What We Learn About Love Before We’re 10 (How We're Raised with Will Guidara)

Caregiving is one of the biggest sources of stress for parents today. The data shows that most parents spend nearly every waking hour focused on someone else. And if you feel depleted, that's not failure. That's the reality of how much you're carrying. Another thing the data tells us is this. Almost three quarters of parents say having a stronger network of trusted caregivers would improve their mental and emotional health. And I see that play out all the time. When parents have real support, the mental load lightens a bit and they become more present, calmer, and more regulated. Care.com makes it easier to find that kind of support with background check caregivers, reviews, and filters for the exact skills you're looking for, whether it's infant care, before or after school help, camps, daycares, or senior care. And right now, Care.com is offering something they've never offered before. For a limited time, use the code GOOD35 to get 35% off a premium membership, plus a free subscription to Headspace because when you have support, you can show up as your best self for the people you care for and for yourself. In spite of the fact that she could not walk or talk, I have never felt more loved by anyone in my entire life. Do you know when someone is so focused on a single person that you know you are the only thing in the world that matters to them? We made the choice to be unreasonable, not in pursuit of product, but in pursuit of people and relentless in pursuit of the one thing that will never, ever change, which is our human desire to feel seen. Here's something I think about a lot. The way we lead at work, at home, anywhere isn't random. It comes from somewhere. And usually it's shaped early by what got noticed in our house, by what didn't. And my guest today is someone who has built a career around care. Will Godara is a restauranteur and the former co-owner of 11 Madison Park. Under his leadership, it became one of the most celebrated restaurants in the world, earning four stars from the New York Times and the title of world's best restaurant. And Will is so much more than that. He's the author of Unreasonable Hospitality, a book about going beyond service into something more human, something relational. And he's the author of Unreasonable Hospitality Field Guide. If the original book is the what, think about this as the how. What moves me the most about Will isn't just excellence or care or hospitality. It's actually his intentionality, the way he thinks about people. You're going to hear it today. He's also a dad of two, which means he's not just building culture in restaurants. He is building culture at home. And he has a few pointers that I think we might all want to take in terms of the culture in our home. Today, we're starting a new series called How We're Raised. Conversations about the homes we grew up in and how our early experiences shape the way we live, lead, and love today. So this isn't a conversation about business strategy. It's a conversation about the child under the leader. About the patterns that help us succeed and the ones that sometimes get in our way. I'm Dr. Becky, and this is Good Inside. Well, I'm so glad you're here right now. But before we get into anything reflective or deep, we're going to do all of that. I just want to locate you, kind of situate you in your life right now. Like, where are you in your life? What does a normal week look like? Just give us the basics and then we're going to jump in. Gosh, my life is so much different now than I thought it would be. I remember my wife and I were in Seattle like five years ago and we were walking past a houseboat. and she said, can we live on a houseboat in Seattle one day? And I said, no, we live in New York City. We will always live in New York City. And she said, kind of wish you'd told me that before we got married. And I thought that would be my life. Owning restaurants and living in New York City. And now neither of those is true. My family and I live in Nashville. I spend time with a small team. There's about 10 of us. I write books and I do speaking to companies across pretty much every industry. We have a creative studio where we get to dream of worlds that we wished existed and then one day welcome people into our imaginations. And I replaced restaurants with children. And I'm really grateful that I don't have restaurants and kids at the same time because I don't think I'd be able to be nearly as good at either as I'd want to be. So you're catching me in a, in a season that I feel so grateful to be in. But I feel like with you, there's always this through line. I mean, I don't know if my word's going to be right, but care, it just feels like you've built a career around care. You're attentive to other people's experience. Now you're a dad. Care is certainly, you know, part of that partnership. I'm just curious because that was that a theme in your life that was pointed for you from day one? Like when you were a kid, was care a big part of your, your home? Like how did it become such a, such a theme? I think it was, it was a big theme in my home brought about through adversity. So when I was a kid, my mom was diagnosed with brain cancer. And by the time I was seven, eight, nine, somewhere in that range, the radiation treatment she received during her cancer when they removed the tumor from her brain had rendered her into becoming a quadriplegic. And so, I mean, my dad is my hero, like watching him work restaurant hours, legitimately take care of her and still be a good dad to me and never once feel bad for himself. And in fact, to the contrary, like I would watch him and I