me. So you go away and you come back. And I'm just curious, like, does the anxiety manifest itself in any area? Like could even be like coming here today? Or like it does. It does. So you'll still, you'll still, and what does it look like for you? Like I don't really want to do this or I'm not good enough to do this or how do I get out of doing this or like, oh no, I mean, yeah, definitely what I could manifest in all this way is actually me too. That's why I ask. I think it's definitely kind of comes back to this like worthy, worthiness wound. Wow, it's amazing. I know it is pretty crazy if you think about it. It is of all that I've accomplished in my life. And I, but I do think that that's why I was so adamant about accomplishing so much because I felt like I had to in order to receive love. Me too. And when you really boil it down, especially for myself, ultimately at the end of the day. And so now it's I feel like that's definitely quieted down a lot. And I like I said, I can stop myself this morning and be like, no, you're like, it's all okay. Like you can have all the anxiety and all these feelings of unworthyness. And you can still show up. And you're still going to for me, it's like just I just ask like, you know, I trust that whatever needs to come through will come through me and it is. And thanks. And that's what that's the thing. Like you just for me, I've learned to kind of move that piece of me just to the side, not like out of the way completely. Just move it to the side. Tell it it can be there. Like you can have your space in me today. Like you can be right here. And I'm also with you. There's another part of me that's here too. So it's a bit of compartmentalizing and at the same time, allowing it to be complete. Like I, you know, for me in the past, like I used to never have stage fright, never have anxiety. Like when I was a kid, I was just, I felt superhuman. And until I once I started to see my humanity, it changed everything. All of a sudden, I had anxiety all of a sudden. I had stage fright at times. Like I realized about when was that my humanity, it started. I would say it started maybe around 28. Yeah, 27, 28. Me too. For me, it was when other people started to criticize. Yes, completely. That's exactly when I happened. My husband and I have been married for 12 years, but we went through, you know, a very public affair. And I mean, the press is just brutal. And especially for a woman and especially for a young woman who they built up to be America's sweetheart forever. And so it was like the ultimate story for them. And that's when I started judging myself through other people's eyes. And one day, that did switch. And like maybe 32 or 33. I realized, wait, these are people's projections on to me. Like I don't have that's not who I am. You know, my mistakes, I'm not my mistakes. And I'm not, I'm not who they say I am. And I think that it took me, it took me doing a lot of soul searching to recognize who I was in order for that not to be projected upon me. Yeah. Same with me. Yeah, it's intense. It's an intense role. Yeah. And by the way, this manifest, this projection from other people manifest in your life listening to this, maybe the same way it does for you, land and I land and I, but maybe differently. Maybe you're living someone's projection in your life. Your parents projected a particular career on you or beliefs in yourself or what you are or are not good at. They projected it on to you and you've adapted it. And that's how you live your life. So you know, we talk a lot on the show often about health and energy, vitality, strength, wellness. You know, when it comes down to more than anything I found out after about a thousand interviews, food, like what you're putting in your body, you cannot out train a bad diet. What it really comes down to is what you're eating. And you know what, we all want to eat home cooked food. That's why I love hello fresh and it's delicious food. Like I, I've never had any more healthy food in my life that tastes this good. 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The moment you're working from a cafe and realize every outlet's taken the times you're deep into your flow and the absolute last thing you need is an auto update throwing off your momentum. That's why Dell builds tech that adapts to the way you actually work. Built with long lasting battery so you're not scrambling for the closest outlet and built in intelligence that makes updates around your schedule, not in the middle of it. They don't build tech for tech sake. They build it for you. Find technology built for the way you work at Dell dot com slash XPS. Built for you. And so a lot of our lives there's this whole thing or we live it in some ulterior dimension. You know we're not but we are oftentimes living other people's projections and for me and you it was like wow we were sort of achiever achievers and then criticism and then I started to sort of look at myself as if maybe I've been fooling myself the whole time. You know maybe maybe I am that horrible person. Maybe I am and maybe part of those maybe some of it was true. Maybe some of it was true. And that's some of it. I was like oh I can see where I was kind of an asshole at that moment. Right. You know like oh I didn't you know I didn't take other people's feelings into consideration when I did blank whatever it may have been. I can look back now and go oh yeah like there were parts of that that were true but that's not totally that's not who I am. Me too. Yeah. My way out I'm curious what some of your ways are. Let's talk about some tools out for you. What works for you. I was just kidding. We were just for everybody. We were just talking about how much we can't see an eyes pass before the show. Yeah it's definitely not ice-bass for the two of us right now. That's so dang funny. It's so true. I for me the hardest thing I'll tell you something because I've been in front of people. I conflated two things too. I conflated like love with significance. When I did significant things I felt love. So if I would just keep doing significant things and sometimes in life these things also work for you. Like one of the reasons you were so successful is because you did make this and then you're a lot of times in life if something works for you a little bit it's really scary to give it up entirely because you're like that's part of my recipe. If I don't have anxiety or worry me I won't practice is good. I won't be on my A game and so there's a nuance to life. That's the hard part about podcasting or writing a book. It's like there's a nuance to something but for me the hardest thing that is now the most beautiful thing is what you just said earlier me being alone with me. I realized like maybe it's different for a woman but maybe it's not but like for me like I never even just stopped and really just like looked at me in a mirror. Like just not I'd look at like as my hair messed up or something but I mean just like I love this man. I've like I've never done I had never done that like I love this man. It's a good man. I've never would stop. I was just doing life and then this idea of like getting alone with myself and being quiet and like just being with my breathing and these were so difficult for me and when they were difficult for me I thought well maybe that's because it would be so valuable for me if I could do it and so for me forms of meditation have helped me a lot. Sometimes like actually writing for me can be a form of meditation. So what's worked for you? Like if you were to share with someone who says I got anxiety I got worry I got fear I got anger. What has actually worked most of the time? Yeah I mean I think that piece of creativity is super important. I mean we're all creative beings. Like that is our nature and I think until we nurture that nature and find a way of doing that. And I think what's so interesting too is we are all so unique. Like what works for one person will not work for the next person possibly and you know it's just you have to find your own path with it. So I dip in and out of things all the time. Meditation is pretty much a non-negotiable for me even if it's five minutes during the day. I just need to sit breathe and you know I'll take in an inhale and like and do it like double time that double longer exhale that usually will help my anxiety a little bit. But yeah I mean I've really gotten into recently working a lot with my physical body like balancing my hormones like I kind of went from the beginning meditation and breathing to now like going running the gamut of pretty much everything you can think of. But you know physical mental spiritual like emotional it's all important you can't leave one out you really can't. Writing I think you know has been such a big thing for me also creating. And I yeah it's interesting that you just said because something clicked for me is you said that you know we get projected upon like the things were good at things were not good at. I think leaning into the things that been told I wasn't good at like I I don't like to dance like it really I do not like to move my body and there was I think that also has to do with old religious programming too. But it's I had this whole thing around someone told me one time that I was better singer than I was a dancer and I stopped dancing. And which by the way like I could might have been a fine dancer but if you were to tell me a better singer I mean I'm like I'm I was exceptionally good at singing so I like I couldn't dance that well too. But yeah I felt like I just stopped doing it. And so for me finding what those places are that feel really uncomfortable. And even if it's for me putting one song on and like moving my body. Freely is and when I do that I'll ball like I'll ball and I'll have so much joy at the same time. And then I'll stop. I'm like okay if that's that's kind of my threshold of how I bid how I lean into those things but I feel like it's finding those places for people that are scary and walking into them and they don't have you don't have to just you know run and jump off the cliff like just dipping a toe into things to expand who we believe ourselves to be. Yeah. Like it just it opens our lives up in every other aspect not just that one little space but in every other aspect of our life starts to change. You're so right that's where I want to go too. You're like doing the interview for me. But like I tied up my identity into everything outside of me all of my life. So like if I made money or I got a muscle or whatever it was it was my