The Evolving of Generosity

Welcome friends to the Tara Brock podcast. I'm so glad you're here. Each week I share teachings and guided meditations to help us awaken our hearts and bring healing to our world. You can learn more or support this offering by visiting TaraBrock.com where you can also join our email list. Now let's explore together the many ways we can live from the love and presence that's our deepest essence. Namaste. Namaste. Welcome friends. There's an annual tradition now. I've been teaching for decades on Wednesday nights. So it's the eve before Thanksgiving and each year I do some reflection on generosity. So I wanted to begin this one with a true story that I love. It's about Tetsugen who is a devoted Zen practitioner and teacher in Japan. He lived in the 1600s and he decided to publish the sutras. Those are the discourses of the Buddha which were at that time available only in Chinese. So the books were to be printed in Japanese and it would take the construction of 60,000 wood blocks to accomplish this. So he began by traveling and collecting donations and bit by bit he collected significant sum of money that was needed to do the project. You know, a few sympathizers would give him hundreds of pieces of gold. Most of the time he received only small coins and he thanked each donor with equal gratitude. So after ten years he had enough money to begin his task. And yet it happened that at that time the Uji River overflowed and crops were ruined and famine followed. So Tetsugen took the funds he had collected for the books and he spent them to save others from starvation. And then he began again his work of collecting and several years afterwards an epidemic spread through the country. So Tetsugen again gave away what he had collected. And then for the third time he started his work and after twenty years his wish was fulfilled. The printing blocks which really produced the first edition of the sutras can be seen today in the Obaku Monastery in Kyoto. And the Japanese tell their children that Tetsugen made three sets of sutras and that the first two invisible sets surpass even the last. He celebrated January 1st of each year. I really love that story. And here we are entering a season that for many is marked by holy days. And I imagine that like me a good number of you sensed the poignancy of the times, how deeply we need that spirit of generosity, of caring hearts, the inspiration of those invisible sets that Tetsugen created. And I have been in touch with many who are sharing dismay and distress and outrage at the growing callousness and cruelty in our society towards those who most need care. And behind their reactivity feeling a really deep sorrow. When we sense the real meaning of a society having holy days, it's to bring us back to what we must value – connection, caring, presence, true community. And in a very concrete way it's an invitation for each of us to sense how giving these times, how we might align with that caring, be part of the healing. So I've chosen one of these many Thanksgiving reflections I've been giving over the years from the archives. I chose one that I really hope helps you connect with that quality of open-heartedness of generosity that we all honor. So may you enjoy. Thanksgiving Eve, we get to share in the reflection on generosity, which has been in the Buddhist tradition is described as the first spiritual perfection, meaning that the cultivation of generosity helps to awaken and free the heart, and it's an innate expression of an awakened heart. So this is the first of the Buddhist teachings. And one of the reasons I really enjoy reflecting on it is that when we get more mindful of generosity and more intentional about it, it very directly affects all our relationships and in a really deep way affects our whole experience of being. So there's a lot of fruits from the reflection. And in a way, there is that question of, well, if I'm being generous to have the fruits of generosity, isn't that kind of greedy or doesn't that cause trouble? But actually the deepest intentions we have towards generosity actually come from a very pure place, as we'll explore. One of my favorite recent stories, this is actually on NPR last year, was a research study that was conducted in Vancouver with fourth and fifth graders. And the children were divided up into two groups. And one of the groups was assigned to go to different places and go visit, just visit different parks and malls and whatever they were drawn to, somebody else's house. And the other group of children were assigned to random acts of kindness. And it could be anything. It could be hugging a parent or helping with the dishes or sharing some lunch with a friend, whatever it was. And so they did before measures and after measures. And as you might imagine, the level of well-being and of feeling acceptance towards others got notably heightened with the children that had been assigned to practice random acts of kindness. What's interesting is it was all very intentional. They had to plan their activity and think about how it was going to be and then notice what it was like. So it was a very conscious, mindful kind of a process for them. So there is a growing body of research on generosity and you've probably heard some of it, that generosity is correlated with happiness. That the more people that are generous are happier and acts of generosity make us happier. And you can see on an MRI, the parts of the brain that light up, you know, that are correlated to positive affect. And there's been experiments that show that people, after they spend money, if they spend money on another person, they feel