“Why Women Lose Respect for Weak Men" — Sadia Khan UNFILTERED on Relationships & Controversy

And my guest today, and he tried to stab me in the back thinking he would get famous out of it. Caught me by surprise, with the loud segment of society that's waiting for the downfall and would try and engineer it so they can try and destroy you as much as they can. You might have seen this incredible woman online. If your wife is cheating on you, she'll probably cheat on you forever and she's probably just using you for free accommodation. You guys must have been pissed when you heard them interviewing her. I'm so glad I'm not Western, I'm so proud to be Eastern. Happiness is an outcome of being really useful as a man. When I told our team I was like, I want to bring outside the act. Do you want to bring on this woman? She's had this huge controversy. So if I can manipulate anyone can manipulate you. You're just a bitch when you don't have a religion or a culture or an identity. You over-identify three things like your gender, Sadia Psychology. Who do you think she's more men or women nowadays? What is a high-value woman? I would say... Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Biohacket. And my guest today caught me by surprise and completely caught me off guard. So you might have seen this incredible woman online, but you guys must have been pissed when you heard them interviewing her, Sadia Psychology. And I got to sit down and peel away a little bit at the layers of what is heard online versus what is the truth. I walked into this interview not knowing how I would feel about her and I walked out of this interview really enjoying her company and actually seeing a lot of what she says and where the content comes from. Value system alignment, I was talking about our Eastern background and culture and even off camera understanding Sadia's story and how the content that has gone viral has completely ruined her personal life and her career. Sadia's book is also coming out called Red Flags is for pre-order now and if you're curious and you want to know where Red Flags are and people because she makes some really good points, I would order it. I hope you guys enjoyed this episode as much as I enjoyed filming it. So guys, don't forget to like, comment and subscribe and thank you for allowing me to be your creator and telling people stories that I'm interested in with judgment, with no judgment, but I'm here to give you a good show. Curiosity heals. Stay tuned for more. So Sadia, welcome to the show. Thank you so much for having me. It's so nice to finally meet you. I know and I'm so excited to hear Bacchusani. I was like, I definitely am going to bring this woman onto the show and talk to her because you're daisy. I am. And I want to highlight women from our part of the world. I'm so glad that I get to do that with you. So thank you. Yeah, I really do appreciate it because I feel like I never really get to talk about that side because it's not really that interesting. Flags are really interesting. So I do appreciate you mentioning that. I do want to say that when I told our team, I was like, I want to bring on Sadia and TikTok was going viral. Yeah, like, do you want to bring on this woman? She's had this huge controversy. So I know you've already explained it to people online, but I just want to give the little snippet and introduction and explanation for people listening about what the clips were. Well, yes, when I first had the clips, I completely thought they were fake. I was like, there's no such thing. I've never been with a married man, never been with an engagement. It's simply can't be true. So I just assumed it was AI. But when I spoke to a lawyer, because it just went viral, it just looked like a real guy. Yeah, everywhere. And then when I spoke to a lawyer, they just said, well, it says it's in 2021. Why don't you just contact people you knew in 2021 and see if there's anything anyone could have done or anything like that. So I spoke to everybody I worked with. I was a teacher at the time. I wasn't online completely anonymous. And most of my colleagues had no idea, but one colleague said to me, I don't know if you remember this, but you were sending me some funny memes about girls in Dubai and cheating and all this stuff. And one of the girls that I was seeing, he was doing this thing in Dubai, a young, single man in Dubai. One of the girls saw the emails and she got really angry and she ran you. And I said, I think I remember that, but why would this come out? And he said, she recorded you without you knowing. And in the clip, she said to you, oh, what do you do all day? Do you just send memes and try and suck guys? And then that's what she said. And I said, excuse me, don't get rude to me. If I wanted to, I could x, y, z on his wedding day on his birthday. I'm very fiery. So if someone tries to accuse me of something, I'm like, you know what? If I want to, I can do x, y, z if I wanted to, but I don't want your man. And I went on to say, I don't even want your man. He called me on the top. I don't even want your man. You shouldn't even want your man. And I said that, but what she did is recorded me without me knowing. Heald on to it for five years and waited to give it to somebody who had a really big following and just make him snip that tiny bit to create the narrative that I was with a married man. And she held on to it for that many years to wait for that moment. And that's where it went from, from that moment onwards. And it just went viral from there. I've taken legal action. So luckily, you know, unfortunately, I can't say too much because in Dubai, they're very, very strict with keeping an anonymity. But there was zero truths for the idea that I was with a married man or an engaged man or anything like that. But there is definitely truth to the fact that I said things that I, I still don't take it back. If someone tries to accuse me of something I didn't do, I'll go, you know what? I'm going to do, I'm not really going to do it. I'm just fiery like that. But I was just, I was baffled where this came from because this woman I've never spoken to. She's never been married. She's never been engaged. Her name's Lena Elfalla. I'm more than happy to explain it because she's in the UK. She, you know, so it's okay to say their names. But you can Google her. There's zero evidence of her being married engaged or even in a relationship with this man. They haven't even spoken in five years. You know, really, he said, I only spoke to her for three months, but I remember her doing this to you. But the venom that you must have to hold onto that, snip it and then give it to online. Just to destroy somebody's reputation and career, is something I thought would, I was convinced it couldn't be her. I was like, no woman would do that. I've never done anything to her. No one would do that. But then having seen how people reacted to it, there's so many people filled with hate. There's so many people waiting for their moment to destroy somebody that I now realise that, actually, this is a very common trait. The people I know, I just not like that. But if you don't, there's a small segment of, well, not small, there's a loud segment of society that's waiting for the downfall and we try and engineer it so that they can try and destroy you as much as they can and unfortunately that's what happened. Did, is it legal in the UK to record somebody and keep them because in the US, that's not legal? It's not, anything is legal in the UK because I've tried contacting them several times to take legal action. They just won't do much about it. But in Dubai, luckily nothing's legal. So if you hold onto it and do all of these things, Dubai really, really takes action. They have been incredible. The Dubai Police has been absolutely incredible. The UK Police has been useless, unfortunately, and they know that they're useless. They know that they're absolutely useless. But one thing I would say in Dubai, even without paying a penny in tax, your every crime that you report will be treated like, it's the most important thing in the world. So I've been very grateful to that. I live in a country that actually cares about justice. And when it comes to her holding onto this for five plus years, what did she ever think you'd get to this point of fame that you would come after? I know, or she just, that's what I couldn't understand. Because five years ago you were teaching. I was a teacher. I taught psychology. I was teaching for like 10 years or so. I was anonymous. I was an anonymous person. I just think that I had no idea what made her record it to begin with. I had no idea what made her hold onto it. But I think I underestimated how much you, people hold onto a hatred or hold onto an obsession that they have with you. And I could totally understand if she was truly married to this man or they were engaged or they were still together. Sometimes even if it wasn't like, you still have a hatred because you're there. But it was just a three-month relationship. I haven't spoken since he had no idea who she is. I can't even remember. And have you spoken to the man to be like, why don't you come out and give a statement and that you can use it on your page? He's actually online and he's got a big following online. And you can see he's never been married or engaged. Who is this man now that we need a name? Unfortunately, in Dubai, I can't release a name. But I will show you secretly. And you can see, and the man that released all this stuff has done an interview with him. He will never show him or tag him. And the reason he won't show him and tag him because the moment you do tag him, you can go and scroll on his pages. You can see he's single. He vlogs in 2021 that he was single, married and never been married, never been engaged. So the man that released it did an interview with him, blurred out his face, deliberately, never tag him, never showed anything about the interview because the moment he would do the interview, he would get immediately like, I would be like, but he's not married or engaged. Like, where did this come from? This doesn't make any sense. So there's a reason why his identity has been hidden. It's not our privacy. It's not our respect. They would connect the dots. They would connect the dots. And more so than anything, this person is online and does like content, fitness content. If you were going to expose people, why wouldn't you expose the actual cheats? He's got hundreds and thousands of followers. Expose the actual. Technically, he's the one that apparently cheats it on his wife or fiance. But he's kept really, really harsh. I'll show you privately, but legally, I'm on the same. You can't say the same. So my question is, are there have you thought about maybe reaching out to this guy and saying, hey, why don't we do an Instagram life together? When I spoke to him originally, he was like, I want nothing to do with this. I'm not involved. I don't know anything. Then he saw it go viral. And the moment he saw it go viral, he actually contacted the leak and tried to get himself to go viral to show himself. Like, I had to say, why not come on your page and try to? Instead of trying to help me, he tried to stab me in the back, thinking he would get famous out of it. And then when I told him, you know this is a legal in Dubai that you're spreading false rumors about somebody. You know, he met it, he went silent. So then I had to take legal action. And now, we have a court proceedings. So I have to, I'm in the middle of a legal battle. So he's not somebody I could trust to do that, because he just wanted his five minutes, realized it's illegal. And then we drew all and tried to do it again. It doesn't want to get kicked out. The other thing that I found fascinating is, which you keep private is, you're in a really much more happy, successful marriage. Yeah, so pretty social. So pretty social. Or praise be to God. I'm so glad I do keep it private, because the internet is just designed to just, well, there's a small segment that's allowed is, and they just want to destroy, destroy, destroy. So luckily, I kept my, one thing I'm so grateful for during this time, I didn't mention my family. I don't mention my siblings, my partner. I don't mention my parents. I don't talk about any of them, because they didn't sign up for any of this. And also, I don't think it's relevant. When I go to a doctor, when he's giving me medicine, I don't sit there and say, well, what was your diet? And what did you have a breakfast? A lot of, before I take his advice, I just say, give me what works, you know what works. You've studied this, you've worked with patients. Give me the answer. I don't need to do due diligence on his personal hygiene and his personal life. I just need the answers to my problems. I think it's a strange dynamic online, where they need to see your private life before they see your professional outcomes. And I just don't think it's even relevant. And I think sometimes what a lot of coaches might do, and it's nothing personal, and nothing against it, sometimes they kind of advertise their relationship as a way to kind of show what they're more people in. Yeah, draw people in and try and make their knowledge sound more legitimate. It's simply not related. It's simply not related. The only thing that makes you successful at your job is having the qualifications and then having the experience of working with clients in depth. And what all praise be to God, I got lucky with, is when you're online, you get clientele from all over the world. You don't just stick to your local area. So you get to see global patterns of what's going on in relationships at the moment. And because you get that global sample that you get all your information from, your information can resonate with the world. Whereas if I was just practicing in Dubai or just practicing in London, maybe I would just have very London-based problems or Dubai-based problems. But my clientele is from everywhere. So the common kind of themes I talk about tend to apply worldwide. I think what people are looking for more and more now, just to kind of like, I was trying to make logic of it myself, is they're looking for that authenticity, right? They do practice what you preach. They say all the time the doctors are their own worst patients, right? They don't follow their own advice. Sometimes I give out health advice. I'm like, you should sleep nine hours a night. I'm sleeping four hours a night. I'm like, I myself, I'm like, I'm being a hypocrite by this. I'm giving this advice. I know this is what works, this is what makes success. So I think when people have pushed that narrative, I think for them it was, well, why not apply it to your own life? But just because somebody's great at giving advice, something doesn't mean they can always apply to their personal relations. Yeah, and you don't know, they might be applying it to their real life. They might be actually doing it. I try and do what I talk about. And I try and talk about it very fairly. And one of the reasons why my content is quite gender neutral. I'm not like a girl's girl on girls side or I'm not totally on the men's side. It's neutral is because I apply a neutral balance, even in my own relationships. I'm very much aware of what I do wrong and what he does wrong. I do wrong, he does wrong. And it's just that I don't have the problems I always talk about. So I talk a lot about, maybe I'll talk about erectile dysfunction or pornography. It doesn't mean I'm going through that. And I don't have to go through that. Right. To give advice on that. There's some things I just simply can never go through. I will never know what it's like to have erectile dysfunction. Does that mean a doctor who treats people with erectile dysfunction can never get advice? I know because you have to study it and work with the people and see the outcomes rather than experience it yourself. I don't need a cancer patient to help me move my chemo. I just need a doctor. What they're thinking is you need somebody with cancer has gone through the chemo, got the results. That might work for some people, but in other areas you simply just need somebody who's got the knowledge and experience. And that's where I would say I come in more. As someone who's always drawn to wellness products that are simple, effective, and actually help you understand your body, which is why I'm so excited to share the Harmon Zumor by Vibrant Wellness, a company I love and trust. It's an advanced at-home test that gives you real insight into your energy, mood, and overall balance. That's why I trust Vibrant. It combines standard of care labs, with genetics and innovative biomarkers backed by over 400 researchers and more than 40 peer-reviewed studies. I took the Harmon Zumor at myself and finally getting clear answers behind signs and symptoms I'd always blamed on stress or too much travel, which was extremely empowering to me. 