identity was always tied to the external. Man it worked for me for a long time. Yeah it does it works. It works but it like when I got wealthy or whatever like I it never was quite what I thought it would be when I would get there. And I think it was because I had I had tied it to the external instead of like like I just love this work. I love doing this work. So you had to have had your identity completely tied up and being famous or being a singer. And did you have you unpacked that at all? Like someone who says your identity could be that and stay with me. Your identity could be that you're a mother. Yeah. Well someday by the way someday you'll be an empty nester and then what right so so it could be anything out there. But did you you must have a lot of that. It's still tied up into a certain extent around my voice. I went through this few days the other day where I was thinking like what could I live without. And when I really. Yeah. Like could I live without my voice. And that was one big one. I was like I don't want to. But if I had to I guess I would have to and I just looked up at the sky. I was like don't do that. So you know this is not an invitation. Let's not prove it. To test that theory. Right. But I you know I there was like my wedding it was interesting things like my wedding ring like was really it's really important to me. And yeah it's a random little things that I was like to powerful question. Yeah it was and it was like okay well maybe that's because of how important like relationships I was told how important relationships were at a certain age you know like well how are these things. How are why why are the few things that I wouldn't really want to let go of why are they so important. So I went through that for a moment and my my voice is definitely one of those weird things when you're born into this world with something like that. And you know as you get older like things shift and change and I know that I'm not going to be doing this my whole life you know I mean who knows but I mean I I at some point I I feel like I want a different experience. That's been the new thing for me too is that that whole term different experience. And especially when shifting things that's like oh I want a different experience. What's a different experience look like. So it's been something I've been playing with. And I know for me like I will want a different experience one day than being on the road. Yeah. So and I don't know I mean I've I've had moments like look COVID you know gave us an opportunity to kind of untangle from all of those things that we were attached to. And I did for a moment and I was I was okay with it. I was okay with it. I think look I you know I just released an album. I haven't ever I don't even look at charts anymore like I don't know what what it did. I really don't and I maybe as part of that self preservation and also part of it though is it's not the reason I do it anymore. Like the reason I do it is to connect with people and help shift help them shift or help them question. And it's really yeah it's it's so interesting how my reason for doing things has changed. It really has. What was someone listening to this and they just said hey I'm I'm curious to hear I saw you on a stage I don't remember who's a Bennett was there's Luisa's oh yeah Luisa I swear I met you yeah yeah and I had to go up after you I think you did I think I had to go up after you I was like I'm not I I rarely have ever had that feeling I don't want to go up after that because the room was so moved I just thought she's gonna be doing this too like what meaning this meaning like leveraging this gift she has but it was much more like direct approach it wasn't like just enjoy my work there was a message spoken message some chanting with it I'm just here I I'm surprised you haven't gone further down that road it's something I want to do yeah maybe today's the beginning right it is when I was funny when you when you asked me to come on here that's what I thought about and I remember you saying to me you came up after and you're like you've never done this before right I had such a I was going through this whole thing with with Lewis I'm like I don't speak I speak during my shows but like this is you're asking me to give a speech he's like just come do it for like 10 minutes and then you can sing and then we'll have a chat I'm like cool I can do that but it did get me this bag of this is another way for me to share yes and connect with people and when you ask me to do this it maybe think of that good you know what I need to do that I've been speaking for 30 years one time ever I would really prefer not to go up right now after that person and it would you I'm serious and it's not because you could sing better than me I think it's kind of like no something just happened in the room right now that I'm not so sure I can match or do anything better than and I I'm dead serious when I say that to you and it's the heart it's the heart I mean I think that I was so open yeah I mean I walked up on stage and just started bawling because it was I was conquering and I just want to talk about I was I hope right now I was conquering a huge fear yeah and I know that that's also the reason why I haven't done more of it but I the reason as I'm crying the reason I know I need to which is rather remarkable that you of all people work uncomfortable getting up in front of a group but the less in it the reason I bring it up is the lesson I made a post Saturday about this like start a new hobby right you said a new experience that's the pathway to bless everybody that's the pathway is to do something new that you feel you'll prepare for that's a bit scary but maybe you have some potential percoliivity for like I shouldn't decide that right now I'm going to start doing 360 windmill dunks it's just not a lot of dudes that are my bill that are doing that right now so it's got to be something that you have some percoli for but create a new experience like even if you're great at something to your point like you're you're the best at what you do but do you want that to be the entire experience of your life yeah right like that's the juice of life and so why I was so proud of you not even knowing you that day and then to watch you just go wow but I remember thinking this is probably something she's going to do a lot of and then really you haven't very much since that I haven't since then well but also co a coven happens a long those lines too so but it is something that I've I just had this huge meeting the other day with my team and I'm like that is on the docket of things good to to walk into I'm I did you just got introduced a couple million more people yeah so it's really good I did I did a chant record during yes during the middle of Covid because I felt like people just people needed it which was something new for me I've never kind of branched out into that and then I think that kind of you know that informed this new record and I'm also working I'm working on a chant too at the moment so I'm wanting to create this whole like sound experience for people you guys when she does this it's unreal it's unreal she did it that day it's unreal that was a great conversation and if you want to hear the full interview be sure to follow the Edmila show on apple and Spotify links are in the show notes here's an excerpt I did with our next game all right I love when you guys send messages out on social media about the show and lately been getting a few of these messages about my wardrobe I was wearing the sweater this tan sweater and I kept getting all these messages from guys going where did you get that sweater bro so I'm gonna tell you where I got it I got it at quince a well-built wardrobe is about pieces that work together and they hold up over time that's what quince does best here's the most important part it's affordable don't break the bank right quince says the everyday essentials I love with quality that last organic cotton sweaters polos for every occasion lighter jackets it can keep you warm and changing seasons everything for everybody 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travel sachets plus 10% off your order so seriously this is one of those offers you're going to wish you jumped on sooner that's iam 8 dot com slash ed and use code ed for a free welcome kit five free travel sachets plus 10% off your order and iam 8 health dot com slash ed code ed these statements have not been evaluated by the food and drug administration this product is not intended to diagnose treat cure or prevent any disease yes welcome back to max out i'm at my let and i'm so excited to bring you the program today the man that my left is literally one of the most interesting men in the world and at least for me i can tell you that for today it's been something i've been looking forward to for a long time to pick this big brain of his you probably recognize his face and most of you know his name this is Rob dyrdick and this is a guy who at 16 years old dropped out of high school he found it a professional skateboarding leaves been a professional skateboarder's got 21 Guinness world records he's a media stud he's a rock star in the entrepreneurial space he's a branding master but most importantly for me this is a guy who's a tremendous husband and a great father and we're going to pick his brain about how he's accomplished all of those things here today so thank you for being here brother thanks for having me i you know i've seen it in video and out of experience what it's actually like to be here alive it's it's so much more beautiful and remarkable than i could ever imagine thank you man i appreciate that so let's be honest man you've had a pretty interesting life so far yeah i certainly i like to say i've lived a lot of lifetimes already you know do you feel that way i do yeah what do you mean when you say that i look you you want to be a professional athlete you have this obsession and pursuit and you achieve that like then you take that and now like i want to i want to expand this and be the take this into television and then you go and live this entire television life all these different businesses and different things you go from athlete to stunt guy to business guy to father to husband you know so each one of those is a is a pretty pretty significant chunk of life that's completely different than i am today i want to figure out how you did that and i know the audience does too because they see this guy on tv obviously i think arguably you're the face of mtv you know from