happier than if they've spent money on themselves. And in a way, it's all pretty intuitive. We can kind of get that it would be this way. And it's kind of wonderful to watch the research that shows it. Behavioral scientists call generosity a joyous, prosocial behavior. And I like that term, this joyful, prosocial behavior. So I was reflecting on this and one of the reflections was on how really, at all stages of life, it's available to us. And I remember my son when he was, I think it was about four or five years old, my son Narayan. And this was right after Easter. At Easter I'd given him this really, really big chocolate rabbit. No, I don't know why I ever thought I should do that, but I did. And he had already gotten through some of the years when a group of friends was over at his house playing. So I suggested that he share some of his rabbit with his friends and he dug in, you know, no way, it's my rabbit, you know. And so my response to him was, you're right, it is your rabbit. And that's why you get to share it with others. And he kind of looked at me, but he thought about that. And then he kind of lit up and he got this great smile with all the dignity you can imagine. He broke off a piece for each child and, you know, he got enlarged and important with that. So we know that in evolutionary terms, that evolution rewards generosity. We have good feelings light up bio, it's biochemical, you know, we get a reward because generosity promotes pro-social behavior. It lets us collaborate, it lets us do the things that actually enable humans to flourish. So it's part of our, it's part of our evolutionary development. And on the spiritual path, as I've mentioned, generosity is one flavor of loving. You know, it's a quality of living love that, that wakens up on us. We already have it in us, but it wakens up as we become more awake and gets expressed. And it comes as we realize non-separation. The more we sense our belonging and our connection, the more, the less fear and the more there's that natural extension without holding back of loving. So generosity comes with a sense that not separate, you know, the sense of belonging. And it comes as we therefore no longer need to cling to grasp. And again, if we think of it in an evolutionary way, it's quite natural that we all come into, we incarnate and there's a sense of separateness. And part of survival is that we grasp onto some things and we push away others. And that's a natural stage of our evolving. And it's not the end of the story. We also, both through the history of our development and also through each individual's development, have this frontal cortex that emerges that has this capacity to sense our connection, mirror neurons and the like. We have compassion and it allows for generosity. So what I'd like to do as we reflect tonight is to consider both the phase of feeling separate and grasping that way that we move through life I want, I need, holding on as a habit we develop and also to look at generosity as a habit and that every habit that is developed can be either strengthened or it can be loosened. And that one way to conceive the spiritual path is that we have this habit of grasping and the more awake we are, the more we see it and see it suffering, the more we loosen the grip and begin to naturally cultivate and strengthen the act of generosity. So generosity is a habit and when I talk about habits I'm going to actually talk about them as really well-groove feedback systems where there's a cue. For instance, with generosity the cue is the sense of this longing to express our love. And then there's this action where we look for ways, these opportunities to give to others or to express our thanks and then the feedback system, the reward is that makes us feel better and that keeps the loop going. Then we want to give more. So generosity begats generosity. The more we give, the more we want to give. It's also interesting that generosity brings, it's contagious. Do you know what it's like when you're with somebody that's really giving and gives you something and makes you, you know, wants to offer you their care or their goods or whatever it is? There's something in us that just, it kind of dissolves all the self-protective stuff and we want to give back. It's just this natural contagious experience. So there's a habit, a feedback loop that comes with generosity and one of the main experiences that we start noticing is that there's a sense of enough underlying it. That if you interview someone who's generous, you're going to find that there's not only, there's not only, it sometimes could be called non-grasping, but there's that well-being of feeling that I have enough. I remember hearing this story, somebody did some research in Appalachia and he came upon an impoverished elderly woman and she was living in a tiny shack with dirt floors, no heat and no plumbing. And he asked the woman, this researcher, what would you do if someone came along and gave you some money to help you out? And she rocked in her chair and shook her head and finally she said, I guess I'd give it to the poor. So there's something really, again, if we're looking at what's behind generosity, what's behind the habit of it, what enables us to be generous, there is that sense of fullness. One of my favorite descriptions of it is Kurt Vonnegut wrote a poem kind of verse, whatever you call it in the New Yorker, some years ago and I'll read it to you. It's called Joe Heller. He's, by the way, you might remember Joe Heller as the writer of Catch 22. Okay, okay, here's Kurt Vonnegut's words. He says, true story, word of honor, Joe Heller, an important and funny