don't, I don't think I like consciously registered it at the time. Yeah. But I felt it and it infected me in a good way. He derived pleasure out of caring for her. And then as I got a little bit older, we were a team, right? So I would take care of my mom and I would feed her. And I think because of the example that he set, yeah, listen, if I can go back in time, obviously, and wave a magic wand, she would not have gotten sick and she'd still be alive today. But I never was like, gosh, I wish my mom was healthy. Like that was our situation. Yeah. My dad and I took care of her. And she, in spite of the fact that she could not walk or talk, I have never felt more loved by anyone in my entire life. Like the, I think from her, this is not totally in line with your question, but eye contact, like the little movement around a smile. Do you know when someone is so focused on a single person that you know you are the only thing in the world that matters to them? I want to go back to that, to something you just said. How loved you felt by your mom, having her, like the way she gazed at you, her movements, having her full attention. And maybe not, but do you remember a moment like just to zoom in on or anything like visual or said, like, where were you? I just I find that so compelling. Maybe it's especially compelling because our lives today are so chaotic and we're pulled in a million directions. I don't know how your memory works when you think back to like those early days or honestly these days last week. But I remember like glimpses. glimpses right there's like these little things that for whatever reason yep i i can almost watch like an old vhs tape of a five second clip of my life i used to ride a bicycle home um from school it was like so close that's how i got home and at a certain point probably when i was uh i don't know eighth grade or something by that point my dad had brought in a nurse to help during the day because now we just needed it when my dad was at work and my mom would have the nurse push her to the end of the street like 10 minutes before I was likely to come home and she would always be waiting there and I don't know which day or what but I remember one of those moments I remember coming down that little hill and her just and she would she would just have the biggest smile on her face. And so that's the moment. I remember like the eye contact and the smile. And maybe that's an amalgamation of a bunch of those days wrapped up in one. I'm not sure, but. But it is so interesting, the story we tell ourselves about what kids need to feel confident. I don't know, like now, right? Like the starting center on their soccer team, which means they need five private lessons a week and three teams and they need to be the math star and they need to have all the friends and they need the fancy birthday party and if their friends all have this water bottle they need this water bottle and i'm just thinking about like mom my mom waited for me and she was just watching me there was nothing more important or interesting or compelling than waiting for you to ride your bike and my guess is you are at best an average bike rider i'm sorry she was not sitting there marveling I don't know if the pedaling was, you know, but just you on your bike for this like very short ride. Yeah. And it was like, it was captivating. It was captivating for her. And her energy was captivating for me in return. Out of necessity, like she couldn't do anything. Yeah. She was fully present. like as a dad now uh i have all these things that i try to do to ensure that i am fully present i don't know that i'll ever be as fully present as she was with me and you can feel it when someone is yeah you know one of the things i say to myself um to try to stay really present in the moment with any of my kids when they're talking to me, I just say, Becky, listen for the next two minutes. Like they are the most interesting person. It feels like your mom like was just when she was with you, like that's always full attention. Like you were the most interesting person in the world. Yeah. I mean, like, listen to this. I played the drums. Yeah. Like let that sink in. I threatened my friends to buy their kids drums if they're if they're failing in our friendship and I had a band a grunge band when I was like 14 we played up here she was directly below us it there's no chance that it sounded good and she loved it like loved it and I not saying like that because I I don love when I hear some parents say Oh my kid so good at the every like that But it wasn't, that wasn't the spirit of it. She just loved being like able to be a part of this thing that I was doing. She delighted in you. Yeah, she did. You end up getting to this, you know, career all around hospitality, around care, around entertaining. around actually a lot of things that aren't simple that can be also exceptional. Right. So just take me on that journey. So this is some of your early years. And then what brought you into that career? Or did it just seem like every step was the obvious next step? No, I mean, so again, my dad worked in restaurants and I mean, my dad and I are very, very, very close. And so I just wanted to spend it like it didn't really matter what he did for living that would have been the thing that I wanted to do and I would go to work with him on Saturdays because he'd work Monday through Friday long days and Saturday he'd go and just like to the office and have a few hours and sometimes I'd be in the office with him other times he'd drop me off at one of the restaurants here in the city and I'd help air quotes help yep and I just fell in love with restaurants I fell in love with like the choreographed chaos