by the way what's interesting about that too is for multiple generations too yeah here i have a my age you're the face and then my kids you're still the face for them and so the careers is about unbelievable and i'm fascinated by you because when i saw you on tv i kind of had this picture of who you were which i think is probably accurate to some extent but then there's these multiple layers of you like there are all people yeah and so what i try to do on the show is get to those other layers and so let's just start out how does it do to who drops out of high school at 16 okay so there's a lot of people watching this who you know don't have advanced degrees but want to go win in their life or maybe they're a parent they got a child who's struggling in school did you drop out because things weren't going well in school did you drop out because of the whole skateboarding thing i'm just curious what you look you know i i'm i dropped out because i just was a professional skateboarder right like and i you know one year and my junior year i got straight days for the semester just to show them like look i could it's not even hard for me it's not even a matter of if i need to do it uh this is my dream this is my passion i achieved it i'm now a professional skateboarder uh there's no you know in that year in between that year i had went to my first pro contest in moonstar germany and got fourth place in the world championships and all my signature product had launched that year and you know i was like i don't need to go to school it's just not in my path i'm not gonna go to college i'm not gonna i'm going to move to california and be a professional skateboarder and so even though i don't fully remember this my mom tells me the story of going in and then all trying to tell me i have to go to school at like principals counselors everyone all one room and i just like convinced sold everybody on like and they were like you wonder what he probably doesn't we should probably just let him go you're already marketing and closing people yeah and so you know it was really the beginning of of just let him he's going to pursue whatever he's gonna do on his own and and you gotta just sort of let him do it and that's sort of the process that that that allowed me to get out of school and i still had to go and take a night class so i got uh enough credits to get a diploma right yeah so there's a difference between a gd and a diploma yeah i think that with the diplomas like you still had enough credits to get your graduate where a gd would be like a i believe like a not a formidable or a complete formal diploma yeah so how do you get there how do you get from your your 16 you drop out how do you where you make it enough money the time that you could move to california or what happened here's the thing uh in december of 1991 i sold one board and got a check for two dollars you know and i needed that two dollars you know because that was all the money i made that month and i actually broke that up in the quarters and went and bought a bunch of sodas that were at a quarter uh dr pepper mischievous but wow you know i think you know even in that era i would track all my finances right i would say back then when i was 16 i'm a i got to treat myself as a business and you know i want you know i would got four hundred dollar check one month and a six hundred and then it was all scattered then that one devastating december where it was like two dollars and and in the spring you know the company was uh was growing was ultimately like hey if you move the california right now we'll guarantee you a thousand dollars a month thousand a month and i was like you what how do you hear me i feel like i hit the lottery like it was just like what uh me in a buddy of mine who was it was also about to term pro like jump in our Honda civics and shot across the country to uh begin our professional skateboarding career in san diegah that's crazy man so you get there i'm just curious as this is happening i do because i don't people listen to this because i look at you i think some people look at you as the tv guy i look at you as the entrepreneur guy yeah and what's awesome about you is there's so many different marketplaces out there that see different versions of you some of you see the athlete yeah some of them see the the branding guy with whether by the way the multiple brand you built from alcohol to apparel to you know the the food business that you and i are a part of now all these multiple brands and then there's obviously the tv show there's the producer there's there's just all these layers to you did you see all this like your eighteen did you were you already kind of like a business savvy guy or you a skater professional skater dude and i mean i was business i was raised by entrepreneurs right you got to understand even the company that i turned pro four was guys that i knew since i was twelve that moved back from california who started the alien workshop the company i turned pro with with my entrepreneur mentor who lived in date no hyal at the time they all formed that company together and then there was a couple other guys within that started other multiple companies that i was a part of this is all that i watched at fourteen fifteen so in my mind this is just what i was supposed to do so even though i i treated myself as a business and you know was watching my finances and all this stuff i started my first soup the nuts built my first like pure brand at eighteen right where soon as i got to california i did a partnership with a big manufacturing and distribution company and started a ryan truck so i was reading a book at the time called the Orion prophecy you know super into conspiracies and aliens and when i was in my teens and like i was like met like we should name it Orion i hand drew the logo was like the star with an o around it i put together you know five of them literally the most accomplished top level pros in the world which then went and got two guys a piece in the ryan trucks when it came out was the literally the the dream team of skateboarding that i had built for this accessory and i did all of that for point five percent of sales so you you have that kind of going like you get this entrepreneurial fever you got the skateboarding thing going and then there's like kind of this time i just want everyone to hear this because as an entrepreneur and as a man as a person i should say there's just false starts in life like you get going and then you don't you make progress and then you regress and then i don't think you're ever prepared for every moment like you weren't prepared for the point five you didn't know to negotiate the right percentage of those things but right around 24 there's another kind of like defining time for you at least one of them doesn't doesn't your team come to you go hey look we think you're kind of toast now so what tell them about that looking in in that gap now i've found huge success right now i've helped launch the DC footwear brand and and moved to california and now become a superstar and skateboarding and all this stuff's going and and but it wasn't fulfilling right oddly enough like the pressure of of being in the streets and being a pro skateboarder just wasn't like like my angst to want to do bigger things in business and do other things besides skateboarding became incredibly problematic i was launching all these different businesses that i didn't know anything about the industry's record labels and and retail stores and all this stuff with this newfound money that i had helped develop by creating DC shoes and all the royalty money i was making it this time getting hammered on life lessons with taxes you know when you first make big money starting all types of dummy companies all over the country trying to like put my money in different places Nevada corpse and whatnot and i equate it to this i lost my way and a long losing my way i lost the belief in myself right and when you're have had success your whole life where you were a young kid you played soccer you became a top soccer player you decided to pick up karate you become an amazing taekwondo fighter you pick up skateboarding you path straight to professionalism but you're everything first companies everything you do you're doing like so when you grow up with a deep self belief and everything you do works thus building this deep foundation that anything you put your mind to you can achieve it's a much more dramatic loss when that drifts from you right because belief becomes a part of your identity right which is connected to your ability to achieve which since that's what you've been doing your whole life you don't know any other way so when that dips from you it's a much more painful more dramatic thing i think a lot of you know big athletes like when what it says they struggle man or the ones that were chosen ones from from junior high all the way and they get into their third or fourth year in the league and get hurt or like now you don't even understand how to like manage your identity because it's had this trajectory for so long part of the set right and it was compounded when DC basically told me they thought my best years were behind me and that this would be the last contract you know and i think that was and i can i can say it in hindsight and telling the story so many different times of like really knowing like now it was like you lost the belief in yourself and at the time i saw it out i was looking for a hypnotherapist right like just to hypnotize me to be a better skateboarder right i was like hunting all these things right and i found dr George Pratt at LaHoyess scripts and what he did was this technique that was he wrote a book called hyper success and he basically did this hypnotherapy to just give your inner self your subconscious the belief that it was meant to have great success and whether it was the moment in time it was like being at the pit whatever it was but at that sort of 24 years like it was that moment of like no you've got to take control of of all of this and from that point on i told them at the time i said you know i don't and at the end of this contract i'll be a completely different person and i re-dedicated my life to like skateboarding and and you know took all the way back to like top 10 in the world again and then like all the signature products and all the filming and image and branding everything just exploded basically from that point straight into television you know four or five years later and then as they usually when i interview somebody