writer, now dead, and I were at a party given by a billionaire on Shelter Island. I said, Joe, how does it make you feel to know that our host only yesterday may have made more money than your novel Catch 22 has earned in its entire history? And Joe said, well, I've got something he can never have. And I said, what on earth could that be, Joe? And Joe said, the knowledge that I've got enough. Not bad, rest in peace. Kurt Vonnegut. So if we look at the habit of grasping, which is, you know, if we can develop mentally, we all have some of it in us and the more we look at it and understand it, the less it grabs us. Just like that loop with generosity that keeps generating more, there's a grasping loop. And underneath the grasping loop is not enough. It's a sense of something's missing. It's a sense that I'm separate, I'm incomplete, something's missing of me, something's wrong with you, something's wrong with life. But there's a sense of not enough, something's missing, need more. And so the cue is wanting to feel better, wanting relief, wanting to feel what's missing. There's that cue that we get with grasping, wanting something. And then the action is to grasp on to food or another person or an idea or whatever it is. And it wouldn't be a habit if there weren't temporary relief or good feelings from it. We get something. But then as you know, it's never enough. And so the not enough need more, something's missing cues us again. And then we have to go after it more. Not only that, there's a secondary, a second arrow that happens, which is that grasping reinforces a sense of I'm not okay. Deep down, we don't like ourselves for grasping. So that starts to fuel it too. So it becomes a very, it's a very deeply grooved pattern. So if we look a little closer at the beliefs that are underneath grasping, and you can just think of it as it's kind of the egoic self's perception of scarcity, that I'm not enough, I need to be more, there's not enough love or resources or approval out there, I need to grab on to it, it's a grasping. And often it has to do with, takes place of trying to fill what's missing with consuming and with, you know, goods of some sort. Some of you might remember that line, executive quits fast track to have more time with his possessions. So as we know, there's definite consequences to this. If we get a developmental arrest and we don't go beyond the grasping phase where we're me, me, me, I need more, well, we can see it what happens with societies when there's more power and there's more intellect behind it, but the grasping leads to creating tremendous destruction in our world. John Stewart kind of wrapped it up this way. He said, I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast and then I killed them and took their land. It's terrible and funny, right? I mean, let's just say it like that, right? It's horrible and it's, yeah. So, but isn't it the truth? I mean, look at what we're celebrating with Thanksgiving. We know the history behind it, you know, the horror that came with the first people that were here. We know that out of fear and out of grasping, we live in a very destructive place. And so there's there's ever ongoing warfare in competition for what seems to be scarce resources. There is some insane commitment to an eternally growing economy, like somehow or other we're supposed to keep growing our economy and consuming more and when there is grasping, there's a kind of cut off from our body and the earth body, so there's a destruction of the earth that doesn't quite register in the psyche. And of course, as we know it in a similar way, the suffering of getting a developmental arrest in the grasping phase does the same thing to our own bodies. When we're grasping, we disconnect, we're not listening to what we really need with grasping, so we overdo our under-do. We don't really give ourselves care, we just stuff ourselves otherwise. So you can see it in perhaps the most basic way when we're grasping, whether it's after food or another person or getting somewhere on time, this energy of pursuing and clutching blocks our heart. You can feel it when you're chasing after something, when you're wanting more of something, when there's any agenda with another person. There's not a tenderness and receptivity in the heart. When the wanting fear mixes in the body, the heart is cut off some. So we can watch it the more the grasping, the more there's, with our relationships with others, the more we have an agenda, the more there's manipulation. In some way, if we have an agenda with another person, there's going to be, we're going to try to control them to be how we want them to be. If you've been with me at another Thanksgiving, you might remember this story, it's one of my favorite examples of this, and there's a man in Phoenix, an older man calls his son New York and says, I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing. 45 years of misery is enough, and the son screams and then pops, what are you talking about? You can't do that. And he says, we can't stand the sight of each other anymore. So call your sister in Chicago and tell her he hangs up. So this young, the younger man calls his sister and tells her, and she goes, like hell they are, I'm going to call him, I'll be back to you. I'll take care of this. So she calls her father and she starts screaming at him and says, you're not getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get back there. Both my brother and I will be there tomorrow until then you don't do a thing. Do you hear me? She hangs up. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. Okay, he says, they're coming for Thanksgiving and they're paying their own way. So the point of these examples and stories are that grasping and aversion go together. You can see them together. And inherent in grasping is, I need something different, I need you to be different, I need something more. And often it's that you're not enough. In relationships where they're grasping, it's like, I want you, I want you to pay more attention to me, I want you to be a certain way. There's often, along with grasping, a deep judgment. You're not okay as you are. So the suffering of grasping is separation, that it creates more separation. Okay, the habit of grasping creates more separation. A woman I heard about was, she told me, because she was volunteering at a hospice, described being with another woman who had cancer and had a short time to live. She had a large tumor on her tongue, could barely talk but she loved to talk and she wanted to have a conversation. So she talked a little and this woman would visit with her and be with her and one day she came back and the woman was sitting up on the edge of her bed and she was dressed and she was about to go home. Her story. A few nights passed, she had had the worst nightmare of her life and she dreamt that the staff at the hospice had told her that she was the next to die. So she woke up at four o'clock in the morning paralyzed with fear, you know, God no, no, I can't, this I can't die, I'm not ready. And then she was flooded with this sense of separation, not only from God but from her husband because of all the resentment she had been carrying ever since bringing up their children. He was never doing enough, he was never the man that she wanted him to be and she had this flash of realization, it's not my time. So she said, I need to speak and I need to let him know I love him. So over the next two days the tumor shrunk so she could leave and she could have enough time to speak with him, to let him know that she loved him, to really speak from her true self. And then she was able to return to the hospice and die peacefully. So to hold back our love is probably the deepest suffering that when we're having an agenda that others be different than rather than this habit of the generosity and appreciation, it's like you're not who you're supposed to be. The biggest pain of it is that our hearts aren't free in those moments. Now grasping for many of us is not always as obvious as a really big agenda that others be a certain way. Sometimes the grasping is really that we just don't have the sense that there's not enough time and we're grasping after time and doing things and that keeps us from being in the moment and more generous with our attention. Does that resonate for you? This kind of, I've got to do this, I've got to do that, I can't just really the deepest generosity is offering our presence, I can't offer that. And business, this grasping onto our busyness and speed, which is probably the biggest addiction and grasping of our culture, is probably one of the biggest ways we create separation from each other that we can't pause. We can't pause and really offer our hearts. One of my favorite examples or stories of this, one that gets me, I share it because it really affects me, is the Good Samaritan Study that was conducted at Princeton some years back. And some of you might remember it, the Samaritans were given the assignment, they were given a practice sermon and half of them were given a random Bible story and the other half were given the assignment to do a sermon on the Good Samaritan. So that was a setup. And the Samaritans were then supposed to go to another building and give their sermon and be evaluated. Now on the way to that other building they passed a person on the doorway who was moaning in distress. So the real question for the study was, would the Samaritans stop to help? And that was the term by how much time they thought they had before they had to give their sermon. If they believed they'd be late, they didn't stop to help, even if they were about to give a sermon on the Good Samaritan. Now I think that's a really powerful study that speaks to all of us, that we can deeply value helping, deeply value being caring and kind to other people. And if we are clutching around time, around getting something done, and how many of us are doing that, a lot of us, it, that clutching and fear overrides, that habit of clutching overrides our heart's natural capacity for generosity for pausing. And I share that because what it tells us is that while our capacity for generosity is innate, it requires attention, it requires a deliberate cultivation, which is why we're taking time with it tonight. So the big question is, when we are caught in the habit of grasping around time or having agendas with other people, how do we move that, evolve that, wake ourselves up to freeing our hearts so we can really cultivate more of the habit of generosity? And I thought I'd share a story with you, a woman I worked with a number of years ago, and who came in because she had this yearning to be what she considered a better person, but deep down, be who she was. She felt like she was a naturally loving person, but she felt completely blocked up. And what she described was that when she was younger, she was much more joyful, and she had she was into swing dancing. She was around here, we have this in Cap and John, we have some great swing dancing that goes on. She was into swing dancing, but something happened that she and sometimes this happens, there's a window where we get into our early 20s or whatever it is, and she started overeating and getting self-conscious and kind of shutting down, actually started