like the idea that every every one of life's relationships was happening concurrently within the same four walls but the fact that you go into the kitchen and there would be obsessed someone obsessing over food the sommelier with wine someone about graphic design interior like no two days would ever be the same and it seemed like these people were getting paid to make other people happy yeah and so when i my dad he is nothing if not intentional and was very insistent on imbuing that trait and me and so when I was like he would take it too far right so when I was 12 I think we were like on our way to the airport from SeaWorld or something and he's like well it's time to uh come up with your goals for life and I have been and I know this because he wrote them down and he gave them to me in my 20s what were they one go to cornell and study hospitality to open my own restaurant in new york city and three mary cindy crawford i mean and i got like two out of three and then the third i mean you did pretty well for yourself let's be honest um and so it's all i ever wanted to do so i did get into cornell and i did like i worked he he really pushed me to work for the best restaurants um so i worked for drew near print at tribeca grill i worked for wolfgang puck at spago i did all that stuff and then i graduated from cornell went to work for danny meyer and i worked there for a couple years but at this point i didn't want to be in fine dining i'd worked in fine dining and i'd been um turned off by it i'd been turned off by the fact that at this stage if you worked in a restaurant you were just there to serve the chef like it was all about the food and the way that hospitality was manifested had taken a back seat and so I wanted to my goal was to work at Shake Shack and so Danny Meyer came to me as I was at moment he goes hey we're trying to do big things at Madison Park I'd love for you to go there I said no I want to go to Shake Shack. But my dad, one of the many lessons that I carry with me from him was if you work for a company and you want them to be there for you when, when you need them, you need to be there for them when they need you. So the deal I made with Danny was that I would go to 11 Madison for one year and then I'd get to go run Shake Shack. And then in that year, I just realized it didn't have to be the way that it was. And in fact, in fine dining at that level, you could create magic for people at a level beyond what I think anyone had had dreamt of. Yeah. And so a year later, he came and said, you ready to go to Shake Shack? And I said, no. Now, granted, had I gone to run Shake Shack, I probably would own the building we're in right now. But that was the best decision of my life because what I got to do from that point forward was just the coolest thing ever. Tell me more about that. Tell everyone more about that. Like your brand of hospitality, of taking care of people, the experience at being at a restaurant, what that means, just jump off wherever. Yeah. I mean, when you look at the best restaurants in the world, they're run by chefs more often than not. Yeah. And when you look at the best, best restaurants in the world, they at that point were 100% run by chefs. People who, gosh, they were unreasonable in pursuit of the food they served, their product, and relentless in pursuit of innovation. What new techniques could they develop? What new ingredients could they start cooking with? And each of them in their own way have influenced how restaurants around the world approach cooking. at a certain point I was inspired enough by them but cognizant of my own superpowers and through those two things was able to pair them together such that we made the choice to be unreasonable not in pursuit of product but in pursuit of people yep and relentless in pursuit of the one thing that will never ever change which is our human desire to feel seen to feel cared for, to feel a sense of belonging, to feel genuinely welcomed. And it was years ago, I wrote Unreasonable Hospitality on a Cocktail Nappy, but that articulation became like our call to arms. Yeah. The human desire to feel seen. I've been traveling a lot lately for my book tour, which means airports, rental cars, doing bedtime over FaceTime and having some of the most meaningful conversations with parents. And every time I'm on a trip like this, I think about how much coordination it takes to step away from everyday life, even just for a couple of days. I know for so many families, when you do travel for work or for fun, it can feel good to know your home isn't sitting empty while you're gone. Because while you're away, you could be hosting your home on Airbnb and earning some extra income to put toward future travel. Okay, Becky, that sounds great, but I cannot take on one more thing. I get it, truly. And that's exactly where Airbnb's co-host network comes in. You can hire a vetted local co-host to take care of the hosting for you. A co-host can create your listing, manage reservations, message guests, and even provide design and styling. It just makes everything feel a little more manageable. If you've ever considered hosting, but you need a little help, find a co-host at airbnb.com slash host. Okay, parents, quick check-in. If your brain feels like it's holding everyone's schedule except your own, you're not doing it wrong. You're carrying a lot. I see this all the time. School emails, activities, chores, dinner plans, and somehow it all lives in one person's head. Usually mom's. And that gets exhausting. That's why I love Skylight Calendar. It's a smart touchscreen calendar that takes everything swirling around in your brain, schedules, chores, meals, grocery lists, and puts it in one