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So what ends up happening is similarity feels like settling when really it's exactly what they should be going for. And what I mean by that is 10, 20, 30 years ago, people would meet somebody that they went to college with. They would be very similar in terms of appearance, they'd be very similar in terms of social economic status and very similar in education. And that's the person that married and that's the person that had kids with, and it would just flow. Now they're thinking, okay, this person might be similar to looks wise, but I need a 10 out of 10 Instagram battery. That's what I look for. Or a girl will see a guy that maybe same level of income has had the same education, so what I need a provider, I need someone super successful. I need to be traveling to Europe every summer. So they've got these standards that they've kind of got from Instagram and TikTok and applying it to their little world where it just simply doesn't apply. The standards that they're collecting are like celebrity standards that they're applying in their local environment. And so that's why they're struggling because there's a mismatch between what their expectations are and what they can truly access. And because there's a mismatch, they'd rather stay single because they think meeting someone means settling and really that's their level. They haven't realized that. You also talk a lot about like high value men and high value women rates. So let's talk about that for a second because it goes back to the segment of people, misaligning what they're actually looking for. So what is a high value woman? I would say a high value woman is a woman that basically you can't truly access high value without certain traits. First thing, of course, to be as attractive as you can. Doesn't mean you have to be a super model. It just means you take care of yourself. So whatever you are, you manage to take care of your hair, you do your makeup, you look after your clothing, you are in shape, you take care, you fulfill your potential in terms of appearance. In terms of your relationship with men, you have a really easy ability to reject male attention and reject men more than you do accept them. And what I mean by that is if you are unable to reject men that are bad for you, you cannot be high value. If you're a woman that's constantly dating narcissists, constantly dating aggressive men, constantly dating men that are bad for you and then you're claiming to be high value, then your choices are not high value. So you have to have an ability to kind of reject men that are not good for you. And the main thing I would say is that you give as good as you get. And what I mean by that is so many women, especially online now, they think being high value is just existing and a man just pays for her life, gives her everything and she's feminine by just breathing. And that's what makes her feminine. I would say that you cannot be high value if you don't bring to the table exactly what you expect in return. So if you are not very educated, not very hardworking, not very driven, you don't cook, you don't clean, you don't do any skills whatsoever, you're not high value, you're actually a cheap commodity, maybe you're just beautiful, but that's a good place to be essentially. You're a placeable, you might be beautiful, but beauty fades and also than anything beauty is totally replaceable. But if you are someone who is really intelligent, really built your own career, built your own success, really confident, got all those great things going for you and you expect the exact same being returned, then you're extremely high value, whereas if you built nothing, but expect a lot in return, you're delusional or narcissistic. And I think there's a fine line between the two. What about what would you say for women who are not really well groomed and not really beautiful, but are with these incredible men and you're looking at them and you're like, how did that happen? I sort of just come across women like that. I'm like, what are value, not just because of looks, but what weight are you actually carrying versus the guy might be an eight out of 10? I think when you see a very attractive man with an unattractive woman and successful and successful with unattractive women who have let themselves go, whatever it is, usually he's with her because she accepts unacceptable behavior. Whenever a woman is punching above her weight, she is far more tolerant of bad behavior and she's far more codependent. And so she's more likely to forgive bad behavior, she's more likely to accept him maybe being unfaithful, maybe doing all of those things. She's a little bit more accepting of his bad behavior, whereas when a man is super attractive but dates within his league, somebody just as attractive as him, he actually has to behave in a way that she will tolerate because she's got alternatives. She's got so many alternatives, even if it's just being by herself, she's okay with that. Whereas codependent unattractive women don't mind you doing anything as long as you stay with them. So I think that looks in balance actually makes women far more loyal and more tolerant and that's why they stay there because they know that no other woman would allow that freedom that he probably gets with the woman that's not on the same level as him. And then what about high value men? What is your description of that? I would say just a couple of things. Number one thing is self control. So he has the ability to control how he spends his money, how he spends his body, he doesn't, you know, he controls what he eats, he controls who he sleeps with, he's got a lot of self-control in that area and lots of discipline. The second thing I would say is that he's a really strong problem solver. With every problem he finds a solution rather than just gets weak and gets emotional and doesn't know what to do about it and gets stuck, he's just a natural problem solver. And the final thing I would say is that he's a good decision-maker. He makes decisions that benefit not just him but maybe his partner as well. He takes her opinion into account and then makes an executive decision. And because he's a good problem solver with self-control and a great decision-maker, women follow his lead. But if he's not a good decision-maker, can't solve any problems and has zero self-control, he's just a mess. And women eventually will lose respect for a man like that. I also think I want to add on to that, in my opinion, to tell me if I'm wrong or not. I think a high-value man is also understanding his role that he has to be a provider. Yes, absolutely. That is non-negotiable. That is a man's role. I do agree that a man's role is to be a provider. But I think the Western world is he be a provider while she does nothing. No, that's not what I'm saying at all. Yeah, I know a talk, but you know what the Western way? They see, as you be a provider, but we're not going to be feminine, we're not going to cook, we're not going to clean, we're not going to do anything feminine whatsoever. But you'll be super, super masculine. When you are a provider for a woman that does nothing for you, you actually become a simp is what they call it. You actually become very submissive. But when you're a provider for a woman who's a great woman, great assay. Runs across the house, raises great kids. Kids can emotionally take care of you, can lead you, help you support you. Absolutely. It doesn't humiliate you. Actually, makes you look good. Then you're actually masculine. But being a provider for the wrong women actually makes you very submissive. So the reason I try not to mention provider when I talk about high-value is that until you select wisely, your provision can either make you kind of very pathetic or it can make you very masculine. It just depends on your selection process. And if you select badly and you're still a provider, you're actually very submissive and weak. But if you select well and provider, you're very masculine and strong. So just the female selection is a key component. And it's so funny you're saying that because us as South Asian or Middle Eastern or Asian women are taught this more way of you're describing it, right? If a man's going out there and providing, then you have your roles and responsibilities as well. You have to look a certain way. You have to carry the weight for the family, raise beautiful children who have the right values and carry the family values through versus you're saying more in the West. They're kind of taught this kind of like, you just have to go out and pay the bills and I can do nothing. Yeah, we've got this idea that being nurturing is not a bad thing. We weren't raised when nurturing is seen as an insult. So it doesn't mean we're made or anything like that. It's just that you take a joy and it's not feeding your man or feeding your children or your sister. So you take pride in how your house and your family and your husband is. Absolutely. It's clean. When people come to your house, this food ready, you're big feeders like in our culture. Anyone comes to your house, even if you're in it. Doors are always open. Doors over, it doesn't mean you have to cook, but there's food ready for people. It can be ordered or whatever it is. You're a nurturer by design and it's never seen as an insult. Whereas in the Western world, being a nurturer is seen as being a bit pathetic and it's been as a pick me or it's a bit like pathetic. Whereas we don't really believe in this kind of narcissistic way where people just look after us and we do nothing in return. We see it as a balance and that's how children are raised. They see two people equally contributing to a healthy home. Whereas I think the Western or the TikTok way is, one person contributes and then one does nothing and then the entitlement just grows and grows. And I don't think it's particularly healthy. Or it could be the other way where the man just loses or masculinity doesn't provide, doesn't do anything for the woman and expects her to do the bills and do the cooking around the house. And that's also a mismatch. It just has to be an equality of what you bring to the table. And then when it comes to high-value women, they tend not to necessarily be submissive, right? So when a high-value woman meets another man and where does the submission part come in or it's not submissive at all? In my opinion, it may not be submissive at all. It's a partnership. Yeah, absolutely. I think that what happens with really intelligent high-value women, they're not submissive. They just know when to delegate and there's a big difference. They're not just going to blindly say, yes, no sir and they agree with everything. They just know when he knows what he's doing and when he needs a bit of guidance. There's a balance and then there's a equality. So if he's a really great decision-maker, knows exactly what he's doing, she has a handle. No problem. But there's always areas that men can't fulfill. They were always, there's going to be parts where they don't get it right. She's not going to be submissive and just say, well, he's a man, so he should know. If he's going to drive you off a cliff, she's going to take the steering wheel. And I think part of a strong man would understand that you need a wife that will take the steering wheel when you're going off of a cliff. Whereas we commend her to say, why are you challenging me? Why are you challenging me? They get insecure. They get insecure. So this submission should be a natural outcome of his good decision-making. But wherever he can't make the good decisions, she actually has to step up if she wants to be, make sure the household is kept in a healthy direction. And for women that are questioning their intuition to be like, when do I step into that role versus when do I let him lead? When you feel like his decision-making is worse than yours. When it's not as good as yours, feel free to step in and look out for him. Yeah, and it doesn't have to be disrespectful. It's just like, babe, I've seen this before. Don't do this. Or I know this guy's got bad intentions. Or this guy was making a pass at me. I don't think you should trust him whatever it is. But when you think that he's got the right, he's got it handled, you let him. So I would say if you can see the outcome faster than he can, feel free to step in. And one of the things that makes women lose respect, if she's constantly seeing the outcome better than he is, if she's constantly a better decision-maker, then