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I have a little tinges here and there of pathological perfectionism, and I'll tell you where those are. But for the most part, I'm a very healthy, proud, card-carrying perfectionist. And I think you all ought to be. That's a different spin, because that word is usually, it's a bad thing. No, it's an absolutely great thing. What's a pathological perfectionist? That's somebody who says, I'm never good enough. I suck. Now, I've been to hard to say that when I'm shooting pool and I miss a shot, I think I ought to have gotten. And then I have to remind myself that I'm using a long stick with a rounded tip to hit one round ball into another round ball into a pocket. I mean, that's even a stupid idea. Let's make a game where you have a long stick with a round tip, and we're going to hit a ball into another ball and put it into a little pocket. And we have six of those pockets on a table, and the table's pretty big. What? Nobody's going to want to do that. I have a love-hate relationship with pool. And I had to struggle for many years with pathological perfectionism, because I thought, I'm smart, I know what to do, I should be able to do it right every time. That's pathologically stupid. So I had to really work against that. So now I remind myself, my alignment probably wasn't right. I didn't... I didn't, I like to call it serve the ball from tennis. I didn't serve the ball nice and smoothly. My head was in the wrong place, because when you actually go to hit the ball, there actually has to be nothing else in the universe in your brain. And I was shooting pool in front of somebody the other day, and it was the end shot. And it was a shot I've done a million times. It's a hard shot, but I'm good at it. It just happens to be a shot I'm good at. And as I was putting the stick forward, I was saying in my mind, I'm going to impress the crap out of him right now, and I missed. And I stood up and went, what? What? You cannot have another thought. So I'm learning how to control the getting mad at myself. That's the pathological perfectionism. The good perfectionism, it's so hard I work on this program. When I do the jewelry, when I write a book, when I do anything, create anything, it has to be my level of absolute perfect, which is the best I can do. Best I can do is by definition, perfection from me. From somebody, from Leonardo da Vinci, there'd be a whole other level. The bar would be higher, but I'm not Leonardo da Vinci, I'm me. So the best I can do. Now, pathologically, you think you're never good enough. You're constantly stressed, depressed, and anxious. You can't be productive, because you're waiting for everything to be just right before you start, so you're procrastinating because you're afraid it's not going to be perfect. You overlook all the positives. Everything has to be perfect before you decide what to major in its school, a hobby to have. I've had people, I don't know what hobby to have. It's like you try a few things, most of it will drop by the wayside, and something will let you fire. No, it has to be perfect to start. That's pathological. I don't have any of that. But I'm a proud perfectionist. And I think whatever you do in life, that's the attitude you should have. If I'm going to do this, I'm going to do it right. To the best of my ability and knowledge. I mean, you're always learning new things. Right now, a guide dog puppy is taking her very first steps. One day, she'll help someone with sight loss live a full and independent life. Find the crossing pass. Good girl. When you sponsor a puppy with guide dogs, you're there for it all. Her wobbly walks, her first harness, and her life-changing partnership. It's more than a donation. It's the start of a life-changing story. Search, sponsor a guide dog puppy, and be part of a story you'll be proud to share. Guide dogs. 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And if you're interested in the dog puppy, visit the dog puppy website.哎哎哎哎哎哎哎哎 and enjoying it. If there's no joy in Mudville, then what's the point? When I write a book or write a column, I sit there, it spills out of me and then I read a sentence back and I go, God that's clever, where'd that come from? I had to think that up right now, I don't know if I could come up with it again, because it just pours out of you. If you let yourself. So to reiterate, there is healthy perfectionism. I am one of them. Successful, competent people are perfectionists, because they don't settle for it's okay, nobody will notice. They don't settle for that. Hacks settle for that. So healthy perfectionist is still someone who is proud and pleased with their work. They don't think that it's a bottomless pit, that they have to keep it better, better, better, better, better. I mean, I, when my teacher said, you do the story and the stone is incidental, it was like chains came off my brain, because I was struggling to be as good as she is and I can't be, because she's different. I can't be somebody else. You can't be somebody else. You can't be me. I can't be you. This feels like Mr. Rogers neighborhood. You've got to be yourself, because if you choose to be yourself, then you're limitless in your own growth and you enjoy it. That's what happens when you're a perfectionist, that's not pathological. You're a well that things keep coming from, because you're crying hard to do your best and to unload your brain, your talents, your ideas. Pathological perfectionism is, oh, I can't make anything like that. I guess I suck and can't make anything. I'll try something next week. Everything I make is not nearly as good as that, therefore everything I make is not good. I am too stressed and depressed and anxious, because I'm not good enough. That's pathological perfectionism. So I hope you have clarity as to the difference between the two and you're never going to get completely free of pathological perfectionism. When I shoot a shot in pool now and I didn't concentrate, I didn't do something right, the alignment my body was wrong, my mind wandered, that is such a hard game. I think ping-pong must be easier. This is such a hard game. It's kind of like golf. You're using a big stick to hit a little ball into a hole two miles away. I mean, that's insane. You know, give me a rest. People say, I should take up golf. I don't know why they think that. First of all, you don't walk anymore. You ride a little, that would, no, no, no, no, no. Aside from which everybody I know who plays has a love-hate relationship with it. But now when I miss a pull shot, I try to breathe, because if I don't do that, the next shot surely is going to miss. Because once you get upset with yourself, you can't do anything right. So you've got to say, I missed a shot. I was so happy I was watching one of those tournaments on the net. I do that now and then to try to learn things and watch these guys. Of course, they're light years away, so they just clear a table and I'm going, yeah, right, okay, sure. Someday I'll be like that if I lift a 240. But this world champion missed a shot that was only like eight inches from the pocket, but it was a tight cut. And I guess he didn't put enough spin, the right spin. Well, I have no idea. And he stood up and looked at it like, what? Because there's no way he could have missed that shot. And I figured, okay, if he can miss a shot, then I can miss a shot. I'm Dr. Laura Schlesinger. My number here is 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars and be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform. Is life presenting you with challenges? Get real answers with Dr. Laura. Call 1-800-Dr. Laura. No nonsense advice about relationships, marriage, kids. Tough love. It happened is not a phrase anybody uses when they take responsibility. Inspiration. Every time you go to bed with a negative thought, you have to match it up with a positive one. That's your new rule. Dr. Laura, weekdays at 2 p.m. east on SiriusXM Triumph 123 and on the SiriusXM app. What? You didn't know you could get Club Card prices on Tesco Travel Insurance? Get away! Save 15% on your travel insurance in our summer sale and join over one million customers who've already trusted us with their cover by direct using your Club Card to get 15% off, but only until the 8th of July. Don't miss our summer sale. Search Tesco Travel Insurance and get a quote direct today underwritten by AWP PNC SA. Offer exclusive sadons, tees and sees apply.