place where the whole family can actually see it and participate. It syncs with Google, Apple, Outlook, all of it, and you can color code each family member. So there's a lot less, wait, I didn't know in your house. Plus, with the free Skylight Companion app, you can add or update events, lists, and more on the go. And I appreciate this. If after 120 days, you're not 100% happy, you can return it for a full refund. No questions asked. Right now, you can get $30 off a 15-inch Skylight calendar at myskylight.com slash Becky. That's M-Y-S-K-Y-L-I-G-H-T dot com slash Becky. Here's something I hear from parents all the time. A lot of the things that are good for kids don't always feel good to kids. It's why I love finding things that flip the script, turning a potential power struggle into a moment kids enjoy. Haya does that with vitamins. And the part kids really love? The experience. The first box comes with a refillable glass bottle they get to decorate with stickers, so it feels personal, playful, and totally theirs. Taking their vitamin becomes a small daily ritual they can actually look forward to. The vitamins themselves are chewable, not gummy. with no artificial dyes and zero added sugar. They're packed with essential nutrients to support growing bodies. And for parents, it's easy. Refills show up on your doorstep. No last-minute runs to the store required. Haya also makes probiotics, fiber, bedtime essentials, and so much more. So you can build a simple, feel-good routine for your family that runs smoothly in the background. If you want a healthier option your kids will actually be excited about, You can use my code, DrBecky, for 50% off your first order at HayaHealth.com. That's H-I-Y-A-H-E-A-L-T-H dot com. Here's something I hear from parents all the time. A lot of the things that are good for kids don't always feel good to kids. It's why I love finding things that flip the script, turning a potential power struggle into a moment kids enjoy. Haya does that with vitamins. and the part kids really love? The experience. The first box comes with a refillable glass bottle they get to decorate with stickers so it feels personal, playful, and totally theirs. Taking their vitamin becomes a small daily ritual they can actually look forward to. The vitamins themselves are chewable, not gummy, with no artificial dyes and zero added sugar. They're packed with essential nutrients to support growing bodies. And for parents, it's easy. Refills show up on your doorstep. No last-minute runs to the store required. Haya also makes probiotics, fiber, bedtime essentials, and so much more. So you can build a simple, feel-good routine for your family that runs smoothly in the background. If you want a healthier option your kids will actually be excited about, you can use my code, DrBecky, for 50% off your first order at HayaHealth.com. That's H-I-Y-A-H-E-A-L-T-H dot com. Okay, parents, quick check-in. If your brain feels like it's holding everyone's schedule, except your own, you're not doing it wrong. You're carrying a lot. I see this all the time. School emails, activities, chores, dinner plans, and somehow it all lives in one person's head. Usually, mom's. And that gets exhausting. That's why I love Skylight Calendar. It a smart touchscreen calendar that takes everything swirling around in your brain schedules chores meals grocery lists and puts it in one place where the whole family can actually see it and participate It syncs with Google, Apple, Outlook, all of it, and you can color code each family member. So there's a lot less, wait, I didn't know in your house. Plus, with the free Skylight companion app, you can add or update events, lists, and more on the go. And I appreciate this. If after 120 days, you're not 100% happy, you can return it for a full refund. No questions asked. Right now, you can get $30 off a 15-inch Skylight calendar at myskylight.com slash Becky. That's M-Y-S-K-Y-L-I-G-H-T dot com slash Becky. you and i have talked about this but everyone doesn't think oh am i a restaurant like i'm going there to feel seen but just say more about that like what how important that is my favorite quote about hospitality comes from maya angelou and it's one most people have heard she said people will forget what you say they will forget what you do but they will never forget how you made them feel. Gosh, I believe that to be so very true. When I think back on the experiences that linger with me, it's not something that someone did, the little technical element of a meal or whatever kind of experience that I remember. It's a little or a big thing that someone did for me. And I say a little or a big thing because it could be in a restaurant, something as small as me being on a first date and the server noticed that we had just run out of things to talk about. So they came in to like lubricate the conversation a little bit, or it could be a big thing. And I have plenty of stories of those that others have done for me, but I think it's just being seen for me. And obviously the cadence of this conversation, having just talked about my mom. It means like, hey, you are an individual. You matter. This is not a one size fits all situation. I am here to deliver an experience that is specific to and special to you. And if you can take that idea and be as relentless and creative and intentional in pursuit of making people feel that. Yeah. Not only does it make other people feel extraordinary, not only does it make the deliverer of those things feel extraordinary, because I really do believe that hospitality is a selfish pleasure. But I came to understand that it was the greatest competitive advantage that we as a restaurant could have. And I now have come to