she'll lose respect. But if it's not whole, he tends to be a good decision-maker, but you have to step in here and there, that's not. Do you agree with the fact that I think all women subconsciously strong or otherwise want a man to lead them? I think they do. I think they, why they want a man to lead them is because they are genuinely always, especially when they become mothers, they're constantly thinking about other people. They're constantly thinking about when, who's going to eat, what time they're going to sleep, what they're constantly worried about, especially when they have children. But even if they don't have children, if they're parents, they're siblings, they're worried about other people. When they have a husband that worries about them and they're well-being, they can feel balanced. Yeah, they can finally feel balanced. But if then he's another person that they have to constantly worry about, stress about, and doesn't relieve them of any of their stresses, they get disrespectful, because they just feel like it's an added stress rather than a restress relief, and they do get really disrespectful unfortunately. But there's this creator online that I follow, and he says this thing about soy boys. Do you know what soy boys are? They're estrogen dominant men. So I have been going through life being like, what happened to the world that now we have all these estrogen dominant men roaming around, these men who have really female attributes and traits, and the women are having to be forced to step further into their masculine because these men are not doing their job. Well, I think that a lot of it comes from therapy, and I'm saying this as a therapist myself. Therapy has been dominated by either women that are teaching men, or very feminine men, that teach men that the only way to kind of make a marriage work is you totally submit to the woman. You totally understand her needs. You totally be as kind and caring. You talk about your feelings all day, every day feelings, feelings, feelings. That's not actually her what makes women respect men. They don't want a man that's going to sit there and cry about his dad being a narcissist all day. What they want to know is what are you going to do about it? Whatever problem you have. You have actionable steps. That's all they care about. They might say that they care about your childhood, and they really worry about it. Every woman does for five minutes, and they want to get on with it. What are you going to do about it? So you might have had a childhood where you were neglected, and as a result, you over ate, and now you're really, really overweight. Cool. What are you going to do about it? Is what the woman is thinking unconsciously? Or you had a childhood where you were neglected, and you started turning to a little bit pornography, and now you're going to become an addict. No problem. What are you going to do about it? Now, therapy instead says, that's invalidating my feelings. You should worry about my feelings. That's for women. No problem. She can dwell on her feelings. But from a man's perspective, if your therapist is encouraging you to constantly worry about your feelings, constantly talk about your childhood, constantly blame your father for everything. Instead of thinking, no problem. But what am I going to do about it? Then your therapist is leading you down in this very emasculating role. And so that's not helped by the influx of TikTok and Instagram Reels, which basically show a man submitting to a woman online, and all the women will praise it. But like, oh my God, that's so amazing. Oh, I want a man like this. Where do I find a man like this? But the moment they find a really feminized man, and they date a feminist kind of man, they lose sexual attraction. There's something so unsexy about it. So you might feel safe, and you might feel like he's like a little therapist, and you could sit there discussing things all day. But that's what you're looking for out of it. But you don't feel sexy, and you don't feel attracted, you don't feel dominated, and these traits are actually quite sentiouin life. You use the word dominated. What does that mean when you look for a partner in wise domination sexy? It's super, super, super sexy in women, because I've worked with so many women, and the number one trait that they're craving in a man is dominance. And dominance, a scene is almost like an abusive word. It's not in that way. It's especially when it comes to intimacy. One of the biggest complaints I find from women these days is that a partner doesn't initiate intimacy, and he's not dominant, and he's very submissive intimately. That, for some reason, makes women feel super, super unseen. They actually crave a man that will let... What we mean by dominant is not abuse service, not controlling. It's simply a case of he has no problem letting her know that he's into, that he's into, that he's interested, that he finds you beautiful, that he finds you attractive. He's super, super into you. And the other thing is he has no problem letting you know that you have an emotional outburst, doesn't mean I'm going to submit. I'll submit when it's reasonable. What submissive men will do is whether she's being reasonable or unreasonable will just become submissive, just say, oh no, I know we need a prenup, but I'm not going to talk about it because she might get upset. Or I know we need to spend more time with my family. We only see them once a year, but she doesn't like my mom. So we're never going to go see my mom. What they actually respect is a man that will say, listen, I completely understand you and my mom don't get on, but I've got to take the kids once in a while. We've got to go see them. It's important for them. Or I completely understand that you're having a bit of an emotional breakdown, but doesn't mean this is good for you. Let's just get the results. They want the outcomes. So I think what's happened is dominance is seen as an ugly word. When really it's what women truly respond to, which is why we see so many women ending up with really narcissistic and really toxic men, because they almost would rather a dominant strong man than a submissive weak man. And that's why they end up in this kind of choice between the two nice and two narcissistic. And you see them kind of drawn more towards an narcissistic than two nice and then have the wounds and then end up going to the nice guy. So it's almost like we'd almost choose the trauma of a negative dominant man than just complete weak and submissive men. Have we been seeing the news online about Brooklyn Beckham having this pushback with his family? So it's kind of feeds into that a little bit. So what's your take on it? Can I ask you a take on it? Yeah, what's your take on it? I just run a little, I don't know that much about it. It's kind of my take on it would be that he is dominated by his wife. And yes, he's had differences with his family, but we're a South Asian, right? So for us, your parents are extremely opinionated. They always have an opinion. And you have to play the game with your in laws. That's how I was raised, right? And in my ex-marriage, I was very close to my in-laws. So they have their opinions, they give feedback, they're a little pushy at times, but you take it, right? You work in that family ecosystem. You're like, this is an extension of my family. So that's that. What I saw, it's been blowing up obviously on TikTok and Fox News and everybody posted about it that Brooklyn Beckham has come out and basically said that his family is extremely pushy, they're intrusive. They are trying to manipulate him and they have been really pushy about certain things since they're wedding, since they were assigning their, all going as far as to say when the first dance was happening, Victoria was one of the first dance first. And she canceled the wedding dress. All the stuff that I'd be like, listen, my oldest son is getting married. I should damn well have the first dance to hear. And I'm a designer as well. And I completely agree. Sorry, can I laugh for a minute? Yeah, please. No, no, no, go for it. I completely, completely agree. And I think where we're Eastern, we've got a completely different perspective. And I'm so glad we're Eastern. Yeah, because we just see. I feel bad for Victoria. I'm like, girl, I feel you. 100% because what I couldn't believe is this man has probably lived the most privileged life a human being can live. Your father is the most successful football player in the world. As a boy. And as long as the space girl. I'm just the best. And I'm obsessed about it. And this is not me being biased. I was so sad like, oh, but you come, money doesn't buy happiness. Yes, it does buy a lot of confidence. He bought him comfort. He bought him stability in a lot of ways. And the thing is, it's not just a rich man. It's a footballer. So you get to play football with batches. You get to live a boy's dream. Now, if he said in his statement, my parents have always been abusive. Always, he never said anything. And he's manipulating and controlling. And he was all about my wife, my wife. What they did to my wife, my wife, my wife. They even said, my wife's not blood. She's not blood. That's not true. That is true. She's not blood. That's not a bad thing or a good thing. It just is. So what it sounded like is that he is very clearly controlled and manipulated. If he had said, it's got nothing, nothing about Nicola. And he just said, my relationship with my parents is a strange because of business deals in the past. But I would kind of understand it. But it's all about what Nicola's voice is, just living in his head and he's just the mouthpiece. And it's so ungrateful and entitled. And what I think is worse, and this is where men are going to go. Again, this is why men are so weak. They're going to see a bunch of girls on TikTok saying, yes, Brooklyn, take a stand up for your wife, your wife, your wife. So they're going to think, oh, I should stand up for my wife all the time. So they become bitches to the wife right now. And that's the cycle that happens on TikTok. They take a toxic relationship. They highlight the woman that's in power. They say that's what they want. And then men follow suit and then end up being weak. I was just listening to the whole thing and what you're just saying right now. He would not even be in a position to marry Nicola if he wasn't Brooklyn back up. Exactly. You've been hurrying out the chance because I'm like, you're shitting on the people that made you who you are. The fact that he would say that they keep reaching out to me. You're lucky to be here. Of course. They care about you. So I was, what do you reach out to your son for the rest of his life? I would literally, on my deathbed, be reaching out to my child. So when I read some of those things and about the first dance and the rest, I was just like mortified. I was like, either I'm on hinge, which fine, you guys would think I'm on hinge. And I was like, what is culturally? What we think is the bright thing to do. I remember that. Do you take your in-laws? This is an extension to the man that you love. Therefore, you marry into the family. On the way here, I was just thinking, if my brother did that to my mom, I think I would mortified. He's upset that they tagged him. And I feel I would murder him if he did that to my mom online or my parents or anything like that. I would hate a man that totally takes, even as a wife, I would hate my husband to totally take my side over his mom. Because then I would think, if I can manipulate you, anyone can manipulate you, you're just a bitch. Whereas if you can stand up to me, stand up to her, do what's right, do your own opinion, then I will respect you. And sometimes you have to upset me in the process. No problem. What the Western way is, especially the TikTok world, is if you upset your wife, you're wrong. When really, if you stand up for what's right, you have to upset people. That's normal. So I just found it so staged and such a shame that you could do that to your parents. And publicly. And I think the joke today was, they're like, he got a card out of Prince Harry's book. Yeah, I understand. And so I've worked with thousands of men, thousands of clients of men, literally thousands. Any man that's had to fight with his parents to be with his wife or neglect his family to be with his wife is miserable. Is miserable. Because a good healthy woman would say to you, no matter what the situation, you need your parents. This is my life. You need your parents. Absolutely. So that's what rational women do. Irrational women are like, if you speak to your family, don't speak to me. So they sign up to a lifetime of misery and they don't realize it yet. I promise you every single time you have to cut off family times, man or woman, even women, when they cut off their family to be with their husband, you will live to regret it, because healthy partners want to, well, it's best for you, not what's best for them. And cutting off your family is never a good deal. It's never part of the equation. So it's funny you're saying that when I met my husband, he wasn't maybe as close to his parents that when I left the marriage. Because I was very close to my love. And I went out of my way to make sure that we functioned as a full family unit. They lived with us and I was always telling him, I was like, the more successful you are, the better you can take care of them. Yeah. And so that should be your goal. Not just worrying about me. Don't worry about me for a second. But remember that you have to take care of your parents. Oh, that's beautiful. I completely, and that's what I can't understand in the West and well, they see that as competition. I keep seeing TikToks of like, mom comes on the wedding day and wants to take. But that's his mother. When you become a mom, you will do the exact same. And then you will do the exact same. And also like, I'm not in competition with my mother and I'm like, we're not in the same lane. And I want him to have a loving, happy relationship with them. So I think that you have to always be the first woman in his life and you should never for a split second even think to replace them. Yeah, you should. And of course there's some men that take it too far. They complete mom's boys and they are very, very difficult. And that is toxic as well. That is toxic as well. But the issue there is not his love for his mom. It's his inability to make his own decisions. It's when he becomes brainwashed. And that's what's unattractive. So the love for his mom is not the issue. It's not an issue. It's not an issue. It's the brainwashing. That's the issue. So as a man, if you're brainwashed by mom or brainwashed by YY, you're going