E241: Sex Fails: Car Hookups, Clap Lights, and Cowgirl Concussions
35 min
•Jan 1, 20265 months agoSummary
Pillow Talks hosts Vanessa and Xander Marin share hilarious and relatable sex fails submitted by listeners, including mishaps with food, smart home devices, condoms, and unexpected locations. The episode emphasizes normalizing awkward sexual moments and how laughter and vulnerability can strengthen relationships rather than detract from intimacy.
Insights
- Normalizing sexual mishaps reduces shame and embarrassment, transforming potentially negative experiences into bonding moments and cherished memories for couples
- Practical considerations often overlooked in romanticized scenarios (melted chocolate on hairy chests, numbing agents in condoms) highlight the gap between fantasy and reality
- Vulnerability and the ability to laugh together during awkward moments creates deeper connection than perfect, flawless sexual experiences
- Communication and problem-solving during intimate moments (finding lost condoms, removing forgotten tampons) can strengthen trust and partnership
- Normalizing bodily functions during sex (farting, drooling) reduces anxiety and allows couples to focus on pleasure and connection rather than performance
Trends
Growing demand for relationship education content that addresses real-world intimacy challenges rather than idealized scenariosShift toward sex-positive messaging that emphasizes communication, vulnerability, and humor as relationship strengthenersIncreased consumer interest in functional intimacy products (sex pillows) that improve physical comfort and pleasure over novelty itemsNormalization of discussing embarrassing sexual moments in mainstream media, reducing stigma around bodily functions and mishapsRising awareness of product safety in intimate wellness (concerns about numbing agents, heating lubes, and ingredient transparency)
Topics
Sex education and relationship communicationNormalizing sexual mishaps and embarrassmentIntimacy product design and functionalityCondom safety and effectivenessSexual health and wellnessVulnerability and emotional connection in relationshipsBodily functions during sexPublic sexual encounters and risk awarenessTampon safety and placementNumbing agents in sexual productsSex pillow positioning and anglesOral sex techniques and safetyRelationship humor and bondingFirst-time sexual experiencesSmart home device mishaps
Companies
Quince
Podcast sponsor offering high-quality, affordable clothing and everyday essentials with 50-60% lower prices through d...
People
Vanessa Marin
Co-host with 20+ years of sex therapy experience; discusses relationship dynamics and provides expert commentary on l...
Xander Marin
Co-host who provides relatable perspective as 'regular dude' and shares personal relationship experiences with Vanessa
Quotes
"This is what sex is. It's weird shit happens. Sometimes it's funny, sometimes it's not funny, but like, yeah, can we find a way, can like the awkwardness create vulnerability which creates connection? Like that's what it's all about."
Vanessa Marin•Mid-episode
"I think this is just not to get too serious. Obviously I've been really not serious up till now in this episode, but like, yeah, like this is what sex is."
Vanessa Marin•Mid-episode
"No one got upset, no one got embarrassed, no one felt ashamed. That's what it's all about guys."
Xander Marin•Mid-episode
"We are whole hog. We're all in on this. We're honestly so hesitant to suggest most sex products because it's like, well, who knows? This one is just like 100% wholehearted recommendation."