more like when she was 19. So her grasping was around food. I mean, she just used food to kind of soothe some anxiety and also in her relationships, her friendships and her different attempts to have intimacy. The basic theme was a kind of a neediness and wanting people to be a certain way and wanting to get a certain amount of attention and then driving people away and then feeling a sense of huge shame and loneliness. So she would do cycles of that. So that's the setup that she came really saying, you know, I'm caught, I'm kind of addicted, and I don't feel free. And so the beginning, the first step really, was for her to recognize the suffering in the grasping that we can't begin to loosen the grip until we sense that the ways that we're pursuing things, whether it's getting things done or eating more or having people be the way we want them to be, that that very pursuit and the tension of that pursuit is blocking off our hearts. So the first step was just to see and acknowledge the suffering of the habit she was in. And that scene came with a really, the response that was to begin to offer herself some kindness. She had to, for this person, this often happens with addiction, really forgive the addiction, just sense the pain that was underneath it. And so that I often share the mantra, I'm sorry and I love you. And for her, that was really just to all that craving and grasping she had to keep on saying, I'm sorry and I love you, I'm sorry and I love you. And then just to deepen it so that it was just a very pure kind of kindness towards yourself. I sometimes consider this a spiritual re-parenting. It's like whatever was missing early on that made her have this window open up that started the real addictive behavior, she was beginning to offer it inward. So just to frame it a little differently for you, she was responding to grasping by being generous to herself. She was offering presence to herself and that's the beginning of the turnaround, that you sense the grasping, you sense the addictiveness and the response is not to then blame and keep on fueling the cycle but rather it's like, oh, offer kindness. She also joined a 12-step program and so she was forgiving with herself but she actually got, became a sponsor that was very, very much thought after in a way because she really helped other people get the knack of forgiving themselves for addiction, which is really big because I have never seen anybody really heal from an addictive behavior unless there's a profound, if not, you want to, if you don't like the word forgiveness, a profound self-compassion, okay, has to be there. So both her giving to herself and then her helping others to practice that kind of forgiveness was the beginning of very different kind of relationships with people and it was beginning really the habit of generosity. She was being generous with herself and generous with others and she started dancing again. So the other thing I want to tell you, and I want to, this is the quote from Rumi that was one of her favorites that I've had in my files ever since. Find the real world, give it endlessly away, grow rich, flinging gold to all who ask, live at the empty heart of paradox, I'll dance with you cheek to cheek, find the real world, give it endlessly away, grow rich, flinging gold to all who ask, live at the empty heart of paradox, I'll dance with you cheek to cheek. There's something so beautiful, you know, in the Buddhist teachings, the, if you had to ask for a nutshell summary of the Buddhist teachings, it's cling to nothing whatsoever. Just let go and generosity is a kind of a positive way of expressing that when we're not clinging, there's this natural outflow, just give it away, give it away. And with that a joy that our whole spirit lights up, it's like our whole spirit's dancing. We know it when we're in that mode, when there's that sense of enough, that's joyful. You might want to for yourself just take a moment and reflect, I like to kind of pause and give you a chance to see what's relative for you in your lives. And you might, on this Thanksgiving Eve, just sense a relationship you'd like to nourish, where you'd like to have more of that habit of generosity, perhaps a relationship where you're aware how there's some grasping, maybe you have an agenda where you want that person, something from that person, a certain change, behavior, affirmation, or maybe it's a relationship where you know you get distracted by the pressure of doing other things, what needs to get done. So this would be a relationship where you'd really want to be a little more agenda-free. So just take a moment to notice where there is grasping, where there is an agenda, where there is some of that pressure, inner pressure, and there is some of that pressure. Without any judgment, just to notice it, sense this is just, you can trust it, if you can see it, you begin to free it. And you might even offer a gesture of care to the place in you that has been living with an agenda, creating separation, just some gesture of care. So you're beginning with some generosity towards your own being, some kindness. However you sense yourself creating separation, just a forgiving quality of the heart. If you can begin that way with care towards yourself, you're setting the grounds to be generous towards that other person. And you might be curious as to what way and natural extension of generosity could emerge. You might be curious how you might feel more free and what you might offer to that person by way of presence and love. So we're going to come back to this reflection in a bit. But just to say that wherever in your life you're wanting to feel more