you know they've accomplished something in their sport and we talk about that or they've accomplished something in business and we talk about that the complexity of what you've done i wonder and it's probably even good thing that you don't always just step back and go wow right but the complexity of and how many times you've remade yourself because that lesson at 24 that lesson at 16 i think there was another lesson when you're preparing yourself we're going to talk about later for finding someone like Brianna that whole thing see i this really weird thing happened i'll tell you when max was six years old i was at this car wash and there's really nice guys see there all the time on Saturday the old guy turns out he's about my age now but at the time he was old to me and just at a nice and he says to me he goes hey enjoy the six-year-old because when he turns seven the six-year-old's gone forever and when he turns seven or when he turns eight the seven-year-old's gone forever and you get little kids you know man they just keep becoming these different versions of themselves yeah and i remember saying back to the i was out trying to be disrespectful i said back to my said so when did that stop for you yeah and he just stared at me kind of blankly and he goes i don't know and i said you should figure that out and what i respect about you is that you have not settled the the 18-year-old version wasn't the same at 24 the 24-year-old man doesn't even resemble the 43-year-old to the 44-year-old or the 24-year-old right just it shifts all the time i respect that about you so that happens and then you go on from there we can't document your whole life let me say let me say this to that too right because i think i've heard you say before about how you're you're in pursuit of the vision of you know something to the effect of you're pursuing the vision of the man yeah that you expect yourself to become right right something to that effect and i i i would say when i finally shifted to that that in that pursuit of that individual i also knew that that individual was slowly changing with the experience that i was having pursuing it right yeah and it's not that it's this you're pursuing something that's not attainable it's with experience and knowledge and understanding of yourself because you're on the journey just to master you that the more you begin to master you the more that ideal version of you begins to evolve too so you're in this sort of relentless pursuit that's clear that i think at some point it becomes fully optimized they fully optimize version of yourself as who you will catch up with like that won't forever be elusive and oh my gosh that's right and and i think as because we're so similar in that sort of idea it's the moment i realized that no this growth is actually one of your key attributes like embrace it and and enjoy what you're able to achieve but know that that's not part of your makeup like the relentless of pursuit is actually your makeup oh my gosh brother and that changed it allows me to not very difficult to look back and reflect because i mean i just enjoy the pursuit so much you know what i mean me too i've had the uh in i've had you heard you say about this too you make me feel really good because although we're a little bit different person not otherwise you're probably the most similar person to me that i've met maybe ever and just that it's even hard to describe but we're both just so obsessed with this pursuit of growth and change and experiences and life and one of the things i struggle with is my memory yeah and and i know you do so i know like gift in the curse it's a gift in the curse i think i think maybe one of the gifts of it is i don't remember all my failures just hold me back and he's telling all these old stories but i really do have a hard time remembering things in fact when i get interviewed the great gift from you and i'm interviewed is it forces some recall of memories i didn't have before you have that too right what do you think that is i don't i don't know but just talking it out thinking about it right with somebody else that experiences it i think it's more gift in curse now it comes back to haunt you when you're trying to like remember the details like like on certain things and it and it jams you up a lit where it jams me up at this state is i'm taking in and learning so much at a high level and then it pushes out stuff that i could really use again when i want to uh use it for another situation if you will especially in business uh but i also uh it's also made me super conscious of stuff that i really want to know that i want to remember and never forget that i tell myself that as i get there right meaning when a major moment happens you have the engagement getting wedding children like a moment uh with children like i'll i when i really even just recently taking the helicopter to kathelina to celebrate my three year anniversary like i kept telling myself as that we're flying over the city and look at the ocean like don't like just feel this like remember this look at this remember this so it's like i have to practice that in those lock-in right yeah that's why you guys if i started to try to list for you the amount of moments that he can't remember but also that have been amazing in his life some of you you just would literally it is what he said earlier it's many many many many many many many many lives right so i want to touch on some of them where there's lessons but i just i'm going to spend most of my time in your brain and in your heart so but you go all the way from let's be honest you go from robin beg you got ridiculousness right you got uh all of the moments that happened on all of these shows too right fantasy factory like all of these different things it's just it's bananas and so i'm gonna keep in mind fantasy factor was basically a moment generator you know what i mean from being attacked by a shark to jockey in a horse for a race to like flip in a car for a super bowl commercial breaking a world record jumping a car backwards like getting towed into a giant wave and almost dying like all these crazy crazy crazy crazy highlight reel that no human being on the planet earth has correct right is did you just hear what he said by the way just just slow that down a second okay a mall by a tiger bit attacked by a shark you kiss the bear on the lips i think i kiss the bear right and then you're one what so that that was just stay on it just for a second because like those are once in a lifetime moments you've had over and over and over again right so stay on that just meanwhile kick and ask in business meanwhile founding a skateboarding it's just it's like man you make me feel small which is awesome right so and keep in mind too yeah they are fully intertwined what do you mean like i'm negotiating a deal a five-year like multi-million dollar mega deal with Nike right before like i got to hang up the phone and break a world record for jumping a car ramp to ramp 90 feet backwards right for a giant Chevy integration that Chevy's going to do a deal for being a part of our league while launching a complete new company it's like you're taking phone calls in between this sort of chaos and sort of all aspects of your life that was that was a six or seven year run of doing all this insanity while doing all of your business and normal stuff inside it so that's maxing out these different areas the pun is intended right but like so there are people out here who use the complexity of their lives as an excuse not to succeed in any one of them right so oh god i'm a dad and i've got my business and i got my you know soccer league or whatever it is how did you do that so if you would say here's one of the reasons how i can compartmentalize and win in different areas what would be one of the keys just sheer drive and and relentless pursuit of success now the problem with that was is here you are you know someone that can do anything you you end up you have the ability to do anything so you end up doing everything then you end up kind of standing for nothing right so you end up meaning so much to so many different people you you're not even sure what you stand for like are is your passion business do you want to do stunts are you a TV guy like do you want to be the commissioner of your league do you like skateboard like what is like i had to stop and realize that because my hope was if i just kept doing all this stuff one of them would show me the way right so and as someone that's so driven and whose gift is execution the moment you decide to do something you're gonna do it i'm gonna do a cartoon in a toy line like okay i got a cartoon on Nickelodeon in a toy line in Walmart i got attacked by a shark to launch and i'm gonna do a new television show i got this i've read an article with Vinny DeBone i'm gonna do this clip video show it's gonna be the biggest thing i've ever did like like you end up doing all of these things and you basically behind that there's 20 of them that aren't working that you're putting that same energy of running into the wall with right and and furthermore it's not leading anywhere since you're hoping one will determine what your future is right and i stopped and and yes i would look at myself as this highly conditioned stress athlete where you could you could put yourself under the deepest pressure and and you know take on 50 or 60 things at a time and operate smooth and happy and but it wasn't until i looked deep within myself and decided what type of life do you actually want it's easier to do when you're sort of in the midst of failure totally externally but you did it in the midst of success and so this is what it does right it when i finally transition to the the next level right or the fully designed version right which i'm on my way right to say i'm exactly two and one half years into then i'll speak about it and it'll be what i'm known for and what we talk about right because since i'm in the middle of transitioning in it when you look at at my body of work it is like so all over the place you don't even it's so hard to like land on what it is because the stunt aspect it is is really interesting you know and and being a professional athlete and then like oh you jump up and and oh now you're doing all these businesses we're partners together and this super innovative amazing brand like like oh but then no you're still shooting nine episodes the television a week you know what i mean in like you're still you know entering your 12th 13th and 14th season on on ridiculousness