Vanessa Marin•Sponsor segment
Full Transcript
Newly married, we tried pouring melted chocolate on my husband. We did not think ahead about his hairy chest. Yup. They never do. Anyone that does this, they never think ahead. Before smart lights, we put clap-activated lights in our bedroom. I already know where this is going. When Hubs and I were dating, I was on my period, but we were both riled up. So I'm getting a lot of joy. Wait, you're having way too much fun reading with us. I didn't know that people were writing this. We riled up. We are changing positions and I realized the condom came off. I think all of us have been there if we use condoms at some point in our lives. And he was giving me oral sex, but got my clitoris caught in between his teeth. Oh no. Oh no. Hello and welcome to the Pillow Talks podcast. We're your hosts Vanessa and Xander Marin. I'm a sex therapist with over 20 years of experience. And I'm just a regular dude. We share the ups and downs in our relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours. Make sure you subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors, and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you'd had. Today we are sharing your funniest sex fails. We did a fails episode, I think a couple of years ago, and we totally forgot about the topic and then just recently realized, you know what, we gotta revisit that. There are some good ones out there. There were some hilarious stories. I remember one with a horse. Do you remember that one? I don't. No. Okay, well you got you and our listeners are gonna have to go back and listen to that one. Yeah, seriously. We got some remedial listening to do. But we put out a fresh call on Instagram for sex fails and as always you guys absolutely delivered. Thank God for that. Thank you everyone. Thank you for being human and having sex fails because we all do. We all do. It's very true. So we thought, you know, let's start the new year on much fails. Yeah, sharing is caring. Okay, so let's just get right into them. Should we take turns reading them? For sure. Okay, I'll start first. Newly married, we tried pouring melted chocolate on my husband. We did not think ahead about his hairy chest. They never do. Anyone that does this, they never think ahead. All they do is they see sexy scenes in movies like, no, Varsity Blues doesn't actually have chocolate, right? That's just whipped cream. The whipped cream of a keen. That's another no-no. But I'm sure, God, there's got to be some teenage movie I've seen with like chocolate. You're like, oh hell yeah, that's gonna be so hot. But no, it doesn't. It gets in the chest here. Yeah, she wrapped it up saying nothing would come off via licking without a mouthful of hair. This is truly the thing about using food on the body during sex is like, it sounds so sexy, but it takes a lot of licking to get something off and especially something as thick as melted chocolate. Like this is not, I think we all have it in our head of like one sexy little lick and it just all comes off. Oh no, you're gonna be licking. You're spreading it around. Over and over and over and you're still probably gonna have to resort to using a washcloth. Yeah, it's like, think about this practically because it's like at first, I mean, I don't know if it's like, if it's actual melted chocolate or if it's like chocolate syrup, you know, like the crappy kind for like ice cream sundaes, I'm thinking. I'm thinking your first couple of licks, you're not actually licking anything up. You're actually just spreading it around. And then, yeah, you're gonna be licking it up, but you're just gonna be licking up little bits by bits as it continues to spread and warm and. Oh God, and it's like, yeah, if you're gonna put on edible food, like edible food on the body, like everything you put on has got to come off. Otherwise, when you move on to the actual like real sexy time, you're gonna get it everywhere or they're gonna be stuck in, you know, you put your partner on their back and you're pouring chocolate all over his chest. Like, if you want to have sex after that, you either got to keep him in that position or you got to get all the chocolate off or you got to make, you know, peace with the fact that you're gonna get it all over you when you hop on top. So, yeah, it's like, it's a great idea until it's not a great idea. All right, we got another shorty before we got into a couple longer ones. Before smart lights, we put clap activated lights in our bedroom. I already know where this is going. Genius. Sexy strobe lights. And Roy's that was a bad idea when they kept turning on and off during sex. I mean, that could be a thing, be like, hey, you want to, want to like make a, make a strobe? How fast? How fast can we make them go on and off? So funny. That's hilarious. That's like, that's like when your smart lights are like, yep, you're being too loud. Yeah. Okay, recently my husband got condoms that were a last longer condom, not really thinking about what that would mean. We were having a good time and I decided to take the condom off to give him a BJ. And I figured we'd put another one on when we were ready. Suddenly my mouth, throat, lips, tongue all started feeling weird. I couldn't swallow. We quickly realized it's light a cane inside those condoms to make him last