believe it's the greatest competitive advantage that any business can have. how did you create a whole culture around that like i'm just thinking about anyone listening and we'll eventually i want to talk about how you do this in your home but making other people feel seen whether or not you work in restaurants just this we're saying it's kind of the greatest competitive advantage of an individual right i mean that's what because there's no greater feeling we have you know i remember i remember being at a restaurant when i had this cough and the waitress came up i was like oh she's gonna be mad or i don't know and i just couldn't stop coughing and she just brought me this tray of like two cough drops it was like i just i can i love that restaurant by the way i don't remember what i ate right i but like it doesn't matter and by the way they obsessed over every single dish they served you guaranteed there was a team of people working on every single plate of food just had these in her pocket like i don't even know where she got wherever they came from but that one simple gesture meant so much more to you than anything else that they did. That's exactly right. So this culture of hospitality, of helping people feel seen and cared for in this unreasonable way. So bring me to your house. This kind of culture of care, how does that show up for you as a dad? One of the things I say often about hospitality, and I said this for years in my restaurants, but I believe it applies to anyone. I would always say to my team, we have an opportunity, perhaps even a responsibility, to create our own little magical world in a world that needs more magic. I think about magic a lot as it pertains to hospitality and caring and experiences. And one of my favorite quotes is by a teller of Penn and Teller. He said, sometimes magic is just being willing to invest more energy into an idea than anyone else would reasonably expect. I like that because it enforces something I believe in. None of the stuff I talk about is hard. It just requires being willing to work a little bit harder. I think the biggest thing I think of and how I bring it home to my kids is just to try to create magic. Try to create little and big moments that feel magical. We had a magic show at The Nomad back in the day and when I introduced it in the beginning I talked about I love magic so much and I do love like actual magic and magicians because these days and it's even more so now with AI we know how everything is done and there's this childlike wonder that comes from not understanding something so my kids right now like if their lives don't feel unbelievably magical now what am I doing and so my favorite thing to do as a dad in addition to the things I just should be doing to care for them and to protect them is to just find little and big ways to to create magic like what okay Christmas is a good example although my colleague and I Brian Canlis we've had all these conversations around how so many families are good at creating magic around the holidays but it stops there like people go all out to make magic in the holidays and then like the rest of the year is just kind of boring yeah seriously but like so last year we watched the kids open all of their presence. And I mean, everyone's experienced this. You spend so much time trying to buy all these gifts that you think they're going to love and wrapping them and setting them under the tree. And then it is over at like 30 minutes. And like, it's like, Oh, it felt so unfulfilling. And so this year I was like, okay, how do we extend that and make it magical? So my kids are two and four at the time. So I just, it didn't take me very long. I just created all these scavenger hunts for their gifts. I mean, for a two-year-old to look at a picture and then run to a different part of the house and see another picture, it felt like a magic trick. We do something that Brian Canlis inspired me to do. The tooth fairy is like such an awesome opportunity for magic. And yet it's not that magical. Like you talk about the tooth fairy a little bit, put the tooth there's a coin so he started this thing with his kids where when they lose their teeth a tooth they have to go open a window and scream as loud as they can my name is blank i just lost a tooth i believe in magic and they need to say it really loud so that the tooth fairy wherever she is hears them and it just makes it more i don't know wonderful i put a space between wonder and full with intention um we try to do little things like that maybe aren't even i wouldn't go so far as to describe them as magic but my wife and i both work a lot we travel a lot but we are home on the weekends And so Saturday morning is fancy cereal day. It's the only day they get to have sugary cereal. And pretty much every morning they wake up and they say, is it fancy cereal day? They like the cereal. But what they love is the knowledge that when they're eating that fancy cereal, it means that for the next few days, they're going to spend their entire days with mom and dad. Yeah. And so I like ritual rituals. I love the rituals. And can I just name something that you're doing that maybe it's not magic, but it's definitely joy and ritual and in some ways branding like fancy cereal day. You just branded that for your kids, right? Like one day they will be, I don't know, 25 and someone will say the word fancy and cereal and they'll hear that together and they will conjure up like all of these Saturdays. And kids love that because I think it feels like an inside joke to them. Right. And that feels magical to have. And, you know, my youngest was in a stage a couple of years ago of having a hard time going to bed. Right. And it was always