to always be weak. Whereas if you're not brainwashed by either, but you know how to balance it, it's an incredible skill. I also recently saw a video that I went to talk about. It was one of your reals that went viral and it kind of brings me to this topic. You post a real that said, women don't care about height, looks, or even money. That what they really care about is a man's intelligence, especially how easy or difficult it is to trick that man. Yes, absolutely. OK. So let's talk about that because it's a playoff on what we're talking about. Yes. Well, I said in that is that there's only one thing all women want. And that is a man that they can never manipulate in any way, shape or form. You can be taller, more attractive, richer, all of those great things. But if she can trick you and manipulate you, she automatically lose respect. And what I mean by this is I've worked with really successful men in Miami to buy everywhere. And these men have businesses, some of them have banks, some of them have construction companies, whatever it is, super, super successful men. And they're older than the woman. So far more intelligent on paper. But when she's able to say, oh, I lost my wallet, can you replace my Cartier? And you do it straight away. Or if she says, oh, I'm just going to go visit my ex, I just need to go tell him off about something. And you let her do it. Or if she can go to you for two, three days straight and you believe that she just fell asleep in the middle of the night. Or if you don't ask her where these really expensive roller taxes coming from when she's never worked a day in her life, you don't ask all the questions. And you don't connect the dots. And you don't realize things. Automatically she will lose attraction and respect for you. We cannot love respect being loved with a man that we can manipulate. Because the moment we can, we don't trust his decision-making. And we don't trust that he can protect us because he's not protective enough. If I can leave you on red for three, four days, come back out of nowhere. If I can still keep in touch with my ex and you don't think anything suspicious about that. Or if I post really provocatively and you have no concerns whatsoever about that, I automatically assume you're not protective. And when you're not protective, I can't love and respect you because I need a man that can protect me. Whereas even if you're less intelligent, you're not strong or you're not doing so well, but you are smart. You can put two and two together. You realize when I'm trying to play for a fool. Play for a fool. And you catch it quick. Automatically she gains respect and love. But what if the guy is really smart and savvy and can figure things out? But he's not a provider. He's not a natural, okay, he might be a slight protector. But he's not a provider. Right? He can call your bullshit, but he can't actually take care of you in a financial sense or an emotional sense. Then how would that happen? That can only work if the woman is so financially successful herself. So you'll see the Maya carries of the world. You'll see Madonna do it. And they cover up that mistake. And they cover up that mistake because they can provide it. It's not ideal, but they're looking for something different then. Then they're just looking for somebody that they're super attracted to. And they can enjoy it. But when she is not financially stable herself, she will constantly, constantly pick at the same problem. Same problem, same problem. Why aren't you providing? Why aren't you providing? Why aren't you providing? So I think it doesn't actually work. And it doesn't mean he has to be rich. It just means that he has to have a generosity in his nature. So he wants to provide for. And the main thing that puts women off is not actually him being able to provide or not provide. It's him being comfortable with her being the provider. It's him not fighting for the bill. It's him just letting her get everything. It's that comfort that he has with somebody else paying for everything for him that makes him feel sassy, kind of like feminine. And that's what puts women off a lot. But then don't you think that throws off like gender roles and what it means to really be a high-value woman or a high-value man? In what way can he? Like, for example, if you are with a man that is catching out your bullshit, but is okay with you paying the bills and is okay for you to have this role, then he's not using his intelligence in all the right ways. So the problem is he's got it great in one area, but he hasn't got it in the other areas where you should be using that smarts to also help you make progress yourself further. To progress yourself further. So in that case, the reason why women don't like that after a while, it just feels like a security guard. You're watching me, you're telling me I can't do this. Correct. You're like a bouncer. Yeah, you're like a bouncer rather than a provider. So when you're just being protective and you're just watching all of those things, but you're not providing for her, then you come across controlling and possessive. Whereas when you're doing that, but then also providing for her, then you come across as you're just a strong man who knows how to look after women. So if you're just step back and say, which one comes first is the guy who's really witty and catcher bullshit or the guy maybe who doesn't catch everything you do, but still has a backbone, but it's still provided, what would it be for women? I think it would still be the, they still need the provider because they can't have children. That's the main thing is that without the children, they'll have a better, they might have a better intimacy life with the first one, they might have more fun with the first one, they might respect the first one better, but in the long run, even if they have to compromise with the respect and all that stuff, but to start a family, they need the provider. They just pick that. They'll have so much anxiety having a baby with a man that just can't provide. Yeah, it's a field of anxiety. So that was my kind of takeaway when I saw this real one, I was like, I really was, it done in Asadia because there's one trump the other when put back to back and I would think absolutely. When it comes to children, because we're on a timeline when it comes to children, and you simply cannot keep providing when pregnant kids everything. It's just too much for a woman. Do you think all women should just want to get married and have children? No, I don't think so at all. I think there's so many other ways to enjoy your life in this day and age. There's so many successful ways that you could do it, but what I do think is that at some stage in your life, you will crave loving and looking after something unconditionally. I think every other relationship in your life, either your timeline because your parents are older than you and they die a lot younger, or men can let you down, women can let you down. Children is one area in your life where you can just love them unconditionally and there's no regret in that, whereas loving people unconditionally, sometimes you can live to regret it. So I do think that it's not essential for everybody. There's so many great ways to live your life with or without children, especially in this day and age, but if you are a natural career and lover, then you are designed to be a parent. If it comes naturally to you, if you're not nurturing and you're not loving and you're actually quite selfish, absolutely there's so many better ways for you to spend your time than having a parent child. You know, I also see in same sex marriages that there's a role of a masculine and feminine, but also in same sex marriages, people have the desire to have children, who raise those children and have that family unit. Yeah, it's biological needs. It's biological, it is totally biological, but like you were saying earlier, the person you have it with is super, super important. And I would honestly say, it's better to have it with somebody that you're not madly in love with, but you can have a good friendship with than someone you're crazy about, but you're toxic and it can go back and forth. Just have it with a safe person. If we're, because we live in a world where divorce is so ripe, just having it with somebody for worse case now, you could still be friends, you could still be amicable, you could still cope very well, choose that person to have kids with. But if it's the love of your life, but you're really, really intense and it can get really ugly at times, so that's not the stability isn't there to have a family. Yeah, don't have the family. How long have you been married? Four years. And what were the things about the men that you decide to marry that were at check, check, check for you because you're really successful, you're independent, you're all these things as well, that you're like, okay, there's the person I want to settle down with. You know what, I find being totally honest, it's more the fact that I have a very, volatile nature. Even though I come across very calm, cool and collect, I do get really upset very quickly, I am very reactive, I'm very confrontational, all of those things, I'm very like that. Just a feisty woman. But when you're around somebody that removes that from you and it reduces that completely because either they don't, a trigger it or even when you do get triggered, they don't ignite it, it doesn't make it worse. It just recognizes it's not kind of like a child having a tantrum, you stay calm in those moments, but you train her to kind of become more calm. Self-aware, it's you're an adult, you don't need to talk like this, you don't need to act like this, you don't need to be so confrontational. I think it helped him removing that trait from me, helping me remove that trait is not totally gone, but helping him remove that trait and replace it with more rational way of thinking, made me realize that this is kind of the person I want to be. The person that he wants me to be is also the person I want to be. So when you're around somebody that makes you a better person for me personally, it really helps. And also just the fact that I just didn't get those, I was very, very anxious person. I'm very suspicious, especially the work I do, I'm so, so suspicious that men cheat, men do this, men do that, always, always hyper-aware. But when you're with someone that you never know in life or anyone can do anything, but they don't make you feel like that on a daily basis that suspicious, anxious, worried, I don't have any of those experiences, which I thought was impossible. There's something in their energy or their behavior that calms you rather than ignites you. I just thought this is probably best for me. I think what you're describing is a very safe nervous system around this person. That's the main thing. And I say this to my friends all the time, if you meet somebody and get butterflies, run from that person. As a regulated woman, you want to look for a man that suits your nervous system, makes you feel safe. Completely. And I remember the first time I'd gone like maybe two, three hours, because normally I'm very anxious with check where the person is, what's the anxious system? Yeah, incredibly. And then I remember it would have been four, five hours and he hadn't replied for some reason. And no part of me was anxious. Normally I'd be like checking to see where they're online, who they're talking to, what they go, I remember thinking, huh, how come I didn't even notice? And then I would just call, and then I'd be like, oh shit, I'm so sorry, I was in a meeting, I'll call you in a minute, Robla. And I remember thinking in any other situation, my mind would be racing. Here, I just, I'm so calm for whatever reason that I just like the person I'm becoming. What made you choose your partner? At the time, do you mind me asking? You know what? At the time, the reason I chose my partner was because it was looking for a sense of family. Yeah. So I came for a broken home. My parents were extremely volatile. And I had met my mother-in-law two months of me into me dating my ex-husband. And I loved her. And I loved this family. I loved what they represented. And even though he wasn't very close to them, at the time, I loved them as human beings. And I said, even though at the time, and this is what I'm gonna get to, people never really change, the man you meet, is the man you marry, is the man he's always gonna be. Men don't change. Women drastically evolve for the course of their life. So you're delusional to think you're gonna get into this marriage, he's gonna change, he's not. But I think at the time, I was seeking family. That's a big theme for me. And that's also the reason I moved to the buy. It's to be closer to family. Oh, amazing. And so at the time, living in the States, I'd been on my own for quite some time. And I loved that his sisters lived there, his parents were coming and going. And it was these, I was saying the language, same culture, they understood my background. And we always gravitate to what's familiar to us, right? And so that sense of home is what I've been searching for. But the older that I've gone, the work that I've done on myself, I realized the sense of home comes within me. And then you can create family in a different way. And there's some things I just couldn't, we're just not adding up. And do you remember asking if there was any deal break? Is that just was your fault? A hundred percent. The older that I got, I have a very conservative mindset. I believe that a man needs to be a provider and a protector. And I was running a mock working 70s a week, which I still do. And I was getting exhausted, sadly. I was constantly at work, I was tired. And I felt that I had to take the lead a lot. I had to lead the marriage, I had to direct the marriage. Were you just more intelligent? I wouldn't say that. I think I just have a really high drive for things. And a really different way of how I look at the world. And I'm a big dreamer and I see the world in technicalers. Ever since he seems a little bit more limited. So maybe my ambitions are higher. Yeah, and my desire for a certain type of life is higher. And I'd say, well, I'll go do that myself. I'll go get that life for myself. And I think that in order to be in a healthy relationship, for me, I need a partner who is like, I got it. You can calm down for a minute. You can relax for a minute. You need to be doing 100 things, 100 miles an hour. And you can even take some time off for a minute. It's no problem, but you just couldn't get out of that race when you were just a... The safety. The safety. You need to create that safety for a woman to be like, you can lead me. So it