longer. Yep. So I'm all numb. We're cracking up and then the baby woke up from his nap and it was all over. Classic. Yeah. Yeah. Again, the, the, the thinking it through it's like, yeah, what else, what else would last longer be other than numbing on? Also, I, I speak from experience, a different kind of experience here. I just had a procedure done in my, like for my soft palate to hopefully reduce my snoring where like basically I got like shot with a laser in the back of my throat. And it's an extremely painful thing. And so they try to do their best to numb the back of your throat, which is really hard area to numb because you can't inject back there. So I was literally given a shot glass of light a cane and told to gargle it. And that was one of the worst experiences of my life. Actually, the procedure was more painful afterwards, but the guard, like I knocked it back pretty good. So I did not taste the light a cane when I, when I started the gargle, I couldn't taste it while gargling because it's like, you know, below your tongue and all your taste buds. But there is no way to get that out of your mouth without it touching all of your tongue and lips and all this stuff. And it is a whole round. It is like one of the most, it just like shocks your brain. It's like, this should not be a flavor that I'm tasting and then I'm losing feeling. And you're just like, I was just spitting for like the next 15 minutes. Like fortunately, I'm at a dentist's office. So they gave me the little thing that you can put in your mouth to spit into like, yeah, she gave me a cup. I spit a bunch and then I was like, give me that cup back. And she's like, just take that. Just take the little, I don't even know what it's called. Like take a little sucky thing and spit into that. I was just like, for the next 10 minutes, it was horrifying, horrifying. Never put light a cane in your mouth unless it's for a dental procedure. Okay, let's see what's up next. It was late at night. My husband and I were driving in the car and we were both super horny. I like this dramatic reading. He pulled off the road and parked at some clothes shops and started giving me oil. We were both fully naked and going at it when I realized he had pulled in front of a public bathroom. There were multiple people coming out and walking straight past us in the car. I suddenly grabbed my clothes and my husband covered himself. Our car windows are not tinted. And I think a few strangers saw a lot more than they should have that night. We laughed about it on the ride home, but it is safe to say we are very careful where we park when we get too excited. I did a lull. I believe the horse story was a little similar. Oh my God, I couldn't remember if that was a podcast thing or an ask us anything. I think it was like they pulled off the freeway. You can't spoil it. People have to go back and listen for the horse story. Yeah, that was a good one. That was a real good one. Okay, here's our next one. We're going to a fire in the middle of the night. We're going to a fire in the middle of the night. We're going to a fire in the middle of the night. We're going to a fire in the middle of the night. We're going to a fire in the middle of the night. We're going to a fire in the middle of the night. We're going to a fire in the middle of the night. We're going to a fire in the middle of the night. We're going to a fire in the middle of the night. So then we're basically crying laughing at this point. And he pulls out. did not make it to midnight. Nice. 11.58. They made it to 11.59. Shortest sex of our marriage and neither one of us finished, but man, we laughed so hard and it was one of my favorite memories. See, I love this because this is such a good example for everybody out there that thinks sex is supposed to be perfect, that it's all about like it looking a certain way or the experience being a certain way, usually for the other person, not for you. These people, all kinds of things went awry, right? But, and they didn't even finish. Like it wasn't what either of them expected, but this is one, it's something that brought them closer. Like they laughed about it, they had fun. It's one of their favorite memories now. I think this is just not to get too serious. Obviously I've been really not serious up till now in this episode, but like, but yeah, like this is what sex is. It's weird shit happens. Sometimes it's funny, sometimes it's not funny, but like, yeah, can we find a way, can like the awkwardness create vulnerability which creates connection? Like that's what it's all about. Yeah, I also will say whenever we post anything about like embarrassing stories, so many of, like at least half of them are about farting during sex, but everybody always tells the story as if like, I must have been the only person in the world who ever farted during sex. No, during sex specifically. And I just, yeah, I think it's like good for us to normalize too that farting happens. Farting happens during sex. Pretty common. It does especially if you're laughing. Yeah. And you're already, you know, a little relaxed. I think you've drooled on me during sex. Yeah, I was gonna say, I don't think it's been like, don't, yeah, no, no, I guess in this case they were in the middle of doing it. It wasn't like they were making it, like they were going at