like, oh, one more this, one more this. I'm hungry and more water in my water bottle. And there's a night I just went in and I said, do you know about sip and fill? He's like, what? I was like, sip and fill. He's like, no. What is that? You know, I was like, oh. Do you know what it is? No, but I'm just into it now. When you sip your water bottle and you hand it to your mom and she fills it up and brings it back. Like literally, that's what it is. Sorry, I don't get too excited. Dude, I'm about to fill you in on the coolest thing ever. Oh, because as soon as it became a thing and a branded moment and an entity, it became a point of connection, which is what kids need at bedtime and all the time. Right. They feel seen and you have a little special moment. I think those moments do feel magical. I mean, for us, too. For me, a hundred percent. Like, here's another one, another rebrand that we started. We, I travel a lot. I'm given gifts when I go to do a talk. And one of the things I love what people are doing and how they gift to me is centered around this recognition that the best way to love on somebody is to love on the people they love. And so I'm increasingly getting gifts for my kids when I go to travel. And I love that. Now, the problem is I don't want my kids to expect something from me every time I travel. And I don't want them to just have too much stuff. And it's less based on my OCD nature. It's more, I just don't want spoiled kids. Gotta keep it real. Yeah. So we were struggling with that. And we came up with this idea of the treasure store. And so every two months we get to go to the treasure store. But the way the treasure store works is you have to bring a bunch of stuff to the treasure store And then once you have you get to go inside and get one thing from the treasure store Just between you and I the treasure store is the Goodwill But it is so fun. Yes. And when they know they're going to go to the treasure store, we go up to their room and they just start running around and they start grabbing stuff and they fill up a bag and then we go to the treasure store. And every single time, like I can't imagine absent that branding the arm twisting that would be required to get my kids to give away i don't want to give away my stuff yeah so good okay question for you i feel like all of our strengths that can work for us can work against us um this extreme talent you have really to notice people, to see people, I've gotten a gift from you and, you know, the most thoughtful, best gift I've ever gotten from anyone. Thank you. Does it, does it ever, does it ever work against you? Does it deplete you ever? Are there times when, you know, you, you feel like you lose yourself in the process? It just, I don't know. Does that resonate at all or not really? I understand the question. It doesn't deplete me. I, I, I find that some, um, some things I do are, energizing and some things are energy depleting. Yeah. Like to run a great restaurant or I think a great business of any kind, I think it's equal parts focusing on excellence and hospitality. I really care about details. I derive pleasure out of executing at a very high level, every single little detail. And yet as much as I do, that is depleting to me. The hospitality side, it always is energizing. Now, I will say that sometimes I can be so focused on trying to care for everyone in a room that maybe I'm not as good at caring for the few people that I really should be caring for. like I can go somewhere with my wife and I want to make sure everyone else feels comfortable and good and then all of a sudden I'm like I'm not being a great husband right now and so I'm trying to get better at caring less about some people so that I can care more about others yeah the reality is you can't make everyone feel important at the same time in a business sense, like taking care of people, this really, really high expectation, excellence, right? I'm thinking about in your home, so much of what can be good for a kid is being so supported and having space to struggle, to mess up, right? To not be excellent all the time for your parent to actually get it wrong, because in that moment you learn something about yourself. How does that show up in parenting for you I mean you know my kids are so young and so being good or not good at stuff we haven't gotten there yet at the age they are right now I have not yet had the experience of watching them truly struggle um and that's going to be an entirely new game for me to start playing yeah but I think it's I think it's a part of it like because of my mom my dad was at work a lot I didn't have anyone to helicopter me I didn't have anyone to like my dad was there like I remember I came home after suffering my first heartbreak when I was like 15 and my dad is a big you know manly intense man I did his voice earlier he's will I mean he hasn't got it And he went over and he held me in his arms while I was crying for like two hours. Like he knew when it was time for me to know that I was held in that relationship. But he also let me figure a bunch of stuff out. Maybe it's just my filling in the blanks, but I don't know why I'm thinking about your mom, like being there for you with no words and just presence. Was that a version of what your dad did in that moment too? Yeah, I think so. I've never actually made that connection. Yeah. He just literally, I walked in and I'm just, I mean, you know, the first heartbreak, like, I mean, just devastated. And I walked in, I'm sure it was like snot crying. And he just walked up to me and he just picked me. He didn't even ask me why I was crying. Like, so I want to be the dad that shows up in those moments, but with intention holds