wasn't even like a bad person or anything. It's just that you're a really good friend. And Revisant's partner. Do you think that is because you're an overachiever? Or is it because he's slow? Is it just you just happen to be an overachiever? I think it's a mix of both things. I don't think he's slow. I think he's incredible for the right woman. Right. He's a great person. He's a great person. He would be an incredible partner for the right woman. Yeah. And I am meant for something different. Oh. And I think it's understanding and realizing that and being really honest about like we are not a fit. Because you cannot change someone who they are. They're baseline. Yeah. Absolutely. My baseline is my baseline. And I think it was one of these Mel Robyn clips that I watch. And she said the worst thing that you can do to a relationship is having to force yourself to fit in a box that you don't belong in and to dull down your dreams. Because over time you've just become resentful. And did you have a particular dream that you would have? I have a dream of having a very successful ambitious life for myself. But I also have a vision of how I'd like to raise my kids. I was raised from a really prominent family. I lost all my wealth growing up because my parents didn't leave anything for me. But I always had this drive to accomplish, to achieve, to live a certain way. And that comfort is something that's important for me to give to my children. Right. OK. And those value systems are super important. I know that people like to live in. And that's not being materialistic. No. That's like I'm used to comfort in a certain quality of life. Why would I not want to give that to my children? And especially, no, I preach a lot. I've got lots of family values. And I'm very anti-materialism and stuff like that. Like in terms of being a gold digger and stuff. But at the same time, there is so much comfort in life when you're successful. It's unbelievable. How much comfort? Because you can do nice things for others. You can literally be like, my mom, you get that. You do get that. Dad, you can get it. Kids, you can get it. It's the generosity ignites in you. Which, whereas when you don't have that, your generosity is limited. And if you're anything like from our culture, when you're not able to be generous, you feel like you're not able to be yourself. So I think it's a really important trait to have in yourself. I know this. And I also think we shouldn't be shaming women for thinking about financial security and stability is a bad thing. Yeah, I'm fine. Why should we? Because you know what, it ended up happening to me is, I'm living so out of design, because I'm pushing myself seven days a week. It's not like I'm lazy. I'm like, you are going to do everything I'm going to do. Nothing. I'm building two companies. I'm traveling the world. I'm putting myself out there. I am hustling. And I'm like, if I'm doing all of this, where are you meeting me in that race? So I remember when I met my ex-husband and we talked about this towards the end of our marriage. I said, you're not there yet, but I'm willing to build a life with you. But I need a partner who is going to catch when I throw. Yeah. Because I'm really smart. I'm quick on the uptake. I'm emotionally intelligent. I can read a room really quickly. Yes. I need a partner that I can work with and we can build that life together. I don't expect you to give me that life, but grow that life with me. Yeah. So when I felt that he couldn't catch, is where I was like, I'm always going to be left caring the ball by myself up the cell. And is it hard to find a man that can't catch like with the way you are? I think in my 40s, now that I'm 42, I will look for somebody, a partner who's already there in his life and clear. I'm not going to be building you from the ground up. Yeah. My year mid 40s, if you haven't figured it out, I'm definitely not the partner for you, right? Because I figured it out for myself. And you don't mind if you've got kids or anything like that. No, it's not all. You have to be realistic. That's the other thing. Women have these unrealistic checkboxes of all the things that need. I think you have to be clear about who you are, your value systems, right? And what you're able to tolerate and not tolerate in my 40s, most likely, 90% of the time, maybe even 80% of the time, and you wouldn't maybe know better than me. I will meet man who'd been divorced or have children previously. And maybe young kids, maybe old kids. And I'm totally fine to be a stepmom. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not a problem. Atto and the other thing I would say, if he gets to his mid 40s, then he's never been married. Never been married. That's a red dot. That kids are tall, right? Especially for men. I know they think, oh, but women without kids, but men without kids, what happens with them is, they get lost in girls a lot. Whereas kids kind of grounds them. But if you don't get, if they don't have kids, they really, really follow their desires a lot. Women without kids, they don't really have that issue. Whereas men without kids, they get lost. You'll see them at 30, up five, 36, 37, still in strip clubs, still paying for sex, still on these porn sites, still on these dating apps, they get really lost in women. Women are such a big, I'd want to think about community with friends and family. We find friends family. We find pleasure in something outside of men. They literally can't find pleasure in something outside of us and money. Those are the only two things. And one of the things I find fascinating with working with so many clients is, when I speak to women who get hit for a 50, if they meet and mind great, if they don't, they don't care. They're totally fine either way. Men will get to 70 and still thinking, where do I meet women? Where do I get to find some? And I was just saying, where do I get laid? You're going to die. What do you want to wonder for? And they're like, please help me find a woman. I'm like, no. And so they just can't live without us. And I don't know what it is. They're obsessed with women up until a really old age. So when I see all these insoles online, I'm attacking women, women, this, women, this, they're obsessed with us. They are, if you knew how much the porn industry makes, how much only fans makes, how much strip clubs make, women will pay and pay and pay to be anywhere near the world. They're only going to stroke. They have anything near a woman. Women don't pay anything to be around men. There's some women addicted to porn, but even then they're watching women more than they're watching men. So they have an obsession with us. And it doesn't go worse for women. Take it or leave it after a certain age. If as long as they're happy or they're successful, they've got friends or they've got kids, they're actually take it or leave it with men. There's also a lot of research that suggests that men after the age of 40 that are not in a relationship. One in three or one in five, it's something like that, will turn to some sort of negative behavior and addiction. Yes, absolutely. Versus women will not. Yeah, isn't that incredible? But I definitely see that. They just don't find, they don't find a way. They don't have a purpose. They don't have enjoyment. And I say this even with my own parents, my father loves, loves, loves his kids. But he needs my mom all the time. My mom can go on holiday, she'll leave him for a month. He won't feel anything. There's something about us where we genuinely find joy and so many other things and then they're a bit limited. It's not a bad thing or a good thing. I think it's how we design to keep us together is, hey, especially as they age, they really crave a woman. I think a man's natural design, and you tell me what you think about this, is to provide and protect. Whether it's to provide and protect for a family, a wife, children, a company, that is their role. So when they don't have anybody to provide and protect for, they feel lost. Women are natural nurturers, but because just because we're not in a marriage, doesn't mean you don't have friends, we don't have nieces and nephews and grandkids, whatever it may be. So we find ability to nurture. Yeah, we find our forefathers. That's what I think. But when a man does not have somebody or something to provide and protect for it, they feel very lost. Absolutely. I think that's a really great observation because one of the things I've noticed about every man I've worked with, that experience depression, the main thing that they're experiencing is not a lifestyle that's awful. They don't have anyone to provide and protect for. They don't have a purpose in that world. So what happens is that because they don't feel, because they don't provide and protect, they don't fulfill their potential as a man. So either they're not working to their full ability, they're not earning the money that they want or they haven't created women in their world that they want to look after. What happens is they feel purposeless and they delve into depression. Whereas if you meet men who might be suffering wars and diseases, but they've got a family, people to provide and protect themselves. That's what keeps them going. They don't have that. They don't know what depression is. They don't know what are you talking about. What's a depression? Because they're so focused on their purpose. They're purpose. And then you meet men in America and you're like, oh my dad made me do like math homework when I was four years old and I'm still in trouble. Travertise about that. No, do you know what Troy is? And then it's because they forgot that they role in life is to be tough, to be strong. And one of the things that I notice is in men in particular, why they're getting so weak is they're told that they should just be unconditionally loved. They doesn't matter what they do. For what? For what? But it's not good for them. They need actually conditions, especially in quarantine. Absolutely. When they have a father that's strict on them, tells them you need to provide, you need to protect, you need to clean the house, you need to clean the room. A good role model for them. You need to be a problem solver. Now, because they're constantly told that that's abusive and they should just be loved unconditionally, they're losing their purpose and losing their way. And that's why we find this in-cell loneliness crisis is that they don't want to work for outcomes. They want to watch pornography rather than try and get a woman. Or they want to hire a prostitute rather than actually getting the women that they want. They don't want to work for outcomes anymore. And as a result, they're losing their purpose and that's where the depression hits. I was going to ask you, just talking about the Western world, why do you think more people, especially more men, are like, I'm depressed from this and that, versus in Asian society and Middle Eastern society, they don't come and say that that much. There are chemical imbalances in people genuinely that happen. There are certain things, of course, that exist in this society. But we are just tougher as a race. Absolutely tougher. And I don't understand where this comes from, but I think it first stands from parenting. What happens with Western parenting is they're afraid that they think that setting boundaries and rules and regulations is going to traumatize them. So they think that they just give them unconditional love and love, love, love, love, love. Anything outside of love is abusive. So what happens in the real world, when you don't get love and you actually get negative feedback and you get really tough circumstances, they're not equipped for it. They don't know how to handle a feedback. The second thing that happens is their expectation is that they should be happy. They should feel happy all the time. Whereas in the Eastern world, they're like, they don't have the expectation of feeling happy. They have the expectation of being useful. They just think, how do I be useful? How do I do things? How do I achieve things? How do I be useful? Whereas in the Western world is how do I be happy? And happiness is an outcome of being really useful as a man. It's an outcome of being really successful. It's an outcome of fulfilling a potential. Whereas in the Western world, they chase happiness first and don't worry about utility and purpose or anything like that. Be happy. You can't be happy without the usefulness first. So I think that's the key difference of why they are suffering. You also talk a lot about why women are attracted to the bad boy. Yeah. Well, I would just genuinely say it's not that much that they don't like nice guys and they like the bad guys, but what they really admire men is courage. They like courageous men. And what bad boys do is a signal wrist-taking. They might take courage when it comes to law. They'll break the law a little bit. Or when it comes to money, they might be a bit courageous, maybe invest in things that, you know, just to see what happens to businesses. They have this courage behind them. And because they have this courage behind them, they also have a bit of a feeling of, even with women, they might even just, you know, not answer her or be a bit tough with her or whatever it is. So it's the courage behind a bad boy, the wrist-taking that they find super attractive. Whereas nice men, what they like is that courage. They don't have confrontational conversations. They don't have the courage to stand up from themselves. They don't have the courage to take any risks. It's the lack of courage in the nice guy and the courage that seems to be in the bad boys that they find attractive. And courage doesn't mean good. Sometimes you take courage and you take really bad risk, but it's still attractive to women. And how do women decipher between this is too much of a good thing or this is too much of a bad thing? You have to think to yourself that what's your vision in your life? Where do you see yourself in five, 10 years? And is this man and the decision he's making right now going to lead me there? Or is it going to leave me completely off my path? If he's going to lead you there, even if there's bumps in the road, but you're just going to get you there, go ahead and go for it. But if he's totally derailing you, it's too much. You should try and stay away from that man. What was the vision for your life when you met your husband? I just wanted to start a family. I had no desire to be super successful on. If one thing that people don't realize is I had zero, and I still don't really have a team. I just have somebody that answers my emails, but I've never had a social media team. I've never had a manager. I've never had