it. Yes, I have definitely drooled on you while I've been on top and really enjoying myself. And you know, like I said, it wasn't a fart, but I was kind of, you know, everything was loose. And I was, I mean, just like. Everything was loose. What does that mean? I was feeling loose and clearly not paying much attention to like what was happening with my mouth. I do wonder if this might have been in probably in the air of me, like with Invisalign and probably on like Retailer. Yes, it was, yeah, for sure. In and was, oh, it was probably early on when I had the palette expansion thing and I was just generating a lot of saliva. Yeah, good times, good times, but we laughed about it and I think we moved on, right? We did, we moved on. We did, no one got upset, no one got embarrassed, no one felt ashamed. That's what it's all about guys. Here's the sad truth. Most of us spend more time picking a Netflix show than we do being actually present in our relationship. And yet research actually shows that your relationship is a bigger predictor of your happiness more than your career or money. But there's never been a clear roadmap to deeper connection and lasting intimacy until now. That's why we built deeper. Our membership for couples who want to feel closer, more connected and more passionate. If your relationship is in a good place, you'll love the quick wins like brand new date night ideas every month, fun conversation prompts, and even Vanessa AI, your on-demand coach that you can ask anything, anytime. And if you hit a tougher season, which is totally normal, then deeper has you covered with our full library of courses and guides so that you can deep dive into exactly what you need most right now. Think communication, connection, desire, pleasure, or exploration. We've got you. It's like having a relationship wellness plan that actually fits into your real life. It's the membership that we always wished existed for ourselves, something in between expensive therapy and trying to just figure it all out on your own. So whether you just want fresh ideas to keep things exciting or you need more structured tools to get back on track, deeper meets you where you are. Because your relationship deserves at least as much care as your Netflix queue. Curious what your deeper journey might look like? Start with the intimacy quiz, your key to love that lasts. This quick quiz helps you uncover what your relationship needs most right now. And you might be surprised because most couples get this one wrong. You'll walk away with a personalized roadmap straight to the point, actionable, and designed to help you reconnect with your partner ASAP. So head on over to VMtherapy.com slash five keys. That's the number five and then the word keys. Again, it's VMtherapy.com slash five keys. And don't worry, we'll also link it in the show notes for you. All right, we have a little story time for you. So last year, I was agonizing over what to get this guy for Christmas because he is extremely difficult to get things for. I mean, you could get me a surfboard every year, but no, I'm just kidding. So I came across this pillow. This is a sex pillow. If you've never seen these before, you use it during intercourse, changes the angle. And I will say, I came across this pillow and I was like, you know what, we tried sex pillows years ago. We went through several different kinds. We got sent, like we get sent a lot of sex toys and products in the mail. We try them all and I just have not liked any of them. The shapes were more novelty than an actual functional thing. The first one that we got was like purple velour. It was hideous looking. It really screamed sex pillow. And what I liked about this one is I was like, you know what? OK, it's beautiful. It's this really nice linen color. It's very neutral. It'll look totally at home in our bed. It's fabric is nice. Yeah, nobody will know that it is a sex pillow. So even if we don't like it, we can at least leave it on our bed and it'll be a little decorative pillow. The other thing that made me hesitate, I want to be totally honest, is this pillow is way more expensive than the other pillows that we had bought before. We'd always found super cheap ones or we'd been sent super cheap ones. Yeah, when you pick it up, you understand why. Yeah, but I just want to be honest. I was like, God, I don't know for a pillow. Is that really going to be worth it? But I was desperate to get a gift for this guy. So we used it and we were immediately obsessed. Holy shit. It doesn't look like much, but it really changes the angle on some of your standby, like favorite positions. And it makes some positions possible that were not. Make some positions pop, you could say. Yeah, so we became huge fans of this. We use it all the time. I will say you like it even more than I do. I do. It, yeah, I mean, the changing of the angle, I think is good for you and it's also great for me. And it also affords you certain views as the giver. Just do that little angle of kind of being able to see more of the action that it really kind of takes things to the next level visually. We are sharing it with you now, which we are super excited about. If you want to check this bad boy out, you can go to vmtherapy.com slash pillow. There might be a little secret discount that you can check out too. We're