free and more giving, it is a deliberate practice. I mean, there's one writer described it that have three unscheduled acts of generosity a day. Just have that intention that you're going to be looking for an opportunity and plan to, in some way, know you're going to respond to that, in some way respond to a situation with a generous act. Heard one story of a kindly priest who saw a little boy jumping up and down trying to ring a doorbell. So he walks up to the little boy and he presses it for him and he says, Now what? The little boy says, Run like hell. So you never know what spontaneous generosity will bring. So a story for you, a generosity story. When I was quite young, my father had one of the first telephones in our neighborhood. I remember Will, the polished old case fastened to the wall. The shiny receiver hung on the side of the box. I was too little to reach the telephone, but used to listen with fascination when my mother used to talk to it. Then I discovered that somewhere inside the wonderful device lived an amazing person. Her name was Information Please. And there was nothing she did not know. Information Please could supply anybody's number and the correct time. My first personal experience with this genie in the bottle came one day when my mother was visiting a neighbor. I'm using myself at the tool bench in the basement. I whacked my finger with a hammer. The pain was terrible, but there didn't seem to be any reason to be crying because there was no one at home to give sympathy. I walked around the house sucking my throbbing finger, finally arrived in the stairway, the telephone. Quickly I ran for the footstole in the parlor and dragged it to the landing. Climbing up, I unhooked the receiver in the parlor and held it to my ear. Information Please, I said to the mouthpiece just above my head. A clicker to and a small clear voice spoken to my ear. Information. I hurt my finger, I wailed into the phone. The tears came readily enough now that I had an audience. Isn't your mother home came the question? Nobody's home but me, I blubbered. Are you bleeding? No. I hit my finger with a hammer and it hurts. Can you open your ice box? She asked. I said I could. Then chip off a little piece of ice and hold it to your finger, said the voice. After that I called Information Please for everything. I asked her for help with my geography and she told me where Philadelphia was. She helped me with my math. She told me my pet chipmunk that I had caught in the park just the day before would eat fruits and nuts. Then there was the time Petey, our pet canary, died. I called Information Please and told her the sad story. She listened then said the usual things grown up say to sue the child but I was unconsold. I asked her why is it that birds should sing so beautifully and bring joy to all families only to end up as a heap of feathers on the bottom of a cage? She must have sensed my deep concern for she said quietly, Paul always remember that there are other worlds to sing in. Somehow I felt better. Another day I was on the telephone. Information please. Information now said the familiar voice. How do you spill fix? I asked. All this took place in a small town in the Pacific Northwest. When I was nine year old we moved across the country to Boston. I miss my friend very much. Information please belonged in that old wooden box back home and somehow I never thought of trying the tall shiny new phone that sat in the table on the hall. As I grew into my teens the memories of those childhood conversations never really left me. Often in moments of doubt and perplexity I would recall the serene sense of security I had then. I appreciated now how patient understanding and generous she was to spend her time on a little boy. A few years later on my way west to college my plane touched down in Seattle. I had about a half hour or so between planes. I spent 15 minutes or so on the phone with my sister who lived there now and without thinking what I was doing I dialed my hometown operator and said information please. Miraculously I heard the small clear voice I knew so well. Information. I hadn't planned this but I heard myself saying could you please tell me how to spell fix? There was a long pause then came the soft spoken answer. I guess your finger must have healed by now. I laughed so it's really still you I said. I wonder if you have any idea how much you meant to me during that time. I wonder she said if you know how much your call is meant to me. I've never had any children I used to look forward to your calls. I told her how often I thought of her over the years and asked if I could call her again when I came back to visit my sister. Please do she said. Asked for Sally. Three months later I was back in Seattle. A different voice answered. Information. I asked for Sally. Are you a friend she asked? Yes a very old friend I answered. I'm sorry to have to tell you this she said. Sally had been working part time the last few years because she was sick. She died a few weeks ago. Before I could hang up she said wait a minute is your name Paul? Yes. Well Sally left a message for you. She wrote it down in case you called. Let me read it to you. The note says tell him I still say there are other worlds to sing in. He'll know what I mean. I thanked her and hung up. I knew what Sally meant. Never underestimate the impression the way you touch others lives. I'm sorry. The reason that every time I read that the story touches me so is that we don't really recognize the way that we affect each other. You said like every one we meet wants to be seen and loved on some level. And everyone we meet has a depth of