putting you at 10 years and 25 seasons and 500 episodes of the television on MTV like it's hard to put down like what does he really what would he be known for when really you would know me primarily for MTV if you know business or you've had a conversation and you're like okay this guy is like doing then yeah but my goal is to be known for the life that i created the life that i lived in the and the way that i systematized it and built it that ultimately people could replicate in their own lives in the future yeah the example is going to be bananas i actually admire the diversity of your success it makes a lot of fun i mean it's like brother come on i mean and i'll tell you another moment too man when i after i got attacked by that short yeah because i'm like this is so dumb like this isn't even this isn't even going to be good like why am i doing this that's every stunt every stunt it's like this isn't even that this is so dumb in the afterwards like no one in the world no one right here but i remember swimming up off of the looking down on the on that boat and stopping as i was swimming up and there's like 50 sharks swimming around telling myself just look and and soak this into your mind because you will never be back there you know and and i have that to go along with the great photo of that like shark on my arm you know what i mean like but that for all the achievers though and for me like i just want you to know something you take you mention it but i got to be honest with you it's one of the things you're supposed to say to me i don't think i personally and i'm an achiever and i enjoy my life and i you know people come to me for advice on how to live better but i think i could do a better job of telling myself hey man stop yeah what you've said the flight to Catalina the shark thing like stop i think achievers have to do that once so stop appreciate this moment for a second man it's not coming back again you know and i you were i heard talking about your kids at their ages and you know it made me think did i appreciate all those moments when they were two when they were infants when they were three when they were eight and ten and i didn't you know and i wish i could go back in those moments together too though you think about how optimized you are as a man today versus when they were born true right and and the lucky thing for me is i had evolved to a place where being super efficient and using my energy for what i'm only passionate about and having clear goals and vision for life is the foundation that i started with for the family so i've never missed a pediatrician appointment i i've rarely i've never missed waking them up very rarely when i'm gone or putting them to bed right and that's by design that's by moving out of a fantasy factory in downtown and living in hollywood to a home in Beverly Hills and an office in Beverly Hills and being super close as you're developing this life and creating a plan from my how i use my time and my schedule you know i mean everything is systematized around full balance i take my first meeting at 11 a.m my last one at five it never changes i don't compromise my schedule and my time with my family and wife in my pursuit right i fitted inside it you know whoa so say something about that so we're gonna i want to get into this life thing now because i love the word about optimizing your life since the second we talked the first time we talked was going to be five minutes has turned into a little long phone call we actually together talked about these things yeah like these very topics are what you and i discussed and we first connected now all those stunts you had though i'm just curious because it leads to life we're gonna go into the life stuff now so you had the deal with the the tiger chasing you down and modeling you back to me even for me i don't know why that's even scarier than the shark thing for me seeing that sucker run after you dude like they're trained i don't give a crack sharks in the ocean on it but you just bite my neck and they kept saying put it down put it down because i was the it i'm like is this guy supposed to be doing that like dude they're a millimeter away from some artery like there's just come on man that's that's pretty the scariest thing of all of that was jockey in a horse for race like that was the scariest of all them because the car stuff you're in a cage like you're covered in the mesh here train tiger like when you're on the back of a horse going 40 miles an hour like if you when you can bear if you get shot off that then you're basically in like a car wreck with no car right like that was the scariest thing you're saying to each other right now like you know it was scarier than getting bit by a shark it wasn't the time i was right nor but then for me it feels good to be able to say it it's like i don't think about it so often but then just even talking about comparing them and thinking about it and the fact that i own that as a highlight it's whatever it makes me happy yeah and it's also like hey man look being on tv all that long for some people will be scary staying at the top that long can be scary you know not wanting to fall off the the totem pole you've climbed up the flagpole all those things but one ask you about one of the stunts you did because i think like at least for me it would cause me to do a little reflection so if all of them you did the one that captured my heart the most was the one where lared drags you on the i think it's lared on on the seedoo into riding the wave yeah okay and so you ride this wave and you crash and you thought you were gonna die yeah of all of them is that the one that you were the most sure you were gonna die in the middle of i'm curious no i mean it's the only time in my life that i was dying so tell me about what happened there and i did you i'm you know the trippiest thing about it too is like it was pouring rain and i swear the moment i stepped in the water to do it the it stopped raining in rain but went right over it right and i'm like what's what like it was freaky enough we're like what is going on like it was just this freaky sort of moment in time so it like already had this like weird tone and if you can imagine like and then like some of the local hawaiian guys were like asked where i was doing getting towed in and they were like oh it's real sharky out there right so i'm like sharky yeah so after the shark thing or before like this is this is way after it doesn't when you're doing like you know going getting us uh Bahamas reef shark with a metal thing like it's super controlled when you're laying on your back in the deep ocean and all you can think of is like shark coming up from underneath the gitch i didn't even i wasn't worried about what was gonna happen in that wave i just wanted to get up so that i don't attack by a shark right and and if you can imagine this you know i've grinded a 20-star handrail and flipped the car ramp to ramp and and done all these crazy stunts and you face them you face the danger on getting towed into a giant wave it's behind you so like you like i'd never surf before it's literally the only time i'd ever surfed in my life you had never surfed never surfed before and it was like the first wave i ever surf was like 18 feet right and so it's the most peaceful amazing like you know because you can't see it and like you're like whoa you know what i mean like what do it and and then it's like a house crashes on you and you don't like you can feel something coming you can start to hear it and then just wow and now you're in like this fight everything in you to just get to the surface right so i'm like you know it's really weird management of emotions and experiences as it as it's related to when you get into kill mode for its stunts right because you have to shift into a mindset of like where you basically you get to a deeply calm place because you literally nothing else matters and you understand that for this moment in time you have to put everything you have into making sure that you do everything for this to work it's a different different level of mindset right because you're it's a it's your life is on the line for this moment and it's so so much easier when you're facing it and you go go go go go go go you know and in this one so as i did it and fought back up and then i want to get out of the water i want to get back up you know all this it wasn't as bad right so it was like it was like okay it got up pretty good like that didn't you know it's still water you know i got spun around but it wasn't too bad okay let's let's try to get a bigger one right like so you get into that zone and now the problem was i got a bigger one and one right behind it so not only did i get annihilated but then as i was like trying to find the surface another one came down and now i'm so deep and have no idea where the surface is and you know believe it or not this is a viciously vivid memory just out of death right wasn't trying to you got remember it yeah you got to do that you want to remember this you mean no this is like you like like i like eyes open spinning it was just all white and i just remember kept trying to push to what i thought was the surface and i kept going nowhere and light kept changing and i kept trying to find what i think was the surface and it all kept looking the same regardless of where i went and i was could not no more breath no more breath no more breath like as far as you can hold as far as you can hold as far as you can hold as far you can't if you can't you can't you can't you can't and right as i like had to like pass out to take the breath like i popped right up and then he come flying and he was so freaked out right because it's all fun and games you're layered Hamilton you're gnarly you literally don't even have the the gene like they even be scared of like water you're like literally aquaman so you're like of course you can do a rob like he just looks at me is like you're a stunt guy you can do this stuff easy he thought i died for sure and he just we are don't you rip me out of that threw me on the back we are done like he was so freaked out you know and you know of course we made that whole episode we wrote that episode around testing your man level yeah and we had decided i had reached it yeah you know and that's been and the joke was like man you don't you don't want to get to the edge your man level because you really you really lose some layers your man level if lyrs got to give you mouth the mouth oh my god yeah right right but yeah that that i think if