going to be working with them some more to give you even more ideas for positions, ways to play with it. So there's lots to come. But I really, really think that every couple should have one of these pillows. And you might be doubtful. You might be looking at this thing. Can I really be that big of a difference? Am I really going to spend that on a pillow? It can. Trust me. Let me just tell you right now. Trust us. We were just as doubtful as you were. And now we are whole hog. We're all in on this. We're honestly so hesitant to suggest most sex products because it's like, well, who knows? We suggest like none. Is this going to work? Will this work for everyone? Maybe it'll work for someone, but not for that many people. The quality is not very good. This one is just like 100% wholehearted recommendation. You cannot go wrong with this. We're obsessed. So go to vmtherapy.com slash pillow to check it out. OK, guys, I am so excited that Quince is back as a podcast partner because they make the best high quality, everyday essentials. I was buying from Quince with my own money long before they became a podcast sponsor. So when they reached out to us, I was like, yes, I am so happy to talk about how much I love Quince. The best part of Quince is that their prices are 50% to 60% less because they work directly with ethical factories and cut out the middlemen. So you're paying for quality, not brand markup. I have gotten so many different products from them, but lately I've been really into the clothing. I'm trying to keep fewer things, but get better, like high quality ones that I'm going to keep for a while. And one of my absolute favorite recent purchases was their 100% organic cotton gauze sleeveless maxi dress. It's so comfortable, but it also looks really cute. I also just saw that they added a bunch of new colors, so I would highly recommend checking that out. I get asked about that every single time I wear that dress. Refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Go to quince.com slash pillow for free shipping and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. Go to quince.com slash pillow for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com slash pillow. Okay, when hubs and I were dating, I was on my period, but we were both riled up. So we decided to use the back entrance. I'm just getting a lot of joy. You're having way too much fun meeting with us. I didn't know that people were writing these. We riled up. When hubs and I were dating, I was on my period, but we were both riled up. So we decided to use the back entrance. I like that riled up. Wanna get riled up, girl? Okay, no, she doesn't. Everything was fine until afterwards when I tried to remove my tampon and I couldn't find it. I freaked out and future hubs said, no worries. Lay down and I'll fish it out. He moves up his hand and starts searching. Within seconds, my insides are on fire. He accidentally grabbed the heating loop. Oh, God. He was able to locate the lost tampon and pull it down enough for me to go to the bathroom and remove it myself. We had been married for almost 17 years and we still laugh about this often. And it's still a big no for both of us on heating loop. This is why I don't like heating loop. I don't like the delay sprays. Like they just can make for some really unpleasant experiences. But you know what, speaking about normalizing, embarrassing stories. Yeah. This was- This one sounds familiar minus one detail. This happened early on in our relationship. Wait, wait. Hold on, I'm confused though. Wait, no, no, no. So they had anal, but then she lost her. How did the anal make her lose her tampon? Oh. I mean, maybe there was some fingering happened. No, she said, I was on my period, so we decided to use the back entrance. That's an interesting question. Do you know where the tampon goes or do you know what anal really is? Unfortunately, there is a lot of confusion for people. Was there some fingering happening too? Did he get the wrong entrance? Did the, like, having anal, I mean, obviously the holes are close together, so you're creating a little pressure on your vaginal canal, but I couldn't imagine it would be to the point that anal would, yeah, like suck the tampon in. I'm so confused about this. As I read that, I totally just like blanked on the anal part because once it got to tampon, I just made the assumption because we've literally had that experience before. Okay, so what happened to us early in our relationship was that I forgot that I had a tampon in and we had sex with the tampon in, and then I realized like halfway through. Yeah, like a couple minutes into it. But I love how you said halfway and I said a couple minutes. Well, I meant part way. Part way. It was like, I mean, this was a situation where we definitely did not finish. It was a, oh shit. Yeah, I was like, oh my, and we had just started dating. We were only a couple months into it, so it was super embarrassing. And so I like went to the bathroom. I would not let you help. You didn't tell me, well, you first, I think you were just like, hold on a second. You like made an excuse that wasn't really an excuse and you were gone. And I was like, what just happened? And I was in his bathroom. The one bathroom in a bachelor pad with five dudes living in it, and I could not get it out. And I was