myself back from showing up so consistently in some of the smaller moments. And I think that's, I mean, talk about like feeling seen, feeling cared for. It is just, I mean, just, I feel like just isn't the right word because it makes it sound like it's easy, but it's just being there. Like just being there, full attention, full presence, probably not saying much, you know, no solutions, no lecture, no brilliant advice, just, and you said holding. I mean, I think that it goes back to systems in a way and being a container. That's kind of what we are for our kids, right? The systems around them and their hard moments where we're all like an egg without a shell. We're like, just be my shell. you know i mean even my daughter now like sometimes when she'll really hurt herself and she runs in the house crying and i remember the first time she like jumps into my arms and i'm holding her and i'm like hey what what happened and she's like i hurt my toes like can i look at she's like no no no no she just wanted to be held she didn't want any help outside of feeling held and now i've learned when she runs in i'll just hold her but i don't need to fix anything for her I just need her to know that I'll be there to hold her when she needs to be held. Which, again, back to what is depleting and what is energizing. Gosh, that's the best. I don't want my kid to be hurt or to be sick. But the way they let me hold them when they are hurt or sick is literally one of my favorite things in the entire world. It's okay. I have a little phrase for that. Because I think of it as sick joy. Like when your kid is not, you know, they didn't break their bones, but they had a hard moment. Essentially, they experienced a bump in the world. They didn't get included somewhere. They couldn't figure out the puzzle. And, you know, just knowing if you have this long term vision of where you want your kid to go, which is just I want my kid to be someone who can take on challenges and survive them. And no one gets so good at exiting from struggle. You just kind of can get good at tolerating it and finding yourself through it. If you're orienting to that long term, then these moments, you have a little bit of sick joy knowing like this is going to have a big impact. Like this is it. One of the things I found myself doing in restaurants in the beginning. I would say relationships are relationships and the lessons from the ones we have in life can be applied to those in work. more recently I've started to think the same thing in reverse that the lessons I learned at work can be brought back into my home because almost without exception most successful people I know are far more intentional with the choices they make at work than they are with the choices they make at home yeah I have been trying to be as studied and intentional and creative and curating the experience in my home as I always have been at work. But I think that is something that everyone could stand to do a little bit more consistently and a little bit better. If you're reserving a majority of your intention for the workplace, I think you're selling yourself short and you're not making the most out of what, forget about like being other centered towards your children, but just not making the most out of what life can be. Yeah. I think hospitality happens at the intersection of creativity and intention and doing that at home a little bit more. I think it just makes life a lot more worth living and a heck of a lot more fun. I could talk to Will forever. And there are so many takeaways I'm going to have from our conversation. But there are three that feel pretty loud in my head right now. So I'm going to share them with you. Number one, I don't think I'll ever forget the way Will talked about his mom. Having her full attention. The way she looked at him with interest and wonder. That will really stay with me. Number two, adding more magic. Making a moment with our kid a little more fun. Adding a story. Those things I know it can feel like, oh, do I have the energy for that? But sometimes putting in the energy saves us a lot of energy for the rest of the day. And number three, keeping it simple. So often the moments we all remember are the moments someone was just there for us. they held us, sat next to us, put their hand on our back and said nothing. I'm going to remind myself that that is more than enough during my kids' next hard moment, which will probably be later today. Before we go, I want to zoom out for a moment. This is part of a new series that we're calling How We're Raised. Every couple of weeks, we'll feature another conversation like this about how our upbringing shapes who we become. If this format resonated with you, let us know. I love when our listeners help shape what we do next in the podcast. And if there's something you'd love to hear in this series or someone whose story you're curious about, please tell us. You can reach us at podcast at goodinside.com. Now, let's end the way we always do. That won't change. Place your feet on the ground and a hand on your heart. And let's remind ourselves, even as we struggle on the outside, we remain good inside. I'll see you soon. My newest picture book, Leave Me Alone, is out now. And if you're parenting a deeply feeling kid or just a kid who has kind of explosive reactions to everyday moments, you will recognize this story immediately. It's about what happens when emotions take over and how connection, not fixing, and boundaries help kids weather the moment with you beside them. This book isn't just for kids. It's also a tool for parents, something to read together when feelings are big and words are hard. Leave Me Alone is available now, wherever books are sold.