people ring while that and they are listening to your description what it was like during that time some people feel like they're lights in that place right now man like they're just everything looks the same they can't get out of it they can't get out and really what you eventually is you just kind of surrendered right and then and god you popped up yeah i that's my favorite story by the way of all the stunts is to think that you that was the one where you thought you were dead i mean that's insane i want to ask you a couple things you said because i think that they're worthy of covering you said earlier about your habits and routines and your rituals and i've heard you talk about how that actually creates freedom for you people usually think the reverse they're like hey if i have all these rituals and habits and i've got no real freedom in my life you you would say that that's completely opposite right yeah well look i'm i'm the more i'm i'm people call it habits rituals rituals i think it's systems right the more systematized the less you have to think of the more freedom you have to think about other things like like when you're optimized you know you know you feel the best when you're the best version of yourself so the more like it is a machine and systematized for you to do it and it's based around you it's based around what are the things that ultimately help you and you can you can actually do you know and i would equate meditation to it okay everybody will tell you meditation is great meditation for me is impossible okay you can't acquire yourself to me can't quiet myself i'll never be able to get there it is it is you know even if it's great for the mindset like but i knew that eventually i needed to right and i eventually found a meditation machine right so what it now allows me to do is meditate every single day if i've in the morning but i couldn't do it if i was just going to sit there and try to quiet but when i jump into my soma dome which is basically like a giant egg with like lights and and sound and guided meditation it now has become an essential part of my life because i needed to find a something like that because that's what i needed to actually apply that to your system that i take and so you know for me if you can imagine you're up in the morning five in the morning you're regardless of how you feel uh you're going to feel a lot of different ways when you wake up and i go into that machine from mindset only it is like i just think about everything i want to achieve and how it looks when it happens and every single layer and level and you pop out of that thing and you are you're just in a different energy right very short intermission here folks i'm glad you're enjoying the show so far don't forget to follow the show on apple and spotify we have all the links in our show notes you'll never miss an episode that way now on with the show welcome back to the show everybody so grateful you've decided to join me again here this week and this week i have a question for you do you play hurt because i think playing hurt is one of the invisible skills of all the great ones and if you think back in your lifetime the people that you've been the most you know emotional about when you've watched some performance sports or life in business they were overcoming some pain they were in currently at the time typically in sports it's some type of an injury that they have and so i ask you can you play hurt because i think that's the great separator in life and in business is that the great ones are able to perform even when they're not at their best even when they're hurt even when they're wounded even when they're down and average ordinary people succumb to the injury succumb to the pain the down cycle in their life you know i really believe the separator in life is not what you do on the days where you're feeling you're feeling healthy you're feeling emotionally strong everything's going your way everybody performs well on those days it's what do you do on the days that you don't feel that way in sports especially the greatest moments of my lifetime in sports we'll talk about them in a minute have been watching athletes perform under pain under injury under hurt and in business in life you know we're not on television and so sometimes we don't realize that's the separator the difference between winning and losing in life and sports is so small it's almost too scary to talk about one of the things that worries me is i have to be candid with you i think everybody can help someone but one of the things that's happened in the business space the entrepreneurial spaces there's just so many people that are giving advice and information that have never built a business that have never accomplished anything other than telling you how to accomplish something and so oftentimes i hear their messages and i'll commiserate with other people that i know that have actually done something in their life and like can you believe that they teach this stuff and people are believing this i worry sometimes that you don't get told the truth about what it really takes to win and that so many of you are listening to so many different voices many of which aren't qualified to help you in the area that you're looking for help and i say that with respect because i think everyone can help somebody but by and large if i want to get fit in in shape i want my trainer to be fit in in shape if i want to become wealthy and build a big business i want to listen to someone who's wealthy that's built a big business if i want to become happier and more influential and more passionate in my life i want to listen to someone who's done that and so i know that one of the separators from the people that i know that have become mega successful in their lives is their ability to play when they don't have their a game their ability to win and step up and sometimes play better and so ask yourself this question the last year on days when you were down or not even feeling physically well you had the flu or cough or you know yet an injury that you hurt yourself and your knee or your back was hurting or someone had hurt your feelings the day before or maybe a week or two before the day before you lost an account or didn't get a sale you thought you were going to get or something's going on with your kids how did you perform those days because that's the separator in life and so we're so moved often by the people we see when they do this i'll give you an example i was recently moved by a young man and i'm sure this will get back to him and he might be surprised that i saw this but a young man named cade belu and he's a college baseball player at Auburn University i played college baseball he's lefty i was lefty and so i took note of this young man but the reason i saw him wasn't because he played college baseball or because he played at Auburn he's much better college player than i was by the way but the reason i saw him is that his mother had died and the day that his mother had passed away he's still played in the game that night and i guess evidently he went to the coach and says you know mom would want me to play tonight this young man under tremendous pain just lost his mother can you imagine just hours before you said i think mom wants me to play and this young man steps up to the plate i believe it was his third at bat guess what he did you know it he had a home run another holler baseball outbuilder a belu stay keep asking for you this morning after battle with cancer our hearts and holler baseball are with the balloon family during this time you go right steam it's going he hit it out of here but i you know something just transcend the human experience and how sports could bring everybody together and that's one of one of the most inspiring things i've ever seen in 32 years ago you know sir they believe it first one of the season heading at home running all the good days but he had a home run on that day to honor his mom when he was under tremendous pain where many people would have said hey hey Kate we wouldn't blame you at all man sit out the game sit out the weekend you know that's okay by the way that would have been okay you know heal up a little bit you know there's so much this stuff and personal about healing and all that stuff and by the way i think you can take action and still win while you're healing and sometimes the winning can be the healing instead of just sitting around and mashing in your thoughts and trying to evaluate yourself all the time get up and do something right and i say that out of love i would say this if you were my children i talked to the audience as if they're an extension of my family i also don't say these things sitting on some high horse because i've made the mistakes of not taking action on the days when i was down or hurting i've sat out games when i was an athlete when maybe i could have played and now in life you know as i got older i realized that's the separator and so Kate blue man congratulations brother way to honor your mom just want you to know i saw it and now you've moved millions of people through our audience here today on the day was probably hurting the most in his life he stepped up and hit his first home run of the season i have to imagine that inspired his teammates have to imagine that his mom's very proud of him the rest of his families very proud of him by the way would would we've been proud had Kate hit a home run sure would i be mentioning a guy at Auburn who hit his first home run of the year on my podcast of millions of people if he wasn't hurt no and so what i'm saying is some of your greatest accomplishments your greatest story we've all heard the saying that your test can become your testimony your mess can become your message but it's true in fact oftentimes this adversity is a gift it's an opening to get something for your pain i've always said that i don't believe God's going to give you pain without a gift on the other side of it that if you look for the gift of the pain you're going through that all pain is temporary and if you can survive the temporary whatever the pain is you're going through mental physical emotional spiritual if you'll survive the temporary but while you're surviving and getting through it look for the gift look for the miracle he's going to give you something he's going to give you a new friend a new relationship a new inside a new thought a new talent a new ability a new innovation a new whole new life oftentimes a new reference a new whatever it comes your way through pain and so this