trying everything to get it out and that like it was not happening. What is that? Are there like more, is there like more than one approach? Different positions. Okay, okay. Yeah. I was like, I was trying my fingers. I was trying my toes. I don't remember what, like did I end up getting it? Or did I have to get you to help me? Now I can remember. Oh, I got it. You did. Yeah. Ended up having to get you. You came back. I think. And then did we go to the bathroom? I can't even remember. Did we say we must have gone to the bathroom? Yeah. I think I let you like, you got, you were able to reach because your fingers are so much longer than mine. They could reach the string and you were able to pull it. And I was like, okay, stop, stop, go, leave, leave. I'll get the rest of it. So I didn't let you take it fully out. I just let you like pull it down a little bit. Okay. Yeah. My memory is a little lazy. I mean, this was 18 years ago. Yeah. I definitely remember what house I was living in. But I do, I remember about, I don't know, maybe four or five years ago, we shared that story on Instagram and I had the feeling of like, this is so freaking embarrassing. I can't believe I'm sharing this. Nobody else, you know, this must not have ever happened to anybody else. And then of course we get a million messages that were like, you know, yeah, happened to me too, been there. And that was my little moment of having things normalized. Okay. But we still need to know how did this happen using the back entrance? Or is this like, Yeah, you had a DMS and clarify. I wouldn't know. Is back entrance just like we decided to do it from behind? I'm not sure how that would solve anything. No, for sure not. I think she really means anal sex. Okay. Well, I mean, you might be the first person to have anal sex and it cost tamp on inside your vagina to get sucked up. But I don't know, maybe we got to research this. Does anal sex provide enough somehow pressure that it can pull a tamp on further up in your vaginal canal? Let us know. Well, whatever. I do worry slash wonder what actually happened in this situation. But yeah, guys, the heating lube, be very careful. I mean, if we don't recommend it, the ingredients are so 80. Yeah, I can't really imagine. They're bad and you don't want that on your body. Trust me. Okay. Here's our next one. My boyfriend now husband and I had sex in his parents shed on a four wheeler. I know, sexy on the four wheeler. I said I'd dispose of the condom so it wasn't at his parents house. I tossed it out the window on my way home to my parents house. Literer. My mom was in the garage when I got home and came to greet me. The condom was wrapped around my rear antenna and she saw it hanging there full of come in all its glory. That's what you get for littering. Well, you didn't litter. That's it's actually amazing. The universe conspired to prevent you from littering. I was mortified the next morning. She said she would help me get on birth control if I was interested. Previously, not an option in my household. Hey, the universe really conspired to tilt things in your favor. This memory still haunts me. Can you imagine just seeing your your parent come out to greet you and like, what's that? And just that moment of realization of like, oh, yeah, you look at it and you're like a com filled condom. I know the mental calculation for a second. You're like, what else could this possibly like what else could I possibly say that is going to make this a normal thing. And in this case, there's literally nothing. There is no oh, someone threw a com filled condom in my car while I was driving. Hooligans. Condom. Hooligans. Yeah, you're not getting out. Could be worth a try actually. That one is conceivable, but because it's also it's almost just as inconceivable that you would that you would throw it and then it would like boomerang around. Sheer intent. I mean, I'm guessing actually I'm guessing. Also, this is a while ago if you had an intent. Oh, I know. I was just talking about this with someone the other day. I was like, remember when our cars have these big old antennas where, you know, like you go into a parking garage. Yeah. And they kind of like bends backwards, but it was made to bend. It was fine on I'm guessing what happened, I guess for all of you on YouTube, you can see this. Like she probably was like grossed out by the condom, right? So you're like, you're like, you put the window down and you're like, you're not throwing it. Like you're literally just like, right? And so then of course, it goes straight back to your antenna. You got to really get some juice into the throw. All right, let's see what we got now. My boyfriend and I were having sex, cowgirl position. And I went to readjust right when he grabbed my ass to pull me towards him and the forward movement propelled me into the wall behind the bed. And I hit my head so hard, I thought I had a concussion. Later that night, we went out to my friend's birthday. Great idea when you think you have a concussion. And I had to leave early because my head hurts so bad and tell everyone I had a headache. Not funny part. I really do think I got a mild concussion from it. Lol. Yeah, it sounds like, sounds like you did. Oh God. Sounds so painful. Just like smashing your head into the wall. I mean, how much readjusting were