vulnerability. And if there was a way that we could slow down and offer each other what each person seeking that loving presence our world truly would be a joyful peaceful place. So there is a kind of dedication and cultivating generosity where we actually consider it consider what we want to do offer ourselves and then actually take pleasure in in the offering. The Buddha taught this he said that not only should we cultivate the spirit of generosity talked about reflecting on the good things we've done and taking delight in that in other words recalling our acts of generosity. There's a in Sri Lanka children when they first go to school get something called a merit book. The word is Puna Potaka. Josh Cordo an American teacher wonderful guy talks about how he says that if the students kept up with the practice of writing regularly in their merit book what they would do is they put in whenever they did something generous something kind says eventually over the course of a lifetime these journals would be filled with good deeds and naturally years past the time would arrive when the student became old and sick and having reached their deathbeds their family members and friends would gather around and read their merit books back to them as a way to put their minds at ease as they face death. It's interesting to sense well how is it that that would put our minds at ease but when you really reflect it's when you remember the giving and the kindness you're actually remembering who you are when your heart is awake and free and that's a that's a remembers that connects you with really a timeless quality of being. You can really trust the who you are as spirit and so the death the coming and going of these bodies you just the way information please put it that there's other worlds to sing in. You sense a kind of timeless loving presence that you belong to that makes room for life and death. So we begin to deepen our capacity for generosity as we actually intentionally give to others as we intentionally give to ourselves and as we intentionally give thanks. There's one book I read called Learning to Fall, Philip Simmons and he writes this he describes being in a raspberry patch he says standing in the berry patch when I attend to the smallest things when I attend to the smallest things when I hand myself over to moss or mushroom, berry or beetle I myself shrink to vanishing. This isn't as bad as it sounds however in fact it's the reason we do such things. Anyone who spent time on her knees in a berry patch or flower bed comes to see this attention to small things as a form of prayer, a way of vanishing for one sweet hour into whatever crumbs of creation we are privileged to take into our hands. So tonight what we've really been exploring is recognizing the habit of how we create separation, the old habits of grasping on to what we want thinking I need more not enough trying to manage other people and this gradual shift where we more and more sense that and sense the suffering of it and then in that offer kindness to ourself and then there's this natural opening the space opens up where we begin to feel our thanks for the beauty of these branches that are celawetted against the November gray sky and the gratitude for the beings in our life and for our breath the simple things. So I'd like to close on that note we'll just take a few moments to do a reflection. Take a moment as you pause right now to feel yourself arriving let your senses be awake. I've been bringing to mind earlier that you'd like to feel more of a flow of generosity with to just appreciate that that's your intention just to offer to your own being some appreciation to sense the other sense what you appreciate about this other person his or her goodness his or her brightness how he or she appears when happy the humor that's there just the beingness how this person shows love and take a moment to sense tomorrow the next day whenever you're together some way that you might be generous some way you might offer and express your loving for some it might be the phone call we haven't made for some it might be words it might be a hug it might be doing something for this person it might be mirroring this person's goodness in some way letting them know but whatever you're imagining that you might do imagine and sense the impact sense this person being touched and as you feel your appreciation for this person in the most simple way you might mentally whisper thank you thank you for being thank you for the loving connection that's in between us in our life thank you and then letting the space of heart widen and include another person just bringing to mind someone else that matters to you and again just seeing their eyes seeing what this person looks like when loving when happy and you might again just mentally whisper thank you and just continue in these next few moments of silence letting beings in your life come to mind sensing what you appreciate and see what happens when you just whisper thank you let your heart whisper thank you so Sensing that heart space that is grateful, that is thankful as being vast, radiant, timeless. How inclusive that heart space is. That thank you to this living universe. How inclusive and also how particular and immediate this is. Mary Oliver will close with her words. So every day, so every day I was surrounded by the beautiful crying forth of the ideas of God, one of which was you. So every day, so every day I was surrounded by the beautiful crying forth of the ideas of God, one of which was you. May we all be blessed to give thanks to the beauty of our own hearts, to each other, to this living universe. Namaste.