bookings. I've never, people say I should pay you to go on podcasts. I've never paid to, I've never even asked to be on podcasts. I've been very lucky that the people have come to me. It's just always come to me. It wasn't my vision. It was never my thing to be online until all of these things. But I just had a talent towards finding the problems and solutions to relationship issues. My vision has always been to just start a family and actually live quite a low key life. Unfortunately, my vision has completely been blown away. So what I've decided to do is, unfortunately, for me, I live a life where whatever my plans are, and whatever I pray for, the opposite. You're like the opposite. I've never had a prayer answered in my life. And not saying that in a bad room, I'm not trying to be ungrateful to God, but I get lots of blessings. But none of them are things I've asked for. Anything I ask for or want for me, the opposite will happen. The exact opposite will happen. So I even to the point where sometimes if someone tells me they're sick, I don't even pray for them because I'm worried that I can't go to a doctor. I'm going to die. So I try not to pray. So don't come to me because my prayers, unfortunately, you just don't get answered. So unfortunately, I'm a little bit stuck. I don't get what I want. I just get what God decides for me, and I just have to kind of roll with the punches now. And so in this chapter of real life, family is becoming a really big priority for you. Yes, it's itching. I kind of am itching, itching, itching, because I remember, and my peak of my career would probably be like being on J-Shirties podcast or being on Lewis House. I remember being like, this is like a dream career. And they really are amazing people. They are just as amazing you see online. They were nicer in person. And even more loving and more kind and great interviews. And it's the peak of your performance as somebody who goes on podcasts. And I remember coming home and still thinking, that was like the peak of my life, but I'm still craving a try. Like why am I still craving a try? It's a magical wiring. It doesn't go. Yeah, no matter how much you try and compensate, and I've lived a very fulfilled life, no matter how much you try and compensate it, it's still niggling at me. I remember still coming back and thinking, okay, I still need to do my egg retrievals. I still need to do all of these things. So I think it's something that won't go in me until I have it. So I think that's the goal. You can grow a big family? Yeah, there's lots of siblings, there's five of us, and there's lots of nieces and nephews, lots of cousins, there's a big, big family. And I just always enjoyed kids. I've always worked with kids. I've always loved kids. I'm obsessed with them. I think the main thing I had my whole life, I was always super, super judged by men and women in life. I was always like kind of the person people talk about, gossip about, be a bit mean about. And that would always be my case. And either one I'm on online, I would have so much controversy. Sometimes I see other people say the exact same things as I do. And for some reason it's like, yeah, great, you're doing great. But when I say, oh fuck you, and it's just really hostile. So I've always been really something about me just triggers a lot of negativity in people. So where's children? I've never had that experience. They kind of don't have those judgments. So I always remember thinking, I just love being around kids and I could be around kids forever. And be yourself and be accepted in love for that. I just love that. So it's probably selfish. Why do you think more people get triggered when you stay a certain thing versus like a middle-aged white guy or somebody who's a different gender or a different, you know, or a different appearance? Because James Axton who's a divorce lawyer, we in him share pretty much all the same views. Because he works with high flying clients and we're very, very similar. We're also very, very similar things. And he'll get loads and loads of praise and I'll get endless, endless hate from it. And from women or more from men? It's from women. I get a lot from in-sell men and women in general. So it's that kind of thing. The in-sell, the tiny group of men that I really hate women and women, I get a lot of hate from women in particular. And what they don't realize is that my message is actually quite helpful for men and women because I work with men so much. I can kind of explain it. Yeah. It's helpful for women in the same time. It's not my opinion. It's just for men, I think. But I think in women in general, and I think the experience I had is because I'm from Pakistan and I'm Muslim and normally what they used to is Pakistani Muslim women saying, I was so oppressed my whole life and thank you, America, you made me free. And I'm like, what are you talking about? I love being Asian. I love being Muslim. I'm so proud of where I'm from. What are you talking about? You're wrong. I have used all right. And that was really triggering for them because they're so used to that narrative of being this oppressed, unattractive, doesn't look after themselves. They're always the kind of people. Yeah, headscarf and just like, it's so sad and hates her religion. And then I come along and I'm just like, I'm human. I love me, Muslim women. I love my foot values. I love where I raise. I'm so glad I'm not Western. I'm so proud to be Eastern. I just don't like what that stands for. And that's just my opinion. And also, I don't think the values that the Western world instills is good for children and good for the home. I don't think it's healthy for the home. This whole idea of like, you know, the way that they raised children and the way that they've created homes. And because I wasn't this oppressed, upset, trying to free myself of Pakistani values or Muslim values, women, they just found it against their norms. They're like, this is not what we're expecting from her. Is she trying to say she's better than us? Is she trying? And I'm not trying to say any of that at all. This is just my opinion. We were raised where we were taught. Like, Western women can all day, every day talk about how their values are better than us. They can tell you every single day how free they are and how oppressed they are. They can tell you every day that we need to free women in Iran and all this stuff. We're just accepted. But if we have a little bit of confidence where we come from, automatically we're stoned for it. So I think that just didn't resonate well with a lot of women. I think the Western world really practices and I think what you might be seeing about raising children is very individualistic. Yeah. And like, all that matters is just your immediate family. We are raised in community. We're raised by our aunts and uncles and grandparents and all our cousins and we are raised with open doors and open arms at all times. Yeah. And so we don't just think about ourselves. We think about how everybody in our family would be affected by our decisions. Yeah, and I love that for us because one of the things I think the reason why there's such a high rate of depression is they've lost their collectivism. And this whole idea that be independent, be yourself, self-esteem, self-self-self is so self-destructive because the only way that you can genuinely stay happy in life is if you have a community around you. And what happens is when your life is falling apart, not only do you have the social support of them, but you also live by carously through their happiness. When they have kids, you're happy for them, when they get married, you're happy for them, there's a general happiness for your group. As long as your group is good, you're good. Whereas now they think, as long as, if I'm sad, that's it, that's the end of the world. They don't have a higher or a group purpose and I think that's what's destroying them. And I think if they realize that they, this is really important for them, they would see a complete reduction in their anxiety, depression, all their mental health issues. But they seem to, and it's not their fault, it's the conditioning, it's so self-serving that unfortunately it's reading narcissism and depression at the same time. And what do you think about, what advice would you have for people who are listening to this and say, maybe I want to look at things from an Eastern lens? I would say that you're going to love it here. It's a great place to be. Look, of course it's not perfect. I'm not saying in any way, shape of form, because I know that they're going to say, well, let's see what you would do if you spoke about this in Pakistan. We can speak about this in Pakistan. It's completely normal. Oh, let's see. You think too much. No one's going to have all this. So let's say what would happen if we built a church in Pakistan? Nothing would happen. We have Christmas trees. Christmas trees and Christmas is nothing would happen. It's just that you think about. But nothing would actually happen. I genuinely, it's not that I think one is better than the other. I just think one is more designed for family than the other. And because my message is very family-oriented and towards kids and making sure kids are in a good environment, I tend to lean towards more of those values because they help children. So the values of things like trying to keep the home together not being so monasticistic, not keeping in touch with your aunts, uncles, all of those things, being reasonable in the home, just to spend for kids, whereas this whole idea of custody battles, never letting a man see this gender war about the rising children. They're weaponizing children. There's a war between men and women online that the war needs to exist. Doesn't need to exist in any way, shape or form, and they're so proud of that war. And I really think it's because of the decline of religion. I think when you don't have a religion or a culture or an identity, you over-identify things with things like a gender. That becomes your whole thing. So gender rights, gender, gender, gender. But me, I always thought, if I take women's side over men and I just take women's side, how is that any different to being a racist? Like I just take people who are similar to me, who look like me, their side, over and above other people because they're similar to me. So I think the mindset of taking gender side because you happen to be a gender is no different to a racist. And I'm just not that way inclined. I'm far more balanced. And do you think a lot of women who come after you are not Asian women? How do Asian women respond to your content or Muslim women? They go into directions. They're either really happy that they've got a voice. And they're like, oh my god, I've got somebody who gets it. And she told me, I was so lost. I didn't have somebody who kind of spoke my mind. Thank you for being our voice. But if she's one of those women that is really like patriarchy sucks and I'm a feminist and I, and she really hit, they get really, really resentful. They get even more like shit that she's taking us back in time. She's almost encouraging this Pakistani Muslim mentality. And I've always told people how oppressive it is. So it can go into directions. You know, I don't meet that many women who hate, who have this patriarchy about them though. Yeah. Maybe that's not the society I'm part of or coming across it. Or maybe that's when you look at it from a Western lens, you're kind of seeing it more in America than you are over here. Yeah, I don't meet to either. But that might be because we are not where around good men. Maybe we haven't been around terrible, terrible men. And so we kind of see it good. Because I never understood this obsession with patriarchy and this hatred for men until I had my attack online. And I saw all these insolmen constantly attacking me. I remember the main guy who was based in New York was attacking me all day every day. But when I was in New York that day, in that time, he completely hid. He knew exactly where I was, where I was. He didn't come in person. When he was one person. In particular. Yeah, John, his name is in New York, who's released all of this, was behind all of this, constantly attacking me. But when I landed in New York, he was silent. Wouldn't want to be anywhere near me in prison. He's trying to reach out to him. Yeah, I did. I did. And he wouldn't want to respond. He gave a time to he's like, yeah, I'll come. Meet you at 5 AM. He said, let's meet at 5 AM. 5 AM. Who's going to meet at 5 AM? So deliberately, we're trying to avoid. So I never understood this hatred towards men until I experienced the in-sale world. And once you experienced the in-sale world, you think, oh my god, there's actually men out there like this. So then I could understand I had far more empathy for women that really hate men, is because they might be around those types of men. But because I've always been around protective, providing strong masculine men, I've always loved men. I was like, what's the problem? Men are fine. There's no issue. Why do you hate them so much? So maybe we've been privileged with the some of men that we're around. And looking at what happened to you and you said that you suffer from anxiety and anxious attachment style, when everything blew up online the way it did, how did your husband respond? Really well, if I'm honest, way better than I would have. I would have never been able to handle something like that. Like this is still humiliating, whether it's true or not, it's still embarrassing for me or what is this nonsense blah, blah. But I think it was just a case of he really put aside how he's been and just saw me. And he was just so hurt for me. I think the main thing he found was, I've obviously built this reputation online of being very credible, all praise be to God, and just being very balanced and having very traditional values. And because they tried to attack all of that with their nonsense, it was a breakdown of everything I built so much for. And the remnants are still there. I always thought, Council Culture, my content speaks for itself. People will look beyond it. But they don't. They just focus on that part. So unfortunately, the years of giving so much advice, I remember getting emails or getting messages from people saying, you saved my marriage. You've prevented me from getting a divorce, but you're just a whore. And I just thought to myself, I saved your marriage. I saved you from getting a suicide. But your whore, yeah, which is not even true. And even if it was true, I still say, and you paid me nothing, by the way. You got that totally for free. Helped you, helped your wife, helped you avoid suicide, totally for free. And because you think