you like? Like I'm trying to just think it like, yeah, he's got to be grabbing your ass real hard. I mean, you get excited sometimes in the middle. Real hard. And but yeah, I mean, I guess if it's the perfect year, like kind of jumping up almost to kind of like, yeah, okay. You got to give me a warning next time you want to readjust yourself now. Okay, here we go. I was having a hookup with a guy one time before I met my fiance, and he had a substantial gap in between his two upper teeth. And he was giving me oral sex, but got my clitoris caught in between his teeth. Oh no. Oh no. I've heard a lot of stories in over 20 years of being a sex therapist. I have not heard about getting a clitoris caught in between the teeth, and that gives me the full body shivers. This is definitely like, because you there's so many, there's so many jokes portrayed about like the opposite, like, like blowjobs and teeth, right? And like you never really hear the, there's not really like a flip the genders equivalent to that until this one, which I guess is much more rare because you have to have a certain size gap in your teeth. But man, he was getting into that clitoris, which is great, which is great. He was really giving, I can't, he went into that oral sex with some zeal. Safe to say it hurt. I made my excuses for him to leave. Wasn't feeling it with him anyways. Oh, well, that's good. And I never saw him again. Damn, I, I, that is awful. And I, I can, I can understand this because I had a short period of time during my palate expansion where I was getting a bit of a gap in between my front teeth. I was doing Invisalign at the same time that I was expanding my palate. So I never had a very large gap. However, if I had not done that approach, which many people do, they will just do the expansion, get a big gap and then do Invisalign. That could have been us, babe. That could have been us. That is really tough. That pains me so much. Okay, our last one. We are changing positions and I realize the condom came off. I think all of us have been there if we use condoms at some point in our lives. That is a not a fun moment. We lay, we look around the sheets and don't see it. So I say one moment, let me look for that. Don't underten your voices today. I lay on my back and start digging inside me, but I can't find it. We look around some more and still don't see it. Is this a something about Mary situation is going to be like in his hair. I go digging again, still no luck. I love that she's just like one moment, let me look for that. Just staying right there. Yeah. I mean, you could have handled the tampon situation. That way this woman was comfortable. This woman was like, I'm just going to dig. More power to her. Yeah, I'm going to dig. She turned away. I guess she says your hands are bigger than mine. You're up. He starts digging inside me and still no column to be found. I'm like, okay, this is ridiculous. Not sure how this came to mind, but I say, well, one of my friends had to squat to get her babies out. So maybe I need to do that. You get desperate when something is stuck inside of you. I for sure when I was in the bathroom at your apartment, I for sure had gotten a full squat. Were you like, oh, gravity, like gravity do the work on this next. I know these muscles are strong. On this like essentially weightless condom. Yes. Yes. You're going to try anything. Okay. Fair enough. Fair enough. So there I am squatting my ass to the floor digging to China. Still no condom. I say, okay, man, Google it. I'm not waiting for this thing to come out later and get a yeast infection or something. So he Googles it. And sure enough, squatting was the right thing to do, but also to bear down and push at the same time. So here I am squatting on the floor. He is on his back digging inside of me. Oh my God, this is great. Okay. He says, you need to push. Me saying, I am between me pushing and pushing upward. I have so much pressure inside me. And I think to myself, OMG, this is my women's shit during childbirth. I put one of my hands on my ass and think to myself, please don't shit on his carpet. Please don't shit on his carpet. Wait, but like more point would it be like. Please don't shit on this guy's face. He's lying underneath her. Oh my God, he finds the condom. Hallelujah. Wow. I totally thought there was a solid chance that there was a plot twist. Like the condom somehow was somewhere else. And that all this was for naught. Hallelujah. Then I turn to him and say, okay, man, I think we handled that situation. Well, we're cool. Yep. That was our first time having sex. Oh my God. Their first time. We had just met a couple of weeks before that. Hey, at least it wasn't like a one night stand. Ha ha. We stayed friends and joked about it all the time. Wow. That's so like you're either going to get married after that or you're going to like friend zone. What if like that had happened our first time, babe? Do you think we would have made it? I think so. Yeah. I think we would have. We would have been able to laugh it off. A vote of confidence. I like it. Yeah. All right. Well, fast and furious episode, but I hope that made you laugh. Hope it was a nice little start to the new year. That is all for us today. Thanks so much for listening and join us again next week. We release new episodes every Thursday.