is the people that we admire in life you think about in your sports life think about Michael Jordan of all the championships that Michael Jordan won it was winning the 1997 NBA finals the flu game where most people wouldn't play he had 104 degree fever he no one thought he was even a show up and play that night and somehow he comes through and wins the NBA title playing with the flu right i mean we remember this it's iconic now you want a lot of championships but that's the clip that you see the most why because he played hurt he played hurt it's tiger woods of all the majors that he won he won the 2008 us open they tell us on basically a broken leg are you kidding me this is these are the stories of legends these are the stories that are what icons do and you have a chance when you're going through this down day these are the days where maybe you're going through it today and you're like man I needed this today brother or send this to somebody who needs it my gosh this isn't actually an opening for me this is where I separate this is my separation season because almost you know it's I almost get off in my mind on these days because I'm like I know nobody's working as hard as I am not after how bad yesterday was not after how bad I'm hurting not after that let down most people are looking their wounds and staying down and there's all this stuff as well maybe you should stay down for a while evaluate what happened learn the lesson yeah maybe or maybe get your ass up and go back to battling go back to fight and go back to winning get in motion again I think you can heal learn and take action at the same time tiger woods winning that us open on a broken leg they tell us Kirk Gibson in the 88 world series hitting the home run coming off the bench he was so injured he couldn't play he didn't he didn't play the game and he didn't play at all after this home run he had one at bat limps up to the plate he couldn't play a position so he put him into pinch hit he gets up there two strikes Dennis Ecker sleep bam hits a home run over the right field fence to win the world series game one of the most if not the most iconic home run in the history of baseball one of them why because he had a home run in the world series no because he had a home run hurt in the world by the way I was at that game funny anecdote my dad wanted to leave that game the inning before we got up to leave and we ran into my t ball little league coach in the we're in the bleachers at Dodger Stadium and my t ball coach says you don't leave world series games early mr. my let my dad went all right we walked back to our seats true story sat down in the next inning maybe the most famous home run in the history of baseball was hit by Kirk Gibson but we remember it because he played hurt if you're really old like me the year before I was born but I heard about it all my endless read for the nicks coming out and inspiring his team to win you know when I speak I walk out on stage to thunder struck by acdc everyone thinks that's because he's such an acdc fan well I am a fan of that band but that's not why I walk out I walk out to acdc when I speak because my favorite fighter of all time is arturo thunder godi he came into the ring to thunder struck my favorite fighter of all time godi why because he was the best fighter of all time arturo was not the greatest fighter of all time if you don't know him go watch his clips I don't care if you're a boxing fan female male go watch arturo guys because the shots he would take and keep coming his fights with Mickey Ward I mean I'm just gonna tell you like inspired me to want to be somebody if you think about the movies it's rocky balboa it's how he came back from being hurt cut me mick right it's those are the things that move us the greatest of all time Muhammad Ali and how he beat George Foreman and could come back from being hurt the wonderful Kerry Scruggs most you don't know this one of the greatest clips of all time Kerry Scrubs 1996 gymnast ends up basically winning the gold on a torn ankle and I remember watching that and crying literally crying when she won I wonder by the way why do we cry when we see somebody accomplish something great and overcome something amazing whether someone heals from cancer and they come back and they live or an athlete that overcomes an injury like precious Kerry Scruggs did and the Olympics and just the world cried watching her go through this pain and went I submit that we cry when we see these great acts of courage because we know that exists within us and we're not using it we're not even crying out of happiness there's a part of it's like why can't I do that I have the same capacity I'm also a human being I want to be proud of me I want to overcome my pain you know the story that you're going through right now or have gone through it's only inspiring if you win it's only inspiring if there's a fairy tale there's only it's only inspiring if there's a lesson if there's a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and so you got to play hurt and sometimes I'll be honest with you I think we exaggerate the pain we go through we make it a bigger deal than it really is you know I've had people cancel because well I've got a cough or I've got the flu heck this is a zoom call I'm doing this today my my producer will tell you I'm sitting here today I've got at least two teeth that I need a ruckian out on today I've got something wrong with my jaw where I can't really open my mouth to eat it's enough that I can talk right and I've got the flu but no one asked me to run a marathon today they asked me to do six zooms I'm sitting in a chair what's the difference between sitting on the couch and doing nothing and sitting here and helping change the world and I'm not bragging about me heck I'll just tell you this I played this whole year hurt I haven't been on social media in a year I've had issues with my heart I've had a back issue that's just very significant I've had surgery on my back I've got it I played hurt all year it's one of the best years I've ever had now has it been the biggest growth year no but I've played hurt deon Sanders coach prime was on my podcast a few weeks ago his agent and my agent constant shorts was also on some of the most popular shows we've ever had and coach primes this legendary coach now at Colorado but what a lot of people don't know is coach prime played entire major league baseball season and NFL football season at the same time multiple years in a row you imagine playing imagine how hard it is to get to the NFL imagine how hard it is to get to MLB he got to both and played both and some days would play a major league baseball game and an NFL football game in the same day imagine that and guess what one year he did it with a bronchial infection walking pneumonia basically for the entire year imagine that you got a bronchial infection almost borderline walking pneumonia for a year and he plays a full NFL football season and major league baseball season and went to the postseason and baseball but some people can't get on a zoom because they've got a cough or their tummy hurts right but you want to be a millionaire you want to be one of the great ones ever but any chance you're hurt a little bit down I'm just being honest with you maybe this isn't the message everybody wants to hear but it's the message everybody needs to hear the separators what you do on the days you're hurting this man played an entire football season tire baseball season both with a condition that most people would cancel their zooms for can you imagine and so it's a mount how many punches you can absorb remember this your breaking point is God's building point just when you're ready to break just when you think you've got too much if you'll push to that next level that's when God starts to build that's when he starts to break through that's when the growing happens but we don't take advantage of these opportunities I'm almost to the point in my life where I believe adversity is a gift I can't tell you that every time bad things happen like today I didn't want to wake up with my jaw and I didn't want all that stuff it's just like a year of stuff in my physical being I've had issues and personally and socially so they've been a tough year you know I'm not saying I would wish that same time it's I've learned a lot about myself I've learned how much to be honest with you I love what I do and how much I care about you all because in the long time ago financially I didn't need to do this and I kind of always thought in my life when I got very very wealthy I probably wouldn't work like I work still then when I got here I fell in love over my lifetime with people and making a difference and serving them almost like I feel like it's my home and it's my calling doesn't feel like that much work to me and so who am I to be you know telling you to do all these things and so when I'm not feeling great I don't and so I'm really convinced that your breaking point is God's building point I tell you another story of a guy you probably haven't heard of unless you live in Australia I'm reading about this guy for a few years now 1983 it started the one of the world's toughest ultra marathon's 540 mile trek from Sydney to Melbourne I want you to imagine this some of the top runners in the world are running in this race and a farmer shows up true story dressed in overalls and like galoshes over his boots is what they say I'm just telling you what they tell you and so if you're like who's this farmer guys got overalls on there's this combination of runners but some of them are the best in the world 540 miles and so reporters ask who he was he replies his name's cliff young oh by the way cliff is 61 years old sheep farmer picture this a marathon's 20 something miles guess what five days 15 hours and four minutes later he won he finished first in this race grueling race he beat the next closest competitor by about 10 hours he becomes this Australian national hero total icon of ultra marathon running you know example of determination perseverance but what he's really an example of is pushing through pain pushing through pain you know everyone the race he slept less now there's some legends that say he didn't sleep at all evidently that's not true but he just slept less he didn't know how much sleep was really required of him and all the training of chasing sheep on his farm is what equipped him for the race so while these other guys are just running their normal race this dude's chasing sheep for years and years and years around his farm