I'm a whore, that negates everything. And I just made me realize how ungrateful the online community is. So it made me think that I'm not really designed for it. One thing I really do admire is people like the Kardashians or the famous people online who just get it blow after blow. And they just go further. They keep going because they listen to their fans not their trolls. Me, I'm not really quite there yet. I'm kind of like, oh, I can't be bothered with this. It just doesn't mean enough for me to fight through it. So that's why I found it really, really difficult. So for me, starting this show and stuff, and I went to bring you on a lot of people and my team were like, wait, she's all just controversy. Why do you want to bring her on? I said because I'm interested to hear her side of it. And it's really funny, my producer David that said in there actually said to me when he was doing all the research, he's like, I actually think you're gonna agree with her more than not. I'm gonna just sit down and talk to her. And so for me, it's all about giving somebody a chance sitting down and getting to know them and hearing their side of who there are, what makes them them. And really peeling the lura back behind the TikToks and the viral content being like, let me piece this apart and see if I'm aligned with you in terms of value systems. Oh, thank you so much. But can I ask you, you know you said there's some things you agree with, some things you've done. I always like hearing what people don't agree with because then I can just explain it or I can give my side a minute. So you know it's so funny that you say that. When before I came and sat down over here, one of the things was the little clip that I told you about which where you discussed that somebody needs to be tricked. Or do you look for a provider? And I was like, no, I don't care if I can trick somebody or not. I would look for a provider. And when you answer that for me when I drilled it, you give me the answer that I need it because I was like, for me at the stage of my life, it doesn't matter if you're not the sharpest tool in the shed to find if I can trick you or not. But if you are fulfilling other roles in responsibility. And that is not because I cannot provide for myself. I absolutely can. But I respect that you're a man on your path and on your mission. Yeah, okay. And there was anything else that you found? No, well, one of the other things was I was gonna ask you about your background and degree, right? Do you spoke about how you weren't educated or you were a teacher? Yeah, yeah. Right, and you taught psychology. And that's the thing that I find so far I taught for 10 years. You physically can't teach in the UK or Dubai without, you know, an education. You physically can't do it without your degrees and diplomas, you can't physically do it. So they'll say to me, no, yes you can. You can't teach college kids without a degree. How does I, or you've pictured a degree, you've made your education, you've said, it's not possible to do that. So, and I haven't faked in you. I have all those, otherwise I wouldn't be able to work at a college back then. In the UK and there are a University of London in the UK. And I studied everything in the UK. And when I came to Dubai, the one thing I don't have is a license in the DHA license. And the reason I don't have a DHA license, which I explained before, is that because in Dubai, if you have a DHA license, you can only work in clinics and in person in Dubai. And you can only serve Dubai. Whereas if you're going online, the license is kind of like different countries have different licenses. So if you're going online, it's almost better to just, use a therapy and just say you're a therapist rather than a license psychologist. Because license would mean you have to stay in that jurisdiction. That's all that license means. But they took it to mean license. If you don't have a license, that means you're not legally allowed. Of course you're legally allowed. It's just that I can serve different countries and jurisdictions. So the license is an issue. And you'll see most coaches that have gone online. If they were previously licensed, they usually have to give it up so that they can teach everybody or work with everybody. So that's the thing that I don't have a DHA license. I won't get one. And I definitely won't get a UK one either because it constricts me. So that's where they held onto that. But do you think there's also a difference between me? Like I'm a coach versus a clinical psychologist. Yeah, I'm right. And some people get, I think, where they're coming at you and I might be completely wrong is because your handle is Saudi-Sycology. And they're like, well, she's saying she's a full-fledged psychologist. And you're like, no, I'm a coach. I'm coaching you through life. So that's also different. That's the differentiation. And you've been smart to pick up on the marketing and do that. And I agree with how catchy the name is. Yeah. But I think they're getting attached to a bunch of work. Well, the first time I came online, my handle was actually that's psychology teacher. Because that's what I was. I was always a psychology teacher. So I've always taught psychology in my degrees in psychology. I do psychotherapy, my diplomas are in psychotherapy and cognitive behavioral therapy and inner child work and all of that stuff. So all my diplomas are in psychology. And so because of that, I didn't say Saudi-Sycologist. I said Saudi-Sycology. And then the other thing that to bear my eyes unfortunate psychologist isn't a protected term. Usually, as long as you've done the clinical research and you've done your degree, they can pass it as a psychologist. I don't actually advertise it as a licensed psychologist. I'll just say Saudi-Sycology. Because that's what I'm essentially breaking down to everybody. But I would say now it's probably easier. Because if online, they're so attached to it, it's better to just say therapist or something. Or a coach. Or a coach. And the other thing, again, I would say, is that there are so many, the Tony Robbins of the world, or you know, the other coaches. They're all coaches as well. And the other women that are online, like the Esoperels or Jordan Pusset, nobody. No male robbins. Nobody says, where's your degree? Where's it from? Where are we releasing it? They kind of trust the Western world so blindly. But if you're a brown person, they're like, well, where's this? Where's this? They're trying to find holes in everything you choose. And I always find it, even, you know, I don't like to bring it out. They're even attacked people like J. Shetty for not being qualified. They seem to think that if you're not the same as them, you can't be qualified. Or if you sound professional, but you're not, they want to find holes in it. I would say the better thing to do is, always, if you're going online, have the qualifications. And the reason I say this is because I worked with so many people, that's where my insight came from. If I was just a therapist and I didn't work with people, you need both. You need that insight into working with clients one to one. You also need the qualifications. You need both of them. If you have one without the other, you're still going to be useless. So if you just work with people, but you don't have any training, you're probably going to leave them in the wrong direction. If you have all the training, but you don't work with a big clientele, you just stick to people you know, you're also going to be limited. You need both. You actually need both to really get that insight into people. Have you ever just thought just to shut people up and be like, I never want to answer this again, go to hell? Gone on the website and be like, here's my diploma. I've uploaded it and I'm keeping it there in your face. I did do that, but then what happens is, there's legal kind of, they can kind of dox it, and they can actually find your address from these places, particularly if they have somebody in the same university or something like that. So I did have it for a long time, and it just led to more problems, because then they were trying to trace their address, they tried to trace where you come from, and it just leads to more and more issues. So I do have it online, you can search it, and you will find it. It's on LinkedIn, and you will find it, but they'll still find a problem. Then they'll say, we don't like the university, you went to Rola, so there's no find a problem with that. So unfortunately, I think the more you give them, the more you give a dog, the more they hold onto the bone, and I think that's the problem that I have, is no matter what you do, if they don't want to find, if they don't want to, like you, they'll find a reason for it. Whereas healthy people would just say, I trust that nobody can really sit there and have all this insight without zero training, and just came from, like, didn't study or anything, and just have that. Chances are they've got some understanding, and even if they do it, I won't listen to it. It's as simple as that. I won't listen to people who I don't agree with. My home takeaway is when you meet personalities online, like yourself or other people, and they're giving advice. If that advice helps you, wonderful. Go for it. Apply to your life. If it doesn't suit you, and it doesn't apply to you, and you don't have the same balladism, keep scrolling. It's out there. Do you make it your life's measure and to tear somebody else down? And I also think you're not paying for the advice. If you're paying for the advice, absolutely, I can understand. Because anyone of my clients can get everything sent to them. They get it straight away. But the people who are not paying for it, well, you're getting free. How does it affect you? You're not paying for it. You're not getting medicated from it. The overanalysis is just their way of trying to tick, because they can't tear down the message. They have to try and tear down the message, because they're not articulate enough to tear down the message itself. So they have to try and kind of attack you as much as possible. And I've been facing it from the day I started online. You would think that, you know, people, the amount of hate I get, you would think that, if you could scroll on my content, you'd see this really, really hostile stuff and really aggressive stuff. And you'd just see quite, I actually think quite common sense things. It's actually quite regular and normal. And it's actually non-controversial. I think it's regular and normal for us, because we come from a different part of the world. And for culturally, we're raised a certain way. Yeah. And so the things in the message that you're deploying and distilling is normal for us, because that's the value systems we were given growing out. Yeah. And I think the other thing is, I might say something as simple as children need fathers and mothers in their life. They need both. Absolutely. And you would think that that's normal. And I'd say, oh my God, my single mom, my parents are fine, my kids are fine. That is fine if you're a single mom. But at the end of the day, both parents should, ideally, be in the picture. And if you're a single mom, kudos to you. My mom, because my father is in and out so much of the time, raised me by herself. I can tell you from personal experience that I wish my father was around more. And you know, I should have had both parents in the picture. Everybody. Everybody. And I say this as somebody, because very, very attached to my father, I just can't imagine how difficult it must be, because sometimes your partner will let you down. And one of the things I will always say is, husband's, everybody else, it's very conditional. You have to watch how you look, you have to watch how you speak to them. Everything is conditional. With fathers, they give you that safety net. So if they didn't give that to, it's very difficult as a woman to trust men after that. So I think that saying that children need fathers, you would think people are right. Yeah, and they do. They're like, so offended. When we get so offended, and I don't think I'm taking away, negating away from women saying, you're incredible if you're raising this child by yourself. Yeah. My mom did it. She was, you know, they had a lot of issues and my mom was on her own. But sometimes it was really hard, just having her to turn to. Yeah, and also children need like a good, cut bad cop in the home. When the mother is forced to be both, it kind of leads to the child, child not knowing what direction, it gets unstable for the child. They don't know if she's going to be the loving, nurturing one today, or the discipline. They're never going to be too much. Whereas when you have a clear role between the two, it's just easier for children. That's all it is. It's just super easier for children. But that's why also in same sex marriages, I'll go back to this. There's a masculine, and there's a feminine. Yeah. And when they have children, there's a masculine, there's mother, and there's a father. Yeah, and there's a reason that happens. And it's really important for children. They need it. And so I don't think, I think, because I don't put gender first, and I put children first, the message isn't as, it doesn't hit as well. Whereas if I was clearly siding with one gender, I think I would be a lot more viral and a lot more liked. But because I'm not siding with a particular gender, I think that's where the problems lie. I think problems can come from both gender. Yeah, yeah, they really don't. Do you have face anything or any backlash online or no? Do you know what? I've been really vocal about a lot of things. So far no. That's amazing. Yeah. It has to happen. I'm a little bit like you. I'm extremely confrontational, and I can put my foot down on things. If I believe in something, no one's changing my mind. Yeah. Unless I educate myself, and I myself come to that conclusion, but I will not be bullied online, and I do not tolerate trolls. Oh, amazing. Because I could say the most nonchalant thing, and it would just get such a reaction that I'm like, oh my god, it must be something, I think it's me rather than what I'm saying. I think I just trigger the internet. And I know it's too true. I think you know what it could be? Like, because even I'm always kidding. And I'm like, what am I saying that's so extreme? I triggered people in person. Yeah. What do you think is the most nonchalant thing you could say to the camera? Yeah, I would trigger somebody. I would say something like, if your wife is cheating on you, you should probably divorce her. She'll probably cheat on you again. 100% use the water. Duh. I wanna see. I wanna see, let's see that. I wanna make a clip of it. I'm gonna see how she gets. Okay. Oh, it's a little dirty. Okay. If your wife is cheating on you, she'll probably cheat on you forever. And she's probably just using you for free accommodation. And that seems to cause a lot of issues. Women don't cheat on men that they're truly attracted to and they truly respect. They just don't do it because they just simply don't do it. So when they truly invested, they don't cheat. When they are out of it, but they still need you for something, that's when they start cheating. And I remember thinking, that's obvious. I thought every man knows that. And then the internet would be like, I forgave my wife so many years, I'm not around. And you'll find she'll cheat on you again. There's something about, but it goes both ways, right? It goes for men as well. It goes for men and women, but I would say there is a key difference. When you forgive a man for cheating, chances are he'll do it again. But over the years, women's sex, everything is different to a man. So she's more likely to turn a blind eye. She actually doesn't care as much that he's done it. Whereas for men and women, when women, she, the man actually really wants to keep having sex with her for the rest of her life. So the fact that she gives it to somebody else and not him, it really bothers men for the rest of her life. And I think something that happens, well, why it's different is, it's always, there's a reason why so many countries around the world have always had polygamy for men, but there's very few that have it for women. It's our design is simply different. It's just totally different. So when men forgive a woman for cheating, she loses respect for him. She genuinely just loses respect for him. And I think it is slightly different between genders. I don't think either one is good, but women are a bit more like, you know what, do what you want to stay out on my, like, just leave me alone for a little while. Whereas for men, I think they find it really difficult when their wife is cheating. I'll push back on that and this is my kind of point of view on this is women who turn and blind eyes because they don't have a choice to leave. I think so. And a lot of time they're like fearful, they've had parent menopause, they have menopause, they have their kids, they don't know what to do, they're like, shit, other men do it. So why should I, I have to tolerate this as well. Versus a woman who has choice, and it's a repeated pattern and she sees it. She'll stand up and say, you know what, no, I'm not going to stay. And myself, respect comes first. And I also want to feel like I'm the only person in your life. And I, you know, I completely understand that but having worked with so many women and men over the years, one thing I will say is every woman I've met that left a man for cheating on her went on to meet another man that cheats on her. But then she's picking the wrong guy. She's picking the wrong guy. And it's at all, there might be something in honesty that also happens is women over time, the sex drive doesn't keep up with a man's sex drive. It just decreases. It's changing now because men are so porn addicted. And a lot of women are going on age or two. Yeah, they're going on HRT, so it's changing where it's getting balanced. But for a long time, there's a mismatch between it. And because of that mismatch, there's always going to be a risk with majority of men. Well, I find in my honest experience is majority of men, if they have high testosterone and the women deprived them of intimacy are going to cheat. If there's a definition, if it is a tool to sometimes women punish men by not going to sleep for them. Why is it all the time right there? Like I'm not going to sleep with you because of X-Wainsy. That's not OK. That's going to lead them. It's going to lead them. Not that is correct, but you don't weaponize sex either. You don't want to. Unfortunately, there's just one outcome of doing that. Two things will happen. Either you'll be really passive and just accept no sex in this marriage. You don't like that guy because it's super weak. Or you might think I've got kids. I don't want to get a divorce. It's not much hassle. But I do need sex and they'll go elsewhere. So I think that if you are a woman that deprives intimacy in any way, shape or form, or you let yourself go so much that they lose attraction, you have to expect that leaving him won't leave the problem. Whereas if you pick a man that you can try and have as much intimacy for as long as you can, keep that alive. But the other thing is he has to have a fear of losing you that you won't tolerate this. They're less likely to cheat. So the Western role men are to structural levels are going down further and further. I don't know what the global levels are because obviously I live in the States. However, because men's to structural and is being so affected, and because men do not have these clear gender roles, a lot of times that we have spoken about on the show, the women are more likely to leave because they're like, we're not going to tolerate this crap. Because you're also not giving me X, Y and Z that I want. Yeah, and it's just like, what would happen before is it would be men of value that might cheat. So it'd be a man that's really successful or a man that's really handsome, and you kind of know. Now what's happening with the advent of pornography and prostitutes is becoming so common is even the loser guy that doesn't pay any bills is not that particular. He's even cheating. He's even cheating. And it's like, you're lucky you got a wife and you're having the audacity to cheat. So I think what's happening is unfortunately is becoming more common. I would say my honest advice to women in general when it comes to cheating is focus more on how a man treats you rather than his fidelity. And I know that sounds counterproductive. But what I mean by that is some women will be with a man that's super toxic, really bad to her. Because he doesn't cheat. Because he doesn't cheat. That's not okay either. I'm not promoting that on the show. He doesn't cheat. So she's like, I'm going to stick at it because he hasn't cheated. And cheating is her only deal breaker. And I understand that because that was me for a really long time. There's other women that will have a man that treats her really, really well like financial everything. But he's cheating all the time. I would honestly say the happiest women are the women that focus on how a man treats them to his face. Like how do you treat me day to day rather than what you're doing behind my back? They're the reason because the more he treats you badly to your face, more likely is to do something bad behind your back. The nice area is to your face. The less likely he is to do. The nicer he'll probably be behind your back. So focus on the treatment you're receiving rather than what they're doing behind your back. Don't consume yourself with that. Because unfortunately, it's one thing you can never predict. People will, you'll never be able to predict what someone does behind your back. Focus on how they treat you rather than what they might do behind your back. And a lot of women stay in marriages even though the man will cheat. And they're treating them like shit to their face. Yeah, absolutely. Just because, oh, he doesn't cheat. I don't have to go out looking for him. And the other thing that I would say sometimes he does treat. But he's treated her so well throughout those years. And it might have been a mistake. I actually just say overall, what was the relationship like? Was he an overall a good man that made a mistake? If so, try and make it work. If he's overall a bad man, then this just happens to be the icing on the cake. Let him go. Who do you think she's more a man or a woman nowadays? I would say women actually cheat a little bit more. And the reason I say that is men might do subtle cheating, like following girls a lot or more, and maybe watching pornography a lot more, whatever it is. But because they're becoming that kind of man, she then feels like, why are you doing this all day? And then she's more likely to take revenge or she's more likely to, the normalization of cheating has become really common as well. You should talk. Yeah, TikTok and Instagram has really encouraged women to become this person who cheats and like kind of encouraging women to be this way. So unfortunately, I think what's happened is that there is no stigma attached to cheating anymore. There is no real desire to marry somebody who truly love and respect anymore. It's more who can give you a lot more. So I think the next generation of women and women have far more options. You've got to remember, if a woman posts a selfie online, DMs will be filled, whereas men have to really try and work to cheat. It's so easy for women. So I think unfortunately, it's actually shifting more towards women than it is, man. And do you think they're sexually cheating or just emotionally cheating? Both, I would say both. I would say because men are becoming so passive and to lose testosterone, women are still unfulfilled in that area and they are far more likely. And they hide it a lot better than men. Men tend to be a bit naive. Women, we're very like weary, man. What time did you come home? Men are a bit like, oh, she would never. They kind of say that to a delusion. They're very delusion. My wife would never. She would never, I know she does that, but she would never. She's a good girl. What men do is they pick a woman and then they convince themselves she's good. Whereas women, we all pick a man and we try and look for what you might be doing wrong. So we're less naive than men. Men are a bit more naive in that. And then they let a lot of slide. Coming to the end of the show, because a lot of our followers are women. And I think your advice is going to be super beneficial to them. What are three tips you want to leave this woman with who might be trying to improve their marriages or women who are looking for a partner at this stage of their life in their 30s and their 40s? I would say it's very hard to achieve, but if you can try and find these three things in a man, and as long as these three things are there, don't worry about the outside noise. You'll probably be able to work for on it. First, you try and pick a man you're attracted to. If you bypass attraction and you think, but he's treats me well, he's so nice to me, he's so kind to me, all of these things, the intimacy will drop. And the moment the intimacy drops in a marriage, you'll almost become like brother and sister. You fight a bit more. Every small thing becomes big things and you don't connect as much. So try and find somebody you're attracted to. Second thing, try and find a man that you admire. Find out what you admire in people and look for that. Now, some people they admire financial success. Other people don't care about financial success. They're just an admire man that is a really, you know, really cleans the house a lot and does all these great things. What are the great family guys? Great family character. Maybe he's really funny. Choose someone that you have some admiration for. If you have zero admiration for it, but you're really attracted to him, you're gonna stick with him, but you're gonna be nagging him all the time to become a different person. And the final thing is try and find man that you're attracted to you admire, but then he adores you. If you are missing that adoration, he doesn't show any affection. He doesn't give you any words of affirmation, doesn't do anything that shows he adores you in any way, shape or form. You will constantly be insecure. You will constantly be anxious. Even if he's not cheating, you will just be thinking it all the time. So try and go in that order as well. Go for attraction, then you admire who he is. And then he shows you some love and adoration back. But if he shows you lots of adoration back, but you're not attracted to him, after all, you're getting it. Or if he's somebody you really admire and he adores you, but you're not attracted. It's just missing. You need the three components. And do you think those three things can ebb and flow in different chapters of your life? Absolutely, but if you think the fundamentals are there and you can get them back, like sometimes you lose admiration for your husband, everybody does at some point. They do things that let you down, they hurt you or whatever it is. But you know his character is good and he can get that back, stick at it. Or if his adoration is a bit low at the moment, but you do things and you reignite it date nights, you have intimacy again, whatever it is, he'll probably come back. So it'll go up and down, but as long as the foundations are there. It's funny you're saying this because I agree with it wholeheartedly. And I think Arthur Cook said something similar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And people were like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So now I want to see in the comments if people pop up for you for saying the same thing that a man said, a middle-aged white guy said, and they'll come up and say, yeah, you're talking shit. There's a song chance. That's literally what he said. And I saved the clip. And I think you'll literally do a parallel. So I want to see that if they're just pissed, because the two, I would imagine a lot of it is that, but they're not the same to my. I don't want to sound ungrateful. I have so many females that are so supportive, so kind, so loving, so, so loving, and so kind. So I can't diminish that. I'm so lucky to have so many wonderful women. And I just think I'm lucky in the sense that I feel, I attract the right type of women that follow. It's just reasonable, more mature, more intelligent women that kind of get it. And I think they're not the type of women that just need rage bait or just need to be told, oh, he's a narcissist and you're an angel. They're women that actually are like, okay, how can I do better in life? And I think that's the audience I'm curating, and that's the audience I'm proud to have. I'm so glad that I invited you onto the show, and I got to get to know you better, because our home motto at Biohacket is Curiosity Hills. And you have to be curious about people, which would be curious about this story, if we're curious about their why. And before I go on the show, I was like, I don't really know what she's going to say, because I've seen clips of you online, I've ever seen other people's shows, but I was like, let me get to know her myself before a four minute opinion. And I'm really glad that I invited you on. Thank you so, so much for having me, the ones of mine. cheering cheering cheering cheering cheering