some days having to run days at a time he was totally built for this and so when the actual race comes along he dominated because he'd pushed through pain for years and years and years and years the actual race was nothing and so I believe when you pushed through pain over and over and over again it starts to not affect you like it once did but if you avoid pain if you shrink to it all the time if you give in constantly it weakens you remember this when you've gone through a difficult painful mental experience a bad day yesterday physical spiritual maybe it's in your relationship maybe you're just losing confidence this is an opportunity to either strengthen you or weaken you and how you respond means everything I'm pretty sure Cliff at 61 years old in overalls didn't have all of the pedigree to be the guy to win that race never mind by 10 hours but what he had done is trained himself to sleep less than most people what he had done is trained himself to push through pain over and over and over this wasn't something he trained for it was his daily life and it becomes this national icon in that incredible story it's incredible so can you push through pain until you find your truth I think of so many of my female friends and they'll tell me the greatest experience of their life is having children yet they'll tell me the most physically painful experience of their life for many of them was childbirth itself and so for that unbelievably painful experience you get the greatest gift of your life not amazing if you really look back at your life men you've come a long way and if you look back most lessons learned most gains were made during your flu game during your broken leg round most of your great experience of your life were the painful ones in some odd way it's God's gift to us because when you go through the real pain of life believe it draws you closer to God at least in my case I had to conclude I can't do this on my own I need you Lord please help me and so ironically sometimes pain is one of the great gifts we can have to strengthen our faith but it also strengthens our resolve there's also something that happens in us where we develop grit and toughness and resiliency and a relentless pursuit that our conditions aren't the thing that determines our behavior conditions and behavior can be separate the bible says in 1 Peter 5 10 and the god of all grace who called you to his eternal glory in Christ after you have suffered a little while will himself restore you and make you strong firm and steadfast life can be heavy there are moments when the weight of the trials we go through it feels unbearable pain can linger sometimes prayers seem unanswered and oftentimes we wonder whether we're ever going to feel whole again but take heart because your suffering is not the end of the story remember this God sees every tear every struggle every weary side and he's promised that after you've endured for a while he'll step in and restore you you got to endure for a while usually and he steps in strengthens you he'll make you unshakeable over time your pain is temporary all pain is temporary the only thing that's permanent as our souls but God's grace is eternal whatever your faith beliefs are just know that and what feels like brokenness now it's simply the ground where he's planting something new for you just remember that his hands are holding on to you all the time they're rebuilding you to storm your facing right now it's not going to destroy you because you're going to get up you're going to persevere you're going to fight one way or the other you're going to get through it one way or the other you'll get through this day remember this one day at a time one meeting at a time my book the power of one more i tell you this because i believe it to be true you don't need to decide to never quit you just need to decide right now i'm getting up right now i'll make one more call right now do one more workout right now i'll read one more book right now i'll go one more day right now one more just do one more it's such a powerful concept if you've not read the power of one more go get it by the way i should say this to you you should be on my email list everything i send you is going to be free if you go to edmylet.com you just put your email there i think it says join here or follow here at the top whatever go to edmylet.com and be in there and by the way let's gods grace carry you and trust that he'll bring you through but you got to step up and be resilient remember this by the way the best ability is availability you got to be available the great ones like deon sanders during that season the best ability was he was available so many people just aren't available they missed too many hours they missed too many meetings they missed too much stuff they allowed too many things in their conditions do affect their behavior the great ones do not do this and that's why habits matter rituals matter routines matter because when we're down when we're under pressure when we're hurting we resort to habit mode because our brain kind of checks out and if your habits to get up and fight if your habits to get up and do it anyway if your habit is to show up and give it your best regardless of how you feel then that will be your default setting but if your habit has always been and it's been mine in the past yeah i got to rest a little bit i got to evaluate this you know i'm really hurting right now now they can take a breather because that's what everybody does but everybody's not successful there's this whole thing in the world now everybody wants to be successful everybody wants to build a big company everybody wants a great body everybody wants a great relationship everybody wants some bunch of money but nobody's willing to do the work on the hard days they want to do the work on the good days man i just listened to a great Instagram video man i'm fired up yes someone said yesterday here we go but what happens when three nose and a row somebody quits on you somebody hurts you and your feeling physically you can you get up those days can you push through can you do what winners do and when you do what winners do you get what winners get you get what Jordan gets you get what carry scrugs gets you get what tiger woods gets there's a great story Kobe Bryant tears is a kill he's tendon but they need him to make the free throw to stay in the game to win they're like Kobe you tore your killings it's okay bro he will show you the clip he walks out on the court and makes two free throws with a torn Achilles tendon that's why he's Kobe that's why he was Jordan that's why he's tiger that's why she was serena that's why carry scrugs is carry scrugs and i promise you if you went through the lives of these people you admire they played her they found a way they built that muscle it's the separator i tell my kids this all the time max when he golf you know and he said to me dad are not my swing hey max it's the days you don't have your swing hang in shoot a decent score today go work on your swing on the range after come back tomorrow with your a game but you got to score with your b game or your d game this is the separator and let gods grace carry you through we all go through pain in our lives we all do it's part of life it's it's like if you're not in pain right now you're probably gonna be soon so why not have a blueprint a mindset a habit a way of being it says oh i see what's going on here devil okay i'm stepping up i'm getting more faithful i'm taking more action i'm coming back stronger i'm built for this and by the way i know some of you listening go i've just never been that way that's okay neither were these people until they started to be that way no one's born what happens is they all hit a wall at one point and said i'm tired of running i'm tired of quitting i'm tired of giving in when i'm hurt i'm tired of backing up i'm gonna stop at some point Kobe Bryant said i'm gonna stop backing up i'm gonna stop making excuses i'm gonna stop quitting i'm gonna stop flinching and i'm gonna step into this it's some point i did and i'm not equating myself with those people but i know what it's like to give into an injury i know what it's like to lay down too long when i'm down i know many years ago even at the prime of my health and fitness i didn't work like i do now and i'm probably in the worst physical condition i've been in decades probably actually certainly ever yeah i think i've been delivering the best content of my life most athletes will tell you by the way any of you that played sports my dad used to tell me this when i play sick most athletes most business people play better hurt especially you got a little bit of a fever running everything kind of slows down a little bit it causes you to focus a little bit deeper and a little bit more you kind of have to move out all the noise and stay in the moment because that's all you have energy for a lot of times you're better and here's the truth none of that's real pain i was thinking about real pain this morning i woke up had a lot on my mind and i was still fuzzy from waking up and i thought oh i'll call dad and it wasn't for about 10 minutes until i got up and started to move around i remember i can't call my dad my dad's been passed away now for three years i don't have any of you's ever lost somebody but every once in a while you forget you have a great moment you think you'll call him or you have a dream that's so real when they're in it yeah and i woke up this morning and for about 10 minutes i was planning on calling my dad this morning and then i realized i can't you don't know real pain until you crave a conversation with someone that's no longer with us that's some pain and then i had to decide today don't feel real good wish i could call my dad and i can't that hurts i think i'll honor him with what i do today i could have chose a different decision yeah i worked real hard i've got a little bit of money be okay if i kick the curb can down the curb a little bit did this tomorrow i don't want to do that fact when my producer will tell you is i texted him about two hours ago i said let's do one more today too so we're actually doing more today he probably wondered why he's learning right now i decided to do more today because it's one of those days i'm not going to meet my normal standard i'm going to do one more so real pain is that stuff and if you have that in your life where you can't call someone because they're not here anymore honor them and make them proud of you with what you do on the days you're hurting black